Seewalds 14- Baby can I hold you tonight?

[VixenToast]

My dads side is a little old fashioned, but pleasantly progressive.

my mothers side though... proud to say I come from a matriarchal family. GGma Amy was rH neg and could only have my Granny. Granny in turn had 7 girls and 2  boys. 13 girls and 6 boys from that generation. 7 girls and 7 boys from that next gen,and now the whateverth generation has 1 girl and 1 more on the way. And we ladies are the ones that run the show in this family. The men that marry into this family are great because they understand this, lol. 

GGma Amy was an amazing woman. She was a teacher, even after she married, she bobbed her hair and voted when women won the vote and was a lifelong democrat, my mom remembers her supporting the civil rights movement. Her husband and her even made sure my Granny learned how to drive back in the 40's!

[elliha]

My paternal grandfather was very concerned about continuing the family name. He had 4 brothers himself but only he and his older brother closest in age had children and my grandfather was the only one to have sons. My dad and two of his brothers had sons but not my uncle who is the closest in age to dad. Grandpa was extremely rude to his wife my mother told me and often compared her to my mother and said that my mother was a "real" woman who produced sons and the type of woman a man wants. He was not one to anger but one of the few times my mom told him off was that time. 

(On the topic of fundies and their idea that in the old days every married young and had tons of kids. My great grandparents who were this grandfather's mom and dad were over 30 years old when they married and had their first baby when they were 32. The children were born when the parents were 32, 34, 38, 43 and 47. After the first two that follow the classic a child every other year the spaces grow considerably already by child number 3 and continue to grow after that. Sure, part of it is probably natural decline of fertility but if they didn't at least try to prevent I would be very surprised. And, my great grandmother was a very devote Christian and I doubt she had a problem with it either. While the store they kept was officially my great grandfather's it was really her operation. She went to school for 2 weeks only since she had learned to read, write and count herself before she started and then the teacher saw no use in keeping her there. I get the feeling she was both proud and a bit bitter that she wasn't allowed to learn more but proud she had taught herself that well. She was a bit of a math wizard according to dad and could count very complex things but only in her head, not write it down in any way.)

[jcanglin991]

I had two "special" brothers. One was the oldest, the other the youngest. Double whammy. My mother placed them above me and my sister till the day she died. The oldest finally realized he wasn't better than us and mellowed out a lot. The youngest decided, after Mama died, that I was supposed to take over her job of taking care of him. Now, I had been taking care of everyone since I was a young teenager. When one of the others screwed up and expected Mama to fix things, she guilted me into taking care of the problem. I'm really good at it, but it eats at you and it colors your relationship with your siblings. They all owe me vast amounts of money, and I'm not rich. My husband is expected to fix their cars and houses. They are all just as good as Mama at the guilt. The youngest had major medical problems for the last fifteen years and expressed his disdain at the medical establishment, although Mama was a Registered Nurse for over fifty years. He refused to take his medicine properly and expected her and then me to talk to his doctors when his negligence caused him problems. His doctor, who was greatly respected, actually fired him. The new doctors, many of them, didn't know what to do with him. He had to have parts of his foot amputated twice because of diabetes. Everytime he go went to the hospital I had to run interference because he thought he was the most important patient in the hospital.

Well, he died a week ago yesterday, alone, of a massive heart attack. Everyone was trying to get him to go back to  the hospital, but he knew better. We came to check on him, as usual, and he was dead. Now, I don't know if he would have lived if he were in the hospital, but he might have had a chance. And now, yet again, he has left me a mess. He apparently destroyed previous, highly detailed wills and left one naming my highly dysfunctional sister in charge. This will does not have his full name, address, social or any other details. It does not have my sister's last name, address or social. Now, we all know who she is, but will the court think it is valid? Who knows. All I know is my grief is complicated by the mess he left, that everyone wants me to clean up, as well as the way he treated me all my life. Being a second class citizen in your own family creates big problems that will be felt for all of a child's life. I wish my situation had been different, and I feel a great deal of sympathy for the others out there that had a similar one. Sorry for the wall of text. It's been a bad week and this subject really hit home.

 

[Carm_88]

I'm sorry for your loss @jcanglin991. That sounds like a really rough situation and I know that you must feel a lot of guilt but you honestly, did everything that you could. I'm sorry the way that you were treated that way and it is tremendously unfair for anyone to carry that load. I hope you find peace. 

[jcanglin991]

On ‎1‎/‎27‎/‎2017 at 2:28 PM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

6 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

I'm sorry for your loss @jcanglin991. That sounds like a really rough situation and I know that you must feel a lot of guilt but you honestly, did everything that you could. I'm sorry the way that you were treated that way and it is tremendously unfair for anyone to carry that load. I hope you find peace. 

 

Thank you. I don't post a lot here, usually feel like everything has already been said, and better than I could. But the subject was so close I felt like I had to let it out. Plus, I'm always amazed at the kindness and support the other posters freely give and I knew it was a safe place to vent.  

[HermioneSparrow]

17 minutes ago, jcanglin991 said:

Thank you. I don't post a lot here, usually feel like everything has already been said, and better than I could. But the subject was so close I felt like I had to let it out. Plus, I'm always amazed at the kindness and support the other posters freely give and I knew it was a safe place to vent.  

I'm so sorry for your loss. You sound like a kind, compassionate individual! As Carm said, u did everything you could. Hugs to u, xx.

[karen77]

2 hours ago, Analytica49 said:

I have to say I am appalled to hear how many of you had such horrible, gender-stereotyping grandparents. It's just sickening how damaging these biases can be.

I am now a grandmother. I have four grandsons, no granddaughters. And here's the interesting thing: Those four grandsons, little though they still are (two pairs of brothers), are fascinatingly different from each other. Their personalities are different; their abilities are different; their interests are VERY different from each other.

Some people are so darn concerned about reinforcing supposed gender differences. They never even notice that children are BORN with individual characteristics that will--if they are raised with support, love, understanding, and compassion--make them very different from each other even when they have the same genitalia.

me too, it's crazy!!! My grandparent's loved the girls and if my mom's mom had been alive when I was born, apparently I would have been doted on even more. My dad's parents had two boys, then tried for a third and a girl, ended up with twin boys....they gave up at that point :). I was the fav, but only because I lived in the same town, so they saw me the most. 

I wanted a girl for sure when I started having kids, got that on the first round!! On #2, I was so sure it was a girl (same pregnancy everything) but was in a shock a bit when I found out he was a he! took me a week or so to get around to it, but he's a sweetheart and I love him to bits!! (Still not sure about that firehouse attached to him and it's havoc on the bathroom!). And having the balance has been great. My kids are the first and only grandkids on my side (I'm an only) and DH's bro had 3 kids before our first came along, and another before #2 got here, then another since then...Lots to say on that, but I won't.

[Four is Enough]

I can't add much to this conversation, only to say that my oldest is named for his paternal grandfather (first name) and his father  (middle name). My SIL, who has a son of her own, named him for her father (first) and grandfather (middle) ... and we were looked down upon because WHY should an adopted child have the nerve to carry on my FIL's name??? Um.. your child was born FIRST... by about five years. You had the chance to name him after our FIL and of course I wouldn't have done the same... but you didn't... so get over it.

[Percy]

1 hour ago, jcanglin991 said:

Thank you. I don't post a lot here, usually feel like everything has already been said, and better than I could. But the subject was so close I felt like I had to let it out. Plus, I'm always amazed at the kindness and support the other posters freely give and I knew it was a safe place to vent.  

I am sorry you are going through this,  I lost an Uncle last Year and we still have not finalised his estate for a number of reasons.

My advice is leave it with the lawyers, and when family look to you for answers, deflect them back to the lawyers and your sister.  This is not your fight, even though that is your usual position.  Let someone else sort out the mess.

Hugs and positive thoughts to you.

[AlternativeVoice]

My father has a hang up with his surname as well. He had 1 son but he passed a few years ago with no kids. I got married 3 years ago and changed my last name , no other reason than the fact that I wanted to. Simple. He still hasn't gotten over it. When he gets drunk he brings  it up, in front of my husband too.  He is a tortured soul IMO.

[TShirtsLongSkirts]

I'm an only child (cis woman) and I'm definitely keeping my last name if I get married to my current boyfriend. Know why? I found out the other week that my first name + boyfriend's surname is the name of a very popular porn star. Know who told me this? My DAD. I was like, please God don't tell me how you know that... He was all "oh she did a kiss and tell, she was in the papers a few years back!" and I was like sure dad. 

[Chevreuil]

I didnt grow up around grandparents and my husband's siblings are all male but it doesnt matter the gender in hubby's family, you have to be born to the favourite kid to be favoured. My kids were not born to the favourite so are mostly ignored by MIL. GFIL and my daughter have a good relationship (she plays violin for him once a week)  but otherwise i dont think my in-laws know my kids' names. What's bad is that they are ignored and my in-laws all live in the same town, MIL living 2 blocks away even. She takes favourite grandson and granddaughter on all kinds of cool outings and they get good quality clothes for christmas, my kids legit got a donation box full of used stuff for christmas. My parents are really involved with my kids though (my kids are the only grandchildren since brother is childfree) so at least they have that, there is no preferrence on gender. My dad was a little disappointed i didnt hyphenate the last name and "carry on the name" (in quebec we cannot take our husband's lastname, it isnt allowed so i will always be my maiden name) but i just dont see the whole lastname thing as a big deal so went with the shortest and easiest to spell.

[Kittikatz]

My father tolerated me and tried to do things with me when I was a kid, but he had a strong preference for sons, and after my brother died when I was seven he ceased to even feign interest in me. I distinctly remember him commenting to one of the men in our community that "the wrong child died", and it just gutted me. Thankfully I had my Grandpa until I was 10 - he loved all his grandkids unconditionally, which apparently upset my mother's brother because he thought that Grandpa should have only bonded with his son because said son was carrying on the family name - eyeroll. 

Anyways, my father wound up starting another family when I was teenager, largely because my mother could not have any more children. I later found out from some abandoned photo albums that he'd had at least three children with another wife before he married my mother. I always wonder if the three wives managed to produce 'enough' boys to carry on his all important legacy/name.

A person I know from work traced his family back to some important historical figure, and was desperate to "carry on" his family legacy and all important name. His wife had a hard time getting pregnant, and wound up having girls. This guy was pissed and blamed his wife, pressuring her to have more children so he could have his all important son, despite knowing that he was the one who supplied the x chromosome sperm... Anyway, some time after the requisite divorce, he wound up taking an ancestory DNA test, and it was pretty conclusive that he wasn't even from the same part of the world that the famous historical figure was from... Family trees and genealogy sometimes lie.

[Queen]

My maternal uncle is obsessed with (what he thinks is) tradition. He has five kids age 8-19; first one daughter, then four sons. At the youngest one's christening he proudly boasted that they now have "four sons to carry on the honourable name!" I wanted to puke. I really hope that none of the sons carries on the name,  and that if someone does, it will be the girl 

Thankfully his sister, my mom, doesn't value one gender over the other. Both she and my dad carry unusual surnames (she took his name when they married because she got teased at school for her own surname. Ironically, I have been teased at school for my father's (i.e. my) surname...)  but they've always told us kids it doesn't matter what we do, as long as we are happy!  

[Casserole]

My dad cares about carrying on the family name, as his brother passed with no children and all of his sisters took their husbands' names, and he only has two girls. Except his response to this was not to treat my sister and I like we weren't important, instead he encouraged us to keep our own names. 

It's no secret he wanted a boy, but I never felt "less than" because of that. My mother and I almost died during my birth and he went out and got a vasectomy,  and then taught me how to throw a football, bought me my very first (pink) toolkit, taught me how to climb trees and then use an ax to cut them down, etc. I wanted to be a cheerleader so he signed up to coach. He bought a book on how to braid hair (and promptly tied my hair in knot), he showed up to every dance recital, and starred in the community theatre show with me because I wanted to do it, but had stage fright. 

 

I am sad that there are so many women posting here who had different experiences and dads who were unable to change their views on the "perfect" child.  

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On 1/27/2017 at 11:04 PM, Carm_88 said:

I am very much this way with my mother's side of the family. Not because they wanted me to be a boy but because as a female, why haven't I gotten married and pushed out my 2.5 kids yet? What is the matter with me? Why am I not married? Shouldn't I do this and shouldn't I do that? They're very old fashioned and women can't live without men. Annoys the piss out of me. And I annoy the piss out of them by saying "I don't need kids, I have cats." It works out. 

(Haven't decided either way about kids, just for now I have cats. And I hate people poking my uterus!) 

I'm the black sheep of my mom's family as well, but only because I'm a dirty libural if you aren't a republican you aren't really part of the family, and if you aren't republican and a vocal liberal then you aren't welcome anywhere near them.  My dad doesn't' have any side of his family, it is just him and a cousin who has no kids, so that is easy to deal with.  There is a reason "different" people have a family of like minded friends, their families generally seem to shn them and it is easier for us/them to find family somewhere else. 

[CreationMuseumSeasonPass]

I have a very good childhood friend who's mother kept her maiden name. Let's call them the Smith family. They had three daughters who were all given their father's name Smith, but their mother still went by Ms. Jones. My friend always liked telling the story of how back in the 90s, when she was a little girl, telemarketers would call and she would answer the phone. The telemarketers would ask for Mrs. Smith, and to my friend, that meant her paternal grandmother. Therefore, she would answer them, "Noooooo she died." I think her parents kept letting her do this because it meant less and less telemarketer calls.

[Italiangirl]

55 minutes ago, CreationMuseumSeasonPass said:

I have a very good childhood friend who's mother kept her maiden name. Let's call them the Smith family. They had three daughters who were all given their father's name Smith, but their mother still went by Ms. Jones. My friend always liked telling the story of how back in the 90s, when she was a little girl, telemarketers would call and she would answer the phone. The telemarketers would ask for Mrs. Smith, and to my friend, that meant her paternal grandmother. Therefore, she would answer them, "Noooooo she died." I think her parents kept letting her do this because it meant less and less telemarketer calls.

Oooh this Will be my new answer for the telemarket call! Now i usually say that i'm renting so i don't know or can answer 

[MoonFace]

3 hours ago, Queen said:

My maternal uncle is obsessed with (what he thinks is) tradition. He has five kids age 8-19; first one daughter, then four sons. At the youngest one's christening he proudly boasted that they now have "four sons to carry on the honourable name!" I wanted to puke. I really hope that none of the sons carries on the name,  and that if someone does, it will be the girl 

Thankfully his sister, my mom, doesn't value one gender over the other. Both she and my dad carry unusual surnames (she took his name when they married because she got teased at school for her own surname. Ironically, I have been teased at school for my father's (i.e. my) surname...)  but they've always told us kids it doesn't matter what we do, as long as we are happy!  

My husband was the only son with three sisters.   

His mother, who worshiped the male gender, was one of three sisters and had one brother.   Her brother's wife had only one child - a girl! (GASP!) so there was no one to carry on the family name.  

My mother in law had the gall to ask my husband to have our son's name legally changed to her maiden name!   I was pissed. 

 

As it turns out my son has three girls so - oh well. 

 

[VixenToast]

It's been quiet on the Dugg front regarding the imminent birth of the Seemonkey. Today and the 9th are my predictions. Come on, Seebaby!

[nst]

12 minutes ago, VixenToast said:

It's been quiet on the Dugg front regarding the imminent birth of the Seemonkey. Today and the 9th are my predictions. Come on, Seebaby!

where is the poll and list of people 

we need to start crossing things off

Come on Baby Seewald deliver on the 1st 

[calimojo]

changing the subject.  I just watched the last episode.  Boring, but I have to say that seeing Ben, clearly having a ton of fun while hanging with Flame and his friends backstage.  He was laughing and spontaneous. 

 

I believe he loves his child and will love his new child and he probably loves Jessa, but I think he has regrets over marrying so young and being so tied down.  I think there is a chance he could bolt.  If he does, I hope he takes his wife and family with him.  Jessa, if she follows her belief system has to give in to Ben.  But, I would not count on her following him very far away from her comfort zone. 

 

Ben's parents pushed this relationship and did not show one lick of parental responsibility for guiding their young adult son.  Michael and Guinn are no better than Michelle and JB. 

 

I used to follow Guinn on FB and she posted something crazy about guns.  Someone challenged her on guns, and oh my,  she really turned nasty.  I mean, Nasty.  So while she may smile sweetly on camera and may be naturally a more warm person,  she is rigid, and reactive and narrow.  I think she is probably a lot like her mouthy daughter Jessica but with a veneer of politeness and maturity. 

I feel for Ben.  He isn't fun to watch on TV and he doesn't present himself well due to his awkwardness on screen and his seeming lack of competence with the spoken word.  But he is at least trying to educate himself.  Maybe if he can finish his education and be allowed to get off the compound, he will grow.  I don't think that Jessa will want to grow with him, unless,  Jinger is living a different life that Jessa covets.  Then maybe she would loosen up.

 

[Gobsmacked]

 

I do wonder if Jessa looks at Jeremy and wishes that she had waited a while  to see what else came along!

[Bad Wolf]

I have to say that I like the way Jessa interacts with Spud. I wonder where she learned that. I've never seen her parents respond so naturally with their kids.

[Carm_88]

4 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

I have to say that I like the way Jessa interacts with Spud. I wonder where she learned that. I've never seen her parents respond so naturally with their kids.

I agree. She genuinely cares about Spud and is clearly enjoying her time with him.