Stories Part 2

[47of74]

Important tip - do not impersonate the prosecutor and drop the charges pending against you

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Imagine you’ve been criminally accused in some pesky drug possession and stalking cases. What’s the best way to get charges dropped? Well, you could always pretend to be a prosecutor and drop them yourself.

This is what actual prosecutors allege that New Hampshire resident Lisa Landon, 33, did in three different court cases last November and December. According to her most recent indictments, Landon allegedly used the court’s electronic system to submit her fake filings.  The New Hampshire Union Leader has the details:

Landon is now facing one charge of false personation and six charges of falsifying physical evidence. Perhaps a real lawyer will be helpful this time around.

 

[47of74]

Hey guys, don't take adult toys for test drives in the store.  Especially if you applied for a job at the store.

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An Oklahoma City man allegedly went into an adult novelty store, exposed himself and tried out a product that was on display.

Gilbert Alex Cordero, 23, is being tried in District Court on a charge of outraging public decency, according to court records.

A store employee told Bowien she was watching Cordero through store surveillance and sounded the store alarm when she saw Cordero use the product on himself. She said after she hit the alarm, he stopped what he was doing and walked away, according to the affidavit.

The employee told Bowien that she recognized Cordero as someone who previously submitted a job application at the store, the affidavit states.

 

[Cartmann99]

2 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Hey guys, don't take adult toys for test drives in the store.  Especially if you applied for a job at the store.

He should move to Florida so he can meet that lady from Fort Pierce you told us about in September:

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After taking a sex toy from a shelf at a Florida adult novelty store, a woman removed her clothes and began using the “pink colored” device inside the business, police charge.

A Fort Pierce cop was dispatched early Tuesday evening to the Lion's Den Adult Superstore “in reference to a disturbance,” according to an arrest affidavit. En route to the business, a dispatcher noted that “there was a female in the store wearing a purple shirt and had on no pants.”

Before the officer entered Lion's Den, a worker explained that the masturbating suspect had “removed a sex toy from the packaging and was now fully nude.” The woman, the worked added, had disappeared into a stock room with the sex toy.

When he entered the stock room, the officer found Theresa Stanley, 36, “sitting in an office chair with her feet up on the table.” Stanley had a “pink colored, penis shaped sex toy” in her hand and was using the device in a “masturbatory manner.”

 

[47of74]

1 hour ago, Cartmann99 said:

He should move to Florida so he can meet that lady from Fort Pierce you told us about in September:

 

@Cartmann99 LOL

As a matter of fact the Smoking Gun article about this mentioned that particular Florida Woman

They look like they'd make a nice couple.

[47of74]

See what happens when your state borders that state

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In a harebrained and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to score some free food, a Georgia woman posed as an FBI agent while demanding gratis grub from Chick-fil-A workers, cops allege.

Late Thursday morning, police received a suspicious person call from employees at the eatery in Rockmart, a city 45 miles from Atlanta. A 911 caller reported that the suspect, who was in a white van, was “identifying themselves as a federal agent to try and get free food.”

When cops arrived at the Chick-fil-A around noon, they approached a white Dodge Grand Caravan whose driver was later identified as Kimberly Ragsdale, 47, who lives about 20 miles from the restaurant.

Asked by an officer if she had been identifying herself as a federal agent, “Ragsdale stated that she was a federal agent,” according to a Rockmart Police Department report. In response to a police request to see her credentials, Ragsdale replied that she “did not have one that it was electronic.”

 

[47of74]

Yeah I know this is from last July but yeah make sure to use the correct fonts and spell check if you're gonna fake a death certificate.

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The name of the deceased was typed in an unusual font on the death certificate. Other details, like the manner of death, appeared to be printed in much smaller type than normal. And then there was the biggest red flag that the document was fake: The name of the department that would have issued it was misspelled.

The death certificate, which supposedly came from the New Jersey Department of Health, Vital Statistics and Registry, had it rendered as “Regsitry.”

Those errors led prosecutors to charge a Long Island man, who was facing sentencing on two felony charges, with forging a death certificate to avoid prison time. Prosecutors said it took a simple Google search and a matter of days to confirm the document was a sham.

“We’ve seen it where people fake their deaths so that they can receive life insurance benefits or where family members have died and no one notifies anyone so they could keep collecting those benefits,” said Madeline Singas, the Nassau County district attorney. “But I’ve never seen anything like this.”

Yeah, come on New York man - that's Florida Man level of stupid right there.

 

[Cartmann99]

2 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Yeah I know this is from last July but yeah make sure to use the correct fonts and spell check if you're gonna fake a death certificate.

Yeah, come on New York man - that's Florida Man level of stupid right there.

 

 I thought for sure that the font issue was going to turn out to be Comic Sans.

[47of74]

16 hours ago, Cartmann99 said:

 I thought for sure that the font issue was going to turn out to be Comic Sans.

Looks like some governments have used comic sans for official documents before. Including Montreal police. 

[clueliss]

It's deer season here.  That said - apparently Missouri Men shot selves with guns.

 

[47of74]

From Maryland

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Meet Lauren Clay and Darryl Thompson.

The Maryland couple was arrested early today on weapons charges following a traffic stop in Glen Burnie, a Baltimore suburb.

After detecting the smell of marijuana, cops asked the duo to exit the car. It was at this point that an officer spotted a Ruger 9mm handgun tucked into Clay’s waistband. During a subsequent search of the vehicle, a second loaded gun--a Ruger outfitted with a Crimson Trace laser sight--was recovered.

As seen in their mug shots, the defendants appear to be big fans of “Rick and Morty,” the animated, late-night Cartoon Network series. The show’s principal characters are Rick Sanchez, an alcoholic mad scientist, and his grandson, Morty Smith. The hit show’s fifth season is expected to start in the next several months.

I wonder if they're going to have Judge Morty preside over the case?

 

[47of74]

Bald Kentucky Man doesn't like being bald

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Jeffery Trent, 46, was arrested late last month after allegedly causing a disturbance inside a salon in Lawrenceburg, a city 25 miles west of Lexington.

As detailed in a court citation, the 6’3”, 250-pound Trent walked into the Frame Clinic and Gallery around 10:40 AM and asked about “product to bring his hair back.” An employee at the salon--which also doubles as an art gallery and frame shop--told Trent (seen above) that no such magic potion was available.

At this point, cops report, Trent “became belligerent and created a disturbance inside the business.” He was subsequently arrested on a misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge.

Dude.  You look fine without the hair and I'm guessing you probably look better without it at any rate.  Just go the Sir Pat route. 

[Cartmann99]

4 hours ago, 47of74 said:

An employee at the salon--which also doubles as an art gallery and frame shop--told Trent (seen above) that no such magic potion was available.

 After the pandemic's over, I want someone to open a hair salon/BBQ joint. Don't you want to be able to eat some smoked brisket or ribs while getting a snazzy new 'do?

Edited December 4, 2020 by Cartmann99

[47of74]

1 hour ago, Cartmann99 said:

 After the pandemic's over, I want someone to open a hair salon/BBQ joint. Don't you want to be able to eat some smoked brisket or ribs while getting a snazzy new 'do?

When I worked down in the Quad Cities I found out someone I knew through school worked at a salon in Davenport so I started going there.  A couple years in they were offering adult beverages for customers - both wine and beer.  A few times I partook.  She quit after her daughter was born which made it a bit easier on me since I no longer worked in the Quad Cities and it was kind of difficult schedule wise to get down there when she was working.

[clueliss]

Kansas Man - a riding lawnmower - on US 75 in Topeka - DUI.

 

[47of74]

On 12/11/2020 at 2:20 PM, clueliss said:

Kansas Man - a riding lawnmower - on US 75 in Topeka - DUI.

 

I've actually heard of that happening from time to time though lately it seems to be more a case of people operating golf carts, all terrain vehicles, or utility terrain vehicles intoxicated.  Riding lawn mowers while loaded seems so 1990s now.

[clueliss]

I work in a small town where golf carts and the like need a city permit but are allowed on the streets - can totally see DUI with golf cart happening there.

[47of74]

Just now, clueliss said:

I work in a small town where golf carts and the like need a city permit but are allowed on the streets - can totally see DUI with golf cart happening there.

Some of the smaller towns allow golf carts on their roads around here.  I don't think the county does but they do allow ATV/UTVs on most of the roads around here.  They listed the roads they can't be on and specifically said they can't be on the Heritage Trail - which is good cause the trail would quickly be destroyed by such vehicles.  The drivers have to have a license and the vehicles have to be registered.

And yeah I can see a DUI happening with such vehicles too.

[47of74]

Guys take your smut with you when you move.  Especially if you’re moving from your parents home. 

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A Michigan couple will have to pay their 42-year-old son back for destroying his massive pornography stash, a federal judge ruled in a case that included the filing of a 43-page inventory of the man’s porn/sex toy collection.

In an opinion issued last month, Judge Paul Maloney granted a summary judgment in favor of David Werking, who last year sued his parents Paul and Beth, both of whom are 68. Maloney will issue an opinion on damages after the parties make further submissions to the court.

After divorcing his wife, Werking moved in with his parents in late-2016, bringing along personal property that included “a large collection of pornographic material,” according to a court filing.

But after “tensions between David and his parents were running high,” Maloney noted, Werking moved to Indiana, leaving his porn collection in his parents’s Grand Haven home. The Werkings subsequently tossed their son’s belongings, prompting him to file a destruction of property complaint with police.

Gee I wonder why his ex left....

[nokidsmom]

On 12/18/2020 at 3:46 PM, 47of74 said:

Gee I wonder why his ex left....

First thought through my head when I read the headline. 

That had to have been some porn collection.

[47of74]

SQUIRREL!!!!  

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A string of frenzied and bloody squirrel attacks have been reported in Queens, New York—and now residents are begging for help to fight back. At least five attacks have been reported since November, with one street seeming to be home to the nation’s angriest squirrel

 

[47of74]

And of course Wisconsin Man continues on his drunk way right up on to the State Capitol steps.

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Authorities say the actions of an intoxicated man who drove his vehicle up the stairs of the Wisconsin Capitol grounds Saturday night did not appear to be politically motivated.

Police said Willie Burks, 44, of Madison, drove up the exterior steps on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard and around the exterior of statehouse just before 9:30 p.m. He then left the capitol grounds and drove against traffic before parking his vehicle.

Burks was arrested for his third drunken driving offense and taken to the Dane County Jail. He was also charged with reckless driving, operating while suspended, driving against traffic and driving on the sidewalk.

 

[FiveAcres]

10 minutes ago, 47of74 said:

And of course Wisconsin Man continues on his drunk way right up on to the State Capitol steps.

 

I foresee a long period of him being a guest of the State of Wisconsin, even if he is white. 

[47of74]

Texas Man trying to outdo Florida Man

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While paramedics were on a call, a Texas man last night jumped into an ambulance and drove the vehicle, with its lights flashing, to a Jack in the Box, where he ordered food at the drive-through lane, cops say.

According to Houston police, Renaldo Leonard, 36, was charged Thursday with felony theft in connection with the ambulance heist.

The stolen vehicle--valued in excess of $150,000--was tracked to a Jack in the Box, where Leonard “was at the drive up ordering food with emergency lights,” cops noted.

The restaurant is more than four miles from where the Houston Fire Department ambulance was stolen.

 

[47of74]

If you’re a lawyer do not tell people how to make it look like an accident or self defense. 

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The Nashville Tennessean, whose reporters work a lot harder than whoever came up with its name, reports that the Tennessee Supreme Court suspended the license of an attorney who gave questionable advice in a Facebook post. The court questioned the advice because it involved “instructions on how to commit murder and stage a concocted defense.” 

Turns out this is against the rules.

According to the court’s opinion (opinions page, PDF link), the matter is “a cautionary tale on the ethical problems that can befall lawyers on social media,” but in particular those who give what could be interpreted as instructions on how to commit murder and stage a concocted defense. Winston B. Sitton maintained a Facebook page that identified him as a lawyer, though it does not seem to have been an “official” law-firm-office page. (If this is that page, it does say he is currently the “Senior Managing Partner at Sitton & Associates,” which might pose other issues for reasons discussed below.)

 

[47of74]

Hey anyone see Chucky or Glen Ray lately?

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The Texas Department of Public Safety generated some attention when it accidentally issued AMBER alerts for two Child's Play film franchise characters.

On Friday, missing alerts for the Texas Department of Public Safety included the murderous doll, Chucky, and his son, Glen Ray. Glen is described as having a blue shirt and black collar while Chucky is said to be wearing "blue denim overalls with multi-colored striped long sleeve shirt" and "wielding a huge kitchen knife."

The local NBC affiliate learned that this was actually the result of a test gone wrong. The Department of Public Safety was testing out its server when it accidentally made these faux alerts public. Yet, it assured the public that the number on the flyers doesn't work.

"This was actually a test we were running on a dev server and it accidentally went out," Ruben Medina of DPS said. "We appreciate you reaching out to us to verify this. We do apologize for this inconvenience (to) you."