Seewalds 14- Baby can I hold you tonight?

[kmary1]

I had always thought gender reveal parties seemed dumb and gift-grabby until I actually went to one and it was fun. The parents already knew they were expecting a boy, so they were only revealing to their friends and family. They found a creative way to do it (not the balloons in a box or a colored cake), no one brought gifts, and it ended up just being a fun reason to get together. My friend is very conscious of the gender issue and she kept wanting to call it a biological sex reveal party, but her husband didn't go for that.

[MsSaylor]

I think theres a family like that in the UK that has like 13 or 14 boys...LOL. There was a show about them back in the day. Anyone know if they ever had a girl? At some point its gotta be like ok this aint meant to be. 

[Bad Wolf]

Son and DIL had a gender reveal. It was convenient because both sets of parents were there. They had their nephew open a box which was filled with blue helium balloons. They already knew, of course. It was fun. Family only, no presents. I immediately started knitting. 

[JesSky03]

My sister did a gender reveal with her first pregnancy. It was just family. Nobody brought gifts. It was mostly just a casual BBQ where the guests found out the sex of the baby (parents already knew). It was fun and a great way to get to know my brother in law's family a bit more. I think part of why they had one was because she had 2 miscarriages and it took them 2 years to get to this point so it was a milestone they wanted to celebrate. She's pregnant with baby #2 right now and they didn't do a party this time. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On 1/23/2017 at 6:31 PM, CreationMuseumSeasonPass said:

I just wanted to show this sign from the Women's March in Des Moines. They expected at most 10,000 people. It turned into 26,000 people! I went with my mom and dad.

A woman's greatest asset is her mind, but her power truly begins when she has autonomy over her own body. 

I'm so bummed I didn't get to go, I woke up sick Saturday morning. I'm only 20 minutes from the Capital too I'm STILL pissed I got my daughter head cold. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

39 minutes ago, kmary1 said:

I had always thought gender reveal parties seemed dumb and gift-grabby until I actually went to one and it was fun. The parents already knew they were expecting a boy, so they were only revealing to their friends and family. They found a creative way to do it (not the balloons in a box or a colored cake), no one brought gifts, and it ended up just being a fun reason to get together. My friend is very conscious of the gender issue and she kept wanting to call it a biological sex reveal party, but her husband didn't go for that.

My crazy super liberal lesbian friends had a baby shower combined with a penis or vagina reveal party, they had white & strawberry cupcakes with vaginas on them brought out when it was time to 'reveal" the sex of the baby it was quite hilarious actually.  They are both very successful 1 is an accountant and the other a financial planner. they obviously had artificially inseminated and for their gifts they asked for items to donate to a local LGBTQ teen shelter.   The best part of this shower was no stupid games we mostly just sat around talking about how great it was going to be for their daughter to be born under the 1st female president. Needless to say they aren't anymore impressed than we are about how that turned out. 

[freedom_for_all]

I don't like gender reveal parties because they seem pointless. If you want to know what you're having find out but don't make a big thing out of it. Seems like a gift grab. But that's me. 

Id have one just as an excuse for cake. Because cake. Can you tell I love cake?

[louisa05]

My DIL is due to deliver in April. We were all hoping against hope for a boy. We are having another girl. My DIL cried at the ultrasound. We were all disappointed, but have come around and are happily preparing for another girl.
We wanted a boy to carry on our name. Our two boys are the last to pass on the name. People may not understand this, but it is important to Mr. Butt. Our youngest son has not had children yet and we tease him about being the last one able to carry on the name...no pressure there. It is all in good fun, but I can't say we wouldn't be disappointed.
So yes, in our case genitals matter. Not in the gender identity sense, but for an entirely different reason.
ETA: and there are no videos or gender reveal business

Oh, FFS.

My paternal grandparents were obsessed with the whole "carrying on the family name" pile of steaming patriarchal bullshit.

That obsession had a very negative impact on my life as my brother was the only boy of 14 grandchildren who has the blessed family name. He was the Prince of the world. He got presents on my birthday and I got none. And that is just one example of how awful they were in favoring him over all of us.

And guess what it all came to?

My brother's only child was born to a woman he was not married to and has his mother's last name.

And my brother also has a sister and 11 living cousins who are amused by that and always will be.

Give it a rest. Names are not sacred. And daughters can pass down names if they want to. Even if they don't want to, demeaning them for their entire life over it is shitty as all hell. Even if you think you aren't, trust me, the entire topic will make them feel second class.

[bal maiden]

1 hour ago, MsSaylor said:

I think theres a family like that in the UK that has like 13 or 14 boys...LOL. There was a show about them back in the day. Anyone know if they ever had a girl? At some point its gotta be like ok this aint meant to be. 

This is the show http://www.channel4.com/programmes/8-boys-and-wanting-a-girl Doesn't seem to be available to watch any longer though

[Carm_88]

1 hour ago, MsSaylor said:

I think theres a family like that in the UK that has like 13 or 14 boys...LOL. There was a show about them back in the day. Anyone know if they ever had a girl? At some point its gotta be like ok this aint meant to be. 

There's the Arndts too, they had 12 boys before they had a girl and then another boy after said girl. 

[Snarkle Motion]

1 minute ago, Carm_88 said:

There's the Arndts too, they had 12 boys before they had a girl and then another boy after said girl. 

I hope for this outcome for all quiverfull fundies- no sister moms to raise the quiver and we'll see how practical the movement is. 

[Carm_88]

Bump update! She still looks about the same size. 

[karen77]

4 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

Bump update! She still looks about the same size. 

She looks a little smaller to me, but it could be the angle.

[Fundie Bunny]

She is carrying higher this time. That kid will cook for longer than Elliot did

[TuringMachine]

I think the black shirt makes it hard to tell.

[missegeno]

3 hours ago, Chickenbutt said:

Like I said, we are a pretty traditional family, but we never know what is going to happen in the future with the kids. We have no idea what they will like/do/embrace etc. But for the time being, we would like a grandson to carry on the name. If you see this a social construct of gender, then so be it. We see it as tradition and it fits our family.
As to gender roles, our girls play basketball and soccer. They are also taking piano lessons. They have previously taken dance class and hated it. So we stopped. We are not so traditional that we would deny our kids any experience that they want to try whether it be sports, shopping (which they both hate), music or art.
Every family is different and every family has things that are important to them regardless of social construct. Having said that, we would like a boy to carry on our name.

 

I get being traditional. But if the girl ends up trans, you'll have a boy. Yes, the male passing on the name is a social construct and not necessary, but they don't even need to buck tradition to take the male role of carrying forth the name. Sure, the odds are low but that doesn't mean it's a lost cause to hold onto tradition and still pass on the name.

 

That said, having a cis grandson doesn't mean it'll pass on either. There's no guarantee that he'll have children, after all. And children of single mothers often carry the mother's name. These things happen, even in heavily traditional settings.

 

[Gobsmacked]

37 minutes ago, karen77 said:

She looks a little smaller to me, but it could be the angle.

Also she is wearing black this time around. Slimming even when pregnant.

[Chickenbutt]

Well, I guess the tolerance for a different point of view is a thing of the past. Apparently having a differing opinion is opening myself up to ridicule and nasty posts. Think whatever you wish, this is my life, and my family. We will hope for what we hope for and get what we get. We have been happy, with happy and successful children and grand children, for almost 35 years.

I do find it interesting and almost amusing that people that profess a great tolerance for alternative lifestyles and people, seem to be very critical and judgmental of me and my families views.

 

[Gobsmacked]

The thought of being upset after giving birth to a healthy baby because it's the wrong sex does my head in.

So many people who would make wonderful parents can't have children for many reasons; they would love just one child of either sex.

The eight boys whose mother wants a girl must/will/maybe feel awful once they are able to understand.

The younger boys will realise that they are just experiments. That their parents kept going even though they were (possibly) not wanted.

After fighting infertility of unknown cause before having the Gobsmacked juniors, I am just curious reading about this mother. Just so so selfish of her.

rant over.

[Georgiana]

43 minutes ago, Chickenbutt said:

Well, I guess the tolerance for a different point of view is a thing of the past. Apparently having a differing opinion is opening myself up to ridicule and nasty posts. Think whatever you wish, this is my life, and my family. We will hope for what we hope for and get what we get. We have been happy, with happy and successful children and grand children, for almost 35 years.

I do find it interesting and almost amusing that people that profess a great tolerance for alternative lifestyles and people, seem to be very critical and judgmental of me and my families views.

 

Hun, THIS ENTIRE SITE exists largely to criticize a sexist religion that forces men and women into antiquated gender roles, especially ones that force women to be second class. 

Then you expect your own personal ideas that are, frankly, sexist and based on antiquated gender roles and restrict what you believe your grand-daughters can do, to be welcomed? 

Tolerance does not require people to stand idly by while others promote racist, sexist, classist, etc. ideals. Because those ideals HURT PEOPLE, and we have no call to tolerate harmful behavior or ideals. 

If you would like to argue for why your views are NOT sexist, I think many of us would enjoy engaging. But if claiming tolerance is the best you can get, I think deep down you know your defense is limited. 

Wanting a boy to carry on the name is a fancy way of telling your granddaughters "You're a girl, so there are things you aren't good enough to/can't do".  However, responding with (even in slight jest) a response like, "Well, looks like we're going to have to convince one of the girls to keep it!" Empowers them. Empower your granddaughters, let them associate your name with strength, and let them know it's important to you. That's how you continue a name in 2017: you make it worth continuing.

All of my biological uncles and great uncles are childless. My brother might be as well. But my sister passed on the family name to her daughter. I likely will continue our maternal line through my side or continue to pass on the name. Boys haven't meant passing on the name for a while now. 

[twinmama]

8 hours ago, Queen said:

Oh I hate it when people go all "I want a boy so I can play fotball/soccer with him" or "I want a girl so I can go shopping with her!".  Kids of any gender can play sports and shop for clothes, and I feel really bad for these people's kids because it is very likely they'll feel lots of pressure conforming to rigid gender roles. 

 

I'll admit I really wanted at least one girl when I was having my twins. Ended up with two boys of course. But last year we when they were 4 years old, we went to a Princess night at a local baseball game and my sweet Frozen obsessed boys wore their Elsa and Anna dresses, and met princesses and had a BALL. It was so fun and something I stupidly thought I'd miss out on by having boys. So you never know! And honestly, had I missed out on that it would have been no big deal at all because I love having my boys and have the exact children I was meant to have.

But because of how I felt while pregnant, I never judge someone for wanting a boy or wanting a girl. Who cares, once you have them you realize it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

I have a family member with 4 girls and 1 boy. She says that when some people hear that, they assume the boy must be the youngest; that they kept trying and trying until they got a son. Nope. He's the second child. They just always wanted four or five kids.

He was a little disappointed to be told 3 different times that his new or upcoming sibling wouldn't be a little brother, but they made sure to tell him in private as soon as they knew, so that he could process his young-child disappointment (2, 4, and 6 years old) without an audience. He may still wish for a brother sometimes, but he doesn't regret any of his sisters. I'm also pretty sure he has never been their "crown prince" or gotten preferential treatment.

[lumpentheologie]

50 minutes ago, Chickenbutt said:

Well, I guess the tolerance for a different point of view is a thing of the past. Apparently having a differing opinion is opening myself up to ridicule and nasty posts. Think whatever you wish, this is my life, and my family. We will hope for what we hope for and get what we get. We have been happy, with happy and successful children and grand children, for almost 35 years.

I do find it interesting and almost amusing that people that profess a great tolerance for alternative lifestyles and people, seem to be very critical and judgmental of me and my families views.

 

I may not agree with how your family does things, but that doesn't mean I don't think you have every right to do it your way.  You are totally within your rights to want a boy, and I'm glad you and your family are happy. But I don't see anyone not being tolerant.  Tolerance is perfectly compatible with judgment and criticism. You don't have to agree with things to tolerate them -- indeed, you only tolerate things you don't actually like, so it pretty much implies you don't agree. While people may criticize your views, no one is saying you don't have a right to them. That's what intolerance is, trying to take away people's rights. 

[twinmama]

7 hours ago, Chickenbutt said:

My DIL is due to deliver in April. We were all hoping against hope for a boy. We are having another girl. My DIL cried at the ultrasound. We were all disappointed, but have come around and are happily preparing for another girl.

We wanted a boy to carry on our name. Our two boys are the last to pass on the name. People may not understand this, but it is important to Mr. Butt. Our youngest son has not had children yet and we tease him about being the last one able to carry on the name...no pressure there. It is all in good fun, but I can't say we wouldn't be disappointed.

So yes, in our case genitals matter. Not in the gender identity sense, but for an entirely different reason.

ETA: and there are no videos or gender reveal business

Buuuuuuuut who is to say a girl won't keep her name?? It's not 1950. I am in my late 30s, I did change my name when I married, but honestly 90+% of my female friends did not. Several of their kids hyphenate, some have mom's last name as their middle name, dad's as their last. 

Also, if you raise your daughter to be very proud of her name, like you'd raise a son to pass on his name, maybe your daughter will want to pass her name on. 

59 minutes ago, Gobsmacked said:

The eight boys whose mother wants a girl must/will/maybe feel awful once they are able to understand.

Wanting a child of a certain sex is one thing, holding it over your existing opposite sex children is another. I wanted a girl. I got two boys. I let go of the girl thing before they were even born. They are growing up knowing I wanted a girl, but I was surprised with two boys and I wouldn't have it any other way. I was wrong before, I'm right now. I have zero worry that they'll resent me for what I wanted before I KNEW them. They 100% know they are my wonderful, perfect kids.

[lumpentheologie]

4 minutes ago, twinmama said:

Buuuuuuuut who is to say a girl won't keep her name?? It's not 1950.

I wonder, is it that it's not quite as good if it's a girl who passes on the name?  Like maybe it's a consolation prize, but if you're someone who values tradition it's not really as good because you want tradition and passing on the name and instead you only get passing on the name? 

I get the appeal of tradition, personally. But if it gets you to the point of saying a girl doing something isn't as good as a boy doing it, that seems frankly sexist, tradition or no tradition.