Kendra and Joe Duggar 6: Sitting in a tree...M.A.R.R.I.E.D!

[SapphireSlytherin]

2 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

So being super good-looking & "super successful" means that they can't be spontaneous? Or are you saying that I'm not "super good looking" or "super successful" and therefore I couldn't make custom thank-you cards? 
 

I just think it wouldn't work for me, but I'm not sure what being super successful and super good-looking has to do with anything. 

Oh my gosh - NO! That's not what I was implying at all! I'm so sorry that's how you interpreted it, because I truly meant no ill by my post... Just saying these two are "different" in their approach to everything they do. Again - I apologize. I was just trying to "color" my post to describe this couple.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

I know the topic of wedding gifts, registries, etc. is naturally going to come up here on a regular basis. It's natural, given our subject. So, I'm going to briefly say something I've probably posted before.

Not everyone who gets married a bit older and has lived on their own "has everything already". I had day to day household stuff, but I registered for bedding for a larger bed (twin sized is a bit small for 2!) and some other needs. I know other people who married after living on their own for years who only had some mismatched dishes, battered pots and pans, and tired sheets and towels. I'm glad that new types of registries and gift giving are becoming more accepted, but we should remember that traditional gifts and registries still suit some couples, even when they're not young folks leaving their parents' houses for the first time. 

I didn't think anyone was criticizing. I just know that this topic has come up before and I thought I would try to get ahead of it. 

[LacyMay]

My view on registries is whatever is best for the couple. For Mr. May and I it was a mix of both, we had both lived on our own for a few years and had a good bit of kitchen stuff and were moving BUT there was also some things that we didn't have or really wanted. 

We were able to register for and receive some really nice practical things  (nice-ish place settings, nice serving type stuff and my personal favorite the 6 in one punch bowl, serving platter, veggies and dip tray, cake stand thing) that said we also tactfully spread the word that money would be appreciated since we were moving across the country  (and some of this went towards our honeymoon) 

That was what worked for us, it wouldn't work for everyone. I would rather they appreciate what I give them than give them something not suited. 

[mstee]

I'm all for honeymoon registries, because I like to give a gift that the couple really wants. But- I had a family member literally put her paypal account on the wedding invitation and ask for cash only, no gifts. She wanted the cash directly. It was super tacky, especially because their wedding was a potluck and everyone was expected to bring a dish or two. That was the only time where I felt crappy giving cash because it felt like I had to. There were other family members who didn't show up to the potluck due to the greedy nature of the bride (it's a pattern- not just this one time). And there were zero thank you cards for anyone. 

Otheriwise, I appreciate that a nice vacation can be better than a material gift. I know I personally prefer to travel over having stuff. 

[VelociRapture]

Husband and I didn’t register for gifts and I didn’t have a Bridal Shower. I’m just not comfortable with a lot of attention on me and it took a bit of convincing for husband to even get me agree to a typical wedding for these parts. Skipping the registry and shower was his compromise for me because he’s awesome. 

We didn’t ask for anything, not even money, but most people gave us cards with monetary gifts anyways. We did get a few gifts from others and they were all really sweet to do so. Anyone who sent a gift received a personalized thank you from us, regardless of whether they could attend or not. We also sent thank yous to the few guests who weren’t able to bring a gift - their being there was a great gift all on its own.  

I also politely turned down my sister’s offer to host a baby shower for me and we skipped doing a registry for that too - which turned out to be a good thing since she came six weeks early. We’re fortunate that we’re in a comfortable place financially right now (and when we were planning our wedding) and that’s a big part of why I felt really uncomfortable asking for gifts from people. We still got gifts from a lot of people though and we appreciated every single one. 

All that said, every person and every couple is different. I have zero issues giving a gift from any type of registry as long as you’re not acting like a greedy and unappreciative asshole. 

[Lurker]

I didn't have a registry in 1977 when I was married as my mother felt it was asking for gifts.  However I was given a huge shower by an aunt so gifts were asked for in an indirect way.  Some of them were hideously tacky and ugly as only things from the 70's can be and I was sorry that no one had a registry to guide them.    My family did and still does money in an envelope for weddings.

Some of my cousins' children are at the stage of showers, wedding, baby showers, etc.   I love having a registry to consult for gift ideas since I dont know some of them very well as adults.   The registries have all had multiple items at a low price as well as more expensive things. Anyway,  I don't feel that I have to buy from a registry, but if someone registers for everything in sleek grey and silver I would not give a bedazzeled gold tray.

[cascarones]

Registries are a strange field to wade into, with quicksands all about for tackiness and BEC. You want activities on your honeymoon, this is about starting your life. She's almost 30 and doesn't have a matching place set, what is wrong with your daughter? Oh, you're right, it just slipped my mind that she was living there when the earthquake hit.

We're debating skipping one or doing a very basic one, mainly because karma will get me. The first friend who got married took us all to help pick out things to start her new life outside of her parents home (20). She gave us scanner guns and being bored teenagers, we found it hilarious to scan the entire chicken and rooster serving set from plates through milk pitcher. She got them all and was baffled. If I have a bridal shower I will inevitably open up some rooster butter dish as she has a tradition of sharing the love.

 

 

[Lurker]

@cascarones - do a registry, if for no other reason that people may stop calling you or your mothers.  It will give people some guidance on your style.

 My daughter got married last year and it is true relatives all had an opinion on her choices.  Why no "good" china, crystal and silver?  Why did she pick such plain everyday flatware and glasses, multiple colors for fiesta ware, etc, etc.  but she received gifts mostly that she loved and was able to use and fit in their 450 square foot apartment in the East Bay.

She had things ranging from potholders and dishtowels in colors she liked to one very expensive pot.  

 

[JordynDarby5]

Registries are fine and fun. Its nice to know what a couple actually wants instead of guessing. I'd rather give them something they want and/or will use instead of something they don't. My gift giving usually depends more on the bride, groom or both. If their nice and great people sure I'm happy to spend a little more or get them something they wanted. If one or both are being greedy or obnoxious then no I'm not that interested in giving them a nice gift. I've only ever seen one honeymoon registry which I refused to buy anything off of. The couple wanted to go on a nice honeymoon and didn't have money to pay for it. Except the bride had quit one job to take a job working three hours a day, and turned down another job that guaranteed 40 hours a week. Had she kept her first job or taking the 40 hour job she would have been able to pay for her own honeymoon. Its not my problem when a bride, groom or both chose not to pay for their own wedding and/or honeymoon but expect other people to. I'm all for helping out a couple when they need it one of my friends was fired from her job she mouthed off at the boss (which yes was bad) but at the time another friend of hers had just died and her father was dying. In that case yes I was happy to help her out. She was going through a lot and getting married. Another time the bride and groom both got laid off two weeks before their wedding (they worked at the same place).  Same with baby registries. I've had lots of fun buying Winnie the Pooh lamps, Disney stuff, and picking out cute clothes. But when the Mommy to be bitches that she better get both of those carseats that she registered for or calling to say certain things haven't been bought off that registry. Then no I'm not spending a lot of money on gift for you.  I might not even get you a gift or take the gift I got and donate it to Mommy to Be who really does need it.  

[Jana814]

When one of my friends was getting married. I needed a gift that was easily transportable since I was coming from New Jersey to Long Island, NY.  So I brought a gift that was light weight but very practical. 

[HarleyQuinn]

8 hours ago, mstee said:

I'm all for honeymoon registries, because I like to give a gift that the couple really wants. But- I had a family member literally put her paypal account on the wedding invitation and ask for cash only, no gifts. She wanted the cash directly. It was super tacky, especially because their wedding was a potluck and everyone was expected to bring a dish or two. That was the only time where I felt crappy giving cash because it felt like I had to. There were other family members who didn't show up to the potluck due to the greedy nature of the bride (it's a pattern- not just this one time). And there were zero thank you cards for anyone. 

Otheriwise, I appreciate that a nice vacation can be better than a material gift. I know I personally prefer to travel over having stuff. 

Just reading this annoys me. I wouldn't have went or given anything. 

I take no issue with registries, I had one myself for our wedding but I think getting weirdly specific with requests is tacky. 

 

[LuckyShot]

With my family it's always safest to have a registry. They prefer buying gifts over giving cash so if you don't have a registry they will just pick stuff out at their own discretion. I had a good sized registry because although my husband and I had been living alone for years neither of us had much stuff. I lived in a tiny studio so I just didn't have room, and my husband was happy with his few mismatched hand-me-downs. Even with the registry we ended up getting some random stuff. I've had cousins that didn't register at all in hopes of just getting cash and they ended up with a total mish-mash of stuff.

I think that honeymoon registries can go over poorly because the whole idea behind giving a gift is to help the couple start their new lives together. Obviously times have changed and most couples have already started their lives together before being married, but some people still find it distasteful to ask people to pay for your vacation. I prefer giving physical gifts because it seems more meaningful to me. Every time I use something I was given as a gift it reminds me of the person who gave it to me, and I like that. I don't follow in my family's footsteps though. If there's no registry I give cash.

[louisa05]

14 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I know the topic of wedding gifts, registries, etc. is naturally going to come up here on a regular basis. It's natural, given our subject. So, I'm going to briefly say something I've probably posted before.

Not everyone who gets married a bit older and has lived on their own "has everything already". I had day to day household stuff, but I registered for bedding for a larger bed (twin sized is a bit small for 2!) and some other needs. I know other people who married after living on their own for years who only had some mismatched dishes, battered pots and pans, and tired sheets and towels. I'm glad that new types of registries and gift giving are becoming more accepted, but we should remember that traditional gifts and registries still suit some couples, even when they're not young folks leaving their parents' houses for the first time. 

I didn't think anyone was criticizing. I just know that this topic has come up before and I thought I would try to get ahead of it. 

This was me. I was over 35 when I got married and had lived on my own since 23. But I worked in private schools and paid off student loans. When I wanted to cook or bake, I just did it in my mother's kitchen. Mostly in summer. There was no time as a full time teacher coaching competitive speech, one-act and directing other plays to do it during the school year anyway. 

 I didn't have a pot with a lid. I had my grandmother's gold colored one piece crockpot from the 70s (one piece as in the crock didn't come out for washing back then). I had one beat up metal cake pan.  And husband didn't cook and had nothing. I also had a twin bed when I lived alone and husband had a "super single" waterbed that his dad got for free when he was a kid and converted to a regular bed--so we didn't have a bed big enough for two or the sheets, blankets and comforters that go with that. Our towels were all mismatched and worn out--we had both bought cheap ones in our early 20s and never replaced them. On the other hand, we had three sets of dishes and three toasters (my huge regret is that we didn't replace the dishes. We have three sets, all with service for four; but if more than four people are eating here, the place settings don't match).

And we had people grouse about our registry, because apparently in some people's minds, at a certain age, you are no longer allowed to have "traditional" wedding gifts. Because if you turned 28 or so without a fully stocked kitchen and linen closet, married or not, you no longer deserve to stock either one, I guess. 

[Four is Enough]

We didn't have a registry. We told everyone that "your presence will be our present"... and still people gave us envelopes with money.

The thank you notes read, "we pooled your generous gift with others, and were able to buy china/pots/silverware/new towels" etc etc.. where an item matching the approximate amount of the gift was listed on the card.. then we thanked the person once again. But we thanked them for celebrating our wedding day with us.

 

[AtlanticTug]

I can't decide which wedding I've been to was tackier. The one where the invitation actually said "only cash gifts, please" or the one where the couple did all the invitations online (no issue with that) and sent out an e-mail to the effect of "we hope that you understand that the reception will be very bare bones with respect to refreshments as we have decided to devote the $ typically spent to the honeymoon of a lifetime." They, of course, provided a link for lavish honeymoon gifts (think couples massages in Bora Bora. Like I should pay for that but you can't feed me more than a chicken nugget and popcorn? Is there no shame left?

[IReallyAmHopewell]

10 hours ago, mstee said:

 But- I had a family member literally put her paypal account on the wedding invitation and ask for cash only, no gifts. She wanted the cash directly. It was super tacky, especially because their wedding was a potluck and everyone was expected to bring a dish or two.

 

Don't give Jim-Bob any ideas or all the rest of the kids will do this! Or simply but up a Go Fund Them!

[Bad Wolf]

If the Duggars did a pot luck reception, then the guests would at least get fed. Maybe they could ask for that in lieue of gifts. Not likely.

[adidas]

I didn't have a registry and didn't mention anything about gifts on the invitations - I was probably naive, but really surprised by the generous cash gifts we received. We put the money towards our honeymoon. The gifts we received really set us up (things like good cooking pans and an ironing board). We were young students so we had pretty much nothing but coffee cups and a kettle when we got engaged. This was over 20 years ago, and most of the gifts we received are still used regularly. We appreciated them so much. 

[Lurky]

It's hard to win re wedding presents.  Worked with half a couple who, since they had been living together for years, and felt they were lucky to have what they needed, asked for donations to charity.  It was a completely non-controversial charity that was personal to them - think a generic cancer charity because one of their parents had died from cancer - and still they got criticised and called tacky!

[eye_browz]

http://www.tlc.com/tlcme/tlcme-videos/joe-and-kendra-describe-their-perfect-date/

I've noticed 2 things about Joseph:

1. Joeseph likes to stroke Kendra's arm.

2. Joseph seemingly doesn't have any interests.  When asked to describe a perfect date, he said that he just likes to spend time with Kendra. Even in some of the other videos (in the past), when asked about their bachelor/bachelorette party, he stated that the reason they decided to do swimming and water activities an the lake, is because Kendra enjoys it. He said he doesn't really even know how to swim but he did it because Kendra likes it.

I'm noticing a trend. Joe will do whatever Kendra wants to do. He just wants her to be happy, and that's a good thing. Hopefully that includes limiting family size if she gets overwhelmed, going to the hospital to give birth, etc.

[QuiverFullofBooks]

10 minutes ago, eye_browz said:

I'm noticing a trend. Joe will do whatever Kendra wants to do. He just wants her to be happy, and that's a good thing. Hopefully that includes limiting family size if she gets overwhelmed, going to the hospital to give birth, etc.

Is it really a good thing, though? He sounds as beaten down as his sisters. No individual opinions allowed. 

[louisa05]

1 minute ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

 He sounds as beaten down as his sisters. No individual opinions allowed. 

This. These kids were never allowed to really develop their own interests. Picking out your own clothes and things, making friends outside your family, choosing electives and activities or sports to be involved in in school--those are all things that help children and teens develop themselves and find out their interests and who they are. The Duggar kids never got to do any of those things. I'm sure that even the non-family friends some have were chosen/screened by JimBob and Michelle. 

[grandmadugger]

Wedding registries are a land mine. I didn't want to set one up because honestly we didn't need anything. He had been married before and since my parents had passed I had all of their stuff. My maid of honor's mom set me down and explained that if I didn't then lord only knew what I might end up with. So I set up a few, different stores for different price points. I still ended up with a ton of towels and Corning wear. My husband swears that people in our area think newlyweds just eat and shower. 

[Audrey2]

Remember, Kendra grew up in a smaller family than Joe, so she probably had a few more life experiences. Not as many as many of us on Free Jinger, just more experiences and different experiences than Joe. I hope he continues to remain open to trying things when Kendra. Thinking of a good friend of mine, I wonder if Josh and summer if his other older siblings were so overbearing when they were allowed to play that his default reaction became, "It doesn't matter to me" or "Whatever you want to do." I sure hope that Kendra frees Joe, at least a bit.

[Nikedagain?]

5 hours ago, Jana814 said:

When one of my friends was getting married. I needed a gift that was easily transportable since I was coming from New Jersey to Long Island, NY.  So I brought a gift that was light weight but very practical. 

I just flashed back to the Seinfeld episode with Kathy Griffin. She asks Jerry to carefully deliver a huge bulky box for a wedding gift. He takes it on the plane, holding it, has all sorts of madcap travails with it and it turns out to be a door mat. 

Anyone?