Bates Family Part 16 - Babystep Bates

[16strong]

1 hour ago, MorningMist said:

I completely agree that, due to her background, she should be more prepared and understanding of mean comments but some of them were just awful. The ones I'm mainly referring to were the ones about Allie - they were saying things like she was ugly or that she was probably/looked autistic, that's not okay in my opinion regardless of how polite people were 'trying' to sound. However, how much Alyssa's decision was about those comments or the others I do not know.

Ah, thank you for listing those. Yeah, those are not acceptable or nice comments. I agree that they are just awful. But I still stand by the ones from FJers and other objective "critics." Build a bridge and get over those.

[formergothardite]

Mocking her baby is totally unacceptable, but the reason she gets hateful comments about the lifestyle she has chosen to live is because it is a hateful, dangerous lifestyle. 

[elliha]

I think a break from social media is a fully valid choice for everyone so I just wish her a nice break. It doesn't matter how prepared your are, some people online are just so beyond nasty. Criticism is something that one must expect and the occasional nasty comment even but it can go overboard. A blogger I follow had one sentence taken out of context by a couple of people and they started a riot against her which led to her having to take a complete break from all social media and then slowly work herself back to blogging. She published some of the things people told her and it was some of the more disgusting things I have seen. On top of that rape threats against her and her children for example. I hope Alyssa has not gotten private e-mails and such of that nature. 

[theinvisiblegirl]

The Bates' account replied to the post. Why not text her that, or call her? Since she's taking a break, she probably won't see it anyway, Kelly...

 

[19 cats and counting]

I agree about the comments on her daughter.  That's just uncalled for.

I also wonder if Becky M (the Olympic champion leghumper commenter) said something that crossed the line too (I think she pissed off either Kelly or Ashley in previous comments).

As for her SM-- she's a semi-public figure.  Her parents are semi-public figures and her FIL is a public figure.  If she (and John and Allie)  wants more privacy, she needs to sit down and have a heart to heart with both sets of them and lay down some guidelines.  Perhaps distance herself from the show (including the paycheck that comes with it) and campaign activities. But she also used her Instagram like a Kardashian to hawk shit as well.  She can't have it both ways.  

Also I semi feel for her (and her siblings, and the Duggar kids) because she didn't sign up for this.  It was her parents that put her on TV in the first place (during her awkward teenage years in frumpers).  Yes she's a married adult now, but I don't know if the show would be the same if she (or any other kidult) opted out (unless the producers are intentionally hiding them a la Joshley) and it could be a bone of contention. 

I also thought she's done a pretty good job with commenters in the past.  I can remember one that basically called her immodest for wearing pants and she basically said 'what I wear is my business not yours' in a respectful but firm way.

My (former) congressman has about a dozen or so commenters on his facebook that just tear him to shreds (ironically they're the types that support Alyssa's FIL).  They've gone beyond political disagreements and have threatened his wife and kids.  Another commenter said that he should have been where Gabby Giffords was.  The congressman told me that he is disgusted by the comments and doesn't even read them anymore (sometimes he has a staffer or intern do it).  (This is his legislative FB page, not his campaign one and he typically doesn't get very partisan on it).

[SassyPants]

While I think it's classless to go on her IG and make nasty comments, perhaps it's time to live a more private life?

She's an adult. Her family now consists of she, her hubs and their child. Maybe they should make different decisions which would provide them with a more private life.

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, 19 cats and counting said:

Yes she's a married adult now, but I don't know if the show would be the same if she (or any other kidult) opted out (unless the producers are intentionally hiding them a la Joshley) and it could be a bone of contention. 

It wouldn't and I bet there is a lot of pressure for them to be involved. It isn't just opting out of the show, her parents have put her in a situation where she would be forced to opt out of all family events if she did not want to be involved. If she quit, the show and family events, it would be obvious and it would start showing the less shiny, happy side of the family, and you know Gil, Kelly and possible other siblings would blame her for ruining it all. 

If she truly wants a private life, she is going to have to make some very, very hard decisions. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I don't blame her for deleting. I have thick skin and could handle people calling me names or ugly but I can't handle people saying nasty things about my children. I would probably go off. 

And do people actually think Allie has autism because she doesn't smile much? Because that's fucking bullshit. My nephew was a very serious baby that didn't smile much. He's not autistic. Some babies are serious. Some babies are smiley. People need to get their heads out of their asses and stop diagnosing via Instagram.

[19 cats and counting]

1 minute ago, formergothardite said:

It wouldn't and I bet there is a lot of pressure for them to be involved. It isn't just opting out of the show, her parents have put her in a situation where she would be forced to opt out of all family events if she did not want to be involved. If she quit, the show and family events, it would be obvious and it would start showing the less shiny, happy side of the family, and you know Gil, Kelly and possible other siblings would blame her for ruining it all. 

If she truly wants a private life, she is going to have to make some very, very hard decisions. 

Opting out of family events when your family is not on TV is hard enough (I've tried many times and it drives a wedge between people).  I've given up on it myself as I don't want to hurt people (I used to do this to avoid my BIL but now there's kids in the picture).

But to do a show about a large loving family with 19 kids (how UP portrays them) with one kid opting out doesn't exactly make them look like a large loving family.  It seems that each season, there's been a Florida episode where the Websters are featured.  She CAN opt out of the role as congressman's DIL (in campaign photos, in-laws are almost never there.)

In some of these televised fundie weddings, there have been wedding party members that have been more like 'extras' for TV purposes (the Kellers of Josh/Anna's wedding party except for Priscilla/Suze, Jana Duggar at Michael/Brandon's wedding) but behind the scenes were more in the party.  I suppose it is possible to do that with Alyssa (as Counting On will do with Joshley) at regular family events. 

I don't know Alyssa IRL so I have no idea if she even likes being a public figure or not (I have read that she acts like a VIP when shopping, etc).  But to transition from public to private when your family is on TV can't be easy if that's what she wants.  Imagine Kylie Jenner being sick of public life (girl's been on TV since she was 8?) and telling her family 'fuck it all' and moving to a farm.

[crazysnark]

Well if my parents would have had me evaluated as a child I am almost positive they would have diagnosed me with autism. I only spoke in movie lines for the first 6 years of my life, had zero interest in others and spent my free time reciting William Shakespeare and Edgar Allen Poe while rocking back and forth. Around late elementary is when all of me "behaviors" stopped. Weird I know. Regardless, I had more autistic qualities than Allie Jane probably ever will have and I smiled like a clown in every single picture. 

 

People can be really stupid. 

[Exjw2015deed]

4 hours ago, MorningMist said:

I completely agree that, due to her background, she should be more prepared and understanding of mean comments but some of them were just awful. The ones I'm mainly referring to were the ones about Allie - they were saying things like she was ugly or that she was probably/looked autistic, that's not okay in my opinion regardless of how polite people were 'trying' to sound. However, how much Alyssa's decision was about those comments or the others I do not know.

I think the opposite, due to her background she is NOT prepared to deal with harsh comments. Her entire life she has been kept under the watchful eye of that gothard umbrella. The bates before the duggars lived in a 3 bedroom house with 15 kids, no internet, no cable, nothing but the dining room table. She has been sheltered severely and has no idea, until the last 2 years, of to how mean people can be. I'm not defending her, but I'm sure the bates girls have thin skin. I think Alyssa responding to mean comments has made it far worse. 

Edit: Also to add, most of us had to deal with school yard bullying. Imagine coming from a family where if your sister picks on, you have to give her your most prized possession. (Jana and Jessa). 

[formergothardite]

 

Just now, Exjw2015deed said:

She has been seltered severely and has no idea, until the last 2 years, of to how mean people can be.

ITA. I think she also has most likely been sheltered from the idea that so many people view IBLP and the lifestyle of the family as dangerous and evil. I"m sure it came as a shock that people think her father is a bad person. She has been raise to see what Gil did and what Jim Bob and Michelle did as something totally normal. I'm sure it has all been a bit of a shock to her system. 

[Exjw2015deed]

3 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

 

ITA. I think she also has most likely been sheltered from the idea that so many people view IBLP and the lifestyle of the family as dangerous and evil. I"m sure it came as a shock that people think her father is a bad person. She has been raise to see what Gil did and what Jim Bob and Michelle did as something totally normal. I'm sure it has all been a bit of a shock to her system. 

I agree. I was raised jehovah witness, but went to public school, had cousins who were not, and was allowed to associate outside of the sect, (which is rare). 

I can't imagine having all my interactions be with one group of people. Yes thebbates have non gothard family, but lord of light knows those interactions were heavily monitored. 

[19 cats and counting]

1 minute ago, Exjw2015deed said:

I think the opposite, due to her background she is NOT prepared to deal with harsh comments. Her entire life she has been kept under the watchful eye of that gothard umbrella. The bates before the duggars lived in a 3 bedroom house with 15 kids, no internet, no cable, nothing but the dining room table. She has been seltered severely and has no idea, until the last 2 years, of to how mean people can be. I'm not defending her, but I'm sure the bates girls have thin skin. I think Alyssa responding to mean comments has made it far worse. 

I think the Bates house was added to in 2009, so Alyssa lived in the bigger house for 5 years.   She was on and off TV since 17 Kids and Counting was on which would put her at 13-14.  On her first TV appearance she sports a bright orange frumper that makes her look like a traffic cone.

As far as having thick skin.  Fundie or not, famous or not, everyone has different levels.  Taylor Swift had a ton of shit thrown at her and she turned it into a song and has the 'haters gonna hate' attitude (in public).  But not everyone is like that.  I couldn't even imagine how it feels to read comments from strangers on the internet about your 1 year old daughter.

As far as IBLP/ATI goes--- that is the only world the Bates kids know.  And I doubt that most of them even know about the lawsuit and Gil's involvement (maybe Erin or Michael).

I'm sure the Bates kids have been told repeatedly to be afraid of the outside world (Erin's green hair comment, Zach saying one of Josh's cars was previously owned by a drug dealer, Nathan railing about the evils of the internet).  They've come a long way since then, but it is just the beginning.

Also I wonder if Alyssa even knows her FIL has been called 'Taliban Dan' before.  (Or even what the Taliban is.)  She (or any of these kidults) could very well be Kimmy Schmidt.

[MorningMist]

40 minutes ago, Exjw2015deed said:

I think the opposite, due to her background she is NOT prepared to deal with harsh comments. Her entire life she has been kept under the watchful eye of that gothard umbrella. The bates before the duggars lived in a 3 bedroom house with 15 kids, no internet, no cable, nothing but the dining room table. She has been sheltered severely and has no idea, until the last 2 years, of to how mean people can be. I'm not defending her, but I'm sure the bates girls have thin skin. I think Alyssa responding to mean comments has made it far worse. 

Edit: Also to add, most of us had to deal with school yard bullying. Imagine coming from a family where if your sister picks on, you have to give her your most prized possession. (Jana and Jessa). 

I see your point, these kids aren't really knowledgable about the real world. Maybe I was just being too generous in thinking Alyssa would have enough understanding to expect criticism for her way of life. I think I was being actually now that I think about it.

[season of life]

Can Alyssa disable comments on her IG? 

Becky M is irritating. I've seen multiple comments asking people if she can follow their accounts, making over the top compliments about fundies and their lives, and requesting personal info about romantic pursuits. Can we have a thread for her?!

[JermajestyDuggar]

31 minutes ago, season of life said:

Can Alyssa disable comments on her IG? 

Becky M is irritating. I've seen multiple comments asking people if she can follow their accounts, making over the top compliments about fundies and their lives, and requesting personal info about romantic pursuits. Can we have a thread for her?!

Do you have any screen shots? She sounds like a gem!

[MorningMist]

Can Alyssa disable comments on her IG? 

Becky M is irritating. I've seen multiple comments asking people if she can follow their accounts, making over the top compliments about fundies and their lives, and requesting personal info about romantic pursuits. Can we have a thread for her?!

I'm 99% sure you can't disable comments on Instagram, you can go private though.

[season of life]

On 23/06/2016 at 5:01 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

Do you have any screen shots? She sounds like a gem!

Took a bunch right now. She asks them for videos, more pictures, has DMed them so much to the point she gave up when they didn't respond, and is an overall leghumper.

Spoiler

 

 

[bewilderedandbemused]

As much as I will shamefully admit to checking Alyssa's posts, I am glad she's made this decision, and I hope she sticks to it.  The fewer the opportunities for the Bates to portray themselves - but more importantly, their scary, horrible belief system - in a positive light, the better.  And nasty personal attacks are just plain wrong and nobody should have to deal with that.

Also, I can't help but hope that being out of the spotlight could give her freedom to take steps (even tiny ones) away from IBLP/ATI.  Not that I think she would post about it even if she remained on instagram, but still.  I can dream, right?   

[season of life]

11 minutes ago, bewilderedandbemused said:

As much as I will shamefully admit to checking Alyssa's posts, I am glad she's made this decision, and I hope she sticks to it.  The fewer the opportunities for the Bates to portray themselves - but more importantly, their scary, horrible belief system - in a positive light, the better.  And nasty personal attacks are just plain wrong and nobody should have to deal with that.

You're right, the less opportunities the better. I hadn't thought of that.

[doubleT]

I don't really care what Alyssa does, but I think her taking a break from her Instagram is a good thing. 

She can't exactly quit her family and almost all family events are filmed, so this is her way of taking back her life.

Maybe she'll do some re-grouping.  Maybe she'll question things. 

[marmalade]

This account was for the public. Alyssa should have just left it alone, ie. not read comments. She's not the fist quasi-celeb with thin skin: same goes for Lawson and Jessa, who are serial blockers. The rest either don't read (I doubt Jill and Derick read their comments, for instance), or are able to live and let live. I think Michael fits in this category; she responded to a query I once had. I'm not sure how she avoids the crazies, but her wall seems pretty mellow.

Can you see a Kardashian on a banning spree? And I bet they get even worse shit hurled at them than Alyssa has had, which is admittedly pretty awful where Allie Jane is concerned. She has her private account for the people who really matter to her. I hope she prunes out the fans on THAT follower list. 

[season of life]

She could always make a separate account just for friends and family. Or Alyssa can choose to withhold pictures of Allie.

[Melissa1977]

Since 2 years ago, Alyssa was living isolated and with no social freedom (no contact with heathens) and no free internet nor full access to books or magazines. She's been raised in obedience and corporal punishment. She's just 21 years old. Considering this, I think she's shown herself mature and self-confident in IG. She has dealed with nasty comments and has given smart answers.

I think it's OK that she looks for privacy. Both John and her seem private people. Just hope they truly decide their own way of life.

I think she's probably pregnant and wants a quiet time.

3 hours ago, season of life said:

She could always make a separate account just for friends and family. Or Alyssa can choose to withhold pictures of Allie.

She has a private IG, it's been post in an old topic.