Joy and Austin 18: 234 Days Since the Wedding and Counting

[Carm_88]

My Mom didn't breastfeed me or my brother, didn't even want to think about doing it. We didn't suffer from it, we are fine. I don't judge my Mom or think that she doesn't care about me because she didn't breastfeed me. I don't think that she should have had to try to breastfeed me if she didn't want to. Because forcing someone to do something against their will, is emotionally abusive. Not my child, not my business. 

[kachuu]

14 minutes ago, Mela99 said:

Thought there was a birth going on but it's just thread drift.

Pregnant with my first and all the drama around breast feeding is scary as hell . . . . 

 

Same feeling! I'm reading all this with wide eyes and jaw on the floor at how passionate people can be about either breast feeding or formula.

I'm going to try breastfed but it sounds painful if i'm honest (i'm also super hormonal) so i don't want to agree on any one avenue before i meet my kid & see his preference. 

[Screamapillar]

This morning I was actually marveling at what a respectful discourse about feeding we've had. I was wondering how long it would be before someone made it get heated.

New and expectant Moms reading this: do your thing. Ignore the shamers.

 

[Daisy0322]

This is why as a new mom I'm weary of making mom friends I mostly breast feed but I use formula whenever I feel like and have no guilt either way. I feel like all the moms I've met are all just negative and mean toward each other. It's lonely because all my friends are still partying but I'd rather only let positive people into my life now.

[VelociRapture]

23 minutes ago, Mela99 said:

Thought there was a birth going on but it's just thread drift.

Pregnant with my first and all the drama around breast feeding is scary as hell . . . . 

 

It’s ridiculous. It’s 2018 and we’re still dealing with this bullshit. No matter what you choose someone is going to be a jerk about it. Just trust your instincts (you have good ones already!) and do what you feel is best for you and your baby.  

[kachuu]

I'm not sure i understand where the mom-judgement comes from. Every kid is different & there is no one proven method for any thing regarding you baby... So why throw shade?

But its terrifying to be months away from that mom-club where i know so much judgement exists.

[VelociRapture]

10 minutes ago, kachuu said:

Same feeling! I'm reading all this with wide eyes and jaw on the floor at how passionate people can be about either breast feeding or formula.

I'm going to try breastfed but it sounds painful if i'm honest (i'm also super hormonal) so i don't want to agree on any one avenue before i meet my kid & see his preference. 

It can be uncomfortable. It was for me at least. My daughter was a preemie and we never got the hang of it, so nursing was never a good experience for us and usually left me feeling frustrated and sore. That’s not going to happen to every woman though and many moms are able to nurse with little to no trouble. 

If you’re interested in trying you could speak with a Lactation Consultant, your Nurses, or a Doctor. They can help you figure out what is and isn’t normal and how to actually go about getting baby to latch properly. If anyone guilts you for not wanting to continue or for choosing to supplement with formula, then screw them. If your baby is fed, happy, and healthy (and you are happy and healthy too!) then that’s all that matters. 

17 minutes ago, Screamapillar said:

This morning I was actually marveling at what a respectful discourse about feeding we've had. I was wondering how long it would be before someone made it get heated.

New and expectant Moms reading this: do your thing. Ignore the shamers.

 

Well, we had a good run... but yeah. This is why we can’t have nice things.

[Rachel333]

It's funny/sad to compare the judgment moms get for every single little thing to the praise dads often get for doing the bare minimum with their own children.

[Daisy0322]

3 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

It's funny/sad to compare the judgment moms get for every single little thing to the praise dads often get for doing the bare minimum with their own children.

Yes yes yes X 1,000,000 

it makes me so mad when people fawn over my husband for being "a good dad" ... he is but the point is that I only get ridiculed for every little thing I do. From breastfeeding to feeding my kid cereal to the way I sleep trained (no cry sleep solution, it worked wonderfully) to what I dress him in to even the "extra curricular activities" I do or don't enroll my 5 month in.

[JermajestyDuggar]

@shock928I also had retained placenta but didn't know it. And it caused low milk supply because I guess my body thought I was still kinda pregnant. Well I ended up quitting BFing after a month since it seemed pointless with such a low supply and mastitis that just wouldn't go away with antibiotics. Then a month later I had to have a D&C because my retainer placenta was finally diagnosed. By then it was too late to try and start nursing again. The next kid was different. No retained placenta so my supply was abundant. And I nursed fOREVER. And I see very little difference in my kids. Actually my BF one got sick much more often as a baby compared to the formula fed one. And neither have been prone to ear infections. 

[victoriasponge]

Hang on @Daisy0322 what extra curricular activities can a five month old do? Look cute? Gurgle? Play Mozart? 

[Nargus]

1 minute ago, victoriasponge said:

Hang on @Daisy0322 what extra curricular activities can a five month old do? Look cute? Gurgle? Play Mozart? 

I know a lot of people who take their 3-6 month old babies to swimming lessons.  

[Rachel333]

When I was born both my parents were in graduate school and they would trade off taking care of me and going to class. They shared the responsibilities about as equally as possible considering that my mom was breastfeeding. Despite that, my dad got a ton of praise for taking care of me and doing things as basic as changing diapers, while my mom got no recognition at all for doing the same thing. According to my mom, my dad started talking about her the same way that others would gush about my dad. "She watches the baby for me when I'm in class, and she even changes diapers!" Apparently no one really got the point he was trying to make, though. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

Next drift:  circumcision?

 

 

How HOT will this get? lol

[JermajestyDuggar]

NO! I will probably get sucked into a circumcision debate....

[Rachel333]

If I ever have a son, I'm going to have an elective C-section, name him Lemonjello, circumcise him, feed him only formula, not vaccinate him, and send him to daycare with peanut butter as a snack.

Spoiler

Just kidding. 

 

[HermioneSparrow]

Judgement from someone who doesn't even have a kid. Take a damn seat!

My mom had a terrible experience breastfeeding this princess right here for three months (pain, bleeding, stress, small supply), she gave me formula and that's it, healthy happy baby and healthy happy momma. She did not try with my sister because she had a long complicated traumatic birth where she almost died and had P.D... Turns out my sissy was allergic to the protein of milk so formula fed too. Both healthy chubby little girls and that's the only thing that matters.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

31 minutes ago, Daisy0322 said:

This is why as a new mom I'm weary of making mom friends I mostly breast feed but I use formula whenever I feel like and have no guilt either way. I feel like all the moms I've met are all just negative and mean toward each other. It's lonely because all my friends are still partying but I'd rather only let positive people into my life now.

My advice at baby showers when they want you to write something down or offer up words of wisdom is "Don't let anyone shame you into doing something you don't want to, or shame you out of doing something you do. It is YOUR baby and YOU know best, because no ones knows your baby better than you do, not even the  so called experts."

5 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

NO! I will probably get sucked into a circumcision debate....

or Co-sleeping, CIO, or car seats or when to start solids, what solids, homemade or store bought.  I'm always amazed at how some moms seem to have so much freaking free time to judge others.

[geistmadl]

In the 1960s my mom said many women didn't breastfeed bc it showed you were poor (she did) and so they opted for formula despite the health benefits. A whole generation of kids grew up just fine. If a person wants to BF, fine. If not, fine. I tried with both of my kids. I couldn't pump enough to keep one happy and my daughter had a lot of health issues at birth and the nurses kept forgetting to get me up during the night to breastfeed, so my milk supply was nil. She ended up trying several formulas because of her issues. She is now a healthy millennial, although she doesn't like bread. And that, is just not right.

[VelociRapture]

13 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

When I was born both my parents were in graduate school and they would trade off taking care of me and going to class. They shared the responsibilities about as equally as possible considering that my mom was breastfeeding. Despite that, my dad got a ton of praise for taking care of me and doing things as basic as changing diapers, while my mom got no recognition at all for doing the same thing. According to my mom, my dad started talking about her the same way that others would gush about my dad. "She watches the baby for me when I'm in class, and she even changes diapers!" Apparently no one really got the point he was trying to make, though. 

I’m sorry if this is weird, but I love your dad.  

11 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Next drift:  circumcision?

 

 

How HOT will this get? lol

Well, if we want to stick with babies and their mouths we could always discuss weird stuff they insist on shoving in there. Or we could start a drift on how toddlers love a certain food one day only to have it be the goddamn devil the next. 

[Rachel333]

There was a great episode of Black-ish a few weeks ago where Rainbow gets involved in a parenting board and gets sucked into a vaccination debate.

[Italiangirl]

i was born around seven months (sorry never ask how many weeks) cause i was a twin, and my mom Bf me plus since she was having a lot of milk she gives it to the milk bank in the pediatric hospital (here in Florence there is a  pediatric hospital on his own i mean that is not a part of another hospital is just for babies and kids is called Meyer) and this basically save my life since i was so small that the smallest diaper cover me completely, sadly my sister ddn't made it, her cord was too small and she couldn't come out without suffering from the oxigen deprivation i think (i never really ask my mother all the details 'cause i know is still painfull for her to think about that if only the nurse or the doctor understood what was the probe she could have had two daugther) so my position is just fed your baby. My mom was very brave cause she pumps and then give me the milk even when she was having a hard time emotionally but all the doctor was saying to her that i was too small and that i will have had some problem for sure ... anyway 30 years later not only I'm completely fine but I'm even healthier than my sister who was also bf and born at term. so you could never know

Anyway just feed your baby and feel free to do it in public or whatever you want i don't understand why is ok to bottle feed a baby in public but someone could be embarrassed by a bf mom

[Daisy0322]

38 minutes ago, Nargus said:

I know a lot of people who take their 3-6 month old babies to swimming lessons.  

I take mine to the local YMCA to play but I don't do structured swim lessons for him. Mainly I just like the excerise and getting out of the house. But people act like their kid will be the next micheal phelps lol I know quite a few people who take their young babies to music enrichment classes

[Screamapillar]

Well, at least now I know that the reason why my toddler bit me and then smiled about it last night is because it's the beginning of a lifetime of emotional detachment from me because I fed her formula.

 

[LiterallyBananas]

54 minutes ago, Mela99 said:

Thought there was a birth going on but it's just thread drift.

Pregnant with my first and all the drama around breast feeding is scary as hell . . . . 

 

My exact thought too!

I don't plan on having kids for at least another 5 years (I'm 27 now), so I'm generally clueless about what's going on in child-rearing discussions... but I definitely agree the drama is scary!

It was emphasized in school (RN) that "breast is best," but at the same time there are so many extraneous influences on what is truly best for a person (ironically, it's very difficult, if not impossible, for many women working in healthcare to find time to pump). I'll likely always carry the sentiment that breastfeeding is preferable, but there are so many wonderful mothers who choose formula. I absolutely respect that decision.

Somewhat related -- My husband and I chose to put off having kiddos for a while for career reasons, but also because of my mental health. I've struggled with an eating disorder, anxiety, and depression since I was a young teenager and was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. I rely on quite a few medications that could be harmful to a fetus and are contraindicated with breastfeeding. It's a little terrifying tbh.

We'd like to have at least one biological child, but it will require careful planning because of necessary med adjustments. There's a good chance that breastfeeding will not be an option for me, or at least not an option beyond a few weeks. I'm not extremely versed in OB and the postpartum period. But based on what I do know science-wise and my own mental health experiences, I'm guessing I'd need to resume a pre-pregnancy med routine sooner rather than later in order to prevent a relapse.

And then eventually we'd like to adopt, so if an infant is involved in the situation, formula would be too. 

Tl;dr -- You do you, the breastfeeding vs formula situation is complicated. 

*insert Avril Lavigne lyrics*

Also congrats @Mela99! I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly.