Seewalds 26: Marketing her cute growing (?) family

[nst]

does it surprise anyone that I ordered my cleaning lady for Saturday after seeing that? 

[Dubiousclaire]

@Londish I totally agree, Ben lives there too, he could clean the stove or load the dishwasher, or dust...anything. 

@JesSky03

It was so bad at my SIL house that you had to literally wade through papers and toys to get down the hallway.  My other SIL came over a few times with a gallon of Clorox bleach and cleaned her bathroom because it was so bad.  She has always had dogs, never trained, that helped in tearing up the house.  

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

Can we please not a) diagnose Jessa with depression based on the fact that her house is messy and start saying things like, 'Well I have depression too, and my house was NEVER like that!' Good for you. It's not a contest. Every individual with a mental illness is going to experience it differently, and it's really not helpful to put others down based on what you personally might be capable of.

 

I'm actually going to have to disagree with this. Most of her Instagram photos are clearly taken at her own house.

Thanks for saying this so I didn’t have to. I struggled with depression and anxiety for years and I’ve had several panic attacks since welcoming my daughter late last year. My husband also has an anxiety disorder and he’s suffered panic attacks at times too. It’s fantastic that other families are able to find ways to make things work when one or both parents struggle with mental illness, but that isn’t always possible for everyone and acting like it is can make the rest of us feel even shittier than before.

ETA: I’m a neat freak. So is husband. We don’t like having a dirty or messy house and it really bothers us when it isn’t up to our standards. But we have a dog, an infant, and we both struggle with anxiety. A lot of days are a win for us if we’re simply still standing and relatively healthy.

[treehugger]

Yeah, I had undiagnosed Post-partum anxiety after the birth of my second child (undiagnosed because they don't ask questions for that sort of thing like they do for PPD at checkups, and I didn't know it was a thing until a year ago). She is 3 now, and I am finally just starting to feel normal again. The panic attacks are less, and I am actually able to organise and plan for the future again. All moms get a pass from me when it comes to the state of their house. 

[Carm_88]

Jessa did a clean up! Lol

[AtlanticTug]

I am NOT a clean freak or very neat at all. My office at work always looks like a bomb fell in the middle of it and most of the other lawyers are horrified but I function well that way. And I have a young child at home (almost 2) and am pregnant so that's affected how much I clean. However, unlike Jessa, I also have a 60 hour a week job and my husband works about 70-80 hours a week.

HOWEVER, there is a difference between a house that is messy and a house that is dirty. The diapers are plain old gross, especially for a family that has a lot of $ who could get a Diaper Genie without any trouble at all. Or any other type of diaper pail really. These are NOT expensive or exclusive things, I honestly don't know anyone with a baby who doesn't have one. But the grossest to me are the bed sheets. And I know people are speculating that maybe Jessa is pregnant and has bad morning sickness and can't clean...let me tell you as somebody who had HG last pregnancy and slightly less puking this time around - there is NO WAY anybody who is nauseous 24/7 could stand sleeping on the stench of old vomit. No freaking way.

I don't care about the toys or piles of laundry, those are things you learn to live with when you have little ones around.

[LegHumperBibleThumper]

13 hours ago, Dubiousclaire said:

 

CUTTING SLACK: dirty dishes piled in sink-at least they aren't all over the counters, and it means they aren't using disposable like the Duggars. Dusty vent...I always forget to clean mine, for months on end. And they are a pain.  Toys on floor-it's a never ending losing battle.  Spit up on sheets...Well ok if is one day or so, but otherwise, gross.  

 

Not sure why but this was the grossest part to me. I would rather strip the bed and sleep on the clean mattress then sleep in wet and smelly vomit (or dry, crusty and smelly for that matter). And she said it was like that for DAAAYS.

The dirty diapers?? I mean whyyy? My sister was a single, first time mom at 19 (I am older by 3 years) and we lived together, just the two of us and my nephew. She used to leave diapers EVERYWHERE. It drove me crazy and its just disgusting. I can't honestly just cant see any justifiable excuse for this.  

I totally get that being a mother is hard, really hard, and that children's needs take priority over cleaning the house. I have one on the way myself and I often think about how my household routines are going to have to change and it gives me nightmares. I just cant see myself sleeping in wet spit-up sheets or sleeping in a room of urine soaked and poopy diapers. How can anyone sleep with smells like that swirling around?

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

10 hours ago, Fjrocks said:

    How can you embrace affectionate, imaginative, hands on parenting above all else and NOT recognize your parents are a complete shit show?      

This is a tough one, I am the exact opposite of my parents. Everything I do from raising my kids to how I live is different from my parents. I was raised in an emotionally closed off faith by force, do not question authority home. I'm 47 now, and it has really only been the last 10 years that I've been able distance myself from my parents. And really only the last 5 years have I realized how toxic and horrible they were/are. I'm an educated woman whose been allowed to live her own life (for the most part) I can't imagine how  hard it would be for someone as young, uneducated and sheltered as she is to do what I've done. 

She may recognize now how horrible her family was/is but she has nowhere else to go, so she's doing what she can to keep it afloat. I think her, Jana & JD, and I'm going to say Joe & Kendra will be the people that keep this family going for the foreseeable future.  Jinger is gone, and she's not coming back, Joy is gone, but still very close, not sure about her and Austin. But I can see her becoming more like the Forsyth's than her parents. Jill and DWreck are useless, and Josh just needs to go away.

[habert]

2 hours ago, singsingsing said:

Can we please not a) diagnose Jessa with depression based on the fact that her house is messy and start saying things like, 'Well I have depression too, and my house was NEVER like that!' Good for you. It's not a contest. Every individual with a mental illness is going to experience it differently, and it's really not helpful to put others down based on what you personally might be capable of.

 

I'm actually going to have to disagree with this. Most of her Instagram photos are clearly taken at her own house.

Ah, well maybe I wasn’t making myself clear but I was saying I have lived in different levels of cleanliness and depression can make it hard. I think saying I think she’s depressed isn’t really diagnosing her, but giving an alternative to the idea that she lazy. I think patriarchy creates depression in women, oppression doesn’t suit most people. I find it hard to believe they (the sisters) aren’t all depressed. I mean, you’re taught your one true goal is to please a husband and be a mother and be a perfect housewife, and then your parents didn’t really have time to raise you to “really” clean. 

It bothered me that so many people on Facebook and Instagram were going “nasty, what a lazy mother” when it’s like...these look like snapshots of someone depressed. Jessa has two young kids and she’s stuck at home, maybe she’s depressed.

 

[shock928]

Mom of 3 under 3 here. First two 12 months apart, second 2 13 months apart. Yes it is debilitatingly difficult to have a spotless house all her time because I have a bad back and hip now from difficult pregnancies and difficult births. So I get how things can pile up. Even with me being the only one at home though while hubby worked 50+ hours weekly, I could at least take care of sanitary hazards. Diapers? After baby one I donated the diaper pail because the stink made me sick when opening it. Now, with 3 kids in diapers, I use plastic bags and twice a day throw the diapers out. There are two adults there to throw away diapers and  at least wipe the stove. Diapers and old food  is a sanitary issue, heck even the dust vent dust is unsanitary for breathing. 

But more importantly her goal here was to be relatable and seek positive or negative attention. It reminds me of a fit mom blogger whom I cannot stand that always films herself working out in grocery stores and other random places. Then she harasses people who say it's stupid to work out in a grocery store. She thrives on negative and positive attention and wants to appear relatable because relatable makes the money. Drop mic. Lol.

[BundleofJoy]

On a lighter note, reading the experiences of moms here about have messy homes with a young child, reminded me of this video: 

Spoiler

 

 

[SapphireSlytherin]

I'm going against the flow here with the "Bin lives there too and could/should help."

Bin (supposedly) works outside the home, while Jessa works inside the home.

Her JOB (as a SAHM) is to raise those kids and keep the house. When I was a SAHM, I did everything (and I mean everything) house-related:  cleaning, cooking, laundry, childcare, diaper-changing (and THROWING AWAY), hauling trash outside, scooping the litter box, name it. On weekends her dad mowed the yard.

Could he help? Absolutely. Should he? It depends on how they've agreed upon division of chores. But I'm putting this all on Jessa. If she's home with the kids all day, this is her life.

 

[shock928]

3 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

.

Could he help? Absolutely. Should he? It depends on how they've agreed upon division of chores. But I'm putting this all on Jessa. If she's home with the kids all day, this is her life.

 

I didn't realize bin had a job outside the home. I'm behind on that- I guess I assumed he was too at home full time! But I agree then if they have agreed she would care for the kids and home- theb her main responsibility would be the kids and cleanliness. Especially sanitary hazards. If things got behind though they could all clean for an hour or two and involve the kids on a weekend though? 

[VelociRapture]

35 minutes ago, LegHumperBibleThumper said:

Not sure why but this was the grossest part to me. I would rather strip the bed and sleep on the clean mattress then sleep in wet and smelly vomit (or dry, crusty and smelly for that matter). And she said it was like that for DAAAYS.

The dirty diapers?? I mean whyyy? My sister was a single, first time mom at 19 (I am older by 3 years) and we lived together, just the two of us and my nephew. She used to leave diapers EVERYWHERE. It drove me crazy and its just disgusting. I can't honestly just cant see any justifiable excuse for this.  

I totally get that being a mother is hard, really hard, and that children's needs take priority over cleaning the house. I have one on the way myself and I often think about how my household routines are going to have to change and it gives me nightmares. I just cant see myself sleeping in wet spit-up sheets or sleeping in a room of urine soaked and poopy diapers. How can anyone sleep with smells like that swirling around?

Well first, congratulations on your pregnancy!!!

Some people are less bothered by smells than others. I actually have ancestors on my dad’s side who lacked a sense of smell, so it is entirely possible for some people to not be bothered by horrible smells.

As for your changing household routines - you’ll manage. Every parent goes through a pretty big adjustment period at first and it takes time to get used to the new routine. But you’ll eventually find ways of doing things that will work best for you and your family. 

Personally, I make sure the dishes are constantly done (because bottles and sippy cups), that the laundry is taken care of each week (including sheets), and I try to shower each day (though that doesn’t always happen.) Husband empties the diaper genie a few times a week and handles the rest of the trash and recycling. He also usually does his own laundry on weekends since I handle the rest of it. We both cook and we always wipe the counters after handling meat, dairy, or any other foods that could have harmful bacteria. Those are our “must do” chores no matter what is going on - everything else we handle as when we have time/energy or we can’t ignore it any longer.

So that’d be my best advice to expectant parents - be prepared for priorities to shift, don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it, and have an idea of what chores you consider “must do” in order to keep your family happy and healthy. Other than that I hope you enjoy your pregnancy, you have a safe (and easy) delivery, and a healthy little love bug.  

[Carm_88]

Ben was also the one sneaking in the Duggar pantry talking about preservatives, so he may help with cooking. Well, he does because he was seen in the kitchen with Jessa when they did the dinner with Joe, Kendra, and Lauren. 

[SongRed7]

4 hours ago, MadameOvary said:

The diaper pile crosses the line for me, but otherwise, meh. What I find interesting is the things Jessa chooses to share about her parenting are so different from how she grew up. The gap is so wide she must be aware of it. I really hope she continues to prioritise being there for her children and draws the necessary conclusions re: family size.

Another thing I'm watching with interest is her communication style. I think her style is evolving and for this medium at least she is producing content that is surprisingly readable,. There is some humour and sass, decent grammar, and a degree of self-awareness quite unlike an average Duggar.

You nailed it.  I think she sounds refreshingly normal, considering.  She sounds more like a real person than the contrived ones TLC shows.  You must remember...she's still very young -- and learning and growing.   I love that she posted this.   And while the diapers grossed me out a bit, I give her 100% on everything.   Depending on whats going on in my life on a particular day, my house was way worse on some given days when my kids were little. 

'

[momofsquid]

I can't be too judgey with Jessa over the state of her house. Personally I wouldn't be able to stand the smell of the diapers and the spit-up, but I bet there are a lot of people who wouldn't be able to stand the mounds of dog hair and the eau de golden retriever aroma in my house either. I do keep up with laundry but my front window is always smeared with dog snot within minutes of cleaning so I don't even try to stay on top of that. We all choose our battles.

[karen77]

I think the diapers are a bit much.. but the rest, meh...

[LegHumperBibleThumper]

5 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Well first, congratulations on your pregnancy!!!

Some people are less bothered by smells than others. I actually have ancestors on my dad’s side who lacked a sense of smell, so it is entirely possible for some people to not be bothered by horrible smells.

As for your changing household routines - you’ll manage. Every parent goes through a pretty big adjustment period at first and it takes time to get used to the new routine. But you’ll eventually find ways of doing things that will work best for you and your family. 

Personally, I make sure the dishes are constantly done (because bottles and sippy cups), that the laundry is taken care of each week (including sheets), and I try to shower each day (though that doesn’t always happen.) Husband empties the diaper genie a few times a week and handles the rest of the trash and recycling. He also usually does his own laundry on weekends since I handle the rest of it. We both cook and we always wipe the counters after handling meat, dairy, or any other foods that could have harmful bacteria. Those are our “must do” chores no matter what is going on - everything else we handle as when we have time/energy or we can’t ignore it any longer.

So that’d be my best advice to expectant parents - be prepared for priorities to shift, don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it, and have an idea of what chores you consider “must do” in order to keep your family happy and healthy. Other than that I hope you enjoy your pregnancy, you have a safe (and easy) delivery, and a healthy little love bug.  

Thank you! I am officially in my second trimester so things have gotten easier already. Routines have already changed a bit as I usually experience my nausea in the evenings, and generally have less energy after working all day. I make the best of any spurts of energy I do get and I always seem to feel great on the weekends so I definitely take advantage of that. I'm sure its just because i'm not wasting energy commuting/working and can wake up more naturally in the morning. If Jessa was pregnant it would definitely explain a lot of the "laziness" people are referring to. I know I probably appear more lazy than usual myself these days. 

Smells are a real issue for me these days though. I like to say I have an "Italian nose" (i can say that, i'm of Italian descent lol) because i can truly smell things that most people cant. But with pregnancy, the smells just make me gag. maybe that's why the diapers and sheets are hitting home so hard right now. 

Sheets and blankets are a number one priority in our house. Our dogs sleep with us so I usually change the sheets twice a week or I start to feel funky. I realize that most people would think that's gross and judge me for it but snuggling a fur ball to bed is just the best to me. I think your "must dos" are all really fair and ones we live by too. 

Thanks for the good wishes. Praying that things just keep going well. I've been very lucky so far. 

5 minutes ago, momofsquid said:

I can't be too judgey with Jessa over the state of her house. Personally I wouldn't be able to stand the smell of the diapers and the spit-up, but I bet there are a lot of people who wouldn't be able to stand the mounds of dog hair and the eau de golden retriever aroma in my house either. I do keep up with laundry but my front window is always smeared with dog snot within minutes of cleaning so I don't even try to stay on top of that. We all choose our battles.

We have 2 goldens as well. The dog hair is definitely an uphill battle and no matter how hard I try, I figure visitors can smell them. on the sofa and carpet. As for the "doggy nose art" there really is no stopping it. 

[AtlanticTug]

Do we know WHAT Ben actually does outside the home? And whether he's doing it full time? Maybe I missed it but they have mentioned him being at work but stayed mum on the deets?

[SapphireSlytherin]

Just now, AtlanticTug said:

Do we know WHAT Ben actually does outside the home

Nope. Speculation is, he's cleaning toilets for Jim Boob.

[VelociRapture]

17 minutes ago, LegHumperBibleThumper said:

Thank you! I am officially in my second trimester so things have gotten easier already. Routines have already changed a bit as I usually experience my nausea in the evenings, and generally have less energy after working all day. I make the best of any spurts of energy I do get and I always seem to feel great on the weekends so I definitely take advantage of that. I'm sure its just because i'm not wasting energy commuting/working and can wake up more naturally in the morning. If Jessa was pregnant it would definitely explain a lot of the "laziness" people are referring to. I know I probably appear more lazy than usual myself these days. 

Smells are a real issue for me these days though. I like to say I have an "Italian nose" (i can say that, i'm of Italian descent lol) because i can truly smell things that most people cant. But with pregnancy, the smells just make me gag. maybe that's why the diapers and sheets are hitting home so hard right now. 

Sheets and blankets are a number one priority in our house. Our dogs sleep with us so I usually change the sheets twice a week or I start to feel funky. I realize that most people would think that's gross and judge me for it but snuggling a fur ball to bed is just the best to me. I think your "must dos" are all really fair and ones we live by too. 

Thanks for the good wishes. Praying that things just keep going well. I've been very lucky so far. 

We have 2 goldens as well. The dog hair is definitely an uphill battle and no matter how hard I try, I figure visitors can smell them. on the sofa and carpet. As for the "doggy nose art" there really is no stopping it. 

... I have a dog and I still want to steal your’s because they’re so cute...

(Just don’t tell my dog. She’s a huge diva and hates sharing me with anyone other than the furless puppy. And even sharing with the baby is rarely too much for her. )

My husband is Italian too and he definitely has a more sensitive sense of smell than I do. 

[Carm_88]

Can we drop the Ben cleans toilets narrative? We don't know what exactly he does for Jim Bob, but cleaning the toilets was just for the show. 

[2manyKidzzz]

I think Jessa talked about going with him to do lawn work....maybe? And he is studying to be a HolyMinister also, like Jeremy and DWreck. Thank goodness Austin builds houses or flips them.. Such a pleasant relief. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

2 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

Can we drop the Ben cleans toilets narrative? We don't know what exactly he does for Jim Bob, but cleaning the toilets was just for the show. 

Sorry - I neglected to use the sarcasm font.  lol

(Truly - the world NEEDS a recognizable font for sarcasm)