Family Living on Purpose (FLOP?): Erika Shupe pt. 10

[MamaJunebug]

I realized way too late that BigMamaJB's automatic "no" answer gave her lots more negotiating power.  She could immediately reply "no" and then turn around and reverse herself within seconds or a few minutes, if it turned out it actually was a good idea, what we had asked.  

I did it differently with the Juniors and while I put  myself thru more ... they have all turned out great.  That's what matters to me. 

 BTW, I was always more than happy to tell the kids I was indeed a mean mom, and that I had been at the top of my class in mean  Mothering school. 

[FunFunFundie]

3 hours ago, Clementine said:

Erika seems to try to rebrand herself to some kind of organization expert, but so far everything she has published is super basic. I just don't see who her target audience will be.

She did have some pretty unique ideas when her brand was über Christian SAHM with ten kids in a tiny house, micromanaging every minute of the day, restricting the food and denying the kids any kind of normal life. I don't think that I have seen anything like the on the Internet before. That seemed to appeal to a certain group of women. 

Now that she is trying to reach a broader audience she has no clue what to write about and end up with the most basic stuff that most families already do, like serving eggs or granola for breakfast. I just don't see why parents will read her blog when there already are so many good blogs who have some really smart ideas and recipes and great photos to illustrate everything.

 

 

The FLOP group on Facebook seems to be turning into a bunch of moms with similar mindsets giving advice to each other.  Erika just posted about how she uses a post it note to carry stuff over from one month to the next when she writes out her calendar, and already two people have posted - not in a snarky or mean way - that they use electronic calendars that automatically repeat everything.  It's kind of funny because it's very clear that Erika's not really doing anything special these days.

[lauraloralara]

3 hours ago, Clementine said:

Erika seems to try to rebrand herself to some kind of organization expert, but so far everything she has published is super basic. I just don't see who her target audience will be.

She did have some pretty unique ideas when her brand was über Christian SAHM with ten kids in a tiny house, micromanaging every minute of the day, restricting the food and denying the kids any kind of normal life. I don't think that I have seen anything like the on the Internet before. That seemed to appeal to a certain group of women. 

Now that she is trying to reach a broader audience she has no clue what to write about and end up with the most basic stuff that most families already do, like serving eggs or granola for breakfast. I just don't see why parents will read her blog when there already are so many good blogs who have some really smart ideas and recipes and great photos to illustrate everything.

 

 

BPS (Before Public School), Erika's shtick was interesting enough even from a non-snarky standpoint, although I don't know if I ever read anything she wrote without snarking on it or genuinely criticizing her. However, I can see why people were reading that blog - it was like in those early Duggar Discovery/TLC/whatever specials. I genuinely did wonder sometimes how they managed to do normal household things with such a large family, and it was sometimes interesting to see how she organized certain things. And then of course some of her audience was people who were actually interested in her views and wanted to imitate her as much as possible.  

Now that we're in the PS era, I think Erika has got to shift her focus if she wants to maintain any type of audience. Even if she doesn't want to talk about why she/Bob sent the kids to PS, she can talk about the adjustments they are making, what she spends her days doing, etc. I think her audience would actually grow, though, if she went completely authentic and wrote about why they made this huge change, how it's been tough/a relief for them, how she's had to eat (sugar-free) humble pie, and on and on. 

[slickcat79]

5 hours ago, TeddyBonkers said:

Breakfast with Bonkers:

Weekdays are cold cereal with fruit or instant oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamon (also fruit). Weekends are maybe pancakes or eggs. 

Where do I sign up for the 'mediocre mother of the year' award? 

Good job, TB.

 

4 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

4 hours ago, Pukingpearl said:

If I remember correctly she had her older kids on a very limited diet before, so I'm happy that she's posting, "hey feed your kids food that provides them with the nutrition they need to live." 

No breakfast salads? 

 

;-)

I think it was green smoothies, so I guess that's what happens when you throw the salad in the blender  

[ChunkyBarbie]

3 hours ago, slickcat79 said:

Good job, TB.

 

 

That mug, I'm dying.  I need that some days.  

[Coy Koi]

12 hours ago, lauraloralara said:

BPS (Before Public School), Erika's shtick was interesting enough even from a non-snarky standpoint, although I don't know if I ever read anything she wrote without snarking on it or genuinely criticizing her. However, I can see why people were reading that blog - it was like in those early Duggar Discovery/TLC/whatever specials. I genuinely did wonder sometimes how they managed to do normal household things with such a large family, and it was sometimes interesting to see how she organized certain things. And then of course some of her audience was people who were actually interested in her views and wanted to imitate her as much as possible.  

Now that we're in the PS era, I think Erika has got to shift her focus if she wants to maintain any type of audience. Even if she doesn't want to talk about why she/Bob sent the kids to PS, she can talk about the adjustments they are making, what she spends her days doing, etc. I think her audience would actually grow, though, if she went completely authentic and wrote about why they made this huge change, how it's been tough/a relief for them, how she's had to eat (sugar-free) humble pie, and on and on. 

Completely agree. Her blog was interesting before, for snarking purposes as well as just for the situation being such a curiosity. I find it fascinating to learn about lifestyles that are vastly different from mine, whether or not I think those lifestyles are admirable. But now? Her blog is only interesting to us because we knew BPS Erika. If I just randomly found it now, I wouldn't give it a second look and I can't really picture the circumstances in which someone would. Some mom who just can't figure out the optimal time of day to scrapbook, I guess? Or who keeps feeding her kids a can of olives for breakfast and has no idea why that doesn't seem to be working out so well?

Wake me up when Karen and Melanie have a blog...

[mango_fandango]

23 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

Completely agree. Her blog was interesting before, for snarking purposes as well as just for the situation being such a curiosity. I find it fascinating to learn about lifestyles that are vastly different from mine, whether or not I think those lifestyles are admirable. But now? Her blog is only interesting to us because we knew BPS Erika. If I just randomly found it now, I wouldn't give it a second look and I can't really picture the circumstances in which someone would. Some mom who just can't figure out the optimal time of day to scrapbook, I guess? Or who keeps feeding her kids a can of olives for breakfast and has no idea why that doesn't seem to be working out so well?

Wake me up when Karen and Melanie have a blog...

I would read the shit out of a blog by Karen or Melanie. If it included something about their upbringing I would be so excited. 

[Coy Koi]

6 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

I would read the shit out of a blog by Karen or Melanie. If it included something about their upbringing I would be so excited. 

You and me both, sister. I don't really like most of the fundie older teens and young adults we discuss. I realize that it wasn't their fault they were dealt this shitty hand, so I have sympathy for them and I would certainly consider revising my feelings if given half a reason, but as things are, I generally just don't like them. But I do like Karen and Melanie. I would love to hear what they had to say.

[December]

On 2/26/2017 at 10:57 AM, Clementine said:

She did have some pretty unique ideas when her brand was über Christian SAHM with ten kids in a tiny house, micromanaging every minute of the day, restricting the food and denying the kids any kind of normal life. I don't think that I have seen anything like the on the Internet before. That seemed to appeal to a certain group of women. 

 

That was definitely the most interesting thing about the old blog to me. I'm very organized (too organized, depending on who you talk to!) but have never approached that level of having each second of the day scheduled and every square inch of my house categorized. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't in awe of her organizational skills, regardless of when it sounded like overkill. Her blog was always a really fascinating contrast to the Duggar chaos. 

[fundiefollower]

FB has pictures from their family trip to the Seattle Aquarium.  The girls are ALL in pants.... yes that includes ERIKA.  It was hard to find one her showing her lower half but one of the pics shows part of her, from a back/side angle and you can see she has on athletic type pants with a stripe down the side.  The jacket is the same as all of the waist up pics of her posted in the series so I'm sure it's her.  I wonder how she felt with everyone staring at her crotch all day, *smile*.  Her hair was on point and extra "wispy" so maybe that saved her.

Aside from all of the kids, they look like a normal family. 

[Anonymousguest]

6 hours ago, fundiefollower said:

FB has pictures from their family trip to the Seattle Aquarium.  The girls are ALL in pants.... yes that includes ERIKA.  It was hard to find one her showing her lower half but one of the pics shows part of her, from a back/side angle and you can see she has on athletic type pants with a stripe down the side.  The jacket is the same as all of the waist up pics of her posted in the series so I'm sure it's her.  I wonder how she felt with everyone staring at her crotch all day, *smile*.  Her hair was on point and extra "wispy" so maybe that saved her.

Aside from all of the kids, they look like a normal family. 

I saw that too. So strange to go from dresses only straight down to track pants. I know anything goes now, but I would dress a little nicer than track pants if I was out with the family for a day. But then I don't own a pair of track pants.

[Howl]

18 hours ago, fundiefollower said:

FB has pictures from their family trip to the Seattle Aquarium.  The girls are ALL in pants.... yes that includes ERIKA.  It was hard to find one her showing her lower half but one of the pics shows part of her, from a back/side angle and you can see she has on athletic type pants with a stripe down the side.  The jacket is the same as all of the waist up pics of her posted in the series so I'm sure it's her.  I wonder how she felt with everyone staring at her crotch all day, *smile*.  Her hair was on point and extra "wispy" so maybe that saved her.

Aside from all of the kids, they look like a normal family. 

OK, I'm dyin' here.  There are earthquake-y changes going on in this family and E. is withholding BIG TIME.  If husband said decreed "OK for girls to wear pants" and Ericka continued to be more comfortable in dresses/skirts, that would be OK, amiright?  But this means that Erika has 180'd and made a decision to wear pants WEAR PANTS and telegraph this by publicly posting a photo of her and her girls in pants. This woman is one purchase away from boot-cut yoga pants. This is a woman who could go full lululemon on our collective asses and we might never know why. Lawzamercy, y'all. What's next?  

[Foudeb]

I'd predict allowing her children to go to the bathroom, like, whenever they want. Or maybe even allowing them to go play in the back yard!

[Hane]

My initial theory was that Bob put his foot down:. "Damn it, Erika! I'm losing customers because people who read your stupid blog are making fun of me, so knock it off! And we have at least one kid with a learning problem we can't handle, so it's public school from now on. And I'll be goddamned if I have to support two grown-ass women while you wait for Prince Charming to sweep them out the door!"

New corollary theory: Erika's now on Prozac.

[lawlifelgbt]

They're kids. They really should be allowed to play outside!

When I was a young kid, I would sometimes stay at my paternal grandparents' TINY cabin. 2br/1ba, Shupe-sized bedrooms, 1950s small kitchen, with the main room barely holding the dining table for six, a sofa, and one chair. When my cousins and/or parents did too, we had about the same square feet per person as the Shupes, or less.

But it was on a lake and we were encouraged, no, forced, to play outside, unless it was hailing or tornado-ing. My grandparents were mindful of their limited space, and put picnic tables and extra chairs on the porch and concrete slab that went around the house. And they had many activities for us. They had a small beach and we could go out on the boats (speedboat or paddle boat,) sit on the dock, or play on this incredible rope swing my grandfather made.

I can't imagine staying inside such a crowded house nearly all the time. I think it's so necessary that they go outside.

[ChunkyBarbie]

I can't imagine not letting my children play outside whenever they wanted.  Heck, I even met my boys play outside in the rain if it isn't storming. Ericka's need for control is pathological. What is her husband' excuse?  He either is just as big as an asshole, totally checked out or a huge wuss.  

[Eternalbluepearl]

The Shupes are now experiencing life in a way the Maxwells never will. Imagine if Teri Maxwell had thrown on a pair of track pants, sent the kiddies to school and maybe took herself to a doctor for her depression? *raises pepsi* I'd drink to that! 

[ChunkyBarbie]

2 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

The Shupes are now experiencing life in a way the Maxwells never will. Imagine if Teri Maxwell had thrown on a pair of track pants, sent the kiddies to school and maybe took herself to a doctor for her depression? *raises pepsi* I'd drink to that! 

You know, I never thought about it, but it makes sense that Erika's need for control could have been fueled by depression.  I have much to think about, no snark. It truly would have been a wonderful thing if Teri could have gotten real help and thrown off the shackles of Steve and depression.  

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I've always thought Erika and Teri both have clinical depression and very extreme OCD.  No normal person schedules her and her family's life in 15 min intervals and decrees that Every. Single. Action. (no matter how trivial) be scheduled, organized, scrutinized, processed. and evaluated.  There is no schedule deviation ever -- for any reason.  Although I suppose a house fire or tornado might cause them to break schedule.

Edited to add that sometimes those on the autism spectrum follow very rigid schedules. 

 

[Howl]

7 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I've always thought Erika and Teri both have clinical depression and very extreme OCD.

Teri has discussed her depression on the titus2 web site.  Here's her article A Schedule Can Help With Depression: 

http://articles.titus2.com/a-schedule-can-help-with-depression/

It just makes me sad that she didn't get appropriate medical help; she does say that progesterone cream helped immensely.  

A quick google search shows that it isn't unusual for OCD  to be co-morbid with depression. 

 

[December]

Changing up the "skirts only" rule for all the girls and women makes me wonder if it's not just a loosening of the restrictions, but a complete belief overhaul. Maybe one day there will be an explanation post. 

[ricky_ticky]

Lurker here - just catching up with all of the changes at the Shupe's. Has anyone put together a falling out with Bob's parents and kids being in PS? Is it possible that the elder Shupes disagreed with the SOTDRT especially given the children's isolation and possible learning disability? I imagine they could have threatened or actually sued in court to force them to PS. 

I remember long ago reading a multi-part series about Erica and Bob's early marriage, their decision to be quiverful, etc. but I don't specifically recall what was said about in-laws on either side.

[zee_four]

On 2/2/2017 at 10:25 AM, Hisey said:

I'm glad you got such a careful diagnosis of your daughter. It indeed sounds like a painstaking process in your case.

I was partly talking about the arm-chair diagnosis. It's can be used by unstable, or unproactive parents who hear about Asperger's and use it as an excuse for a kid's problems, whatever they may be. I've seen "Asperger's" label slapped on kids because they are violent, abusive to their siblings, for shoplifting, turning over desks in classrooms, etc.

But I've also seen it misused by professionals. I worked in a school (for emotionally disturbed kids) where there was enormous pressure to get a diagnosis for a kid when he arrived, for a variety of reasons, mostly financial. Diagnosis was usually made by a psychiatrist after 1-2 visits with the kid, and a reading of his history. Asperger's was one of the go-to diagnoses, and a less stigmatizing one than, say, Conduct Disorder (at least at that time).

And who could really say they were wrong? It isn't an exact science. There's a need for more detailed diagnoses labels. There are some children who clearly meet the criteria of a diagnosis, and you say "Of course! That explains it! " And it's a huge relief. However, there are other kids who get one diagnosis from one doctor and one from another. 

Argh this was my ex nephew. My ex SIL spoiled her kids rotten. I mean ice cream for dinner every night, no bed time, playing games on the iPad non stop, from wake up time until they went to sleep. I was a special needs teacher in the same school district she had the nephew in Kindergarten and got him an ASD diagnosis, Asperger's specifically. Oh we ran up against each other. I was in the Head Start program with severely special needs kiddos, non verbal, no outside resources and she was monopolizing the limited resources for her precious snowflake. There was a special ski program for low income special needs kids in the area, but space and instructors were super limited kids got turned away. They got nephew in because he wasn't allowed to move up levels in regular ski school because he hit kids and threw temper tantrums when he didn't get to do exactly what he wanted. They laughed about  how they were able to get such cheap, almost free private lessons for special snowflake when they normally cost almost $1,000 a day. Meanwhile my non verbal low functioning kiddo from a low income Spanish speaking only immigrant house got cut, and without that program he will never be on the mountain again.  I know as a special needs teacher I shouldn't say this, but watching some of these parents use ASD as an excuse for bad behavior that comes from things like a lack of discipline and no schedule it's frustrating. It takes away from the kids and families that are really struggling.

[Granwych]

2 hours ago, zee_four said:

Argh this was my ex nephew. My ex SIL spoiled her kids rotten. I mean ice cream for dinner every night, no bed time, playing games on the iPad non stop, from wake up time until they went to sleep. I was a special needs teacher in the same school district she had the nephew in Kindergarten and got him an ASD diagnosis, Asperger's specifically. Oh we ran up against each other. I was in the Head Start program with severely special needs kiddos, non verbal, no outside resources and she was monopolizing the limited resources for her precious snowflake. There was a special ski program for low income special needs kids in the area, but space and instructors were super limited kids got turned away. They got nephew in because he wasn't allowed to move up levels in regular ski school because he hit kids and threw temper tantrums when he didn't get to do exactly what he wanted. They laughed about  how they were able to get such cheap, almost free private lessons for special snowflake when they normally cost almost $1,000 a day. Meanwhile my non verbal low functioning kiddo from a low income Spanish speaking only immigrant house got cut, and without that program he will never be on the mountain again.  I know as a special needs teacher I shouldn't say this, but watching some of these parents use ASD as an excuse for bad behavior that comes from things like a lack of discipline and no schedule it's frustrating. It takes away from the kids and families that are really struggling.

I used to see stuff like that in my work as a nurse for developmentally delayed people.  Frustrating and saddening for the low-income kids and families who would really benefit from those programs   (and staff got po'd too)

[zee_four]

On 3/1/2017 at 10:52 AM, lawlifelgbt said:

They're kids. They really should be allowed to play outside!

When I was a young kid, I would sometimes stay at my paternal grandparents' TINY cabin. 2br/1ba, Shupe-sized bedrooms, 1950s small kitchen, with the main room barely holding the dining table for six, a sofa, and one chair. When my cousins and/or parents did too, we had about the same square feet per person as the Shupes, or less.

But it was on a lake and we were encouraged, no, forced, to play outside, unless it was hailing or tornado-ing. My grandparents were mindful of their limited space, and put picnic tables and extra chairs on the porch and concrete slab that went around the house. And they had many activities for us. They had a small beach and we could go out on the boats (speedboat or paddle boat,) sit on the dock, or play on this incredible rope swing my grandfather made.

I can't imagine staying inside such a crowded house nearly all the time. I think it's so necessary that they go outside.

Same here. I spent my early childhood in a tiny condo 2 bedroom 1 bathroom small kitchen and a living room the apartment was essentially a square. I looked it up they're 768 sq ft (my dad bought it for 5k in the 70s they go for just under 300k now!) The bedroom I shared with my little brother barely had room for two single beds. When my mon adopted my baby cousin after his mom died when he was 4 and it was just my uncle we had a bunk bed. All the other families were Mexican immigrants who somehow fit even more people! Then you had the ski bums shacking up.

 

But we were outside all the time. We were in the middle of the rocky mountains. The river that feeds into the colorado ran right behind the building our small town is along the valley. The train tracks ran behind our place too and the trains still ran back then. There was a reservoir and park a few minutes away. When we made pocket money we'd walk to the store and chip in to buy some small toy like playdough. We skied on ski teams as kids and by ourselves with friends by age 10 or so.

 

Being cooped up? No way!!!