Bates Family Part 16 - Babystep Bates

[Exjw2015deed]

5 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Free babysitting

I imagine she must feel quite lonely. It has to be a cultural shock to come from the south from an absurdly large family, to move to a city with no one but your husband. She must have loved it first but then began to feel homesick. I know Alyssa at least had johns family with her in Florida, do any keilens live in Chicago?

I'm sure she also was hopefully to be a mother at this point as well. A small part of me feels bad for her. I hope if she is truly in school it is keeping her busy and allowing her some social interaction. Sorry to say. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 minutes ago, Exjw2015deed said:

I imagine she must feel quite lonely. It has to be a cultural shock to come from the south from an absurdly large family, to move to a city with no one but your husband. She must have loved it first but then began to feel homesick. I know Alyssa at least had johns family with her in Florida, do any keilens live in Chicago?

I'm sure she also was hopefully to be a mother at this point as well. A small part of me feels bad for her. I hope if she is truly in school it is keeping her busy and allowing her some social interaction. Sorry to say. 

I hope she's able to stay busy as well. In TN she had a nanny job, went to school, had her enormous family to take care of, and people to socialize with. I imagine she's glued to Brandon the minute he gets home from work until the minute he leaves for work. And I wouldn't be surprised if she visited him for lunch like Jill used to do with Derick.

[infooverload]

I think she probably stays busy doing nanny work, studying, hanging out with church friends and going places with WiFi to post. Also seems as though her and Brandon do date nights. Anybody wonder what the two of them would watch if they could Netflix and chill? I know random, but it would be nice to know. The Christian entertainment they can watch has to after a while be boring on some level. Would be interesting to know what type of reading and classes she has been exposed to for her degree. I also think she was closer to Zach and Whitney when she stilled lived in Tennessee. I only say that because during an episode where her and Brandon hung out at their house and not at Erin & Chad's.

[HereticHick]

As far as I can tell, Brandon & Michael-girl should be packing. According to media accounts, the Gothard mothership should be totally moved to Big Sandy by summer.

[JillyO]

8 hours ago, infooverload said:

I think she probably stays busy doing nanny work, studying, hanging out with church friends and going places with WiFi to post. Also seems as though her and Brandon do date nights. Anybody wonder what the two of them would watch if they could Netflix and chill? I know random, but it would be nice to know. The Christian entertainment they can watch has to after a while be boring on some level. Would be interesting to know what type of reading and classes she has been exposed to for her degree. I also think she was closer to Zach and Whitney when she stilled lived in Tennessee. I only say that because during an episode where her and Brandon hung out at their house and not at Erin & Chad's.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/jamiejones/netflix-and-chill-fails?utm_term=.pvvAGllYK#.jsRjrPPvW So... Probably not watching anything.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

[JermajestyDuggar]

12 hours ago, HereticHick said:

As far as I can tell, Brandon & Michael-girl should be packing. According to media accounts, the Gothard mothership should be totally moved to Big Sandy by summer.

Living in that tiny apartment, packing up probably only takes a day.

[nastyhobbitses]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Living in that tiny apartment, packing up probably only takes a day.

Not with all those requisite fundie house knickknacks.

[19 cats and counting]

If they play their cards correctly, they won't have much packing to do.  Simply make the move into an episode and you can get UP to pay for the movers.

[JermajestyDuggar]

58 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Not with all those requisite fundie house knickknacks.

One of the worst parts of having a giant family would be all the STUFF. I would basically get rid of every single knock knack in my house. Because it would already be filled to the brim with all the kids' crap. The thought of how much stuff a family of 21 would accumulate makes me ill.

[catlady]

On ‎6‎/‎10‎/‎2016 at 8:55 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I've always thought it extremely hypocritical of the fundies to be so lead by the bible yet they completely ignore so many sins. Vanity being one of them. You are right that the girls basically have to be fundie peacocks (I know it's the male peacocks that show off) in order to catch a boy's attention. I feel so sad for the less attractive girls in these fundie circles. I am unattractive and didn't even date in high school because practically no one was interested!

 

I'm way behind on this thread, but with all sincerity, thank you for saying this; so often I feel like I'm the only one. 

[theinvisiblegirl]

@JermajestyDuggar @catlady I feel this on a deep emotional level. I'm unattractive and fat and had no prospects in high school. 21 now, and I've still never had a date. It can feel lonely sometimes when I think about all the other people I know who are in relationships or who regularly date, and it's nice to know what my high school situation (and perhaps even my current situation) aren't all that unnormal, just not the norm amongst the people I know.

[catlady]

28 minutes ago, theinvisiblegirl said:

@JermajestyDuggar @catlady I feel this on a deep emotional level. I'm unattractive and fat and had no prospects in high school. 21 now, and I've still never had a date. It can feel lonely sometimes when I think about all the other people I know who are in relationships or who regularly date, and it's nice to know what my high school situation (and perhaps even my current situation) aren't all that unnormal, just not the norm amongst the people I know.

I'm more than twice your age, but I'm going to spare you the it-will-happen-someday crap.  I always felt so insulted when people said things like that to me.  I always wanted to be one of those cute girls in high school, but I was bland and ordinary, and didn't know how to be witty or charming.  I knew I wasn't pretty, and to this day I find it condescending when someone says "you're so beautiful."  I look in the mirror every day, I know the truth.  I was looking at old yearbooks last weekend because my nephew graduates this month, and I kept thinking about how I was almost in survival mode waiting for high school to be over (college was marginally better), and I felt uncomfortable just looking at these books.  I had signed up to be a yearbook photographer so I could avoid being in front of the camera, because even then I hated having my picture taken.  For that reason, i've never posted a selfie on facebook; I've never even taken a selfie.

I think I do have a point in here somewhere.....we have a culture that places high importance on outward appearance, and those of us who don't have classical beauty, bikini bodies, or the ability to stand out in a crowd are constantly aware of such.  It's hard to adapt, but we do it anyway.  I was well into my thirties before I really started to feel ok with who I am.  Hang in there, @theinvisiblegirl; you're truly not alone.

[Fascinated]

That's beautifully stated, @catlady.

I sometimes think of this from a different perspective.  Just look at the faces of some 'celebrities'. Let's, for the sake of the discussion, limit this to women.  The actresses who have been 'successful' but purely because of their appearance. Look at the struggle they face as they age and their whole self-worth goes down the tubes.  Their worth doesn't actually, but if that's all they think they have to offer and then it's gone, then what do they have?  So we see these sad plastic surgery nightmares. I guess my point is that the majority of women struggle at some time or other, Christie Brinkley notwithstanding. I'm not trying to make light of any of this. It's hard. It's really hard. But you are not invisible. Not at all!!

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 hours ago, catlady said:

I'm way behind on this thread, but with all sincerity, thank you for saying this; so often I feel like I'm the only one. 

No I see what you're getting at. I had to develop in other ways because I knew I would never be pretty. So I use humor to win people over. And I'm glad it will never fade away. So my husband and I will crack each other up even when we're old and ugly as hell ;-)

[Nashville92]

2 hours ago, theinvisiblegirl said:

  @catlady I feel this on a deep emotional level. I'm unattractive and fat and hriad no prospettcts in high school. 21 now, and I've still never had a date. It can feel lonely sometimes when I think about all the other people I know who are in relationships or who regularly date, and it's l to know what my high school situati on (and perhaps even my current situation) aren't all that unnormal, just not the norm amongst the people I know.

I'm in the same boat, I'll be 27 in A few weeks.  It's hard and I get extremely lonely.  During high school I got teased by boys because of my curly f rizzy hair and everything else.  I wasn't popular so I was an easy target.  I developed an extremely low self esteem that I still have to this day. I've never had a date either and the ladies at work seem to think I want to date every single guy there.  I so badly want to get married and have a family but honestly I just don't think I have anyone out there for me.  Great now I sound depressed.  But I just wanted to say thanks to the people at Free Jinger, yall have helped a lot.  It's nice to have friends to talk to 

[HermioneSparrow]

40 minutes ago, Nashville92 said:

I'm in the same boat, I'll be 27 in A few weeks.  It's hard and I get extremely lonely.  During high school I got teased by boys because of my curly f rizzy hair and everything else.  I wasn't popular so I was an easy target.  I developed an extremely low self esteem that I still have to this day. I've never had a date either and the ladies at work seem to think I want to date every single guy there.  I so badly want to get married and have a family but honestly I just don't think I have anyone out there for me.  Great now I sound depressed.  But I just wanted to say thanks to the people at Free Jinger, yall have helped a lot.  It's nice to have friends to talk to 

This subject hits home to me. I understand the feeling, I was bullied and had very low self steem, my mom is gorgeous and that doesn't help (one time a guy in high school told me 'why you're not as beautiful as your mom is?'), and i wasn't pretty. I'm 26 and now feel beautiful, i learned to appreciate my intelligence, compassion and sweetness, I think i'm pretty.. But that wasn't overnight, I had my first date barely 3 years ago, had one boyfriend and I'm single. It's not easy but hang in there, there IS someone out there who will appreciate and love you very much.

[twinmama]

2 hours ago, theinvisiblegirl said:

@JermajestyDuggar @catlady I feel this on a deep emotional level. I'm unattractive and fat and had no prospects in high school. 21 now, and I've still never had a date. It can feel lonely sometimes when I think about all the other people I know who are in relationships or who regularly date, and it's nice to know what my high school situation (and perhaps even my current situation) aren't all that unnormal, just not the norm amongst the people I know.

I've never really felt unattractive, but incredibly crazy shy and socially awkward. I didn't really date in high school, or college, had one boyfriend for a month in grad school, then I met my husband when I was 26. So nothing at all, not a date or a kiss, until I was 25 and now I'm married with two kids. So if it is something you want for your life, hang in there, it can happen even if it hasn't happened in the last 21 years!

[bashfulpixie]

I wish I could like that multiple times @catlady.  I'm in my 30s now and I'm finally starting to like myself.  I'm never going to be the prettiest girl in the room, or have an awesome body.  But I'm finally starting to appreciate myself.  I'm with catlady- you aren't alone @theinvisiblegirl no matter how much it feels that way.

[sndral]

I think our current culture somehow warps young women's self image - even very pretty women/girls are full of self doubt, even self loathing. They may not show it or say it, but those whom I'd consider model looks worthy that I've known through the years often have very deep insecurities about their looks. And IME their need for affirmation of their attractiveness (especially as they age) is exhausting for their 'friends.'

I deep down believed that men would always choose the prettier woman until I finally realized that who a person is is more important than how a person looks when Prince Charles dumped Princess Diana - who was routinely on the cover of every magazine - for the older, heavier, uglier and frumpier Camilla. 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

4 hours ago, HermioneSparrow said:

This subject hits home to me. I understand the feeling, I was bullied and had very low self steem, my mom is gorgeous and that doesn't help (one time a guy in high school told me 'why you're not as beautiful as your mom is?'), and i wasn't pretty. I'm 26 and now feel beautiful, i learned to appreciate my intelligence, compassion and sweetness, I think i'm pretty.. But that wasn't overnight, I had my first date barely 3 years ago, had one boyfriend and I'm single. It's not easy but hang in there, there IS someone out there who will appreciate and love you very much.

I can relate to this.

I was a very awkward teenager. I had to wear very thick glasses at a time glasses were not cute or stylish, my school banned makeup so covering my acne wasn't an option and halfway through, I also quit high level gymnastics due to a broken ankle and piled on weight very quickly when I stopped training for 25 hours a week. It took about 3 years for my height to catch up to the weight and for me to even out...I was still chubby though. My small group of friends weren't even really friends.....we were just the outcasts no one else wanted to be friends with so sat with each other in solidarity. I haven't spoken to all but one of them since graduation day. I retreated into being a 'nerd' and throwing myself into things like the History club and French club. I was always funny and good at talking to people, just.....no one wanted to talk to me because I was a chubby ugly nerd and that's how high school is. I was bullied so much that to this day, I wouldn't go back to high school for a million dollars. 

I'm half Colombian......so used to get called 'Ugly Izzy' like 'Ugly Betty'. It caught on from a El Salvadoran girl in my grade who knew the show using it. It even once slipped out of a teacher's mouth. I think that is why I still can't STAND being called Izzy and won't let anyone use it. 

Anyway. I'm now turning 30 this year and for fear of sounding arrogant, I'm actually what you'd call quite pretty these days. My skin started to clear up when I was about 19-20 and hasn't bothered me since. Glasses started to become 'cool' and with it, I started to have tons of cute frames to pick from and I often wear contacts. I started doing something with my hair and lost weight by working out. It also really helped when I moved away in my twenties an wasn't living somewhere where 'everyone knows someone who knows you', I felt 'free' of my high school days.

But.........I can be surprisingly very un-self confident because of the emotional 'damage' my high school days left me with. I still struggle to believe compliments because of all the times people in school would compliment me and then say '......KIDDING' or 'HAHAHA you didn't think I meant that did you?'. Even now, when someone gives me a compliment, I think they're setting me up as a punchline. I sometimes struggle to believe people actually want to be my friend because of all the years of not having friends. I struggle to believe people actually think it is cool I'm interested in languages or history because of being made fun of for those interests for years. I sometimes still can't believe the guy I've been seeing actually wants to be seeing me and isn't trying to win a bet with his friendSs by dating the 'ugly girl' and when people look at me, I assume it is negative. 

[GoddessOfVictory]

I can completely relate to what's being said right now. I was always an awkward, shy, ugly kid and, as I've gotten older (early 30's now),  things have only gotten worse in the looks department. Also, thanks to my innate shyness, people almost never get to know who I am beyond the surface.

@catlady I also despise the old "it-will-happen-someday" line. No fairytale in my life yet.

[VelociRapture]

To everyone who's been brave enough to share:

You guys are wonderful just as you are. Please remember that physical beauty is far from the most important thing in life. We live in a culture that makes it seem that way, yes... But courage, intelligence, compassion, and humor are far more important qualities to cultivate and I see a great deal of that in these posts. Those are things that you can keep forever, unlike beauty which can fade with time.

If you want marriage and children then I hope you find someone worthy of your attention and love. If you don't then I hope you focus on the things that are most important to you - like your friends and family, career, furry children, hobbies, travel, etc.

You guys are phenomenal people. Don't ever let someone make you feel less than amazing.

(Said by a young woman who once struggled with her looks a lot, has come to embrace and love them, and who had never dated or kissed a guy until she met her now husband at 19.)

[JMO]

This thread veered into such a beautiful place, I feel bad that I came here to snark on the latest episode.  I will share that I felt alone in my 20's and unlovable/unattractive.  I started to make myself do various online dating services until I found my husband.  I hate dating, hate the awkward trying to get to know you crap.  He had been in the same boat as me and had been forcing himself to do online dating since he had never been able to find anyone IRL.  It was a shallow consolation when my friends would tell me it would happen, I just needed to wait.  It turned out to be true but I still try to never say that.  

On to the Bates.  I felt like last night's episode was tailored to wrap up loose ends.  They finally addressed Cherin's pregnancy.  So, they had kept it from the parents long enough to find out the Jinder and pick a name.  Interesting.  

We also see Ashley taking the lead in discussing the doubts they are having in their relationship.  This may be the most interesting thing I've seen.  1) She started the conversation and did most of the talking.  2) Have we EVER seen doubts about a relationship discussed with any other Bates/Duggar courtship?  We see a lot of lip service paid to deep discussions but for the most part it seems like treading water until the engagement.  Look at Tori jumping with joy and anxious to marry Bobby!  3)I love that Ashley readily admitted that she was attracted to him as her second reason for wanting to get to know him.  I'm wondering if this is the beginning of the end for them.  I also felt like the way they were talking and acting seemed like there is major emotional investment and there will be broken heart pieces for sure. 

Also, they said Ashley hasn't been there since the courtship started (Christmas time, mid December).  In the episode for Gil's surgery I saw either her or her sister on the couch.  Did anyone else?  That would have been January.  HMMMM. 

[trisprefect]

9 hours ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

snip

I'm half Colombian......so used to get called 'Ugly Izzy' like 'Ugly Betty'. It caught on from a El Salvadoran girl in my grade who knew the show using it. It even once slipped out of a teacher's mouth. I think that is why I still can't STAND being called Izzy and won't let anyone use it. 

snip

But.........I can be surprisingly very un-self confident because of the emotional 'damage' my high school days left me with. I still struggle to believe compliments because of all the times people in school would compliment me and then say '......KIDDING' or 'HAHAHA you didn't think I meant that did you?'. Even now, when someone gives me a compliment, I think they're setting me up as a punchline. I sometimes struggle to believe people actually want to be my friend because of all the years of not having friends. I struggle to believe people actually think it is cool I'm interested in languages or history because of being made fun of for those interests for years. I sometimes still can't believe the guy I've been seeing actually wants to be seeing me and isn't trying to win a bet with his friendSs by dating the 'ugly girl' and when people look at me, I assume it is negative. 

This is fucking terrible -- I can't believe that a teacher would be that insensitive. I can totally relate to a lot of this. My last name is Fox and I was teased endlessly in middle school. It's a cruel irony for a teenage girl to have the name Fox when she, ahem, isn't one.

At the same time though, when I was a junior in high school I lost all my baby fat and my skin cleared up and I sort of learned what looks good on me, I still felt super ugly. None of the boys were interested in me, and I only managed to go with my crush to prom by using the "just friends" card. When I look back at myself at 17 or 18, I see a thin, pretty girl, and it makes me furious that the cruelty of other kids and the expectations of society made me feel like crap about myself. Especially knowing that realistically I will probably never look as good as I did then.

When I get hit on now, I still think of it as some desperate guy who will hit on anyone, rather than the idea that they actually think that I look good. Being a woman is so hard.

[CreationMuseumCurator]

26 minutes ago, trisprefect said:

When I look back at myself at 17 or 18, I see a thin, pretty girl, and it makes me furious that the cruelty of other kids and the expectations of society made me feel like crap about myself. Especially knowing that realistically I will probably never look as good as I did then.

This is exactly how I feel about my high school years. If only I could go back to weighing what I did the first time I thought I was fat... The sad reality, though, is that I probably wouldn't even be happy if it were to happen. The real problem resides in my head, not on my stomach.