Jinjer: Throwing Shade since April 9, 2017

[Letizia]

So my read on the pregnancy question scene. 

-I think JinJer are doing some sort of prevention and I think Jessa knows and doesn't care. It actually seems like Jessa and Jinger are trying to run interference for Jinger to avoid her having to flat out lie.

-If you'll notice if Jinger is asked when Jeremy is present he always answers and he answers in a way that says not anytime soon. I don't think that is a fundie gender role thing because Duggar women have no issue piping up on this topic.In Jill's wedding episode either right before or right after the ceremony she was standing beside Derrick proudly boasting that she and hippie Jesus would be doing nothing to prevent pregnancy. They hadn't even done the deed yet and Jill was very comfortable. Joy is almost as bad as Jill with the eagerness to be a mother.

-When Jinger was asked when she was alone in the talking head she kept it vague. 

-Jessa told her sisters not to ask. My guess was Jessa was hoping they wouldn't be rude enough to ask but old dogs/news tricks. Hence that face Jinger made. My husband actually said "uh oh"  when she made that face because that is a look he knows well from me. It's my look when he has said something he shouldn't and he was told not to say but out it comes anyway. It usually happens at my MIL dinner table so I give him stabby eyes and a frozen smile and he knows everything is safe in the moment but when we get in the car then won't be pleasant. Jinger looks like she wanted to say "THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS." 

-I'm not saying Jinger is on the pill or that they are planning a long wait for kids. I just think she and Jeremy don't want 19 kids and are trying to enjoy time alone together. Given Jinger's personality I doubt she wants to deal with lectures from family members who don't understand boundaries. If she were to flat out say to her  sisters,"Actually Jeremy and I aren't planning kids until we have at least been married 6 months to a year" Jill and Joy would probably burst into tears. 

[candygirl200413]

Also she was kind of grossed out when Jessa was asking about her facetiming during the birth so I had a feeling she wouldn't be interested at least right now.

[Kaylo]

Also she was kind of grossed out when Jessa was asking about her facetiming during the birth so I had a feeling she wouldn't be interested at least right now.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Between the stricken look on her face when asked, her definite aversion to all things childbirth, Jeremy's comments, and the fact that they aren't right there in Arkansas, I'd say they will have 4 kids nicely spaced out. I also agree that Jessa is aware of that and trying to help. Jessa usually bugs me but not in this episode. I felt like she was genuine in wanting people to leave Jinger alone.

[shiverful]

IF Jinjer is using some kind of birth control or method of limiting the chances of a pregnancy, then I'm really happy for them. 

Not because I dislike kids or motherhood, but because chosing to wait indicates that Jinger has a LIFE down in Lorado and away from her parents. She is involved with the ministry and learning Spanish, she's getting to know her new town and settling in her and Jeremy's apartment, getting to know different people and traveling with him. 

[elliha]

I stand by my only fundie prediction for the year. Jinger and Jeremy will announce a pregnancy but it will happen towards the end of the year, October to December. It will be announced when she is somewhere between 12 and 20 weeks and not the moment she skipped a period but the pregnancy will not be hidden or anything.

 

[bananabread]

10 hours ago, candygirl200413 said:

Also she was kind of grossed out when Jessa was asking about her facetiming during the birth so I had a feeling she wouldn't be interested at least right now.

Yeah, Jinger has always struck me as the least maternal Duggar daughter by far. Even though she's never courted (that we know of), I can easily picture Jana as a mother. Same for Joy. But Jinger......I just can't imagine it. I'm sure she'll have at least some children in time, but I think her personality combined with the deferring to Jeremy, question dodging, etc all supports the theory that she isn't spending her days taking 185639593 pregnancy tests and pining for a baby. And I'm glad she has a headship who seems to be on the same page.

[backyard sylph]

18 hours ago, candygirl200413 said:

Also she was kind of grossed out when Jessa was asking about her facetiming during the birth so I had a feeling she wouldn't be interested at least right now.

She said something like, "births are not my thing." And talked about how she made coffee and snacks and sent them in through the door without going in.

It makes sense a few of them wouldn't love every moment of every experience they all had to share in. I was surprised and pleased she felt she could say so.

[divadivine]

35 minutes ago, backyard sylph said:

She said something like, "births are not my thing." And talked about how she made coffee and snacks and sent them in through the door without going in.

It makes sense a few of them wouldn't love every moment of every experience they all had to share in. I was surprised and pleased she felt she could say so.

Yes! Jinge was all like "I was there, but I was sending in snacks and coffee...." Jessa even said seeing the birth was not Jinger's thing. Jinge said "Don't FaceTime me in, just send a photo after the baby is born." 

[JesusCampSongs]

On 6/28/2017 at 9:50 AM, Jessie E said:

I've started to wonder if they are putting off starting a family for a bit to enjoy being newlyweds. If this is the case, good for them!! Jeremy seems a bit more relaxed in his ways so maybe they are doing some sort of natural family planning. I don't know if they would ever be okay with using actual birth control but maybe something like the calendar based method. Not the most effective, but still.  

I grew up conservative Christian (SBC) and it was pretty rare for newlyweds to start having children immediately after the wedding--unless, of course, the wedding happened because someone got pregnant. Most older couples encouraged younger ones to wait a few years before having children and get to know each other and build the marriage first. I also don't recall anything negative being said about hormonal birth control. I do, however, recall a lot of potshots taken at Catholics for having more children than they could take care of. Republican Jesus doesn't want people on welfare, or something. 

I know that's not the same flavor of conservative Christian that Jeremy is, but I know a handful of Reformed people and they're all either childfree or only have 1-2 kids. I've also visited a few Reformed churches over the years and never encountered anything that was overtly fundy beyond the usual neo-Calvinism. I don't think the VF kool-aid is that widely consumed by Reformed types, if it ever was. 

I think there's an analogy to be made, in the vein of Southern Baptists : IFB :: Reformed : Vision Forum. 

On 6/27/2017 at 11:14 AM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I got more of a oh shit, I knew this would happen vibe from her.  I'm starting to believe that JinJer have no intention of having children any time soon, but won't tell the siblings that.  I'm also getting the vibe that Jinger isn't as close to Jess as Jess is to Jinger. Jinjer seems to be flourishing on her own away from the insanity of the TTH where Josh & Jill seemed to have fallen flat away from Boob's umbrella, Jing is blossoming. I think Jessa and Ben would too if they would get the balls to move away.

I agree. I think it would have been one thing if the weird reactions to that question had happened once (like when she and Jeremy were asked the first time), but the fact that she's still super-awkward and cagey about it while Jeremy non-awkwardly breezes by without directly answering makes me think they're not itching to have fifty-leven kids. Good for them. 

20 hours ago, Letizia said:

-I'm not saying Jinger is on the pill or that they are planning a long wait for kids. I just think she and Jeremy don't want 19 kids and are trying to enjoy time alone together. Given Jinger's personality I doubt she wants to deal with lectures from family members who don't understand boundaries. If she were to flat out say to her  sisters,"Actually Jeremy and I aren't planning kids until we have at least been married 6 months to a year" Jill and Joy would probably burst into tears. 

I hope that, in her newfound love of reading, Jinger stumbles across Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It's written from a Christian perspective and is all about how to deal with difficult people. There are also other books in the series about specific types of relationships. I think it would do her good to read a book about how it's not un-Christian to set reasonable limits with your overbearing family members. 

[Iamtheway]

On 2017-06-28 at 2:49 PM, unspoken said:

I have to admit, that was me initially. When my husband and I first got married we knew we didn't want kids right away so we prevented. When we decided we were ready I always thought it would happen the first time (because hey, the only reason you don't have sex prior to marriage is babiezzz). It ended up taking us 6 months to get pregnant and while I know that's not long at all, it was upsetting at the time because I'd been lead to believe it would happen immediately. 

We have friends that told us how worried they were at six months without a pregnancy. We had been trying for four years at the time and we stopped seeing them for a while. We just couldn't deal with it. 

But I know that their pain, and yours, is also real. And I think we are doing young people a disservice when we don't teach them that it can take time. I think a lot of people are shocked and really disapointed when they realise fertility is not what they thought. 

In a perfect world there would be no unwanted pregnancies and everyone should be able to plan the month they want to start a family. But since we don't live in that world we should educate accordingly. 

[missegeno]

And I think we are doing young people a disservice when we don't teach them that it can take time. I think a lot of people are shocked and really disapointed when they realise fertility is not what they thought. 
In a perfect world there would be no unwanted pregnancies and everyone should be able to plan the month they want to start a family. But since we don't live in that world we should educate accordingly. 

I completely agree. Teenagers are practically taught that if you have sex, you will get pregnant, guaranteed. Then when people want to get pregnant, it's this huge shock that it actually is a complex orchestra of processes. I don't want to promote an increase in teen pregnancies, but this education system can be really harmful when those teens grow up and want to start a family.

My mom is a high school teacher and I worked in the IVF field for a few years. It is amazing how much our perspectives differ. There must be some way to hit a middle ground.

[LillyP]

4 minutes ago, missegeno said:

 

I completely agree. Teenagers are practically taught that if you have sex, you will get pregnant, guaranteed. Then when people want to get pregnant, it's this huge shock that it actually is a complex orchestra of processes. I don't want to promote an increase in teen pregnancies, but this education system can be really harmful when those teens grow up and want to start a family.

My mom is a high school teacher and I worked in the IVF field for a few years. It is amazing how much our perspectives differ. There must be some way to hit a middle ground.

Yes!!! I spent 10+ years on birth control I always say if I'd known then what I know now I probably wouldn't have wasted so much money on it. A someone who was not preventing for 2.5 years before then actively trying for a year (with one loss) - infertility sucks.  These young people have no idea exactly what it takes to have a baby - they're all taught if they have sex  once they'll get pregnant. I certainly think they should be taught to use BC, because obviously some people are super fertile or get pregnant easily....but it's just not as common as people think.

I see SO MANY girls on the pregnancy boards I'm part of who start freaking out when after 4 months of trying they aren't pregnant. Most of them are super uneducated about even how reproduction, ovulation, and implantation even work! It's scary!

[louisa05]

1 minute ago, LillyP said:

Yes!!! I spent 10+ years on birth control I always say if I'd known then what I know now I probably wouldn't have wasted so much money on it. A someone who was not preventing for 2.5 years before then actively trying for a year (with one loss) - infertility sucks.  These young people have no idea exactly what it takes to have a baby - they're all taught if they have sex  once they'll get pregnant. I certainly think they should be taught to use BC, because obviously some people are super fertile or get pregnant easily....but it's just not as common as people think.

A friend of mine doctor shopped until they found someone who would do IVF when she didn't get pregnant in 3 months of trying at age 32. Did IVF a the eight month mark. Two sets of twins, both from IVF were followed (surprise!) by four more pregnancies with no fertility treatment. She lost one at 12 weeks, but now has 7 kids after presuming infertility so quickly. 

She was raised evangelical and was the person I knew who quite literally always got what she wanted exactly when she wanted it. Wanted a job in a rural area, first school she applied to that was rural hired her after a 15 minute interview. Wanted to be married at 28 or 29. Her wedding was six months between those two birthdays. Wanted to live on a farm. Husband inherited a farmhouse. Wanted a parking place in front of the busy downtown restaurant. Someone would pull out as she pulled up. 

The worst part is that she would usually attribute all of this to her being good and godly. The rest of us just weren't good and godly enough to get exactly what we wanted exactly when we wanted it. 

So she wanted kids exactly 18 months after getting married....hold on, what? Not instantly pregnant at the exact right moment? Complete panic. 

The presumed infertility and one pregnancy loss turned out to be good for her, though. She finally learned that God doesn't give you what you want as a reward for being good and she is a much nicer and more empathetic person for it. 

[karen77]

Granted... fertility is weird!! sometimes, sadly, it's just the combination of the two people and not either one of them in particular also. 

Teenagers ARE way more likely to get pregnant easily too, so giving some of them any doubt that they might not get pregnant might not be a good thing!! (Plus, stds, so they need to prevent for that too). 

 

I had a friend that had two kids, and they were good with that, so husband got the big V, they didn't get checked, but thought they were ok, and bam got pregnant (she refers tot eh baby as her miracle baby...i'm just think,, really...you didn't even get checked, had you and were cleared, then yes!) BUT, during this time, we were struggling, and met up with her for the first time in a long time (they live 2 states away) and she announced when I saw her (early stages still), but I had to take a little break, it was just HARD...

Big V story... my step brother got his done, got checked, cuz he's that type. they have 3 kids and foster 3 more. SO they are good with kids. Couldn't figure out why is wife kept feeling sick... well, guess what! #4 is arriving soon... So , that happens too.

[missegeno]

Teenagers are extra fertile and protection/abstention should absolutely be encouraged, both for pregnancy and stds. But there has to be a way to do it that doesn't harm and hurt them as adults.

[louisa05]

48 minutes ago, missegeno said:

Teenagers are extra fertile and protection/abstention should absolutely be encouraged, both for pregnancy and stds. But there has to be a way to do it that doesn't harm and hurt them as adults.

I think there also needs to be some caution to not convince people that fertility is so fragile that you cannot possibly get pregnant after 30 or so. A cousin of mine had an unplanned pregnancy at 33--while single and unemployed with two older kids-- because she literally thought that pregnancy after 30 without fertility treatment was rare if not impossible--thanks to the doomsaying in the media. And I know a woman who rushed into a bad marriage with a complete douchebag in her late 20s because she thought if she didn't have babies asap, she never would. I also know other women who had surprise pregnancies in their late 30s/early 40s (that they were better prepared to handle than my cousin) because they thought they could not get pregnant at that age. 

There has to be a middle ground where people can understand fertility realistically. 

[HarleyQuinn]

Did anyone break it to Jeremy that Jinger's eyes are blue and not hazel yet?

[VeganCupcake]

On 6/12/2017 at 10:02 AM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

One thing that didn't occur to me until just now, but we can have some SERIOUS sibling rivalries, the likes of the Real Housewives of what ever hell they live in. Turn this shit into an Mexican soap opera!  While the siblings are forced to get along and "love' each other the girls headships were not and most likely will not.  Jeremy is too strong a personality to take a backseat to anyone, and Derrick is a wanna be bad ass missionary preacher person but is really just grifiting to avoid working.  Ben will be interesting in a few years once he's grown up.  Jury is still out on weather or not Austin is a prince or a turd. 

I still can't believe Ben has two kids, and just turned 22! It's mind boggling 

[HereticHick]

12 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

Did anyone break it to Jeremy that Jinger's eyes are blue and not hazel yet?

Lots of commenters on that Instagram pic are saying it is an inside joke between them

[elliha]

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

I think there also needs to be some caution to not convince people that fertility is so fragile that you cannot possibly get pregnant after 30 or so. A cousin of mine had an unplanned pregnancy at 33--while single and unemployed with two older kids-- because she literally thought that pregnancy after 30 without fertility treatment was rare if not impossible--thanks to the doomsaying in the media. And I know a woman who rushed into a bad marriage with a complete douchebag in her late 20s because she thought if she didn't have babies asap, she never would. I also know other women who had surprise pregnancies in their late 30s/early 40s (that they were better prepared to handle than my cousin) because they thought they could not get pregnant at that age. 

There has to be a middle ground where people can understand fertility realistically. 

Agreed. My mom still ovulated after she had turned 50 and while it was likely her eggs were not of a good enough quality to result in a pregnancy the doctors were very clear that if she would have a good egg she could get pregnant and have a baby, still. Both mom and my sister had babies in their late 30s and got pregnant easily. I had my two at 29 (the day before I turned 30) and at 34. I easily got pregnant both times (3 and 1 ovulation(s)). If I liked to it is likely I could have a family of fundie proportions despite starting late. My great grandmother on my father's side married in her early 30s and had two babies after 40 (a total of 5 with some spacing so it is likely they did at least try to avoid pregnancies).

[Flippp]

I believe when the girls skyped Jinjer she had been married for two weeks..

[Trynn]

Did anyone break it to Jeremy that Jinger's eyes are blue and not hazel yet?

Perhaps her eyes are different colors at different times? Mine do that. Sometimes they look green, sometimes blue. No idea why.

[Tater_Toddler]

15 minutes ago, Trynn said:

Perhaps her eyes are different colors at different times? Mine do that. Sometimes they look green, sometimes blue. No idea why.

I think I read somewhere it has to do with lighting and reflection. 

[Mayluka]

1 hour ago, HarleyQuinn said:

Did anyone break it to Jeremy that Jinger's eyes are blue and not hazel yet?

I think the hazel thing might be one of two things:

1. It is an inside joke that stems from the fact that Jinger said Jeremy's eyes are hazel during a bridal shower game, even though he said they were brown (they are kind of hazel though).

2. I've looked at pictures and I think Jinger's eyes might be like mine, which often change color hues. I have generally green eyes, but with a blue outline and with hazel around the pupil. This has led to my certain lightings and outfits bringing out more of each color at different times. 

Eg. I think her eyes look more green in this picture.

Spoiler

 

[Snarkylark]

My read from the "are you pregnant?" scene....

jinger more than likely thinks she wants kids right away because that's just what you do and she would be fine with getting pg right away- but, Jeremy is educated and doesn't want a mega family so he's using condoms and Jinger goes along with it, cuz, Baaaaaaaaaabe.