Stories Part 2

[thoughtful]

Man, social media took a lot of work in those days.

[47of74]

Of course drugs were involved

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A woman found naked from the waist down told Pennsylvania police that snakes had eaten her pants, according to a court filing.

Responding last Thursday afternoon to multiple 911 calls about a half-dressed woman walking in the middle of a road about 25 miles from Philadelphia, cops found Gloria Harpel, 35, “naked from the waist down and she was rambling.”

Harpel, who police suspected of narcotics use, initially said that she had put her pants in a storm drain before contending that “snakes had eaten them.”

My only question is if the snakes were from Florida.

[47of74]

Meanwhile up in Iowa someone went back to the store he stole ammo from for more

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Police say that on June 28th, around 4:46 pm, the Black Hawk County Dispatch Center received a call from Blaine’s Farm & Fleet that two males left with a quantity of ammunition without paying for it.

The two men stole approximately 1300 rounds of .223 caliber rifle ammunition and fled the scene before officers arrived.

Then, the following morning, officers received another call from the store saying one of the males had returned and was in the same ammunition aisle.

Officers confirmed that 22-year-old Jalen Malik Seals was one of the same males as the day before. He was taken into custody without incident.

 

[47of74]

Oh what caused the big ol' cruise ship throw down a few days ago?  That's right, a threesome

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A recent Carnival Cruise packed an unexpected punch.

A huge fight that took place among a crowd of passengers aboard the Carnival Magic was allegedly ignited by allegations of cheating, according to a passenger who shared video of the fight with Fox News Digital.

An alleged threesome among guests aboard the vessel caused a rift after one person’s significant others discovered the tryst on the trip, according to the witness.

The brawl lasted about an hour and involved an estimated 60 people, according to the travel agent.

 

[Mrs Ms]

New Zealand wanting to join the game! 
 

I particularly like the experts dig at the religious idiot’s attempt at maths 😄

https://www.odt.co.nz/news/national/bid-hold-licence-without-photo-religious-grounds-rejected

[47of74]

According to reddit a VP with an overly inflated sense of themselves insisted on the IT department working on the 4th.

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The team lead of a company's IT department is being celebrated for his tale of sticking the company will the bill for an extravagant office party after a vice president demanded they come in because she felt "It's just IT, you guys don't have lives."

The original poster (OP), u/TheLightningCount1, shared his story to the popular Reddit forum r/MaliciousCompliance, where posters share tales of following the letter—but not the spirit—of rules. He earned over 40,600 upvotes and 1,900 comments in seven hours for his post, "You demanded my entire team be at the office for the 4th of July. Fine, enjoy paying for the office party."

The following day, he submitted the expense report for the party—which he says was over $6,000, causing a new policy to limit expenses to $4,000 without prior approval. And, as expected, the CEO was "outraged," but not by the cost of the party; rather that the IT department was the only team required to work. When the CEO was informed that there was no actual work to do, he was even more angry and sent an email to management "about work life balance and the importance of holidays."

Though Bad VP apologized afterward, the story wasn't over. The vice president over the IT department told the CIO and CEO about the "don't have lives" comment—which she confirmed—and that also did not go well for her.

 

[FiveAcres]

4 hours ago, 47of74 said:

According to reddit a VP with an overly inflated sense of themselves insisted on the IT department working on the 4th.

 

What a nasty, stupid piece of work. I suspect that the company for whom Bad VP works is having a hard time finding competent people to work there. And for her to go out of her way to make life just a little more bitter for her reports is beyond stupid.

[47of74]

10 minutes ago, FiveAcres said:

What a nasty, stupid piece of work. I suspect that the company for whom Bad VP works is having a hard time finding competent people to work there. And for her to go out of her way to make life just a little more bitter for her reports is beyond stupid.

And I also hope they all got double pay for working the holiday too. 

[47of74]

Uh-oh, trouble in Mickey D land

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McDonald’s franchisees unhappy with changes being made to ownership terms are expressing a lack of confidence in the company’s CEO and U.S. president, according to a new survey of owners that was viewed by CNBC.

The National Owners Association, an independent franchisee advocacy group for McDonald’s owners, recently polled its membership on changes being made to franchisee lease terms.

The results show an overwhelming majority – 87% – of respondents support calling a vote of “no confidence” on CEO Chris Kempczinski and the company’s U.S. president, Joe Erlinger.

In addition, nearly 100% feel the company should have collaborated with and consulted owner leaders before announcing changes to the franchise system, and 95% said the company’s senior corporate management does not have the best interest of owners in its approach to franchising.

 

[47of74]

There’s been a cougar sighting up here. No, not that kind of cougar.  

Spoiler

A Twin Cities resident had a once-in-a-lifetime cougar sighting Monday evening while returning home from Dairy Queen. 

Shakopee resident Andrew Pastrana said he spotted the large cat in the backyard of a residence in the 1900 block of Boiling Springs Circle shortly before 9:30 p.m. 

Pastrana said his family reported the sighting to the Shakopee Police Department and learned another sighting had already been recently reported.

And while the cougar is possibly still out there, the elusive cat is unlikely to be seen again. 

I’m so corrupted my brain automatically goes there when I hear the term cougar sighting. 

[FiveAcres]

My only cougar sightings occurred when we still lived close to the National Forest. The neighborhood email list sent out a warning that a cougar had killed an elk right across the road from us. (Even though elk are big, cougars are apparently ambush hunters and will kill elk by hamstringing them.) Everyone in the neighborhood was driving slowly up and down the road to watch because even when you know you live in mountain lion country, they are still rarely seen. We could watch it from our family room window. 

[47of74]

Science!

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NASA has warned that male astronauts masturbating in space, is a major hazard: female astronauts could get impregnated like the sperm is a face hugger from Aliens.

This story became a thing from a discussion during Conan O'Brien and his "Needs A Friend" podcast, who was interviewing a NASA engineer when the topic came to the "strict guidelines" on "alone time" in zero gravity on the International Space Station.

During the interview, O'Brien asked the NASA engineer if porn was sent up, or I guess streamed on the International Space Station. The NASA engineer, who is only identified as "Smythe" said: "No, none of that".

Smythe explained: "Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session... it finds its way".

 

[47of74]

Yeah it's not that state.

It was a few states over

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Bond was set on Thursday for man and a woman charged in connection to an alleged road rage shooting caught on camera.

Nazly Ortiz and Benjamin Greene are both charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

A judge set Ortiz’s bond at $300,000 and Greene’s bond at $150,000.

 

[47of74]

Meanwhile Alabama Woman is the latest wearing drug related items when busted for drug related offenses.

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An Alabama woman facing methamphetamine charges was wearing a Walter White t-shirt when arrested last night for failing to appear in court on the drug counts.

Misty Mays, 50, was collared Sunday evening on a misdemeanor rap for a court no-show in connection with her February arrest for possession of meth and drug paraphernalia (a meth pipe).

As seen above, when Mays was apprehended yesterday on the failure to appear rap, she was wearing a mint-colored shirt with a large photo of White, the teacher-turned-meth kingpin portrayed by Bryan Cranston in “Breaking Bad.” In the photo, seen below, White/Cranston is pictured surrounded by stacks of cash.

 

Edited August 10, 2022 by 47of74

[47of74]

Idiot Out Wandering Around

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Authorities said a driver that led them on a high-speed chase last week explained that he couldn’t stop because he was late for the minor league baseball game at the Field of Dreams.

Noah J. Wilson, 18, of Cedar Rapids, is charged in Iowa District Court of Delaware County with eluding.

Court documents state that an Iowa State Patrol trooper in the median of U.S. 20 about a mile west of Dyersville at 5:40 p.m. Aug. 9 clocked an eastbound vehicle driven by Wilson traveling 107 mph. As the trooper started to pursue the vehicle, he saw it swerve between cars, then exit the highway and travel south on a gravel road.

The trooper “asked (Wilson) why he was running from me and he said he was late for the baseball game at the Field of Dreams,” according to documents. That night, minor league teams the Cedar Rapids Kernels and Quad Cities River Bandits were squaring off in the temporary stadium adjacent to the movie site.

The guy asked the trooper if he could still go to the game. Nope. He went someplace else instead. I think you can guess where. 

[47of74]

Cornhole is being played here in Iowa

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People traveled to Iowa from 14 states for some special tournaments at the Field of Dreams.

But, unlike most visitors to the filming site, they weren’t interested in playing baseball: they were playing cornhole.

The Dream Team Invitational started its qualifiers on August 26, with registration open to anybody interested. It wraps up tomorrow, and all 64 teams that qualified set to receive some kind of cash prize. The winners will take home $5,000.

The Corny Forty Classic was also played on August 27. The winner of that got a reward that included a night’s stay at the Field of Dream Farm House, with their expenses paid for travel to the movie site, guided tours inside the house, movie site apparel, and more.

My family's always referred to the game as bean bag toss.  Hearing it referred to as cornhole my urban dictionary dot com poisoned brain immediately thinks of something else entirely when the game is mentioned.  As it did this time too.

[47of74]

Yeah, that’s just the sort of thing to joke about. Idiot

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A Dubuque man recently pleaded guilty to a charge related to a Facebook post about driving by a school with a semiautomatic rifle -- a comment that he said was a joke. 

David J. Hanson Jr., 42, of Dubuque, pleaded guilty in Iowa District Court of Dubuque County to a charge of threat of terrorism. 

A charge of failure to comply with the sex offender registry, which was filed after the terrorism charge, will be dismissed if a plea deal is accepted. 

The plea agreement states that prosecutors will seek a five-year prison sentence. The defense will not join that recommendation and will request an alternative sentence. 

He’s on the registery because of a 1999 conviction for assault with intent to abuse.  And he was supposed to report any social media accounts he used. 

I just can’t with Iowa sometimes. 

[47of74]

Meanwhile Tennessee man thought it was a good idea to steal from a Wal-Mart then try selling the wares out in their parking lot. 

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Officers responded to the Walmart around 9 p.m., where they found Donald Kirkland in possession of shoplifted property, the report said. Kirkland ran from the responding officers, but they were able to take him into custody, according to police.

Afterwards, Kirkland told officers he had stolen three TV’s, a karaoke machine and camping equipment from the Walmart and was selling it all in the parking lot. The Walmart’s manager also told officers he saw Kirkland loading one of the TV’s into a cart in the store.

 

[clueliss]

Fake meat guy bites man on nose, also filed this one under Missouri man.

 

[47of74]

Someone asked the internet to suggest names should a probe be sent to Uranus. Yeah, the response was no surprise. 

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A space exploration enthusiast account on Twitter asked the internet to name an upcoming mission to the planet Uranus, in what almost feels like a setup for a punch line, considering the public's endless interest in potty humor and butt-related puns.

"This seems like the perfect time for Astroglide to sponsor space exploration," one user suggested, referring to a popular brand of personal lubricant.

"Operation Butt Plug," another user proffered.

"You're really asking the internet to name a probe going to Uranus?" one outraged commenter asked.

 

[47of74]

A Canadian town has a statute dedicated to cheeto dust for the next few weeks.

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The bright orange, sticky residue that Cheetos leave on your fingertips has now been immortalized – by a 17-foot statue in Alberta, Canada.

The Cheetos brand erected the statue of a hand holding a massive Cheeto, complete with orange fingertips, in Cheadle, Alberta. The community was chosen because of its name’s similarity to “cheetle,” the company’s official name for Cheeto dust, according to a news release from Cheetos.

“Cheetos fans have always known that the delicious, cheesy dust on their fingertips is an unmistakably delicious part of the Cheetos experience, but now it officially has a name: Cheetle,” said Lisa Allie, the senior marketing director at PepsiCo Foods Canada, which distributes Cheetos in the country.

“We’re excited to be celebrating Cheetle and Canadians’ cheesy, Cheetle-dusted fingertips on such a grand scale and in such a uniquely mischievous way.”

Cheeto dust - ya know, that stuff that orange asshole in Florida marinated himself in before going to bund meetings.

[47of74]

Meanwhile in Texas

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If 25+ years on the crime beat has taught TSG anything, it is that when it comes to police vehicle stops:

1) There is always drugs or weapons in the Crown Royal bag.

2) There is always crack cocaine in the Crazy Glue container.

3) If a suspect is wearing a D.A.R.E. t-shirt, they are probably holding.

One 35 year old Michelle Ochoa was arrested during a police stop on warrants for narcotics possession and was found to have Xanax she did not have a prescription for in her possession. And yeah she was wearing a DARE shirt when she was busted. 

[47of74]

Woman sentenced for stabbing her cousin/neighbor over a sex toy dispute

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A Kentucky woman who stabbed her male cousin during a dispute over a borrowed sex toy has been sentenced to 12 months behind bars, according to court records.

Crystal Denham, 34, was sentenced yesterday in Circuit Court in connection with last year’s assault of Michael Barton, who police identified as Denham’s “cousin and neighbor” in Corbin, a city 85 miles south of Lexington.

Police were dispatched to Denham’s home after she called 911 to report that she had stabbed Barton. When a cop arrived at the residence, “Mrs. Denham was sweeping the porch,” according to a court citation.

Denham, seen above, told police that Barton had come to her home and they had “gotten into an argument over a sex toy.” Denham had borrowed the adult item and Barton wanted it back.

She's just about an honorary Florida Woman there.

[47of74]

California Man found the perfect Halloween costume.

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A Halloween reveler dressed as a bottle of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky was arrested early today for drunken disorderly conduct, domestic battery, and several other charges, according to California jail records.

Dominic Salazar, 31, was booked into the county lockup at 3:20 AM on an assortment of felony, misdemeanor, and vehicular counts. Salazar, who lives in Madera, a city in central California, is being held in lieu of $55,000 bond.

The whisky outfit, which retails for about $45, is 100% polyester and “intended for adults of legal drinking age,” according to the Fireball website, which notes that, “Halloween is all about letting your wildest dreams come true, so this year, become a human-sized bottle of Fireball. You're welcome.”

What I can't figure out is why Florida Man didn't beat him to it?

[47of74]

It wasn't so much the story itself but the choice of words for the headline

Woman Cops To Meat Beating At Ohio Walmart

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An Ohio woman yesterday copped to clobbering a female acquaintance in the face with a 10-pound log of ground beef during a confrontation in the potato chip aisle of a Walmart in suburban Cleveland.

In a deal with prosecutors, Maneka Garner, 27, pleaded no contest to disorderly conduct in connection with her attack last year on a former neighbor. Garner was originally charged with assault.

During a Municipal Court hearing Tuesday, Garner received a 30-day suspended jail sentence and was placed on probation for a year. She was also ordered to pay $155 in fines and court fees.

According to police, Garner was at a Walmart in South Euclid when she encountered victim Precious Jackson, 37, who was shopping with her seven-year-old daughter. Garner was accompanied by her five-year-old son.