Nathan 3: "She loves me, she loves me not, she loves . . . "

[VelociRapture]

On 7/14/2018 at 9:40 PM, just_ordinary said:

I wonder if the shock about the failed courtship/heartbreak made him swallowing the kool-aid big time. He didn’t seem to be such an ass before and I see no reason why UP should have changed the editing of his parts. Especially as they do a very good job to make them look so normal and sweet.

My guess is that he wasn’t as fierce on all that stuff before and the fact the he fell for a young woman who is Fundie but much more worldly proofes that to me. It didn’t work out and I can see why he might feel like it was a „punishment“ because he wasn’t really into the Gothardite ways. And now he is overcompensating.

If I remember right, he was an ass to Michael when she went wedding dress shopping. Lawson was too. I think they were hangry and pissy she was taking so long... to which I ask:

1. Why didn’t you eat before going?

2. Why didn’t you bring a snack?

3. Why did you go at all if you weren’t going to be supportive?

[nokidsmom]

On 3/13/2018 at 10:43 AM, QuiverDance said:

Short hair!  That is ungodly!  

All joking aside, I am so glad Ashley escaped the Bates family.

I am glad she escaped them as well.   Just the whole "country bumpkin" episode where Nathan's family visits Ashley's pretty much told me that it would really be better for Ashley if this didn't work out.  Kinda like Josiah's ex, Majorie, she is out and about, enjoying life, doing things she would have gotten to do if the courtship actually worked out.

And if she and Nathan can be friends after this, then great.  

[TatiFish9]

Great news from Ashley!  Lumerit seems to be some sort of budget friendly excelerated program. However, Liberty will offer an accredited degree. I hope she posts about her time in classes. Could be an inspiration for others. Will be interesting to see what she does once she's graduated. I can totally see her in a communications focused position with her bubbly personality.

[ModestisHottest]

Has anyone else seen this? Is her ex-boyfriend's brother her best friend? 

[TatiFish9]

Ashley is one of the few fundies I have left on my social media, but I missed this one. Curious that she is still associated with the family. I do wonder how that works out with her and Nathan. I know they were hanging together again for awhile. She clarified that it was friendship only in one of her comments. Some people are just friendly in that way. No harm, no foul - except Nathan was clearly hurt. I hope they're not turning into one of those ex-friend couples (that we see in the secular dating world) where one still secretly thinks there is a chance and the other just enjoys the company. Hard to tell. They're pretty quiet about it all. She tends to post about the Bates in instastories.

 I always wondered what her connection was to Josiah. In the past, I thought she seemed more attracted to him than Nathan. But once again, that is one of my many speculations that may have zeeeerrrrroooo merit.

Edited July 28, 2018 by TatiFish9
one word, to ruin them all

[QuiverDance]

21 hours ago, ModestisHottest said:

Has anyone else seen this? Is her ex-boyfriend's brother her best friend? 

This is f’g weird, by any standard. 

[BeccaGrim]

3 hours ago, QuiverDance said:

This is f’g weird, by any standard. 

They probably do it to prove the courting model works.  Like hey we saved our hearts so we can still all be BFFs

[TatiFish9]

I have known people to stay in touches with exes and their families. Rare but it happens. But this is sorta strangish. Most likely Nathan flew her and sisters to Big Sandy this year. She has been around him and Lawson as of the last few months. She also posted a dramatic comment on Josie's page last year about being her friend despite... I bet she only wanted to be friends/date but got caught up in some sort of courtship situation. I remember when Nathan was talking about marriage she kind of finagled  a "yeah, sure ..."

I think there were issues from the start but she doesn't hold it against him or the family. I wonder if he has moved on or if he is pining and still trying to spend time with her. I dunno. I expect him to be the next Bates courtship (with someone else). But who knows. Katie is coming of age. Lawson seems to be wanting to find someone. You can never tell.

[llg1234]

Maybe Lawson and Ashley will get together and give us some actual drama on BuB. 

Who am I kidding, even if that did happen, it will still be portrayed as rainbows and sunshine on the show.

[TatiFish9]

They would never show this. What a scandal it would be. lol Two brothers. One girl. Nathan trying to stab them all. Not a good look for UP's family first vibe.

[ophelia]

17 hours ago, QuiverDance said:

This is f’g weird, by any standard. 

And it somehow makes me feel sorry for Nathan. I hope he is really okay with this!

[just_ordinary]

On 7/29/2018 at 2:53 PM, QuiverDance said:

This is f’g weird, by any standard. 

I strongly disagree!

While I personally prefer to live my life without being in contact to my exes, I know many many people who still are in contact- loosely or indeed as close friends. My BFF for example has found a great friend in her boyfriend‘s ex. I am the jealous type, so that is a no-go to me but she is very nice and I am happy for the three of them. 

Most of the time, both partners are heartbroken after a break up but as long as there havn’t been drastic reasons (cheating, abuse...) I can see why some are able to become friends. 

Edited July 31, 2018 by just_ordinary

[QuiverDance]

2 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

I strongly disagree!

While I personally prefer to live my life without being in contact to my exes, I know many many people who still are in contact- loosely or indeed as close friends. My BFF for example has found a great friend in her boyfriend‘s ex. I am the jealous type, so that is a no-go to me but she is very nice and I am happy for the three of them. 

Most of the time, both partners are heartbroken after a break up but as long as there havn’t been drastic reasons (cheating, abuse...) I can see why some are able to become friends. 

I meant it’s weird for Ashley to be all “best buds” on social media with her ex’s BROTHER after a very public breakup. That is just seriously uncool on many levels. 

[TatiFish9]

It does seem famous fundie strange, if nothing else. But then again how many failed famous fundie courtships do we get to see, compared to the ones that are known to succeed into marriage.

Ashley seems to have a top level outgoing personality. I can see her have many "best buds".

Plus, this family almost died when Nathan said he wanted to marry her. Such an awkward anouncement. For that reason and many others Lawson would not get away with courting her. But I don't think that's what is going here. If I am in a guessing mood, I would say she and Nathan are hanging again. Lawson is around for the chaperoning and thus this whole bestie stuff. If experience tells me anything, this is probably not going to end well, if one is still in love. However who knows. Nathan could be announcing a courtship to someone else any day now. 

[KelseyAnn]

12 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

I strongly disagree!

While I personally prefer to live my life without being in contact to my exes, I know many many people who still are in contact- loosely or indeed as close friends. My BFF for example has found a great friend in her boyfriend‘s ex. I am the jealous type, so that is a no-go to me but she is very nice and I am happy for the three of them. 

Most of the time, both partners are heartbroken after a break up but as long as there havn’t been drastic reasons (cheating, abuse...) I can see why some are able to become friends. 

My favorite sister and I literally shared all our friends and boyfriends. If not remaining in contact with any of those that were broken up by either one of us, we would likely not have anyone to hang out with. 

[BeccaGrim]

On 7/29/2018 at 4:24 PM, TatiFish9 said:

They would never show this. What a scandal it would be. lol Two brothers. One girl. Nathan trying to stab them all. Not a good look for UP's family first vibe.

On the Next Bringing Up Bates, Gil and Kelly on the couch, "As A Mom when One Child tries to commit mass murder on the family..."

[HereticHick]

On 7/30/2018 at 1:55 AM, ophelia said:

And it somehow makes me feel sorry for Nathan. I hope he is really okay with this!

I think Nathan lost all love for Ashley when she cut her hair. Boyfriend has some strong opinions about female hair.

[Tangy Bee]

Ashley deserves better in the fundie world. Still think she would have been bored out of her mine in that part of TN. 

[TatiFish9]

22 hours ago, BeccaGrim said:

On the Next Bringing Up Bates, Gil and Kelly on the couch, "As A Mom when One Child tries to commit mass murder on the family..."

lolol! Don't forget to add her strategically placed hand on chest for added emphasis. 

[QuiverDance]

On 7/31/2018 at 10:07 AM, KelseyAnn said:

My favorite sister and I literally shared all our friends and boyfriends. If not remaining in contact with any of those that were broken up by either one of us, we would likely not have anyone to hang out with. 

I totally get this, but I draw a clear distinction between remaining friends with your sister's ex and having a public special (i.e. described with a superlative) relationship with that ex.  I think it's pretty insensitive.  Then again, maybe Nathan doesn't care.  

[victoriasponge]

I'm going to be best woman for my ex next summer , I get that some people think it's weird but we were best friends then and we're best friends now. My boyfriend has met him and they get on, and his fiancée has given her blessing for it so...

Real difference is we were normal people who weren't courting with the intent to marry, we were just together to see what happened and where it went with no expectations.

[QuiverDance]

31 minutes ago, victoriasponge said:

I'm going to be best woman for my ex next summer , I get that some people think it's weird but we were best friends then and we're best friends now. My boyfriend has met him and they get on, and his fiancée has given her blessing for it so...

Real difference is we were normal people who weren't courting with the intent to marry, we were just together to see what happened and where it went with no expectations.

I think this is great!  I am friends with most of my exes, except for the one I was married to.   

About this, though:  you are not married to his brother, and he's not marrying your sister.  KWIM?  There is just an element of ... IDK betrayal I guess in that for me.  

Anecdotally, this is not the same thing at all, but my ex's cousin and I were always close during our marriage and we remain good friends, and he is so pissed off / hurt about it that he has completely cut her out of his life.  Just because she SPEAKS to me. I can hardly imagine what he'd have done if I was besties with his brother!!!!  And honestly, if he were still friends with any of my close family members, it would probably bother me to a certain extent.  I think I could learn to let it go after a number of years, but I have seen first hand how territorial people are after breakups.

Like everything on FJ, a lot of speculation and projection going on here, but I still think it's over the line. 

 

[victoriasponge]

@QuiverDance Yeah I don't have siblings so I don't really know how I'd feel if he was to date someone I was related to. Though with how chill our break-up was, I'm not actually sure I'd care. We carried on hanging out almost as often, it was the least drama I've seen with the end of the relationship.

Guess I see it as dependent on how the relationship ended and what kind of a relationship it was. If I had been married to him like you were then, yeah, I can see it being a bigger deal. So I think the issue comes back to the courtship dynamic, if he is annoyed about it, then I think a lot of it comes with these stupid 'dating with a purpose' things they've got going on. Any other person who went ape over their brother staying friends with someone they'd never even been alone with or hugged would be verging on psycho, in my opinion, but their cult places so much ridiculous focus on these relationships that by any vaguely-secular standard are really loose and odd. I mean... I'd be a bit grumpy too if my family stayed buddy-buddy with someone I had been in a really serious relationship with that ended badly... but by any normal stretch of the imagination those two shouldn't have been serious, they just were because God or something. Idk. Courtship horrifies me.

Anyway, maybe he's not grumpy and is chill. I don't know the guy.

[just_ordinary]

I really don’t get it.

Ashley isn’t dating Lawson as far as we know. She has posted several photos with Nathan’s siblings (mostly sisters) after the break up and stretched how close they still are and no one found that problematic. Is it because Lawson is a guy and she is a girl?

Nathan and Ashley have been together at numerous occasions since the break up and are pictured in the same group shots. While he was certainly crushed after the courtship ended he seems to be absolutely fine now. If he is not it would be on his family to be sensitive about it not Ashley.

I actually don’t give to much about how people (especially from the US) write on Social Media about friendships and relationships. The semantics are very different to my culture so it always seems exaggerated and I often cannot take it seriously (I mean how many BFFs can you have? And if they change every two years maybe they have only ever been friends?). It is a general problem on SM (not just US) though. Everything is written in superlatives (awesome instead of just nice- what is wrong with things being just nice?) but culture plays a role in how we phrase things and how we react to those wordings. 

What I try to say: I don’t think Ashley and Lawson are that close. I can’t see them texting or talking regularly. They might get on very well when they meet at certain occasions/events but that seems to be it.

Edited August 7, 2018 by just_ordinary

[llucie]

Lawson seems to get on really well with the girls, he has lots of female friends, its surprising that he hasnt find one that wants to court him yet.