Joy & Austin 15: Standing for the Fetus

[Knight of Ni]

I lost all tolerance for being late when I was a member of the fencing club in college. I would often drive to tournaments because I had a minivan and would tell people to arrive at a certain time. Registration for the event ended at a set time so leaving on time was actually important. Always always there would be someone who was late (usually the same person). Eventually I just said the van leaves at x time it’s up to you if you want to go with us or take yourself.

just recently I went with a group of people to a museum an hour away. I had to get up super early on a weekend to have my daughter and I ready only for one person to be an hour late getting ready. My daughter is two. After an hour of waiting you pretty much have to start all over with the getting ready process. I was beyond pissed especially when I asked to stop on the way to use the restroom and she bitched about being late.

growing up I used to think my dad was ridiculous for his insistence on being on time. Now that I’m an adult I definitely understand. My watch tells time and I can read it. I will give people with small children a pass. Several times I’ve had my daughter already i. The car seat and she shouts bathroom. 

[SamiKatz]

I broke up with a guy because he was chronically late for dates (and not slightly late - two to three hours late).  

I am another one of those people who is always early or first to an event, even if I'm trying to not be.  The idea of being late makes me very anxious though, so that might be why.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I USED to be an early person, but everyone around me was always late so I spent a ton of time waiting. I gave up and am now on time or a few minutes late and still beat most of my friends everywhere I go. I have one friend that is chronically 45 minutes late for EVERYTHING, because she's a flake.  I LOATHE business meetings class lectures, or other meeting type events that start and end late because there are ALWAYS 1 or 2 people who are late. People learned that I didn't play that meetings scheduled at 2:00 started at 2:00 unless you contacted me and asked me to wait because so and so was held up in another meeting, and only if you were my boss or higher if you were under me sucked to be you.  

[Pretzel]

18 hours ago, Jinder Roles said:

I run on island time. So if I say I'm leaving soon, it means I just got in the shower. 

Last year, my housemates were quite punctual. If we agreed to go the store at 10am, they'd be ready at that exact time. I took it to mean 10ish (but I'm also perpetually tired and have crippling anxiety so that slowed me down some)

I never understood why they'd be in a rush to do something that had no time limit/was supposed to be fun. To me, if you have an estimate  of how long something will take, planning every minute defeats the purpose. Time limits make me hella anxious. 

They were also anal about punctuation in texts. I remember them agonizing over trivial punctuation and sentence structure like a DM was a damn academic essay. Watching them freak out if someone didn't reply immediately was also quite amusing. 

Jinger roles, are you my soulmate? Wanna go shopping tomorrow morning, 10ish? Let's have fun, not watch the clock, and snark on people who need Maxwellian schedules for stuff that doesn't need to be scheduled? 

I find it hard enough to be punctual to events that need people to be punctual. At least don't push me for stuff that I can do at 9, 10, or 11 and no kittens will die if I only go at 12. 

[Demonfan]

@Playagirl so excited to hear about your love of cars! Lil demon 1 is restoring a GTO.

[singsingsing]

1 hour ago, SamiKatz said:

I broke up with a guy because he was chronically late for dates (and not slightly late - two to three hours late).

Holy crap, that's insane. What's with these people? I totally get being a few minutes late - even if you're chronically late, I get it, some people just are, and it doesn't bother me that much - but two hours? I figure after the first 20 minutes you'd better have a pretty good excuse. 2-3 hours is just crazy.

[SamiKatz]

22 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Holy crap, that's insane. What's with these people? I totally get being a few minutes late - even if you're chronically late, I get it, some people just are, and it doesn't bother me that much - but two hours? I figure after the first 20 minutes you'd better have a pretty good excuse. 2-3 hours is just crazy.

And yet he was still pissed that I broke up with him because of it!

Hopefully at some point in his life he realized that it's unacceptable to be that late consistently.

[singsingsing]

6 minutes ago, SamiKatz said:

And yet he was still pissed that I broke up with him because of it!

Hopefully at some point in his life he realized that it's unacceptable to be that late consistently.

Did he ever provide any excuse?

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

This right here is flipping my bitch switch.

Quote

I find it hard enough to be punctual to events that need people to be punctual. At least don't push me for stuff that I can do at 9, 10, or 11 and no kittens will die if I only go at 12. 

 Why should everyone have to WAIT for when YOU feel like showing up? Why is YOUR time more important than everyone elses around you?   You have a group of 5 people going some where at 9:00 are they just supposed to wait around until noon when you FEEL showing up? Don't you think that maybe someone else might have other plans?

[singsingsing]

11 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

 Why should everyone have to WAIT for when YOU feel like showing up? Why is YOUR time more important than everyone elses around you?   You have a group of 5 people going some where at 9:00 are they just supposed to wait around until noon when you FEEL showing up? Don't you think that maybe someone else might have other plans?

This is really the crux of it. What am I supposed to do while I'm waiting for you, not knowing if you're going to be here in five, ten, 30 minutes, an hour, two hours? I have a couple family members who do this - either they're constantly late, or won't commit to a time - and it sucks. Why should I have to sit around and wait until they decide that they feel like it's time to go? There have been times that I could have been doing other things, if I'd only known they weren't going to be ready for another hour or two, but instead I put them off because I thought we'd be leaving sooner. It's just plain inconsiderate.

[SapphireSlytherin]

27 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

This right here is flipping my bitch switch.

 Why should everyone have to WAIT for when YOU feel like showing up? Why is YOUR time more important than everyone elses around you?   You have a group of 5 people going some where at 9:00 are they just supposed to wait around until noon when you FEEL showing up? Don't you think that maybe someone else might have other plans?

Exactly. This level of inconsideration is beyond belief and exceeds my tolerance. Island Time or Duggar Time or whatever... either show up when you say you will or call and say you won’t be there. 

 

I start my meetings on time. If people trickle in late, it’s on them. Too bad if they miss important stuff or get volunteered for shitty tasks. 

[VelociRapture]

My brother runs on what we call “Timmy* Time.” It’s like island time, but only he knows how the fuck it works. The family is used to it now after 25+ years... but I can’t even tell you how obnoxious it is not knowing if he’s going to show up on time or be there at all. Especially now that our sister and I both have young kids.

I’m not a fan of people being consistently late when we have plans. I completely understand if it happens once in a while or you have a really good excuse or you’re only a little late. But if we make plans it means I’ve planned my day and my daughter’s day around those plans, especially if I have to drive a bit (it’s over 35 minutes from my house to the three towns where our immediate families mostly live.) All I ask is if you’re running a bit late you call or text to let me know, preferably before I’d be leaving my house. Don’t leave me waiting around for extended periods of time - my kid is pretty easy going, but she has her limits. If you make us wait a long period of time it’ll likely result in a screaming baby (who missed a nap and probably won’t sleep when we’re out somewhere), a seriously pissed off mom, and the complete cancellation of the plans for that day so I can deal with the tiny person.

*Not his actual name of course.

[church_of_dog]

I’m an early person, though I didn’t used to be.  When I was constantly running late, I always felt guilty about it, and now that I’m not late, I still generally interpret it as disrespectful if a person is late more than on a rare occasion.  Likewise for not communicating if making someone wait.

However, reality is that some people are just. always. late.  So I’ve developed strategies so their lateness doesn’t cause me hassle.  For example, there an always-late friend I go on walks with.  If it matters to me what time we walk (like if I have plans for after or just want to be sure I’m back home by a certain time), then I offer to meet at her house and we walk from there.  That’s not a 100% guarantee she’ll be ready on time but it removes her needing to factor in getting in the car and driving a few miles.  On the other hand if I really don’t care what time we walk, then I suggest she comes to my house, in which case I can keep doing whatever at my house until she finally arrives.

I’m also never without a book and usually the ipad as well, so waiting itself isn’t too torturous.  But most of the time there is some kind of plan that affects things, whether it’s getting to an event on time, or preferring to eat within certain time frames, or wanting to be back home by dark, or whatever.

These days I go to bed early as well, and I really need the few hours before bedtime to be  quiet discretionary time, not being social.  So even if it’s just a friend who wants to stop by for a quick chat, I’ve had to say “only until 4pm” because otherwise they arrive when I would be having dinner and that pushes back my whole evening, or else they show up at 7pm which to most people might be perfect visiting time, but I need that time for myself — I’m probably in the bathtub or doing some exercises, or just surfing fj.  You know, important stuff!

[SapphireSlytherin]

I’ve been thinking a bit more on this and habitual/chronic lateness. 

I had an employee who couldn’t get her ass to work by 8:00, no matter what. So I adjusted her start time to 8:30. Suddenly, she couldn’t get to work by 8:30, either. I was lucky if she showed up by 9:15. I am at work by 7:15 every morning, and I always have employees’ tasks ready at 7:55, so they can start at 8:00. LateGirl didn’t show up at all one day until I texted her at 10:30. She said she was still asleep, so sorry, won’t happen again. No, it didn’t happen again... because I fired her. 

 

[singsingsing]

4 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

I’ve been thinking a bit more on this and habitual/chronic lateness. 

I had an employee who couldn’t get her ass to work by 8:00, no matter what. So I adjusted her start time to 8:30. Suddenly, she couldn’t get to work by 8:30, either. I was lucky if she showed up by 9:15. I am at work by 7:15 every morning, and I always have employees’ tasks ready at 7:55, so they can start at 8:00. LateGirl didn’t show up at all one day until I texted her at 10:30. She said she was still asleep, so sorry, won’t happen again. No, it didn’t happen again... because I fired her. 

Oh man, I had the same thing! I had a co-op student a couple years ago who was late every. single. day. He never even really apologized or offered any explanation. But I knew he was driving in from out of town, so I thought I'd be generous. I said, "Hey so-and-so, I know you're coming straight from class and you have a long drive in. If it would work out better for you to work from 1-4 instead of 12-3, we can totally do that!"

He agreed. Awesome! The next day, he was late again. He had an extra hour to get to work, and he was still late. And the pattern continued. I think the guy was only on time a total of twice, maybe. It was ridiculous. He was also the smarmiest, most arrogant little prick I'd ever had the misfortune to work with. Happily he ended up getting fired. 

The ridiculous thing is that if he had just apologized and offered some kind of explanation, I would've been a lot more understanding. But he didn't even think he needed to apologize or give an excuse. No "I'm so sorry, traffic was terrible" or, "My teacher made me stay after class" or, "My dog ate my transportation" - nope, just, "lol I'm here." Okay then, bye Felicia, and you can kiss your future career in this sector goodbye too.

[Maggie Mae]

I'm salaried so I'm "late" to work like every day. I also stay later and I have the flexibility to know that I don't have to rush to work & everyone knows I'll be in by 8:30 even though we technically open at 8. 

But I'm also unwilling to be late to anything that requires other people. If we have plans at 6, I will be ready at 6. If we have a meeting at 11, I'll be there at 10:55 unless I have to set up then I'll be there at 10:30 or even 10. If I'm having people over, I prefer you arrive within five minutes of our agreed upon time. Here's why: If I'm making dinner, I've planned out most of the day and have a schedule in my mind. You arrive at 6:00 or whenever. We have drinks and chit chat while I finish up dinner. Then we move to the dining area and have dinner which is hot and perfect. We pick up and play board games. Then everyone leaves at a reasonable time and I wake up on Saturday morning ready to run for 1-3 hours. 

But what happens with my chronically late friend-emies is this: They text at the agreed upon time saying they are just now leaving and they need to stop for beers (even though we have a nice selection of craft beers they bring their own). We push everything back. They arrive about an hour later. Food is in the warmer and not as good as it could. be. I put the cheese tray back out. They apologize and we all sit down to dinner and board games. Then they just. don't. leave.  And I eventually get annoyed and just go to bed. Then I wake up late and my friend is mad at me because she was waiting on me at 8 a.m. Or I am grumpy because I didn't have time to shower because I have having people wait on me. 

 

[NanisBlessing]

I work for Deutsche Bahn (german railway)....I do not have the luxury of being late...not even one minute...those trains don't wait for me...they leave and I have to explain to my boss why I did not make my shift !  So from years of having to be super punctual, I am never late ( unless something I can't control happens ) in my private life either. Drives everyone around me crazy !  I think most germans are pretty punctual 

[karen77]

On 10/28/2017 at 3:27 PM, Fun Undies said:

So my middle brother was born on Hitler's birthday .  But he's more nice . . . Though that's true for like 98% of the world

My son was born on Himmler's, ha!

 

On 10/29/2017 at 4:32 AM, WhyNotJulie said:

I am chronically on-time. I'm that friend who is consistently the first one to an event, no matter HOW late I make myself leave the house, and no matter HOW many times I walk around the block before going in.

I was a C-section baby, and was born a month early.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is also me.

16 hours ago, Justmurrayed said:

I get super anxious if I'm not 10 minutes early for anything, which of course means I am always like 30 minutes early to somewhere I've never been. Parties, I'll be right on time, because I don't want to intrude on them getting things ready. I absolutely HATE people who are late for things. I'll admit for people who are always late I tell them a different time, because to me it's a win-win. They aren't late and I don't get anxious or mad. 

Totally agree with this and I have a good friend in the late camp, it makes me INSANE!

1 hour ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

This right here is flipping my bitch switch.

 Why should everyone have to WAIT for when YOU feel like showing up? Why is YOUR time more important than everyone elses around you?   You have a group of 5 people going some where at 9:00 are they just supposed to wait around until noon when you FEEL showing up? Don't you think that maybe someone else might have other plans?

THis is it, exactly!!! I am a busy person, so being late means you are likely cutting into something else I have going on later.

My one friend is always late at work for our lunch walks, which is super inconsiderate since I have to plan to stop what I'm doing, then I wait around for her, cutting into my working time.

[Knight of Ni]

Several of the posts before sum up my feelings exactly. If we have something scheduled why should I wait around for whenever it pleases you to show up? Is your time more important than mine? What if I have an appaointment later in the day. If someone tells me they will be there at a certain time it’s obvious they have nothing else scheduled for that time. So that person is just basically wasting time because they can’t be bothered to be on time. I don’t understand the term fashionably late because when is rudeness considered fashionable?

[Screamapillar]

I refuse to accept that some people are "just always late" for things. Being late for things on a regular basis is a deliberate and inconsiderate act, not a cute personality trait.

I think I'm cranky about this right now with the holidays coming up. There are several people in my husband's family who are always late (like, hours late) for Thanksgiving and it drives me up the wall.

[karen77]

Just now, Screamapillar said:

I refuse to accept that some people are "just always late" for things. Being late for things on a regular basis is a deliberate and inconsiderate act, not a cute personality trait.

I think I'm cranky about this right now with the holidays coming up. There are several people in my husband's family who are always late (like, hours late) for Thanksgiving and it drives me up the wall.

Our plan for that is to just tell them things start about a half hour (or hour, depending on family) early! then HOPEFULLY they'll be relatively on time.

[Bad Wolf]

I remember the camera crew waiting for the Duggars. They were ready to leave when the Duggar bus finally rolled up. Ha ha, Duggar time. No, rudeness.

[Carm_88]

I hate people who are constantly late or have a "whenever" when we are trying to make plans. I like to know time so I can give myself time to do things, when I'm told 15-20 minutes before something, it makes me grumpy.

[kachuu]

Ugh my aunt does this. Collectively as a family, we've stopped trying. If she actually shows up at all then she gets to enjoy the event, if not, we continue without her. Her loss.

[KelseyAnn]

There are very few things ruder than being late. No matter what the activity, if you say you're going to be on time, you should be on time. My youngest sister is notoriously late, most often an hour+ late and it's because she can't be bothered to start getting ready earlier. She could have four hours to get ready and she'll only wake up and hour before when she knows it takes an hour to get her makeup on alone. There is nothing to it but diregard for other people's time. If you are consistently ten miutes late, that is a sign you need to leave fifteen minutes earlier. And you had better not show up with a coffee in your hand either. 

1 hour ago, Knight of Ni said:

Several of the posts before sum up my feelings exactly. If we have something scheduled why should I wait around for whenever it pleases you to show up? Is your time more important than mine? What if I have an appaointment later in the day. If someone tells me they will be there at a certain time it’s obvious they have nothing else scheduled for that time. So that person is just basically wasting time because they can’t be bothered to be on time. I don’t understand the term fashionably late because when is rudeness considered fashionable?

I feel you. I had a date ask me to coffee at 10 a.m. I get to the coffee shop at 9:30 and waited until noon for them to arrive. It was one when they texted me to tell me they had just woke up. I was livid, especially since that was my only slot of time off in three weeks. And then they had the gall to get pissy with me when I told them, "Are you going to show up to our next date on time?"