Joy and Austin 18: 234 Days Since the Wedding and Counting

[CaricatureQualities]

 

13 minutes ago, Daisy0322 said:

But this is mostly coming from my family who gives their 3 year olds Mountain Dew in a baby bottle. *sigh* so I'm not too concerned about it

What now? You know a family who gives their 3 year olds mountain dew in a baby bottle? Seriously? Please elaborate.

[Chickenbutt]

7 hours ago, bananabread said:

Feed your fucking child

 "fucking child".....nice 

/sarcasm/

And I bottle fed both of my kids BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BREASTFEED. No big drama, no medical reasons, no work reason, I just didn't want to. 

[yeahtotally]

6 minutes ago, Chickenbutt said:

And I bottle fed both of my kids BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BREASTFEED. No big drama, no medical reasons, no work reason, I just didn't want to. 

^^^ this. I have a formula fed 5 month old who is thriving.

Some women just don’t want to breastfeed, myself included. 

Also, having my partner being able to share in the feedings and bond with the baby was more important to me than breastfeeding. He has a demanding career, and I knew having him equally involved from the beginning would be best for our family. 

[Daisy0322]

30 minutes ago, CaricatureQualities said:

 

What now? You know a family who gives their 3 year olds mountain dew in a baby bottle? Seriously? Please elaborate.

Yep many of my cousins (I have 37) don't ditch the bottle until the kid refuses it because "it's less work and/or they can't make a mess" and most of them feed their kids mostly a diet of Mountain Dew, And hot dogs. Also they consider ketchup and French fries a vegetable. One of my cousins has her 3 year old still sleeping in a crib so he can't wonder the house while she's busy ODing. My biggest issue is that we found one of their two year old wondering the east side (bad part of town where I live) because they left him and his older brother (5 years old) so they could go out and didn't think they'd wake up at night with no one home.

Theyre my family I love them but it's exhausting and I always get criticized for doing things differently then we were raised which is frustrating.

ETA: CPS is involved with a few of them but our city is so bad for drugs right now that they aren't even romotely considered noteworthy by them.

[bananabread]

15 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Claiming any Mom who refuses to even try breastfeeding is lazy and a bad parent because there’s a chance their kid may not take well to formula = you’re going to get blasted and for damn good reason.

You don’t understand why some women don’t want to even try breastfeeding? That’s fine. You don’t have to understand every choice another person makes. Calling them lazy and bad parents for making a perfectly valid parenting choice you don’t agree with or understand? Completely uncalled for. It’s honestly that simple.

I would love to know where I called anyone "lazy" or a "bad parent." My entire original post was about how I didn't understand women who choose never to try BF and that there can be ramifications for the child. I wouldn't call my MiL a bad parent or lazy. I think the decision she made was a miscalculation. I do think she behaved selfishly, but we all behave selfishly in different ways and to different degrees. I certainly disagree with many people's parenting decisions, but that doesn't mean I think everyone who doesn't try BF is a lazy/bad parent. It means that I don't understand them or their reasoning. And I am concerned that the "just do you!" rhetoric can shield people from understanding the possible consequences of their choices.

30 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I honestly think it may be time for you to take a step away from this conversation. You’ve pissed people off. We have every right to be pissed off. If you honestly want a productive conversation then take a step back and reconsider how you’ve approached the subject so far.

I will be stepping away, but not because of the Thought Police. It's because I have a movie date with my fiance, who did in fact survive formula feeding, although not with flying colors. He is glad I shared his experience, even if the reaction was so hostile. He values the exchange of different viewpoints.

Ta ta for now.

[onekidanddone]

32 minutes ago, CaricatureQualities said:

 

What now? You know a family who gives their 3 year olds mountain dew in a baby bottle? Seriously? Please elaborate.

There is a song with there lyrics.

Strap them kids in 
Give 'em a little bit of vodka in a cherry coke
We're going to Oklahoma to the family reunion for the first time in years

-James McMurtry- Choctaw Bingo

I think this is really a thing.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

6 hours ago, Georgiana said:

MAYBE food is tight, and WIC provides formula stipends, but not necessarily additional food stipends for a breastfeeding mother to keep her milk up.

I know that this was a few pages ago, but I just wanted to address the availability of WIC help for pregnant and breastfeeding mothers, from my own experience. I don't know the WIC rules for all 50 states, but when I was pregnant with our second child, we were having financial difficulties and went to WIC for help. 

WIC provided food for me through 8 months of pregnancy (I had to take them a letter from my first OB appointment) and through 12 months of breastfeeding. They provided food for our child starting at 6 months of age. So, for 6 months, they gave us both food. At 12 months, I left the program, but they provided food for our 2 kids until they were 5 years old. (Separately. They aren't twins.) 

I found WIC to be a big help and most of the personnel I met were very kind to me. If you ever get in a checkout line behind a person using WIC, try to be as patient and non-judgemental as you can. It can be a tricky system to get the hang of.

[rainbowbabycakes]

8 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Just want to be clear that I think your fiance’s suffering is horrible, but that doesn’t mean you get to make judgements about mothers who choose not to breastfeed without attempting to nurse first. Having nursed for three months, i can assure you that breastfeeding isn’t easy and for many moms it’s not going to be the right choice. It’s incredibly rude to judge them for making choices right for their families, a choice that has exactly no impact on you or your life.*

*The exception here being your fiancé of course. 

My nephew is allergic to the protein in milk, so he can’t even have lactose free stuff. His Pediatrician put him on a special formula he could safely eat and my sister cut out pretty much all dairy until she stopped nursing him at 6 months. I don’t remember the name, but it had to be delivered to their house and Insurance paid for it (thankfully because it was expensive.) 

Nutramigen. It's freaking expensive, that's for sure. My son had a milk protein allergy as well, he couldn't have any dairy at all, not so much as casein baked into a cracker. That's what he would have needed if I wouldn't have nursed him. He outgrew it when he was around 4. It morphed into more of a lactose intolerance. He's 10 now, and mostly fine with dairy. Unless he has like a bunch of cheese, yogurt and ice cream all in the same day... then he spends a lot of time in the bathroom, lol. We don't really drink milk, but when he want's it, sometimes  it's soy, sometimes it's chocolate cow milk.

I nursed him til he was almost 3, when he told me  "Mama, I don't want no more milkies" I didn't plan on going that long. Nursing was super important to me. I'm glad it came easy to us, because everything that I didn't want to happen with the birth did, ending in a c-section, and after a week, a wound vac for 8 weeks.  We didn't have any problems (although my milk took almost a week to come in, and my pediatrician was an idiot, but I figured that out pretty quickly, and ignored a lot of what she said, lol), I was able to stay at home with him til I got divorced when he was 2, so I didn't have to pump. I was in the hospital for a week when he was 18 months old, and though I tried  to pump to keep my milk supply going, I was too out of it to do it consistently, and I was worried he would wean while I was hospitalized, but he did ok.... that's when he night weaned though, when he realized my sister couldn't feed him, lol. I went to work when he was 2, and he transitioned to nursing at  wake up, bed time, and before nap on the weekends.

I was on a crunchy mama message board before he was born (and before i was pregnant), because I'm a cloth diapering, co-sleeping, baby wearer, but I thought extended nursing was a little odd. I had a cousin who nursed her babies til they were around 18 months or so, but that was my experience with it. My plan was to shoot for at least a year, hopefully 2, since that's what the WHO recommends, and then go from there... one year, then two, came and went, and we were both still happy, so we continued.

I can see both sides of it... Fed babies are always best, of course, but a lot of times nursing mama's face a lot of challenges... Doctors telling them that they can't breast feed, hospitals feeding formula without permission, formula companies (and sometimes doctors and hospitals) loading them up with unsolicited samples, bad information about nursing while sick/on medication/after medical procedures, etc.,  jobs not conducive to pumping (my sister pumped for 2 YEARS- and her job straight up told her on her daughters first birthday that they no longer legally had to give her pumping breaks, so they weren't anymore. She found a new job. She's a nurse, you'd think they'd know better!), family and friends straight up sabotaging them, like the previous poster with the story about relatives refusing to feed a baby pumped milk

If you don't want to nurse, that's your choice, but if you do, you shouldn't have to fight the ones who are supposed to be helping you

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

WIC is also good because sometimes if you are low income and don't qualify for food stamps, you still may qualify for WIC. I think they have a higher income threshold. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Selfishness is a very interesting and complex topic once you have kids. I am often selfish for my own personal well being and mental health. Which then makes me a better parent. 

UGH, I wish my grown ass kids would realize that sometimes I just need some ME time, and not make me feel like complete and utter shit for wanting it.  I constantly have someone up my ass from the moment I wake up until them moment I go to bed, the ONLY way I get time to myself is if I stay up until 2 in the morning. Its exhausting, they STILL follow me to the damn bathroom.  I need a break. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

UGH, I wish my grown ass kids would realize that sometimes I just need some ME time, and not make me feel like complete and utter shit for wanting it.  I constantly have someone up my ass from the moment I wake up until them moment I go to bed, the ONLY way I get time to myself is if I stay up until 2 in the morning. Its exhausting, they STILL follow me to the damn bathroom.  I need a break. 

I lock the door of the bathroom and then I get little fingers under the door begging and pleading to let them in. Then cars are shoved under the door. With hysterical laughter to follow. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 minute ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I lock the door of the bathroom and then I get little fingers under the door begging and pleading to let them in. Then cars are shoved under the door. With hysterical laughter to follow. 

I don't get that anymore, as my kids are 20 and almost 18 and my husband is 56.   They just keep talking to me out side the door. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

4 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

WIC is also good because sometimes if you are low income and don't qualify for food stamps, you still may qualify for WIC. I think they have a higher income threshold. 

That was our experience. Over the time we received WIC, they expanded the food we could get, which was great. But, oddly, a one year old toddler got the same allowance of milk, cereal, bread, eggs, etc. as a 4 1/2 year old child. It was a bit too much at first, then just right. 

[Georgiana]

3 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

That was our experience. Over the time we received WIC, they expanded the food we could get, which was great. But, oddly, a one year old toddler got the same allowance of milk, cereal, bread, eggs, etc. as a 4 1/2 year old child. It was a bit too much at first, then just right. 

I love WIC, and I am glad they err on the side of MORE food for kids.  

[SapphireSlytherin]

I was a bottle baby. Back in the dark ages 60s "certain classes" of women didn't breastfeed. They were also knocked out for delivery and dad stayed in a waiting room. But I digress.

I couldn't tolerate any of the commercial formulas that were available then, so my "formula" was actually powered Carnation Brand powdered dry milk, mixed at 1/8 strength of normal. I'm fine. My IQ is up there enough that I could do the Mensa thing if I wanted to. 

Also:  I'm Southern, and I had sweet tea (and Pepsi) in my baby bottles long before I could walk. I caught my mom giving GryffindorDisappointment Pepsi and Hostess cupcakes when she told me to "go take a shower and shave BOTH legs" while she was visiting. I was livid. The kid is fine. She's also pretty damn smart and turned out OK. lol

WIC:  Got it when the kid was an infant - first just for me since I was nursing, then formula for her, then regular WIC again when she turned a year old. It was a godsend. We didn't qualify for food stamps, but we did for WIC. Then we moved overseas and no WIC! Yowza. 

 

 

[onekidanddone]

If you can or want to breast feed do so. Don't lecture to other mothers who don't breast feed.

If you can't or don't want to breast feed don't. Don't lecture to other mothers who do breast feed.

Disclaimer: I've never been pregnant. I became a mom when One Kid was 18 months old, so there never was a question to or to not breast feed. Mothers have it  hard enough without shaming each other.

 

10 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

I love WIC, and I am glad they err on the side of MORE food for kids.  

Random pissed off rant: Why is it that the Republicans who are so 'pro life' want to take WIC away from tiny children? Not so pro-life once the baby is born. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

49 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I don't get that anymore, as my kids are 20 and almost 18 and my husband is 56.   They just keep talking to me out side the door. 

Let out a few very loud and overly dramatic grunts and groans. Sort of like you are giving birth. If you have a whoopie cushion, keep it under the bathroom sink. They will leave you alone. 

[halcionne]

1 hour ago, bananabread said:

My entire original post was about how I didn't understand women who choose never to try BF and that there can be ramifications for the child.

I'm late to this discussion and don't know if it's been mentioned already, but it's not uncommon for survivors of childhood sexual abuse to refuse to breastfeed. This happened to me (without me realizing the connection until many years later) and I felt guilty about not bfing (I tried for six weeks and it was so awful for me that I had to quit) for a long time. So that's one reason.

[LilMissMetaphor]

2 hours ago, bananabread said:

 

Clearly my point is just not going to resonate.

It's because it's not a good point.  In fact, it might not even be a point at all.  It may have serious identity issues which it needs to re-examine before ever coming back out here and trying to pass itself off as a point.

[sansan]

7 hours ago, Mela99 said:

Thought there was a birth going on but it's just thread drift.

Pregnant with my first and all the drama around breast feeding is scary as hell . . . . 

 

Drift, a blizzard but it’s all good.

[Jenn The Heathen]

Good freaking lord.  

My best friend chose not to breast feed just because she didn’t want to.  She’s a fantastic mother.  So fantastic that if anything were to happen to Mr Heathen and I, I’d want she and her husband to have custody of my little heathens.  Her children are smart, funny, and healthy.  She’s a wonderful human, my oldest friend.  In short, she’s the bomb.

FOR THE LOVE OF RUFUS, @bananabread, you are not getting it.  The reason you are facing so much opposition is that you are passing judgement on mothers you don’t know for choices they made that don’t affect you.  Would you like my best friend’s phone number so you can tell her how terrible you think her choice to formula feed was?  And on top of it all, you’re not a mother yet.  You have no idea what it’s like to have to make these decisions.  Reading about it on the internet is not the same as living it. 

Basically, it’s totally cool to think babies should be breast fed.  It’s totally not cool to judge women who choose not to.

[2manyKidzzz]

My children are grown, three tall boys. When pregnant with first in my 30’s, the doctor suggested breastfeeding with one bottle at night given by husband so I could catch some sleep. I had figured I would breastfeed, if I could, which I could.

So it was a combination of breast and formula. It also meant that on the weekends I could run to the store and the baby wouldn’t cry for food. That was good. Second son 2 yrs 4 months later was a big baby, 9.6. So along with caring for #1 son, I was just tired and didn’t have enough milk so th number of bottles increased, as he was clearly enjoying the full stomach. The breastfeeding lasted til he was 5 months and started biting me and laughing then at me. Cute kid. 

And my selfish old aunt whined that breastmilk was “so thin and watery”. 

I am not an activist so just rolled with it and then stared at my aunt blankly as I couldn’t be rude to my mother’s sister, although she was incredibly mean to me as years rolled by. I also remember women telling me they had tried to BF and with cracked bleeding nipples they just couldn’t. that was peer pressure making someone keep trying like that. 

I would never say anything to anyone about what they do with their infant or child. 

The combination platter of breast and bottle was good. I am no activist and all was well.

[HarleyQuinn]

4 hours ago, bananabread said:

Iformula disagrees with him. You could try BFing, some babies just don't do well on formula. Or we can try a bunch of random formulas to see what works." MiL says (essentially), "Ew, no BFing for me. I'm a professional women. I'm not a cow. Let's play formula roulette." Months of suffering later, they were still playing formula roulette. 

The percentage of relactation after you've never BF before can't be that high. I don't see how that was even a viable choice for her.

Honestly I'm starting feel bad for your MIL now, no offense. She made the choice she thought was best, had to like you said play formula roulette due to an allergy out of her control,  and now her son semi resents her for something he doesn't even remember? Oi. 

 

On a lighter note, when does the co-sleeping debate start?

[LiterallyBananas]

3 hours ago, Daisy0322 said:

Yep many of my cousins (I have 37) don't ditch the bottle until the kid refuses it because "it's less work and/or they can't make a mess" and most of them feed their kids mostly a diet of Mountain Dew, And hot dogs. Also they consider ketchup and French fries a vegetable. One of my cousins has her 3 year old still sleeping in a crib so he can't wonder the house while she's busy ODing. My biggest issue is that we found one of their two year old wondering the east side (bad part of town where I live) because they left him and his older brother (5 years old) so they could go out and didn't think they'd wake up at night with no one home.

Theyre my family I love them but it's exhausting and I always get criticized for doing things differently then we were raised which is frustrating.

ETA: CPS is involved with a few of them but our city is so bad for drugs right now that they aren't even romotely considered noteworthy by them.

Those poor babies. Being jacked up on Mt Dew at 3 is one thing, but being ignored/neglected/unsafe because of drugs or other parental lifestyle choices... ugh. It makes me very sad, and I want so badly to just hold and love on kiddos in similar situations. Someone has to convey to them that they matter, ya know?

[Shadoewolf]

I was 19, Oldest had jaundice and was hospitalized for a week. Then she wouldn't latch well for 3 days when released and I wasn't inclined to even try after that I was so tired. Oh well.  Straight formula for her. She's the healthiest of my 3 kiddos. Middle and Youngest were BF 3 months and 5 months respectively but Youngest had reflux issues and he was on cereal at 2 months old. Middle had over 20 ear infections by age 4. I pumped for Youngest for 3 of those 5 months (and took fenugreek, ate the heck out of oatmeal to keep going that long) then went to prescription formula. Oh the dirty looks I got when he had a bottle, even though there was breast milk (with cereal added) in it. I also nursed in public, latched him discreetly, used good nursing tops and nobody was any wiser, it just looked like I was carrying him. No need to flop my boobs out and make a scene. 

My experience with drying up took awhile. About 2-3 weeks I'd say.  The first week I switched to formula I would hold off until the engorgement was so bad I couldn't take it anymore then pump. About 4 times in 24 hours.  The lack of demand dropped my supply pretty well. But I had to wear nursing pads in my bra for 3 months even after I stopped because my breasts would still let down and dribble a bit when he cried. I was a 34 B/C cup before, ended up being like an E when nursing. I literally had cantaloupe sized boobs. But it varies for each person.

I TRY not to judge when it comes to breastfeeding but I admit, when you're talking about kids who can walk, eat regular food and ask in full sentences for the breast, I get a bit a squicked out. When Mom is standing in the kitchen and her 4 or 5 year old can walk in and pull down her shirt, it's not about nutition/health benefits. And at 4 a child can find comfort in other ways. Now that doesn't apply to like, 3rd world countries where kids would die otherwise or kids with special needs. But your average kid, I begin to think It's Mom's inability to let it go. I got kicked off as mommy board because this bothered me...(pic has breastfeeding shown)

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