Bates Family Part 16 - Babystep Bates

[theinvisiblegirl]

Reading all these stories makes me feel a little less shitty about... things. It's always a good reminder to know that people have had similar experiences and that it can get better and has for so many. Love to you all 

[Nashville92]

5 minutes ago, theinvisiblegirl said:

Reading all these stories makes me feel a little less shitty about... things. It's alway s a good reminder to know that people have had similar experiences and that it can get better and has for so many. Love to you all 

Good to hear.  I try to remind myself that I could be in a way worse situation.  Many if not most of my friends from high school have had terrible experiences with men.  I have a good job, just paid off my Jeep (living debt free JB would be so proud lol), and have a few good friends.  I always have hockey, it oddly enough helps me cope.  So it does get better 

[bashfulpixie]

Off topic- @Nashville92, is that Sal from Impractical Jokers in your avatar?  That show cracks me up!

Kind of on topic- you guys are making me feel better about still being single at my age. 

[Nashville92]

44 minutes ago, bashfulpixie said:

Off topic- @Nashville92, is that Sal from Impractical Jokers in your avatar?  That show cracks me up!

Kind of on topic- you guys are making me feel better about still being single at my age. 

Yep! I love Sal.  I sound like a giddy school girl talking about him haha 

Sorry if you can't read the words, but it's not work appropriate lol I've always wanted to use that emoji

[catlady]

2 hours ago, theinvisiblegirl said:

Reading all these stories makes me feel a little less shitty about... things. It's always a good reminder to know that people have had similar experiences and that it can get better and has for so many. Love to you all 

@Nashville92 is right; it can always be worse.  Eons ago, Ann Landers once said "it's better to be alone than wish you were."  Before Mr. CL came along, I had a fiancé who was an absolute bag of shit; I *was* better off alone than with that jackass, but I had taken up with him because I felt at the time that he was the best I could do.  no, *I* am the best I can do.  that was when I first started to realize that I'm the only one who can truly make me happy; everything/everyone else is a bonus.

And my dog will always love me no matter what (the cats, I'm not so sure.....).

[princessmahina]

4 hours ago, trisprefect said:

This is fucking terrible -- I can't believe that a teacher would be that insensitive.

Teachers can be awful. I remember being in high school-- an awkward virgin with no boyfriend, acne, frizzy hair, and a weight problem-- and two of my teachers calling me a whore (not my word btw, theirs) because they heard some vicious rumors. 

I always have to take a double glance at people when they say they miss high school. It was hell for me, and for a lot of other people. 

[trisprefect]

6 minutes ago, princessmahina said:

Teachers can be awful. I remember being in high school-- an awkward virgin with no boyfriend, acne, frizzy hair, and a weight problem-- and two of my teachers calling me a whore (not my word btw, theirs) because they heard some vicious rumors. 

I always have to take a double glance at people when they say they miss high school. It was hell for me, and for a lot of other people. 

Yeah, teachers can be pretty bad. I had male teachers call me "Foxy Lady" because of my last name in middle school. Now imagine being an awkward, smacked in the face by puberty sixth grader who wears baggy clothes just to avoid getting any attention whatsoever having to go up to the board after being addressed like that, and how the other kids would have responded. Didn't help that I grew boobs in like the fourth grade and I was supremely embarrassed about them.

Not as bad as being called a whore by someone in a position of authority, but god, sometimes I wish you could just slap them upside the head and say THINK WHAT YOU ARE SAYING RIGHT NOW.

[OyToTheVey]

Ok so random topic but is anyone else kinda annoyed at the Bates kids names? Like why not give them full names and use nicknames? Tori, Katie, Josie, Callie, Ellie aren't full names. There's nothing wrong with giving your kid the option of using Victoria or Tori. IDK I'm big on having a 'professional' name and using a nickname on a daily bases. 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

27 minutes ago, princessmahina said:

Teachers can be awful. I remember being in high school-- an awkward virgin with no boyfriend, acne, frizzy hair, and a weight problem-- and two of my teachers calling me a whore (not my word btw, theirs) because they heard some vicious rumors. 

I always have to take a double glance at people when they say they miss high school. It was hell for me, and for a lot of other people. 

Whenever someone tells me they miss high school, I assume they were one of the kids who made life absolutely hell for kids like me. 

But I will say that as bad as high school was for me, I feel glad that my life didn't 'peak' at 17 and that things only got (and continue) to get better. Sure, I had some depression for a couple of years that made me very unhappy, but I got it treated and my life is in a good place now. 

Looking at my former high school bullies, I'd say for about 85% of them, high school was as good as it ever got for them. I did a social media stalk of them last night after making my post (god bless most of them for having no understanding of privacy settings) and have to say the Schadenfreude was lovely. There are a couple of exceptions like the one who did well for herself as an accountant (and judging by the political stuff she shares, seems to have grown up and developed compassion for others.....she also doesn't seem to be friends with any of the other tormenters either), but for the most part, these peoples lives peaked at 18. 

Most of them still live in our small town and haven't travelled outside of the state, let alone travelled abroad. Nothing wrong with living in a small town, but these were people who during high school would tell anyone who'd listen that they couldn't wait to leave this 'dump' and that they wanted to go to London and Paris. I've moved to a really cool city and have travelled overseas to a few places, including London and Paris. 

Many of them had kids young, were left holding the baby/ies after the relationships ended and now constantly moan about how difficult having kids is and complain about their lazy/deadbeat ex partners who can't hold down jobs to support their 3 kids. A couple of them made it quite clear that they hate their lives, regret having kids and wish they could go back to 18 and 'do it all over again'. A few of them don't seem to have made any other friends since high school, which is kinda sad. 

While I don't like to body shame as a rule, I couldn't help but smirk at noticing that for people who made fun of me for my awkward phase, nearly all of them are.....very overweight these days and don't do anything with their hair. The irony is delicious........

They may have made fun of me for being so into the French club, but I'm now the one who speaks fluent French in addition to English and the Spanish/German I learned from my parents. 

I feel like for most of them, their lives never got better than being one of the 'cool kids' in high school and as horrible as high school was, I'm glad my life didn't 'peak' at 18. It made me feel like I got the last laugh coming home at 29 with a nice figure, nice hair and nice clothes in a nice city from a nice dinner planning an end of year trip to Europe and celebrating finishing my penultimate semester of my masters degree with my good looking and well dressed 24 year old French boyfriend who is a totally Kendji Girac doppelganger and NOT the deadbeat loser who can' hold down a job like their babydaddies. 

As hard as my life from 13-18 was.......I'm really glad it was a bumpy patch in my life, not the peak of my existence as a human. 

[HermioneSparrow]

12 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

To everyone who's been brave enough to share:

You guys are wonderful just as you are. Please remember that physical beauty is far from the most important thing in life. We live in a culture that makes it seem that way, yes... But courage, intelligence, compassion, and humor are far more important qualities to cultivate and I see a great deal of that in these posts. Those are things that you can keep forever, unlike beauty which can fade with time.

If you want marriage and children then I hope you find someone worthy of your attention and love. If you don't then I hope you focus on the things that are most important to you - like your friends and family, career, furry children, hobbies, travel, etc.

You guys are phenomenal people. Don't ever let someone make you feel less than amazing.

(Said by a young woman who once struggled with her looks a lot, has come to embrace and love them, and who had never dated or kissed a guy until she met her now husband at 19.)

Can't lie, I teared up. Thank you. You're going to be such a great mom, you already are.

@LawsonBatesEgo high school was the worst and I would never go back but... I became a teacher so there's that lol.

[MissAmelie]

2 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

Ok so random topic but is anyone else kinda annoyed at the Bates kids names? Like why not give them full names and use nicknames? Tori, Katie, Josie, Callie, Ellie aren't full names. There's nothing wrong with giving your kid the option of using Victoria or Tori. IDK I'm big on having a 'professional' name and using a nickname on a daily bases. 

I like their names. I'm actually not that much into giving your kid a name and then call it completely different. Like the whole Spurgeon Quincy thing. Although I like that Carson has the same name like his dad and then a different nickname, so you can tell them apart. That's a tradition I can understand doing. 

[season of life]

I had some good times in high school, but I do not miss it. At all. I'll take college any day.

It honestly depends on the name. I mean, Ellie is nowhere near as unprofessional as Marijuana (yep, there was a lady named this). I try to look at names that will last a lifetime. Does it sound good as a baby? As a teenager? What about a working adult? 

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

Ok so random topic but is anyone else kinda annoyed at the Bates kids names? Like why not give them full names and use nicknames? Tori, Katie, Josie, Callie, Ellie aren't full names. There's nothing wrong with giving your kid the option of using Victoria or Tori. IDK I'm big on having a 'professional' name and using a nickname on a daily bases. 

I feel the same way. I don't really like nick names as full names. Like Tori should be Victoria, Katie should be Katelynn or Kathryn, Josie should be Josephine, Ellie should be Eleanor/Elise/Eloise/Elizabeth and Callie should be Calliope/Callista.

it must be southern.

[LawsonBatesEgo]

2 hours ago, HermioneSparrow said:

Can't lie, I teared up. Thank you. You're going to be such a great mom, you already are.

@LawsonBatesEgo high school was the worst and I would never go back but... I became a teacher so there's that lol.

If I ever go the route of using my language ability to become a teacher, I like to think that my own experiences will give me more empathy to the students that are struggling/not popular than most of my teachers showed me. I definitely wouldn't be that teacher who joins in the 'worship' of the popular kids.  

4 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

Ok so random topic but is anyone else kinda annoyed at the Bates kids names? Like why not give them full names and use nicknames? Tori, Katie, Josie, Callie, Ellie aren't full names. There's nothing wrong with giving your kid the option of using Victoria or Tori. IDK I'm big on having a 'professional' name and using a nickname on a daily bases. 

I personally prefer 'full' names (I'd personally have used Victoria/Katherine/Josephine/Calliope/Eleanor or Elizabeth) and then called them Tori/Katie/Josie/Callie/Ellie as nicknames, but at least the nicknames are still reasonably nice names that don't sound completely.....tacky or weird, like say, Spurgeon. And I imagine having a 'cute' name is less of a 'hinderance' for in Tennessee for the kind of jobs they'd be looking for than it would be in perhaps say, New York for a soul be lawyer. But I still personally prefer giving the 'full' name to the child and then calling them the nickname. 

[crazysnark]

My husband BEGGED me to name our daughter Gracie and I refused. I just didn't want her to be a grown woman and hate that her name sounded too cutesy. IIRC Gil picks the names and fathers tend to want their little girls to stay little and cute forever, which makes them pick cutesy names. I understand it but we decided on Brielle for our daughter instead, which is technically still "short" for Gabrielle but I don't think she will feel childish when he is a woman.

[Nashville92]

I've lived in Tennessee my whole life and most, like 99%, of the kids that have a name like Katie or Elliehave a more formal first name and go by a nickname.  The names really don't bother me but I do prefer a more formal first name.  Speaking of baby girls, are we going to have a watch for Kaci Lynn in this thread?

[16strong]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I feel the same way. I don't really like nick names as full names. Like Tori should be Victoria, Katie should be Katelynn or Kathryn, Josie should be Josephine, Ellie should be Eleanor/Elise/Eloise/Elizabeth and Callie should be Calliope/Callista.

it must be southern.

Yes, it is. I knew a million Katies in school, none of whom were also Kaitlyn or Katherine.

[felinefundie]

I guess I have an unpopular opinion then: I would take high school over college in a heartbeat every single time. I went to an incredibly tiny high school, though, so my experience is probably not typical. I really hate college. I feel more alone and like an outcast at my university than I ever did in high school. 

I also really dislike nicknames as full names. I always have. Give me a full name with many nickname options any day. It might be prejudice, though, as I am someone with a name that could technically be considered a nickname for a "real" name and I have always actively despised it. The fact that Tori Bates isn't short for Victoria Bates is one of the many reasons I will never be fooled into thinking the Bates are a better family than the Duggars are. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 hours ago, 16strong said:

Yes, it is. I knew a million Katies in school, none of whom were also Kaitlyn or Katherine.

See I'm not in the south and I knew a ton of Katie's too. They were all Kathryn/Catherine.

[Granwych]

Bless you to all the women who could have sung the Janis Ian song "At Seventeen."  I grew up fat, despised, molested, terrified of men, angry, and depressed.  It was by pure dumb luck that I met the man who saw through every awful thing that I felt and showed--we've been Granwych and Grampwych for over 30 years.  Our Wychling is secure, smart, happily married, and the new mom of Grandwychling.  Rock on, people! 

[RoseWilder]

21 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

Ok so random topic but is anyone else kinda annoyed at the Bates kids names? Like why not give them full names and use nicknames? Tori, Katie, Josie, Callie, Ellie aren't full names. There's nothing wrong with giving your kid the option of using Victoria or Tori. IDK I'm big on having a 'professional' name and using a nickname on a daily bases. 

It doesn't bother me when people give their kids short names and not full names. Which is not to say that I like their names because I'm not crazy about at least 80% of the names. I do like that they don't all start with the same letter. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

 

1 hour ago, RoseWilder said:

It doesn't bother me when people give their kids short names and not full names. Which is not to say that I like their names because I'm not crazy about at least 80% of the names. I do like that they don't all start with the same letter. 

I do agree about the letter theme being awful for huge families. It must get so confusing. If I had a large family, I would probably give them all different initials just to make things less confusing. You can label things with their first initial instead of their whole name. Plus having such similar names must lead to more mix ups. Like yelling for Joy Anna and Johannah will come running.

[Suz8710]

I caught the live stream the Bates did before the I Love You episode, and Carlin stated she was going to start Crown College in Minnesota this fall, but online. Was hoping she'd get away for a bit (even if it was PCC). I'm curious why she chose that over Crown College in TN. Maybe to do something different from her siblings, which is fine. IIRC the one in MN is accredited. So there's that.

Lawson can be grating but I hope he can stay single until he decides he's ready. It seems like all you hear is goading from his family about when he's going to get a girlfriend. That would drive me nuts, I can relate to that. He's freaking 23!!!!!!!! But in his world that makes him a middle aged bachelor...

[Casserole]

18 hours ago, felinefundie said:

I guess I have an unpopular opinion then: I would take high school over college in a heartbeat every single time. I went to an incredibly tiny high school, though, so my experience is probably not typical. I really hate college. I feel more alone and like an outcast at my university than I ever did in high school. 

I also really dislike nicknames as full names. I always have. Give me a full name with many nickname options any day. It might be prejudice, though, as I am someone with a name that could technically be considered a nickname for a "real" name and I have always actively despised it. The fact that Tori Bates isn't short for Victoria Bates is one of the many reasons I will never be fooled into thinking the Bates are a better family than the Duggars are. 

 

I have a "real" name that is not a nickname for anything but it ends in a "Y" and sometimes it still feels too juvenile for me. But I've acted like an 80 year old woman since I was 5, so maybe that's part of it. I'm a Dolores at heart  

[season of life]

Ever since I found out the correct pronunciation of Calliope, I've fallen in love.