Jana's Future 3 - Baking and Real Estate

[Gobbles]

Don't look at me crying over here... My parents are both only childs and my grandparents mostly too or have siblings who don't have a family of their own. I would love to have a cousin or two. 

[ophelia]

1 hour ago, Gobbles said:

Don't look at me crying over here... My parents are both only childs and my grandparents mostly too or have siblings who don't have a family of their own. I would love to have a cousin or two. 

Me too. My mother has one brother and he and his wife don't have any children. I'm quite happy about that since he is a Trump supporter (we live in Germany!!!) and a right wing, racist, islamophobe asshole.

My mother's husband of 17 years now has six siblings and his family welcomed us very warmly and so I have 10 "cousins" from this side of family. Family isn't always blood and I'm pretty happy to call them my cousins and their parents my aunts and uncles.

[KeshetParparNesicha]

11 hours ago, candygirl200413 said:

@KeshetParparNesicha you're the first person I've encountered in life to have more cousins than me! How close are you (geographically/relationship-wise) are you to them?

(Is this how you quote?)

My parents both grew up in NYC, and the families have stayed pretty East Coast - NY, NJ, New England, and a Midwest outlier or two.

On my dad's side, there are 5 cousins in my age range; I'm only close with the NYC one, probably because we went to school together, but I'm friendly enough with the others that holiday parties aren't awkward. We email each other for help with schoolwork. With 43 cousins ages 30 to 1, you can't have a relationship with everyone. My sister went to camp in the Midwest with two cousins her age, and they're BFFs now.

On my mom's side, I'm closer with her siblings - I've gone away for weekends with my youngest aunt, for instance. At reunions I tend to be the fun older cousin who tells you what the grownups are talking about. My younger siblings are good friends with their same-age cousins, though. The 14-year-olds talk every week.

[MayMay1123]

9 hours ago, Gobbles said:

Don't look at me crying over here... My parents are both only childs and my grandparents mostly too or have siblings who don't have a family of their own. I would love to have a cousin or two. 

i'm an only and my husband has a sister that he wasn't raised with...my kids have 1 first cousin from her.

i have 12 firsts (though 2 have passed on) on my father's side and only one on my mother's side. if we are counting second and third and more...then i have maybe 200 that i know of.

[manda b]

I have two double first cousins. On my dad's side not counting my two double first cousins, I have 5. Second cousins I have 6. My dad is one of seven and my mom has a younger sister.

[DugFan]

On 3/12/2017 at 0:55 AM, Kangaroo said:

I know this feeling all too well.

About a month ago my friends got married. These were the first of my friends to do so (They're 23/24, and I'm 23). I couldn't be more happy for them.

They're a wonderful couple and a happy, healthy and loving relationship. And that was devistating for me for several days after.

I've got wonderful family and friends, a job I love, an education and have so far lived a very happy and fulfilling life. But I've never had a boyfriend or even come close to having an emotional or physical relationship like that. Im not religious or living a life controlled by anyone, it just hasnt happened.

It's crushing. I haven't told anyone this before because it's humiliating to admit that you envy people in that way. I've never felt so alone, I've never felt like I'm so far behind my friends who have "grown up" and are "adults" now.

I can completely empathise with Jana feeling this way, especially living in the repressive and controlled fudie bubble. I've accepted the fact I may never find someone to share my life with, so if that means travelling the world, having a career, and even adopting a child (fur baby or human, or both?) one day, that's not a problem.

I'm a bit teary now thinking about this again, I guess I'll have to find something else to keep me busy so I don't dwell on it again!

 

 

 

Giiiirrrrlllll!!!!!  Let me add one more "it's OK' story to this.  I was exactly the same.  (I'm 43 now)  Like you, I was *not* behind on my education, so that's a great thing!  But I chose a "passion" field while all my friends chose corporate, so right out of the gate I was "behind" on income.  Then all my friends started to settle in relationships, then have kids.  THEN  divorce!  I finally met my soulmate, we chose not to have kids (except the fur baby), we're financially fine and travel the world.  Every friend I have says how much they envy my relationship and my life.  And yet I always felt "behind". 

The reason you are probably "behind" is that you aren't willing to settle and that a GOOD thing.  Keep it up and it will all come eventually (maybe not for Jana, sadly, but for you, YES!).  TRUST ME!!!

[Greendoor]

13 hours ago, Gobbles said:

Don't look at me crying over here... My parents are both only childs and my grandparents mostly too or have siblings who don't have a family of their own. I would love to have a cousin or two. 

My generation did badly.  All cousins have one child at most.  So nine of us, on three continents, have produced 8 children total, 7 boys, one girl.

 

[FundieCentral]

@Kangaroo I second what DugFan said 100%. We're the same age, so I can't really give you wise words. 

But from my experience: keeping up with the Jones is what ruins most things. Reality is, we all do different things at different times in our lives. I have a lovely boyfriend, but I am profoundly unhappy with the place I live in, my education, and my career pathway and I'm currently trying to figure out how to get myself out of this miserable mess that I'm in. I have another friend our age who also has never had a boyfriend. It just hasn't happened for her yet, just no one suitable has crossed her path. But she has started her own business and I envy her for her drive, passion and commitment while I'm just slobbing along over here. So don't worry. Your life is yours only, and the direction you go in and the order of steps is different for each of us. I bet your friends wish that they had their lives as well put together as you with the same opportunities for growth and development.  

[shiverful]

I know that I'm far behind, but I just watched that TLC interview with Jana and JD. It made me so sad to hear that the only thing she mentioned when asked about plans for 2017 was assisting Jessa in birth. 

Yes, I know that JD vaguely mentioned that they were working on some projects (possibly together as twins?) and that there might be stuff that she wants to keep private, but it looked like she var forcing that smile so badly. 

I am at the same age as Jana and for what felt like the longest time I was the only one still single and at school of both my friends and siblings. And I remember always putting on a similar fake smile whenever someone would ask me about my future plans (which I had no idea about). At least I had school and education to focus on (and now a career and boyfriend, yay) while Jana has what? Babysitting for mom and younger siblings? DIY projects at home and in the garden? Waiting for God to provide her a man? 

I know that I might be patronizing her, and that she might be working towards more than what she choses to share on TV, but I can't help but feeling sorry for her. 

[Nikedagain?]

Little Spud will be all like:

 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

There are a lot of things I can snark on the Duggars for, but one of them saying the birth of a niece or nephew was a highlight of her year is not one of them.

I think it's pretty normal and a nice thing to be excited about the birth of a niece/nephew.

[marmalade]

On 4/21/2017 at 2:58 PM, Greendoor said:

My generation did badly.  All cousins have one child at most.  So nine of us, on three continents, have produced 8 children total, 7 boys, one girl.

 

Five of us. Five kids, but those only came from two siblings. I am one of the childless siblings, the only brother is unfortunately too messed up in life to have kids, and the third childless sibling is deceased. No more kids coming from this generation. 

So far, of these five, only one has kids (3). Two are still in their late 20s, so plenty of time for them; my neice has lived with her boyfriend for years, no hurry to even get married. The other two are in their late 30s. One is married with a farm full of animals (wife is a vet), and the other a confirmed bachelor. I don't see kids in either of their futures. 

[PennySycamore]

I have 27 first cousins on my mom's side and just two on my dad's.   My oldest maternal cousin is in her early 80s and the youngest turned 50 last year.  My mom and dad both had one sister who married but remained childess.  My girls have nine cousins on my side and 4 on their dad's.  

One of my cousins set up a FB group for us cousins (and our mothers' remaining sister) so that we can keep in touch with each other.  I like that.  My aunt has been sharing some memories of growing up.  We need those memories; they are a part of our family's history.

[nst]

1 hour ago, PennySycamore said:

I have 27 first cousins on my mom's side and just two on my dad's.   My oldest maternal cousin is in her early 80s and the youngest turned 50 last year.  My mom and dad both had one sister who married but remained childess.  My girls have nine cousins on my side and 4 on their dad's.  

One of my cousins set up a FB group for us cousins (and our mothers' remaining sister) so that we can keep in touch with each other.  I like that.  My aunt has been sharing some memories of growing up.  We need those memories; they are a part of our family's history.

See I like that one of your cousins did that.  I have 15 cousins all in Europe and I tried to set up an email account but no one is interested.  Apparently they don't associate with each other and they live in the same countries.  I think it starts from the top...and unfortunately both my grandmothers were not those type of people  - it's sad. 

[PennySycamore]

@nst, even though my mom was one of 10, most of the siblings were pretty close as adults.  I think that helps a lot.  

There were some spouses, though, that were not liked.  I know that my dad thought that one of my married into the family uncles was about the most worthless, awful person he'd ever met.  He had no use at all for Uncle Johnny.  When Johnny died, my aunt (mom's sister) was as free as we want Jinger to be.  She began wearing slacks and short sleeves and there was a lightness around her.  That is not what you expect from a widow, but it was true of her.

[marmalade]

I have 64 FIRST cousins. My mother was the youngest of 12 in an Italian/Catholic family; my dad the youngest of 6 in a much more reserved Presbyterian family. I have only 8 cousins from that side. I inherited my grandma's charm bracelet with all of her grandchildren...my younger brother was the last. 

What's said is since both of my parents were the babies of their families, my mother, in particlular, had the Michelle Duggar situation with mother and daughter giving birth almost simultaneously. I went to school with a first cousin once removed (she was a generation ahead of me because her grandmother was my mother's sister). Her father was a science teacher at our high school! I never took him, both because everyone knew we were related, but he was TOUGH! He would have been EXTRA tough on my to deny nepotism. LOL

But most of my cousins? I never met them, and being in my early 50's, I assume that many/most are deceased. My mother and one sister (the deceased one) met some descendents in Rome maybe 20 years ago. It was also tough because many of my aunts and uncles scattered, especially after WWI. From what we can ascertain now, he probably had PTSD. He died not long after my mother was born, and my mother and 3 sisters under age 7, all went into foster care. During the Depression. I'll stop there, but let's just say that even after she found the good life, she had a HUGE chip on her shoulder for almost her entire life, even after she found the fundie lite life. 

[GoddessOfVictory]

I have zero cousins on my dad's side and I technically have four cousins on my mom's side. I say "technically" because my youngest two cousins flat-out told my siblings and I that they don't consider us to be their "real" cousins (my mom is adopted, but the rest of her siblings are biologically related to each other and their parents). Whatever. The older two cousins are fine.

[nst]

7 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

@nst, even though my mom was one of 10, most of the siblings were pretty close as adults.  I think that helps a lot.  

There were some spouses, though, that were not liked.  I know that my dad thought that one of my married into the family uncles was about the most worthless, awful person he'd ever met.  He had no use at all for Uncle Johnny.  When Johnny died, my aunt (mom's sister) was as free as we want Jinger to be.  She began wearing slacks and short sleeves and there was a lightness around her.  That is not what you expect from a widow, but it was true of her.

again it starts from the top ie my grandmother who lets say was not a nice mother to my mother or a grandmother you would want.  she died 14 years ago with skeletons that were not in the closest but out 

[justmy2cents]

12 hours ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

There are a lot of things I can snark on the Duggars for, but one of them saying the birth of a niece or nephew was a highlight of her year is not one of them.

I think it's pretty normal and a nice thing to be excited about the birth of a niece/nephew.

I wouldn't snark on her for saying that either as my nephew's birth was a highlight of my year when he was born, first new baby in our immediate family in over 30 years.  However Jana wasn't asked what the highlight of her year was but what she was most looking forward to this year. It's sad that there was nothing other than her sister's baby's birth. There should be other things for a young woman to look forward to. At her age I looked forward to traveling and going out with my friends. Taking ballroom dance lessons. The possibilities were endless. She comes off a bit sad in interviews. Maybe she just hates doing them and tries to get them done as quickly as possible.

[SassyPants]

9 total cousins for me. 2 on the maternal side and  7 on my dad's side. My maternal cousins have 3 cousins total- my 2 brothers and me...their father was an only child. None of my uncles had any children.

My kids have 5 maternal cousins and 9 paternal cousins. 2 of hub's siblings have no children. All of my sibs have kids.

[Four is Enough]

Reading about 15 pages on this thread, catching up, it struck me that the three  girls who are married all married "preachers" or wannabes. The boy is courting a preacher's daughter, and of course Josh married a "preacher's " daughter. Prison ministry is still a preaching job, right? Joy's fiance has a preacher dad, too, right?

Anyway, maybe Jana doesn't WANT a preacher, and maybe JB and she are having a battle of wills, because he wants a quiverfull of preacher spouses.

[Jaedzia]

On 4/21/2017 at 4:54 AM, Gobbles said:

Don't look at me crying over here... My parents are both only childs and my grandparents mostly too or have siblings who don't have a family of their own. I would love to have a cousin or two. 

 

I only have one cousin and he wasn't born until I was 29 years old! My mom was an only and my father has just one living brother. My uncle didn't arrange himself a bride(yep, mail-order bride from the Philippines) until he was in his 50s and shortly afterward had one child with her. I honestly thought I was never going to have any "first" cousins. I have a couple seconds cousins, I think that's what they are. My father's only cousin and her two kids. 

[BlessaYourHeart]

On 21/04/2017 at 9:54 AM, Gobbles said:

Don't look at me crying over here... My parents are both only childs and my grandparents mostly too or have siblings who don't have a family of their own. I would love to have a cousin or two. 

 

I have 50 or so in total so if you want a cousin or two or twenty I'll happily donate some 

[snickers34]

12 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

It's sad that there was nothing other than her sister's baby's birth. There should be other things for a young woman to look forward to.

To me it's become clear that they don't show absolutely everything going on. With the family being so obviously public, it's clear they focus on family related highlights. I've seen some comments here about how people think they don't have outside friends, but that's seems to not be true. I think they just choose to post only family related stuff on social media, since those are the people that chose to make their life public, not their friends. Plus people are way more interested in their family goings on, so it makes sense not to mention, "my friend Shirley who you don't know is getting married, etc." Noone would care!

[RosyDaisy]

I have no first cousins. My father is an only child, and my mother only has a brother who has no kids. My husband has 9 first cousins.