Dillards 38: Still Chewing on that Foot in His Mouth

[LawsonBatesEgo]

I'm starting to see this marriage as more proof as to why the Courtship model is so flawed. It's easy for someone like Dewreck to put on his "best face" for a few months when someone was always supervising them. Jill as literally NEVER ALONE with him until they got married. She barely touched him until she was married. She never got to have a private conversation with him until she was married. She never really got to see his true personality until it was way way too late. And she has been raised to believe Courtship never fails and that divorce is wrong. So she is essentially trapped with someone who very likely isn't who she thought they were. No wonder she looks miserable most of the time. I think Dewreck's true colours are being exposed and Jill doesn't like them. 

(I also think Dewreck didn't get what he thought he was getting, but I have way less sympathy for him, because as her ~headship~ he has far more power Jan she does. I also find him far worse as a person). 

I might have given away pieces of my heart or whatever before meeting Mr LBE, but I'd rather have done that and learned what I want and expect from a relationship/partner and get to actually know someone properly than end up in a miserable marriage. I know it can happen anyway, but at least I'm not going to be marrying Mr LBE "blind" me only have talked to him with my father hovering around. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

1 hour ago, DinglyDoll said:

and is an atheist, unfortunately.

I count myself among the very fortunate atheists, thankyouverymuch.

[Rachel333]

I remember feeling very disappointed too when I first read Vyckie's story and saw that she became an atheist instead of moving to a more grace-filled Christian denomination. It kind of ruined her story for me. I was just brainwashed so long into thinking that an atheist is about the worst thing you can be.

Now I'm an atheist too and very happy about it! Go figure. 

[pook]

I, Pook (somewhere between atheist and agnostic, C-secton survivor) have not yet finished reading V's horror birth story and as a degree'd medical professional (TM), who practiced in L&D after graduating from an accredited BScN Uni program, cannot get over the blatant disregard for some very significant obstetrical red flags over a time span of THREE MONTHS!  Also if they couldn't afford an OB/GYN then how could they afford this snake oil lady midwife "to take care of her" (using the term loosely) virtually every day for 3 months?  WTF!

[Palimpsest]

The problem with Vyckie is that when she embraced atheism she became a really Militant Atheist.  And started brow-beating people in exactly the same way as when she was a proud Obnoxious Fundie and totally Submissive QF wife!

Same person but different cause - and destructive because she has no introspection ... and very little (or no) conscience about how her actions have affected others.  

Angel's posts on FJ have always broken my heart.  They go back to yuku.  Having Vyckie as a mother must have been horrible.

Signed: a non militant atheist who does not like Vyckie.  

[nst]

now the DFF needs to not only promote ben's views they have to promote Derick's little ministry 

the competition in that house will get old really fast. 

[Beermeet]

IMHO:  The first step towards spiritual freedom is acknowledging that not one person that is living or has ever lived knows for sure if there is a god, gods, heaven, hell or any form of afterlife.  We really don't know.

We know our experiences and what is in our heats and minds.  No shame in changing one's mind religiously or in any facet of life after consideration.   

The fanatics in any religion or no religion is why we can't have nice things.  If they could cut it out, that'd be greeeaaaat.  Because most of us humans are ok with the personal beliefs others hold.

[pook]

Snip> @Beermeet  
"fanatics in any religion or no religion is why we can't have nice things"

If we could just make this as a new post count that would be great!  Best movie ever and live it every day of my life. #cubicle

[freethemall]

11 hours ago, Jane M. said:

Suddenly Central America has become a better and happier place just by Derick announcing he's not coming back. Let's rejoice! 

Sorry for you Arkansas. 

I mean, it's definitely not though.

[Beermeet]

@pook. This?  I love this movie!

 

 

[WiseGirl]

6 hours ago, SassyPants said:

And since Jessa and Ginger both have homes (and Ginger hasn't even reproduced), I am sure JM whined it up to "Pops" and the next news that we will hear will involve Derick and Jill's new home. Just you wait-

This. Weren't Jill and Jessa both looking for houses to buy at the end of the last season? Was this plan to stay in AR in the works then?

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

21 hours ago, SassyPants said:

This might be a difficult adjustment for them. I've heard from former missionaries before that they found it hard to get used to normal life in the US again. When they were missionaries abroad they felt special and like they were doing something important, so it was hard to return to just being normal people.

Perhaps, I've never been a missionary but I have lived abroad multiple times; the longest being five years.  Usually the things that stand out to me are: my god all the magazines are about dieting, my god all the people are so overweight, everyone is so ill-mannered and they drive like they are angry, and when in a store - look at all of the choices!  Some things are harder, some things are easier.  I guess I have coping skills.

Keep in mind, the Dillies weren't gone that long and they kept coming back for visits.  My understanding is that real missionaries stay away for much longer and don't come home for a visit every month or so.

 

[The limit does not exist]

I'll be interested to see what Jill does now that they're staying in NWA. Will she finish her midwife credentials? She had said she didn't want to do that while Izzy and Sam were little but with sister-moms available, she might change her mind be called by God to help NWA in that way...

[lomo6]

@LawsonBatesEgo

Re: courtship model being terrible - even if you never date anyone before meeting the person you marry, just being able to have unsupervised friendships will tell you a lot more about human nature and resolving conflicts and finding compatible personalities than these Duggar kids ever get. 

[mstee]

I picture them being pretty miserable behind closed doors. I don't know why I feel that way specifically about them and not the other Duggars couples but there just seems to be a lot of tension between the two. I'd love to know why they didn't film the aftershow- I don't think it was a schedule conflict. Is tlc sick of them or the other way around? Hopefully Derick will get another accounting job now that "God has called them to stay" and support his family. 

[pook]

1 hour ago, Beermeet said:

@pook. This?  I love this movie!

 

 

Oh dude! <3

 

If I could just like this movie more, that would be great!

 

[lomo6]

46 minutes ago, mstee said:

I picture them being pretty miserable behind closed doors. I don't know why I feel that way specifically about them and not the other Duggars couples but there just seems to be a lot of tension between the two. 

It's easy to imagine them miserable because Derick seems like a grade A ass hole. Yeah, they all have terrible beliefs, but Derick also lacks manners and civility. 

This is a pretty sharp contrast from how he was portrayed in the courting days. Then, he seemed sweet and dorky, and Jill was probably super impressed by his "mission work" abroad and his real college degree, considering that she was denied an education. She seemed to have the highest hopes, but so far seems to have gotten the biggest dud of a husband.

[nst]

1 hour ago, The limit does not exist said:

I'll be interested to see what Jill does now that they're staying in NWA. Will she finish her midwife credentials? She had said she didn't want to do that while Izzy and Sam were little but with sister-moms available, she might change her mind be called by God to help NWA in that way...

well since she can't get pregnant for another eighteen months until March 2018 I vote she takes more midwife classes 

[calimojo]

I was among those who thought Derick seemed like a pretty cool guy.  I remember when JB took Derick, JD and Ben to that adventure camp and they did some mild rock climbing and a short zipline.  Ben was a nervous wreck and lacked  confidence.  JD was his usual doofus self and Derick just seemed pretty cool.  He had some natural athleticism for rock climbing etc. and he almost seemed to be aware of just how silly the whole thing was, but  he was just putting in time.  Either he changed, or he was an ass the whole time.

I don't think he and Jill are super happy.  But they are both so self righteous they probably can't admit that to anyone, especially to themselves.  Their parenting style is odd and they both are just a bundle awkwardness.  I don't see closeness between Jill and her siblings.  We know she and Joy used to be tight, but I think Joy has grown past that.  I see no closeness between Jill and Jessa, Jinger or Jana and she never seemed close to any of the boys.  She never seemed particularly close with Michelle either.  I think Michelle is closer with Jana and with Jessa.  She was close with JB.  Jill might be close with Anna, but ugh, how odd is it to be close the wife of the brother who molested you.  That is just so messed up. 

I hope that Jill is close with Cathy and hopefully she will be close with Derick's brother and his wife.  They are more mainstream and may be helpful to normalize Derick a bit.  Cathy seems to have a blind spot with Derick but I hope she is able to have some insight and perhaps can also help him.  But I get the impression that in her eyes Derick can do no wrong. 

I wonder if being in CA, actually interfered with Jill's ability to really bond with Izzy.  If she was uncomfortable and fearful much of the time, it could be why we see her seem so detached from him.  Maybe she will be able to relax, and perhaps even being around Jessa more, will help her become more spontaneous and attached to her kids. 

 

[Beermeet]

1 hour ago, pook said:

Oh dude! <3

 

If I could just like this movie more, that would be great!

 

Funny story,

My then BF and now husband and I used to go my folks cabin in the mountains a lot the first two years, we didn't live together yet and we could there, plus it's really pretty and relaxing!  Anyway, we would go to the local movie rental store and obviously get movies.....we we're way into Office Space and rented it a lot.  We went one time and there was an overdue fee of like $20.  We were like no way, for what?  She said ( while holding our current rental of the same title) "Office Space".  Oh, we said.  And forked over the money while in total hysterics and lady looked at us funny.  Good simple times.

 

[Georgiana]

While I'm sure Jill has leghumpers who would love for her to treat them, I'd wager a guess that most women might not want a midwife who put herself through two dangerous, long labors that ended in C sections. 

Dangerous, long, and c sections are usually strikes one, two, and three for many people looking into homebirths/midwives.

[bella8050]

Adding my relief for Jill, Izzy, and Sam that they're not going back to CA anytime soon.  in the aftermath of Derick's idiotic tweets some where wondering why Derick seems to get the most backlash out of the husbands. Personally I feel that way because I don't see any real concern for Jill and that really bothers me. If these girls are going to marry fundie guys, I would at least like to see them being treated well. Ben has grown on me the past year, especially when it came to Henry's birth, I felt he was genuinely concerned that Jessa might have another complication. I wanted to throw something at the TV when Derick was talking about going back to CA while Jill was pregnant and the possibility of her going into labor there, he seemed void of emotion saying how the best they could get there was someone to point them in the right direction for medical care. I hope I am wrong but there's been so many little things that add up to me. 

Also wanted to add my enthusiasm for Office Space! 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

1 hour ago, lomo6 said:

It's easy to imagine them miserable because Derick seems like a grade A ass hole. Yeah, they all have terrible beliefs, but Derick also lacks manners and civility. 

This is a pretty sharp contrast from how he was portrayed in the courting days. Then, he seemed sweet and dorky, and Jill was probably super impressed by his "mission work" abroad and his real college degree, considering that she was denied an education. She seemed to have the highest hopes, but so far seems to have gotten the biggest dud of a husband.

Yeah, during the courtships, I thought that Jessa  as getting the dud husband but now I think Jill did. Dewreck isn't who she thought he was and while I think Bin and Jessa had a bit of a rough patch when adjusting to having a baby (understandable, and Bin was a 20 year old dad) they seem much happier now. 

For all Bin's faults, he does show a lot of love towards Jessa and the boys. Dewreck looks like he is barely tolerating Jill and he often seems annoyed at Izzy for simply being a toddler. And to be shallow, Bin is a lot easier on the eyes than Dewreck. 

[TeamDefraudinSquad]

Derrick isn't too old to pick his old accounting career back up by a long shot, but that's assuming he doesn't put any TLC experience on his resume (which is unlikely...), and that the hiring manager doesn't stumble upon any information about the Duggar scandals while conducting his background check (also unlikely...) Jim Boob could always strong-arm all the married kids to pay Derrick to do their taxes for them every year.  Then he'd be busy 3-4 months out of the year , and could spend the rest of the year living off the earnings and playing hippie Jesus of NW Arkansas  

[DinglyDoll]

9 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

I beg your pardon.  There's nothing wrong with being an atheist, thankyouverymuch!   I should warn you that there are quite a few of us on FJ.

 

 

I've obviously hit a nerve and pissed off a lot of people on here. But geez, your language seems hostile for a supposed conversation, and I find it a bit offensive. Warning me???? I was expressing my opinion that it's unfortunate. For me it's unfortunate for religion to have turned one into an atheist. That's my opinion, and it's a very esoteric one. I'm relatively new to being out of fundy Christianity, which I don't agree with.  I'm not casting judgment on you or on any atheists. The atheists I've met online are some of the kindest and most well-spoken people I've encountered. I only feel that it's unfortunate in some very esoteric way that I don't even understand yet. You don't feel that it's unfortunate, and that's fine. No need to get so huffy. This doesn't feel like a very safe place to have a slightly diverse opinon.

I only know about Vyckie Garrison from what I've read and heard online. Just relaying information. Didn't know FJ had a thread.