Family Living on Purpose (FLOP?): Erika Shupe pt. 10

[Hisey]

And she's a fool to do this. Because you know what happens? The littles are eating their own snack, and then eating the snack the teacher is passing around to the class (many elementary teachers pass out a snack in case kids have left theirs at home). Then they're eating their friends' snack, too. At lunch, they eat the parts of their friends lunches that their friends don't want. They're wolfing down candy at classroom parties, and doing their best to get more.

The older ones are mooching off their friends, too. They're also putting money in the school vending machines, and when classmates are selling candy to raise money for their soccer team, they are buying it and eating it before mom picks them up.

If Erika fed them a tasty and filling breakfast, and sent them with adequate lunch, the kids might do some of this, but not nearly as much. By starving them, she is actually pushing them to eat less healthily.

And that's another thing. Erika's meals are so gross. She's obviously someone with little interest in food and no interest in cooking. Her Cold Breakfast Oatmeal is made by mixing oatmeal, yogurt, chia seeds and a few other items the night before, then serving cold the next day. Really? On a freezing cold rainy morning in the pacific northwest, she is serving her kids oatmeal out of the refrigerator? On her recommendation, I tried Costco's "Aussie Bites" that her family just loves. They were OK, but tasted stale and processed and were a whopping 130 calories for a tiny muffin (about 1.2 inches in diameter). 

[Red Jumper]

1 hour ago, Hisey said:

They're also putting money in the school vending machines, and when classmates are selling candy to raise money for their soccer team, they are buying it and eating it before mom picks them up.

If they got enough pocket money. I'm not sure if they get any.

I also think that for her it's not about healthy eating but about control. Nevertheless, I agree, she is a fool underfeeding her kids. She could have both control and healthy children by giving them so much healthy food that they do not want to/can eat the unhealthy stuff available is this ebil, ebil world.

But there is also some good thing from the picture you painted: It is great for the children to get to know all the food, candy and treats outside of their cloister has to offer. (I still remember the freshly made, still warm, huge chocolate chip cookie I bought nearly every morning when being in England for the first time . Not what I would tell my parents about my stay )

 

[Showtunesgirl]

Reading through the blog posts from the past few months, I've noticed a few things: 

1) Her new favorite word is "satiate". I swear it's used every time she writes about food. 

2) Her grammar and punctuation are still awful. Now that the kids are in public school, maybe they can help proof-read her blog posts. I'm bothered by the lack/misuse of apostrophes in particular.

3) I know others have mentioned it before, but none of her ideas are all that revolutionary (backpacks on hooks, limited lunch variation, etc.).

4) I don't get why smoothie making is 30min on her fake mom schedule. Especially if the mom is making a single smoothie, it should take no more than ten minutes. Are the other 20min to drink it??

As an educator, I am happy the kids are in public school now, but it worries me that Erika seems to shun the social aspect of being a public school mom. There's no mention of play dates with classmates for her kids or socializing at drop off/pick up, and it's not like she doesn't have the time (30min early for pick up?!). It is my hope that she will actually make friends with other public school moms and be able to give her kids those imoortant opportunities to build friendships with their peers. 

[Tatar-tot]

1 hour ago, Showtunesgirl said:

Reading through the blog posts from the past few months, I've noticed a few things: 

1) Her new favorite word is "satiate". I swear it's used every time she writes about food. 

2) Her grammar and punctuation are still awful. Now that the kids are in public school, maybe they can help proof-read her blog posts. I'm bothered by the lack/misuse of apostrophes in particular.

3) I know others have mentioned it before, but none of her ideas are all that revolutionary (backpacks on hooks, limited lunch variation, etc.).

4) I don't get why smoothie making is 30min on her fake mom schedule. Especially if the mom is making a single smoothie, it should take no more than ten minutes. Are the other 20min to drink it??

As an educator, I am happy the kids are in public school now, but it worries me that Erika seems to shun the social aspect of being a public school mom. There's no mention of play dates with classmates for her kids or socializing at drop off/pick up, and it's not like she doesn't have the time (30min early for pick up?!). It is my hope that she will actually make friends with other public school moms and be able to give her kids those imoortant opportunities to build friendships with their peers. 

Agreed.   She needs to get involved in the PTA, volunteering etc.  Erika could take all her OCD tendacies and put them to good use whether helping in the front office, assisting the librarian or organizing the latest wrapping paper fundraiser.

[Hisey]

I know. There are so many opportunities to be involved in elementary school. It seems so odd she is not mentioning volunteering. And she seems to be deliberately avoiding the whole social side. When my kids were in elementary, there were so many opportunities to make friends, meet other moms. We were always chatting about our kids at pickup, or working on volunteer projects together, or setting up playdates or doing favors for each other.

[Chocolatedefrauded]

School is a great place to make parent friends. You already have something in common - your kids! I still am friends with parents from my daughter's preschool class & she's in 7th grade.

but I bet they don't meet her standards. If they were godly enough, they would already know them from church.....

[Chevreuil]

8 hours ago, Hisey said:

And she's a fool to do this. Because you know what happens? The littles are eating their own snack, and then eating the snack the teacher is passing around to the class (many elementary teachers pass out a snack in case kids have left theirs at home). Then they're eating their friends' snack, too. At lunch, they eat the parts of their friends lunches that their friends don't want. They're wolfing down candy at classroom parties, and doing their best to get more.

[snip]

There's a strict no sharing lunches rule at my kid's school. I dont know what they do if a kid doesnt have a lunch or is hungry, i'm sure they have something (theres no where to buy anything)

My daughter's school has a lot of lunch time food rules; no peanut butter, chocolate (including things with chocolate in it or chocolate coated), candy, chips, or juice boxes (you can send juice but it has to be in a container that they can close after they are done)

I usually send her with two types of fruit (typically, banana, apple, orange or strawberries), some kind of yogurt (usually tubes, which i freeze), some kind of cracker (typically goldfish or ritz), and a main lunch that can be a sandwich (tuna, thats all she'll eat as far as sandwiches go), hot something in her thermos (soups, chicken nuggets, chef boyardee) or a salad. 

[smittykins]

9 hours ago, Hisey said:

 

And that's another thing. Erika's meals are so gross. She's obviously someone with little interest in food and no interest in cooking. Her Cold Breakfast Oatmeal is made by mixing oatmeal, yogurt, chia seeds and a few other items the night before, then serving cold the next day. Really? On a freezing cold rainy morning in the pacific northwest, she is serving her kids oatmeal out of the refrigerator? On her recommendation, I tried Costco's "Aussie Bites" that her family just loves. They were OK, but tasted stale and processed and were a whopping 130 calories for a tiny muffin (about 1.2 inches in diameter). 

Back in 1960, Quaker Oats suggested something similar:

If I had been around then, I would've said "Um, no thanks, I'll wait till they invent Carnation Instant Breakfast."

[lawlifelgbt]

8 hours ago, Hisey said:

And she's a fool to do this. Because you know what happens? The littles are eating their own snack, and then eating the snack the teacher is passing around to the class (many elementary teachers pass out a snack in case kids have left theirs at home). Then they're eating their friends' snack, too. At lunch, they eat the parts of their friends lunches that their friends don't want. They're wolfing down candy at classroom parties, and doing their best to get more.

The older ones are mooching off their friends, too. They're also putting money in the school vending machines, and when classmates are selling candy to raise money for their soccer team, they are buying it and eating it before mom picks them up.

If Erika fed them a tasty and filling breakfast, and sent them with adequate lunch, the kids might do some of this, but not nearly as much. By starving them, she is actually pushing them to eat less healthily.

And that's another thing. Erika's meals are so gross. She's obviously someone with little interest in food and no interest in cooking. Her Cold Breakfast Oatmeal is made by mixing oatmeal, yogurt, chia seeds and a few other items the night before, then serving cold the next day. Really? On a freezing cold rainy morning in the pacific northwest, she is serving her kids oatmeal out of the refrigerator? On her recommendation, I tried Costco's "Aussie Bites" that her family just loves. They were OK, but tasted stale and processed and were a whopping 130 calories for a tiny muffin (about 1.2 inches in diameter). 

I agree with all of this. My mom gave me enough food- until about 11/12 or so, when I started getting chubby. After that age, she would glare at me every time I wanted seconds, serve me small portions, and refuse to give me a cent of extra lunch money to buy snacks or whatever at school; and if I did, anyway, and ran out at the end of the month, no lunch for me!

So, I would tear into any and all classroom snacks, beg my dad for a cinnamon roll the once-a-week he took me with him to have breakfast at a coffee place, drink coffee to kill the hunger (and yes, cram as much cream and sugar as I could into it), ask classmates for food, eat baking ingredients, and put every cent I was given towards food. I even stole from my dad's change collection and would ask him to buy me snacks every time mom was gone, then hoard them for later. And when I went to summer camp, I would put my entire two week allowance to food, and charge other students a few euro each to translate their schedules (it was full German language immersion, and could be hard to catch on if you didn't speak much yet).

I kept this up through high school, but as a freshman, made friends with another outcast, a well-off girl who was a first-gen Pakistani immigrant. There's a strong tradition of hospitality and that meaning food (I believe one Muslim author once wrote: "it can be an hour after you have just eaten an entire wildebeest, and the host will still offer you food...") in that culture. I thought I died and went to heaven the first time I was over at her house to do a project!

Eventually, as my friend and I got closer, I shared an edited version of what was happening ("my mom is a food control freak and restricts my portions, snacks, and lunch money because she thinks I'm fat.") My mom also taught at my high school and would "visit" me sometimes at lunch if her prep period coincided (to take away anything I wasn't meant to have). So, my friend would either buy and share the food from the snack stand, or I would buy it, immediately find her, and dump it on her tray. When I went to her house after school, she would heat leftovers or make simple food for me, and I would eat it, burned or not. I also tutored and proofed her work in writing, and her family would order pizza or Chinese a few times a month for after we were done to "pay" me. My friend also paid for most of our outings together, so I could save more money for food.

When I was 15 and got a job, I had to put a large percent of money I made to savings, but the other half of my minimum wage job went to "going out with friends" (read: food, since I only paid a bit of those). I continued what I'd done since I first had a dollar and was left alone for an hour; walk into town and buy bagels or crap from the dollar store.

Consequently, I have some issues from not eating a very healthy diet and not having food security, even as an adult. I've just learned in the past year or two, not to eat an entire bag/box at once in case someone takes it away, and I tend to worry excessively about money and what I will eat, and equate money with  control and agency.

That, and a deep love for Pakistani/North Indian food. I can tell Erika that if she keeps restricting food, the kids will have similar problems and may even steal (I  almost never did, but that was because I was allowed to see and eat with friends out of the house). I guarantee those kids are doing most of the things I did, and Karen/Melanie, if working, may even funnel their little siblings some money for extra food.

Restricting food to that level is more than unhealthy (I stopped growing taller around the time food got restricted, and the women in my family are about 4 inches taller than me); it leaves a young kid responsible for feeding him or herself adequately, which causes a ton of anxiety, and sets up lying and sneaking.

Sorry for the long rant. Food control in that way sets me off.

[mango_fandango]

Not trying to defend Erika at all, but I think she said- or at least implied- that she was still letting the kids settle in/getting used to being a public school mom this year. She's said in comments that she'd like to be involved in the social side of things/the PTA etc, but not right now. 

Plus I wonder what Erika is like socially. She might find it hard talking to strangers. I don't have kids but I can imagine that "schoolgate talk" won't be easy. Some moms work (although Erika doesn't as far as we know), some moms prefer to just drop and run rather than hang around chatting. I can imagine that, as Erika's got six kids to wrangle into elementary school every morning, she likely doesn't have the same sort of time moms who only have one or two kids in elementary would have. 

[Showtunesgirl]

1 hour ago, mango_fandango said:

Not trying to defend Erika at all, but I think she said- or at least implied- that she was still letting the kids settle in/getting used to being a public school mom this year. She's said in comments that she'd like to be involved in the social side of things/the PTA etc, but not right now. 

Plus I wonder what Erika is like socially. She might find it hard talking to strangers. I don't have kids but I can imagine that "schoolgate talk" won't be easy. Some moms work (although Erika doesn't as far as we know), some moms prefer to just drop and run rather than hang around chatting. I can imagine that, as Erika's got six kids to wrangle into elementary school every morning, she likely doesn't have the same sort of time moms who only have one or two kids in elementary would have. 

I'm not saying jump right in and run for PTA president, but her lack of social interaction with other parents can negatively affect her kids. In all my years of teaching elementary, we have always emphasized the importance of parents creating opportunities for their children to interact with each other outside of designated schooltime (read: play dates); it's one of the biggest things we mention at Back to School Night. A child's social/emotional development is just as critical as academics. Students whose parents don't arrange these (because they're too busy, not around, or don't talk to other parents) are almost always more socially isolated during school, which can lead to issues of not having appropriate interpersonal relationships with their peers. I don't believe that she doesn't have time, especially considering how early she shows up to pick up in the afternoon. If the full-time working parents I know can spend five minutes before/after school getting to know their kids' school friends AND their parents (not every day, but usually at least once a week), then surely Erika can use some of her 30min "me time" during pick-up to talk one or two other moms. I am surprised she doesn't want to get know the kids her own are befriending and interacting with at school (or has made no mention of it), given her control over every other aspect of their lives. 

[Hisey]

I know! Doesn't she want to know the other kids and the teachers? It can help so much in understanding their day. Or in Erika's case, in "protecting" them from "unGodly" influences.

[Meridae]

18 hours ago, Hisey said:

And that's another thing. Erika's meals are so gross. She's obviously someone with little interest in food and no interest in cooking. Her Cold Breakfast Oatmeal is made by mixing oatmeal, yogurt, chia seeds and a few other items the night before, then serving cold the next day. Really? On a freezing cold rainy morning in the pacific northwest, she is serving her kids oatmeal out of the refrigerator?

Not saying that cold oatmeal is the best thing to feed kids in a Pacific Northwest winter, but overnight oats are actually really delicious. They're one of my favorite quick breakfasts and you can make them so many different ways. For a large family they're probably very easy and save a lot of time. Plus they're quite filling, especially if you add fruit or peanut butter!

[Howl]

18 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Not trying to defend Erika at all, but I think she said- or at least implied- that she was still letting the kids settle in/getting used to being a public school mom this year. She's said in comments that she'd like to be involved in the social side of things/the PTA etc, but not right now. 

This is a good thing.  It implies that public school is the new reality and homeschooling is in the rear-view mirror. 

[Lurky]

10 hours ago, Meridae said:

Not saying that cold oatmeal is the best thing to feed kids in a Pacific Northwest winter, but overnight oats are actually really delicious. They're one of my favorite quick breakfasts and you can make them so many different ways. For a large family they're probably very easy and save a lot of time. Plus they're quite filling, especially if you add fruit or peanut butter!

My partner makes them to take into work for lunch - with peanut butter and/or banana and/or maple syrup, and she says they're delicious (they look grey and awful to me, so I've never tasted, but she swears by them)

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

I haven't read Erika's blog much, but I wonder if she's ever tried making hot oatmeal overnight in a slow cooker. We don't do it very often, but it's fun to wake up to the smell of it. We like to use this kind of oatmeal:

Spoiler

It would probably work with any oatmeal that takes longer to cook. 

[apandaaries]

1 hour ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I wonder if she's ever tried making hot oatmeal overnight in a slow cooker. We don't do it very often, but it's fun to wake up to the smell of it. We like to use this kind of oatmeal:

It would probably work with any oatmeal that takes longer to cook. 

When my daughter was still into oatmeal, we would do this with a small crockpot.  It was awesome.  We never made it with chia seeds, but cold mornings deserve warm breakfasts, imo.  At least the kids are moving away from the nonstop green smoothie lifestyle.  

[mango_fandango]

15 minutes ago, amandaaries said:

When my daughter was still into oatmeal, we would do this with a small crockpot.  It was awesome.  We never made it with chia seeds, but cold mornings deserve warm breakfasts, imo.  At least the kids are moving away from the nonstop green smoothie lifestyle.  

She does have a crockpot. Dunno if it's ever occurred to her to use it for oatmeal, though.

[Gemini]

Quote

A food plan & lunch ideas

When considering your daily plan it’s good to include a protein item, a whole grain carb, and a fruit or veggie. I choose to leave veggies for home so that I’m sure they’ll eat them *wink*. I also save sugar treats for home as well. If I give them sugar in their lunch at school they will eat that first (human nature) and then not feel inclined to eat the rest. This of course will not help them feel or be their best: strong, happy, creative, energetic, and well-behaved.

When a daily plan consists of only 1 item of fruit OR veg, 1 whole grain and 1 protein, it's clear there's something wrong.

Here in the UK it's  suggested that a minimum of 5 portion of fruit and veg a day is needed. However the dietitians that I've spoke to recommend closer to 8. 

The average  teenage boy needs approximately 52g of protein a day. 1 tbsp of peanut butter is approx 4g of protein so she would be needing to serve 13 teaspoons of peanut butter to get their daily allowance with that 1 item.....

Quote

But you can purchase large bags of chips or crackers from Costco and package that into Ziplock baggies, or better yet assign a child or two to package them for you. *smile* Ours actually clamor for this job and have to take turns.

I bet they are, what better way to swipe some much needed extra food!

i don't know if it's because of financial issues, control problems or plain ignorance but If she's being honest with her meal plans, those kids are not getting enough nutrition to support their body's through healthy development. They might look fine to her now, but they are going to suffer greatly in adulthood. 

 

[mango_fandango]

I dunno about the rest of you guys, but when I was in primary school we were always told to eat our sandwiches first. 

She does also serve them fruit/veggies at other times of the day, so there's that. 

[lawlifelgbt]

I was never told what I should/should not eat first.

But I also lament the kids' not seeming to be allowed to make friends or given a chance to. It might show them that their mom isn't normal, and help them feel more supported and less isolated. And, for younger ones, give other parents a close look at the kids and how they are.

Like I said, my mom became Shupe-like with food for me when I was a preteen. I will always be grateful for my best friend who, when I was about Brandon's age, would make herself two breakfasts so as to bring me one to eat in the halls away from my teacher mom before school (mom taught at my school so we had to be creative), and, when she was supposed to fast for Ramadan, tearfully claim to her family she just couldn't do it and could she please have a lunch? (we planned that whole idea, and I maintain she deserves an Oscar for Best Actress). Then observe it anyway, by giving me the lunch in those months.

And my friend's family and other parent acquaintances, who would cheerfully agree "No, we won't let your kid have junk food!" And either outright disobey, or let me have as much not-junk as I wanted.

The Shupes don't get a view from the outside, to see their family, nor closeness with a real friend, or a bond to some sort of other, sane, parental figure. But they also miss out on a huge opportunity to get food that way. I hope Erika is able and open to giving them more social opportunities.

[Red Jumper]

I was forced to finish my meal before I could have something to drink. They thought this way we would eat more instead of filling up the belly with water or juice. The consequence is that till this very day you can tell whether I full: Then and only then I will start to drink. T

It is so damn stupid to force children to eat less or more than they want. Teach them to listen to there bodies, provide lots of healthy food plus some treats

[grandmadugger]

The only food rule was not to fill up on carbs, eat your main protein but if you only had so much room leave the bread and potatoes.  On special occasions there were no rules though, pie first or last didn't matter. 

[Chevreuil]

She reposted the twin article and now that i have twins it is so bad. Erika, my goodness you cant just have twins that look alike and say they are identical! That isnt how it works! The only way to tell twins arent identical by sight is if one has a penis and the other a vagina. 

I would say my (identical) twin boys have distinctive personalities and they're 10 months. Twin A is much more adventurous and if you see one following his big brother or sister around, it is twin A. Twin B loves to eat and usually likes to stick close to a parent. Twin A is seriously ticklish, twin B has to be in the mood to be tickled. Twin A "talks" more and if my older kids are playing a chasing game and screaming, twin A will scream with them and crawl around trying to "run" with the crowd. Twin B growls (he isnt as chatty but will "talk" during a mealtime) and will chase my son around growling, it's too cute. But i look at my children as individuals, and it's always been clear that erika doesnt.

[mango_fandango]

Yeah I was rolling my eyes at that article too. The Olsen twins aren't identical but look very similar. Similar enough to play Michelle Tanner. Newborn babies all look really similar anyway. 

I know we've snarked on this before, but of course Erika didn't give them their own colour. Their personalities didn't really emerge until age 3? Seriously? I hope they're in different classes at school so they can really grow independently and make their own friends. Sooner or later I bet they'll start wanting to wear different outfits, eg Lacey in pants and Lilly in a skirt.