Joy and Austin 18: 234 Days Since the Wedding and Counting

[Jenn The Heathen]

9 minutes ago, Screamapillar said:

My toddler was exclusively formula fed and she's perfectly healthy. Those 2 packs she smokes a day must really be helping her immune system!*

*Obviously, I am joking about the cigarette part. I couldn't help myself.  Those "You better breastfeed your baby or else" memes are HORRIFYING!

You really need to up that to at least 3 packs a day for maximum effect.

[VelociRapture]

 

1 hour ago, Knight of Ni said:

Ok since we are talking about preparing for babies I thought I might share this photo that a friend of mine posted. I can’t even begin with all the things wrong with this photo. How can someone reasonably compare smoking cigarettes with ensuring your child is fed. Yes, most health experts say that breastfeeding is the most healthy for your child, but some people, like me, were unable to breastfeed. Should I have let my child starve? No, I went out and bought formula. Actually I already had some just in case. 

ETA: I would have loved it if my doctor had given me some free samples because formula is expensive. 

Is there an eye roll reaction? Because I really need one after seeing that. My preemie wouldn’t be the perfectly healthy and happy little girl she is if I hadn’t used formula for her and my nephew might have starved if his parents didn’t use formula because my sister wasn’t producing enough to keep up with his demand. But sure. Picking formula is exactly like offering a baby a cigarette. Sure. 

No offense to you whatsoever, but your friend can go fuck herself or himself. Self righteous jackass.

23 minutes ago, AtlanticTug said:

I don't understand why anybody cares about how another woman's child is fed, so long as they are fed.

I did BF my first but we had to supplement in the beginning because I am an insulin-dependent diabetic and what happens in many babies of such mothers is that their blood glucose crashes after birth because they still have circulating insulin in their body (I have to inject it for survival up to the time of birth, and am also on an IV drip for insulin or glucose, depending on my numbers) but the colostrum is simply NOT ENOUGH to keep that child from going into a hypoglycemic state. And by the time the milk comes in, that baby could die. And even despite all this I had a lactation specialist/activist acquaintance of mine blast me for it saying that colostrum is most certainly enough biologically and that in her opinion the side effects of diabetic mothers on babies are wildly overstated in an effort to hook us on formula. A person without a science degree, much less a medical degree, now knows more than my endocrinologist, the pediatric endocrinologist, the neonatologist in the NICU and so on. It is just so frustrating and I was so angry. I don't judge whether you have Type 1 (genetic) or Type 2 (acquired) diabetes, and neither should anyone else. But it killed me that my diabetes, the fault of bad genes and nothing I have ever done wrong, made me feel so guilty about how much harder my body was making it on my newborn already. And on top of that she had the gall to tell me I shouldn't have supplemented and there is no way she'd "put that stuff" in her baby's mouth. RAGING HATE.

It’s great to know she’d rather see your baby dead than eating formula - you know exactly what type of “friend” she really is now. 

Fuck her too. Breastfeeding is great for those able and willing to do it, but formula is great for those who can’t or don’t want to. Some breastfeeding advocates (zealots) have seriously taken the activism way too far and it’s giving the entire movement a really bad reputation it doesn’t deserve. No one has the right to judge how a parent chooses to feed their child unless they’re actually doing something dangerous, like helping their baby chug red solo cups of beer at a frat party or something. 

(You absolutely did the right thing for yourself and your baby. Don’t let this asshole make you feel otherwise. )

[Georgiana]

YEAH!  That's why you shouldn't let doctors send you home with extra bandaging "just in case".  Because they should NOT EVEN ENTERTAIN the possibility that something might go wrong or that you might need to change your bandage or whatever!  You're not INTENDING to keep bleeding, are you?  NO! You intend to HEAL, and by giving you extra bandages, they are just undermining your healing efforts and not supporting healing.

And if something does go wrong, you can just go try to select appropriate bandaging at your local drug store while bleeding.  That'll work out super well.  Nearly as well as trying to research and select formula in an emergency while your hungry baby screams. That doesn't sound like a terrible experience AT ALL.  

[Ace3]

1 hour ago, AtlanticTug said:

I don't understand why anybody cares about how another woman's child is fed, so long as they are fed.

I did BF my first but we had to supplement in the beginning because I am an insulin-dependent diabetic and what happens in many babies of such mothers is that their blood glucose crashes after birth because they still have circulating insulin in their body (I have to inject it for survival up to the time of birth, and am also on an IV drip for insulin or glucose, depending on my numbers) but the colostrum is simply NOT ENOUGH to keep that child from going into a hypoglycemic state. And by the time the milk comes in, that baby could die. And even despite all this I had a lactation specialist/activist acquaintance of mine blast me for it saying that colostrum is most certainly enough biologically and that in her opinion the side effects of diabetic mothers on babies are wildly overstated in an effort to hook us on formula. A person without a science degree, much less a medical degree, now knows more than my endocrinologist, the pediatric endocrinologist, the neonatologist in the NICU and so on. It is just so frustrating and I was so angry. I don't judge whether you have Type 1 (genetic) or Type 2 (acquired) diabetes, and neither should anyone else. But it killed me that my diabetes, the fault of bad genes and nothing I have ever done wrong, made me feel so guilty about how much harder my body was making it on my newborn already. And on top of that she had the gall to tell me I shouldn't have supplemented and there is no way she'd "put that stuff" in her baby's mouth. RAGING HATE.

Yeah...I went on my hospital tour and our hospital is one of those "Baby Friendly" designated hospitals, which is cool and they do a lot to get that certification. While on the tour they talked about how they encourage skin to skin and breast feeding and I asked what would happen if I couldn't breast feed right away. The nurse looked at me like I was crazy! She said "breast is best" and I told her great, I agree, but what if I physically cannot? Do you provide formula? Once again, breast is best was the only answer she'd give me. This went on and on with me asking the same question different ways and her telling me over and over that breast is best. Finally I told her, 'I want you to tell me that if I cannot breastfeed my child or if something happens to me that you will let my child starve." And she stared me down and very angrily told me that the only option they encourage is breastfeeding. End of story. No other options were sanctioned by the hospital. Needless to say, I brought my own formula just in case. 

Believe me, I get the push for breastfeeding but I felt like that was not the way to handle that situation and not the way to treat a first time mom who is already freaking out about everything that's coming. It's an intense subject and I don't fault anyone for what they do as long as baby is your priority. To each their own.

[onekidanddone]

You would't want the doctor to send you home with more than one ampule of insulin. For Rufus's sake! Don't you know your own insulin is much better than the stuff you get by prescription.

My daughter lived the first 18 months of her life in an orphanage and was bottle fed formula Even then was diagnosed a 'failure to thrive' because of her cleft.  She only started gaining weight after here closure surgery. She most likely wouldn't have been able to breast feed  prior to surgery anyway.

Point me in the direction of this twit who slammed mothers who use formula. ...You have no place mommy shaming women who are unable to breast feed. Women don't use formula because the are ashamed you fuck wit, they do so because they want what is best for their baby.

[CorruptionInc.]

A recent radio program (or maybe it was 2-3 years ago now, time slips away from me) in Australia said that "not breastfeeding makes children have smaller IQ's".

I was furious. So many questions! 

Who lets people say this crap on national radio? Where is the SCIENCE? Why aren't you uplifting other women instead of putting them down? 

OH AND just to note, I was not breastfed because my mum couldn't and that's ok. I have (medically tested - ASD) an IQ of 142. 

While women's bodies have parts for feeding, all bodies are different and like cars, sometimes some of our parts don't work. That doesn't make us any less of a person!!!

This post has been bought to you by a lady who has been barren since my early 20's, is single, dated men and women, sociology student and half decent human-being (I hope!). 
 

[Knight of Ni]

The woman who posted it was the same woman who insisted that her doctor purposely lied to her about the weight of the baby in her second pregnancy to discourage her from trying for a VBAC. 

[Iamtheway]

33 minutes ago, Ace3 said:

Yeah...I went on my hospital tour and our hospital is one of those "Baby Friendly" designated hospitals, which is cool and they do a lot to get that certification. While on the tour they talked about how they encourage skin to skin and breast feeding and I asked what would happen if I couldn't breast feed right away. The nurse looked at me like I was crazy! She said "breast is best" and I told her great, I agree, but what if I physically cannot? Do you provide formula? Once again, breast is best was the only answer she'd give me. This went on and on with me asking the same question different ways and her telling me over and over that breast is best. Finally I told her, 'I want you to tell me that if I cannot breastfeed my child or if something happens to me that you will let my child starve." And she stared me down and very angrily told me that the only option they encourage is breastfeeding. End of story. No other options were sanctioned by the hospital. Needless to say, I brought my own formula just in case. 

Believe me, I get the push for breastfeeding but I felt like that was not the way to handle that situation and not the way to treat a first time mom who is already freaking out about everything that's coming. It's an intense subject and I don't fault anyone for what they do as long as baby is your priority. To each their own.

That’s horrible! How can they call that ”baby friendly”? I’m glad you stood up for yourself and felt confident enough to bring the formula that you might have needed to feed your child. 

New mothers are encouraged to breastfeed in Sweden and I know we have our fair share of people that are a bit over the top with the ”breast is best” but I never felt any pressure from anyone. I told people I planned on trying breastfeeding and hoped it would work. I got help at the hospital and they made sure we didn’t leave until he was feeding. We bought formula before he was born and had it at home in case we needed it. We threw it out when we moved when he was 1,5 years. 

As long as baby and parents are happy and safe it’s nobodys business (except maybe their family doctor/nurse/midwife) how, when, what, and where the baby is fed. Or where and how often and long the baby sleeps. What kind of clothes/blankets/diapers/medicin/creams you use is also up to you and what you feel comfortable with.

Advice should only be given if asked! 

Rant over. It really bothers me that people are so intrusive in such a vulnerable time in your life. I didn’t get much unwanted advice myself but I think that might be because I scare people of with my death stares. 

[justoneoftwo]

The amount of judgment you get for how you feed your baby is crazy.  I talked with my OB about my ppd, he said it was likely because of the breastfeeding.  (I get that the pressure can add to ppd, but I wasn't having a hard time feeding him, we EBF for 4 months then added a few solids). Surprise, it wasn't the breastfeeding at all, just normal ppd (I'm prone to depression) and the fact that my thyroid stoped working.  I'm lucky that he checked the thyroid at all (I had prior problems with it).  

No my pediatrician keeps being down on breastfeeding too.  He always starts with "I would never tell a mother to stop but . . . "  I wouldn't mind if he could give me an actual reason why I should stop, but he isn't a baby anymore, with no backup about nutrition or teeth or psychology just isn't going to cut it.  

[AtlanticTug]

1 hour ago, Ace3 said:

Yeah...I went on my hospital tour and our hospital is one of those "Baby Friendly" designated hospitals

Some of those hospitals have gone to such an extreme that you can't bring in helium balloons that depict bottles. I'm not even joking.

Our hospital is Baby Friendly too. In that sense I can't blame the nursing staff because they can be stripped of their certification if they don't push BFing. Even in my instance with my firstborn they didn't start supplementing him for 40 hours...again for a baby of a diabetic mother this is just horrific as he was severely hypoglycemic and lethargic by this point and it took him 3 days of being admitted to paeds to stabilize him. I now understand it was because the pediatrician wasn't consulted earlier and the nurses were just following the guidelines of "must breastfeed, no formula offered except for medical reasons and no bottles because of nipple confusion." This time I am ahead of the game and my endocrinologist has already ordered a pediatric endocrinologist to be present post-birth in order to manage baby's blood sugar levels and needs. But it's insane to me that we are at the point now where we are literally willing to place the wellbeing of newborns at risk in the name of breastfeeding. For God's sake get that baby healthy and stable and have Mom work on breastfeeding at home. That's what I eventually did - went to see lactation consultants, checked for tongue tie with a paediatrician, etc. Just because you may have to supplement in the first few days does NOT mean you will automatically not be able to BF later, if that's what you want.

People really have lost their minds, it's as if common sense has flown out the window.

[Glasgowghirl]

 Those breastfeeding Nazi's annoy the crap out of me, I intend to breastfeed but if I can't I will not be too upset about it. Doctors may not give out cigarettes but many give out nicotine patches and other things containing lower doeses of nicotine to help people quit so bad analogy. Anyone who chooses to bottle feed should not be made to feel guilty.

[Jenn The Heathen]

45 minutes ago, CorruptionInc. said:

A recent radio program (or maybe it was 2-3 years ago now, time slips away from me) in Australia said that "not breastfeeding makes children have smaller IQ's".

I was furious. So many questions! 

Who lets people say this crap on national radio? Where is the SCIENCE? Why aren't you uplifting other women instead of putting them down? 

OH AND just to note, I was not breastfed because my mum couldn't and that's ok. I have (medically tested - ASD) an IQ of 142. 

While women's bodies have parts for feeding, all bodies are different and like cars, sometimes some of our parts don't work. That doesn't make us any less of a person!!!

This post has been bought to you by a lady who has been barren since my early 20's, is single, dated men and women, sociology student and half decent human-being (I hope!). 
 

I’d like to introduce that radio announcer to my two formula fed children who have been labeled “gifted” since they were 4 years old.  My youngest started reading 10 months before starting kindergarten.  

It’s all really propaganda designed to guilt mothers into breast feeding.  I’ve always been of the ideology that fed is best.  My best friend decided while she loves being a mom, Breast feeding just isn’t for her and that’s perfectly fine because her children are smart, healthy, and loved children and what they are as babies is no one’s business.

[sta_sha]

I got a lot of pressure to breastfeed at the hospital when the boys were born. They were so small they refused to latch for 3 weeks. Apparently all they needed was cigarettes and not formula? Silly me. We tried breastfeeding once they were older and it stressed the three of us out to no end. I pumped for a few weeks but couldn’t keep up with the demand and care for two newborns. They now eat formula exclusively and we’re all much happier. I bought a Baby Brezza and feeding time is so much less stressful !

[Glasgowghirl]

My mum always says when people go on about breast being best that the only child she breastfed (me) was the one with the most health problems as a child and I still have the weakest immune system. She doesn't believe that was why I was weaker, I was born and month early but it shuts up those preaching about breastfeeding. 

[Daisy0322]

I was fortunate that breastfeeding cane super easy to me and my son. I didn't really have a plan he just latched after birth and I went with it. I never even had sore nipples am hardly. My mom however thinks breastfeeding is vile and is always begging me to buy formula instead. I'm bad about pumping so usually when someone babysits I tell them to use formula but my mom just can't understand why I'd want to do something so disgusting as nursing  I try not to let it bother me but I'm a little self conscious from it.

[CaricatureQualities]

This breast is best discussion has been really enlightening and sort of horrific for me. I don't have kids so this issue of mommy shaming over formula feeding is not something I noticed first hand in my life but I learned a lot about it when one of my best friends recently had her babies. She is a nurse also so she may have come into contact with this breast is best propaganda (as it seems that is what it's turning into) more often in her work. 

I was confused and concerned. Breastfeeding did not work out for her for various reasons with both her babies and this upset her VERY much, She tried so hard, became frustrated and guilty and somewhat obsessed with it.  To me it was like, well you tried and you can't, move on no big deal, but I realized then that this was a very sensitive issue so I basically just tried to support her as she got through it at her own pace. I hated to see her beat up on herself for something she really couldn't change. I had not realized that the promotion of breast feeding for all it's benefits and the growing trend back to that which is a good thing had a more extreme edge: not breastfeeding is evil. Formula is just awful.  What? What about the benefits of having good formula available for all the many babies who can not get breast milk for so many various reasons?

When did "the benefits of breastfeeding" turn into "the risks of not breastfeeding"?

[CaricatureQualities]

Also, remember after Josie was born she had an ongoing stomach issue and it took them forever to find the cause. It was breast milk. Michelle had been pumping away and they went through all the tests they could think of and it turned out she was lactose intolerant. Last thing they thought of. They went into a lot of detail about this in "A Love That Multiplies". Some of these hospitals sound like they might never figure it out.

[Bad Wolf]

40 years ago I had Wolf Girl by c section. At that time they would give you a shot to dry you up, because of course, you wouldn't be able to breast feed. I knew better, and wouldn't let them. I successfully breast fed  both of my kids. I also supplemented with formula.

Fed is definitely best.

[nastyhobbitses]

5 hours ago, Ace3 said:

Yeah...I went on my hospital tour and our hospital is one of those "Baby Friendly" designated hospitals, which is cool and they do a lot to get that certification. While on the tour they talked about how they encourage skin to skin and breast feeding and I asked what would happen if I couldn't breast feed right away. The nurse looked at me like I was crazy! She said "breast is best" and I told her great, I agree, but what if I physically cannot? Do you provide formula? Once again, breast is best was the only answer she'd give me. This went on and on with me asking the same question different ways and her telling me over and over that breast is best. Finally I told her, 'I want you to tell me that if I cannot breastfeed my child or if something happens to me that you will let my child starve." And she stared me down and very angrily told me that the only option they encourage is breastfeeding. End of story. No other options were sanctioned by the hospital. Needless to say, I brought my own formula just in case. 

Believe me, I get the push for breastfeeding but I felt like that was not the way to handle that situation and not the way to treat a first time mom who is already freaking out about everything that's coming. It's an intense subject and I don't fault anyone for what they do as long as baby is your priority. To each their own.

What the hell kind of hospital is that?

To me, that's like:

"We as a doctor's office try to encourage people not to overuse antibiotics, and instead let certain illnesses and infections run their course naturally, which is ultimately better for everyone"

"That's great, but what if I get an infection or illness that requires antibiotics?"

"We encourage people not to use antibiotics"

"So...you're going to...let me die of sepsis?"

[SapphireSlytherin]

I was fortunate enough to be able to breastfeed GryffindorDisappointment for three months, but she weaned herself to the (relief) bottles easily. Dang kid wanted to eat every 30 minutes. Nope. 

And I don't know if any of yall have seen this heartbreaking story about breast feeding and almost killing her baby:  https://fedisbest.org/2017/01/accidentally-starving-my-baby-broke-my-heart-but-made-me-want-to-help-other-moms/  But it's definitely worth a read.

[mstee]

I’m due in May and would like to breastfeed but I’m not married to the idea just in case of doesn’t work out. Some people just don’t get it. My mother in law was baffled when I told her that. “Well it’s better! Just do it!” (What she doesn’t mention is the fact that she supplemented with formula during the day cause she was unable to pump- so how’d that “just do it” method work out?) I want a happy baby. Whether I breastfeed, pump, or formula feed, it’ll be okay. 

[Knight of Ni]

I read a story where the baby did die because of breastfeeding. No one told her that it wasn’t normal that the baby would feed for an hour at a time. She was told that breast is best etc and wasn’t educated about how to tell if the infant needed more to eat. Absolutely devastating. Fed is best. 

[Meggo]

17 hours ago, Jenn The Heathen said:

Because formula is on the same level as cigarettes.  Guess I should have let my kids starve because my milk never came in.  Or maybe I could have given them cigarettes since apparently they’re the same thing.

Or my adopted kid should have starved too?

I am ALL for breast feeding. I think it's great - wish I'd had the chance to try it. No what else is awesome? Feeding your baby.

I'm all for people feeding their kids because I think science has proven time and again that we need to feed babies. I mean it could be fake science but... I'm just going with it.

[SweetJuly]

I love this forum because there is just so much experience and knowledge bundled up together. Perhaps someone could advise me on the below?

I hope to breastfeed my daughter when I give birth later this year.

However, I had a breast reduction surgery some 15 years ago, and I read that there is a possibility I might not be able to breastfeed.

Do you know what happens if I produce milk after birth, but I physically can't breastfeed or even pump the milk? I assume at a certain point it will simply cease, but what happens until then?

And do you have any idea if/how I can find out before the birth if I will be physically able to breastfeed?

Unfortunately I don't seem to have any detailed records about my surgery, so I am not certain what exactly was done, and when I asked my gynaecologist he just gave me a blank stare and said he had never had that question, so if anyone has any idea or has been in the same situation, that would be really helpful  

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

19 minutes ago, SweetJuly said:

I love this forum because there is just so much experience and knowledge bundled up together. Perhaps someone could advise me on the below?

I hope to breastfeed my daughter when I give birth later this year.

However, I had a breast reduction surgery some 15 years ago, and I read that there is a possibility I might not be able to breastfeed.

Do you know what happens if I produce milk after birth, but I physically can't breastfeed or even pump the milk? I assume at a certain point it will simply cease, but what happens until then?

And do you have any idea if/how I can find out before the birth if I will be physically able to breastfeed?

Unfortunately I don't seem to have any detailed records about my surgery, so I am not certain what exactly was done, and when I asked my gynaecologist he just gave me a blank stare and said he had never had that question, so if anyone has any idea or has been in the same situation, that would be really helpful  

You probably won't know until after you have the baby.  I have 2 friends who've had breast reduction and then had a child 1 had all of her milk glands removed and wasn't able to nurse the other one just had some tissue removed and was able to.  So it will depend on how much you had removed from your breasts, and if you can't find that info it will be a 50/50 guess as to the answer.  I would have formula on hand just in case you can't and if you can donate the unopened unused formula to a food bank.