Michael and Brandon Keilen

[VelociRapture]

7 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I'm the same way. I go between full-on Baby Rabies (like when I spent most of a housewarming party minding the most adorable two-year-old) and psychically thanking my gynecologist for installing my IUD (like when a kid two rows ahead of me on a flight screamed bloody murder for two hours straight).

Lol!!!

When I was a teenager I babysat three little girls. The youngest was about one when I was around seventeen. She was younger then that the first time I watched her and she spent the entire time crying hysterically. I was in tears too when the parents got home. They felt horrible (and were trying not to laugh) and reassured me it would be different when it was my own baby. My mom said the same thing. 

I told mom I was never having kids. I didn't really mean it, but it definitely made me think twice about waiting to have kids until I was ready. In my opinion, screaming kids are, by far, the best form of birth control there is. 

[BoPeep]

Oh, I THOUGHT I wanted kiddos asap after marriage, but dh said we weren't even going to TALK about it for 2 yrs.  I was rather pouty about that!  I loved babies and kids.  Best thing ever was babysitting regularly for a couple with three ADORABLE girls.  We kept them overnight several times.  And they EXHAUSTED ME!  I loved them to pieces, loved playing house, loved my dh with them.....and I was REALLY GLAD when their parents showed up to get them!  Then I slept a week.  I decided two yrs was a-ok to wait....then another two yrs....then we said 2-4 yrs.  It was nice just being us for awhile.  Now it's nice to have kids.

[nastyhobbitses]

5 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Lol!!!

When I was a teenager I babysat three little girls. The youngest was about one when I was around seventeen. She was younger then that the first time I watched her and she spent the entire time crying hysterically. I was in tears too when the parents got home. They felt horrible (and were trying not to laugh) and reassured me it would be different when it was my own baby. My mom said the same thing. 

I told mom I was never having kids. I didn't really mean it, but it definitely made me think twice about waiting to have kids until I was ready. In my opinion, screaming kids are, by far, the best form of birth control there is. 

I know that sometime down the line I would like to have one or two children (not more than two, though), but not until I'm good and ready. And if that means doing that adopt-a-grandma program when I'm old and gray, so be it. But I have a feeling I'll have kids before that point. Now, if only Tom Hiddleston would stop moping over TSwift and seeeeee that he belongs with meeeeeeeee...(and of course, he's perfect so our children would be adorable British cherubs who are only naughty for comedic effect or to go on magical adventures).

[OrchidBlossom]

On 9/26/2016 at 7:51 PM, Alachantal said:

I get the same reaction as your friends and it drives me fucking nuts. I'm getting married in April and everyone is already asking when we'll have children. I DO NOT want any kids, and Fiance is undecided (but knows my opinion) and everyone always goes silent when I tell them before saying "oh you'll change your mind". Like, umm, no, I won't, sorry to disappoint you? Even my mother tried to tell me I'm being selfish for not wanting kids, when I really feel like it's more selfish to have kids that you don't want and are only having because you've been told you have to. But we'll see. If I'm off the highway and we're very established and we're married and it happens, well it happens and we'll go from there, that's what Fiance and I have agreed at least.

I get this all the time. I also get a lot of "OHHH you mean you can't have kids!" and admittedly I do have a medical history that *may* (I've sure as hell never tested it out) affect my ability to conceive but like, even if I didn't I just hate kids. 

Thankfully my partner is on the same page as me as far as kids go, and for *some* reason people listen to him when he says it. I just get "oh, no, kids are great, here hold mine, isn't it darling? Don't you want one?"

[TShirtsLongSkirts]

8 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I know that sometime down the line I would like to have one or two children (not more than two, though), but not until I'm good and ready. And if that means doing that adopt-a-grandma program when I'm old and gray, so be it. But I have a feeling I'll have kids before that point. Now, if only Tom Hiddleston would stop moping over TSwift and seeeeee that he belongs with meeeeeeeee...(and of course, he's perfect so our children would be adorable British cherubs who are only naughty for comedic effect or to go on magical adventures).

3

If you do manage to bag the Hiddsmeister, I'm first in line to be a sister wife, @nastyhobbitses!!

[FatumEst]

I don't want children (other than the four-legged furry kind), and I get the same kind of reactions:

* "You'll change your mind someday." Oh, really? Maybe you should read tarot cards, too.

* "What does your husband think?" A. My body; my call. B. Why would I marry a man with drastically different life goals?

* "Who will take care of you when you're old?" Most selfish reason to have a kid ever. I'm not doing that.

I sometimes get the baby urge. Then one of my cats makes a mess and I think about how much bigger it would be with a human child.
 

[LadyCrow1313]

4 hours ago, TShirtsLongSkirts said:

If you do manage to bag the Hiddsmeister, I'm first in line to be a sister wife, @nastyhobbitses!!

I'll be another sister wife, too 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

26 minutes ago, FatumEst said:

* "Who will take care of you when you're old?" Most selfish reason to have a kid ever. I'm not doing that.


 

I've always wondered how many people who say 'who will take care of you when you're old' realise how many elderly people are dumped in aged care facilities by kids who never bother to see them. Or how many children are unable to afford to care for/support their elderly parents because the cost of living is to high. Or how many kids from rural areas end up with careers that take the to the city meaning they can't stick around and look after their aging folks.

Kids are not guaranteed carers for old age. 

Also, it's damn selfish. The kid has the right to live their own life, not exist just to wipe your butt when you're 90.

[Fascinated]

49 minutes ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

I've always wondered how many people who say 'who will take care of you when you're old' realise how many elderly people are dumped in aged care facilities by kids who never bother to see them. Or how many children are unable to afford to care for/support their elderly parents because the cost of living is to high. Or how many kids from rural areas end up with careers that take the to the city meaning they can't stick around and look after their aging folks.

Kids are not guaranteed carers for old age. 

Also, it's damn selfish. The kid has the right to live their own life, not exist just to wipe your butt when you're 90.

My husband and I will do everything in our power so as to NOT have our children caring for us in our waning years.  I would hate to be that kind of burden; an obligation. No way. Honestly, I would rather die.  

[QuiverDance]

I hope I am a pleasant enough and good enough mother that my kids won't mind looking after me when I'm old.  I'd be really sad if they didn't want me around.   I know I would take my parents in.  

[LawsonBatesEgo]

15 minutes ago, Fascinated said:

My husband and I will do everything in our power so as to NOT have our children caring for us in our waning years.  I would hate to be that kind of burden; an obligation. No way. Honestly, I would rather die.  

My mother has said the exact same thing......she has even said she will 'swallow a bunch of pills before I end up a miserable burden in a nursing home'. 

Her and my father have both explicitly said they do not ever want my brother or I to give up our lives to care for them.....they want us to live our lives. 

[Luisainlondon1]

6 minutes ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

My mother has said the exact same thing......she has even said she will 'swallow a bunch of pills before I end up a miserable burden in a nursing home'. 

Her and my father have both explicitly said they do not ever want my brother or I to give up our lives to care for them.....they want us to live our lives. 

My mum has taken care of my 93 years old grandmother for over ten years now and I can see how hard and exhausting that is. My mum gave up her job and struggled with depression. We talked about what will happen when she is old and she said she doesn't want me to take of her. It's because she loves me and therefore doesn't want me to go through what she's been through with her mum.  

[Fascinated]

57 minutes ago, QuiverDance said:

I hope I am a pleasant enough and good enough mother that my kids won't mind looking after me when I'm old.  I'd be really sad if they didn't want me around.   I know I would take my parents in.  

I don't think my kids wouldn't want me around. They love me, I know that. But I bet I love them more. And I do not want them to ever feel guilt or feel they must give up any part of their lives for me. I know what that's like and, even though my husband and I love(d) our parents dearly, it really, really sucks. Many of us on FJ are at a stage where we are looking after our parents. Or watching them suffer through various illnesses. (See: Worried Children thread.) So, we are determined that our kids won't go through that with us.  

[LawsonBatesEgo]

2 hours ago, QuiverDance said:

I hope I am a pleasant enough and good enough mother that my kids won't mind looking after me when I'm old.  I'd be really sad if they didn't want me around.   I know I would take my parents in.  

I think it's not often a lack of love that means the elderly are often neglected, but that the level of care and facilities needed can be so demanding/expensive to have in the home (such as access ramps etc) and adult children generally need to work (often in cities other than their home towns) in order to support themselves. 

[VelociRapture]

15 minutes ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

I think it's not often a lack of love that means the elderly are often neglected, but that the level of care and facilities needed can be so demanding/expensive to have in the home (such as access ramps etc) and adult children generally need to work (often in cities other than their home towns) in order to support themselves. 

Exactly. I'm thankfully not at the stage of life where we need to consider how best to care for our parents. But when we reach that point I know we're going to put their welfare and health first. A lot of times that means having to turn to facilities. I'd much rather keep our parents with us - but I know that it may not be possible and that ensuring they receive the best care possible is more important than what husband or I actually want.

And I hope our kids take the same view with us when we're older too. Last thing I ever want is to be a burden on them as they're trying to support themselves and (possibly) a family. 

[GeoBQn]

My grandmother spent the last four years of her life suffering from an agonizing decline due to dementia.  My mom and her two sisters all lived in the same metropolitan area, worked together on getting her care, and hired a live-in caregiver who was truly an angel on earth.  The experience was still so difficult that she and my dad have already bought long-term care insurance so they could have a home health nurse take care of them should the need arise.  They said they want to work now to ensure they aren't a burden on me or my brother.

In contrast, my friend's parents have flat out told her multiple times during her childhood, "We are taking care of you so that you will take care of us when we are old."  While they aren't abusive, they have engaged in enough asshole behavior that I wouldn't blame my friend for not doing that.

[elliha]

Having worked in elderly care I don't really like when people see nursing homes as dumping grounds. Yes, they are not always great but they can be and I have seen elderly people who have had much better quality of life in a nursing home than at home. Some live up because they have people around to talk to, staff is always available, they don't feel a burden on their children or other relatives. I am not saying it is all sunshine and roses but for some it is a good or even the best alternative for quality of life. 

 

[PartriarchydefyinValkarie]

On 9/27/2016 at 8:43 PM, Chevreuil said:

(to the bolded) I play fetch with my kids all the time. They think it great fun to retrieve the ball. 

I always find the best place to start with little kids (talking age 3-6+) is to talk about animals. My kids would go crazy to hear about your cats, they remember pet names better than people names.

All I can think of when you mention 'fetch' is the scene from Knocked Up with Seth Rogan throwing the ball and having the little girl go grab it.  

[Percy]

1 hour ago, elliha said:

Having worked in elderly care I don't really like when people see nursing homes as dumping grounds. Yes, they are not always great but they can be and I have seen elderly people who have had much better quality of life in a nursing home than at home. Some live up because they have people around to talk to, staff is always available, they don't feel a burden on their children or other relatives. I am not saying it is all sunshine and roses but for some it is a good or even the best alternative for quality of life. 

 

My Mum has already picked her preferred facility based on visiting friends. When she needs the care I know where to go for assistance.  As I live 800 kms away this is a relief.

 

[jqlgoblue]

I think it is very individual. I think some people like to be in a place with other people and better / more varied care. I suspect I would prefer that. My mother might also, depending on the situation, though she never discusses it.

Others (like my dad) see nursing homes -- or even assisted living -- as the place you go to die. Like jail but for dying people. So the minute you go you might as well give up or be as curmudgeonly as possible! This is NOT a healthy attitude but I don't see him changing at this point. He is a very healthy 70 but it will be very interesting to say the least when he does finally get sick.

[Coconut Flan]

So far both my mother and stepfather have been healthier in a formal care situation.  A nursing home for him and assisted living/memory care for her.  The meals are planned by a dietician and have more variety than can usually be offered at home.  Stepdad was kept from eating sugar almost constantly and had someone available at all times who could help him get into and out of the wheelchair plus there an activities director who kept him far more occupied than he was at home. A nurse practitioner saw him every week he was there.  My mom has activities far beyond what I could do at home and different people to talk to her and give her attention.  She can tell the same story five times to five different people so no one gets tired of hearing her.  For them it was the right solution. 

[Chevreuil]

haha the two oldest like it when i throw the ball as far as i can. They run after it and see who can get there first. It is like watching two dogs except slower and more face planting because kiddos inherited my lack of grace.

 

2 hours ago, PartriarchydefyinValkarie said:

All I can think of when you mention 'fetch' is the scene from Knocked Up with Seth Rogan throwing the ball and having the little girl go grab it.  

[BobTheWalrus]

15 hours ago, elliha said:

Having worked in elderly care I don't really like when people see nursing homes as dumping grounds. Yes, they are not always great but they can be and I have seen elderly people who have had much better quality of life in a nursing home than at home. Some live up because they have people around to talk to, staff is always available, they don't feel a burden on their children or other relatives. I am not saying it is all sunshine and roses but for some it is a good or even the best alternative for quality of life. 

 

Yes. My grandma really perked up when we got her into a care home. She didn't need a huge amount of specialist care, and she was so light I probably could have picked up up if she fell. But she loved being around other people, chatting in the living room and going on all the outings they arranged. The improvement in her mental health from being happy and not isolated any more also had a knock-on effect on her physical health, particularly her willingness to eat and drink, and she went from being almost at death's door to live another 4-5 years.

[TShirtsLongSkirts]

Yep, my mum and dad have told me if they get to a point where they can't look after themselves, they don't want to be a burden on me and to put them in a care home. My dad even said "as long as they have sports channels and lots of other old people to hang out with I'll be very happy" ha ha! It's a long way off yet hopefully but that is also the attitude I'd like to have when I'm old. 

There's so many options now too as well as nursing homes, like those retirement apartments where you have your independence but can press the button and get help if necessary. That's really cool and hopefully the options for the elderly will only get better over the next few decades! 

So yeah, no excuse to have children just because you want them to look after you when you're old - very selfish. 

[LadyCrow1313]

8 minutes ago, TShirtsLongSkirts said:

There's so many options now too as well as nursing homes, like those retirement apartments where you have your independence but can press the button and get help if necessary. That's really cool and hopefully the options for the elderly will only get better over the next few decades! 

My father lives in a senior apartment building; it's not assisted living, but it's exactly like the above bolded words. It's a nice place, really (& I wouldn't mind living there myself), convenient to shops/major highways, most of the folks there are friendly, & he's met his fiancée there (& she's a wonderful lady).