Bates Family Part 16 - Babystep Bates

[nastyhobbitses]

I finally feel like I can talk about this.

Growing up, I was socially awkward, nerdy, and didn't look like the conventionally pretty girls I went to school with. They were tall, skinny, blonde, and perky-looking. I was a chunky short girl with dishwater brown hair and angular features. My mom would constantly tell me that I couldn't wear this or that because my thighs were too thick, my boobs were too big (a source of teasing in elementary school when they first came in), that I should lose some weight, that kind of thing. I constantly felt insecure about my looks. Any boy I liked only wanted to be friends. I was starting to understand that I liked girls too, but the girls I thought were attractive would think I was a pervert if they knew what I thought. Cue being closeted for a long time. In high school, I had my heart broken a couple of times by boys who didn't return my feelings, but then, when I was working in community theatre, I met a guy. He was 7 years older than me (16 at the time), but he was good-looking and intelligent and was seemingly the first person to tell me I was pretty and worthwhile and mean it. We started dating, but my parents found out and made me break it off. Rightly so, in retrospect, because there's something fishy about a 23-year-old dating a 16-year-old. When we broke up, I felt ugly again. He wanted me, but no one else did.

Now I've become a bit more confident about myself as an adult, since I left my hometown, found like-minded people, came out, became successful in school and professionally, and just generally matured. But I think the scars remain. I've lost 20 pounds since last year through healthy eating and exercise, and I feel really good and proud of myself, but now I'm scared of gaining any back. When I lived in China, I would intentionally drink untreated tap water so I could get diarrhea or food poisoning and thus lose weight faster. I knew/know how fucked up that was, but some weird, horrible part of me still thinks that I'll finally be pretty if I just lose five more pounds. Someone who's not a creepy older guy will love me if I lose five more pounds.

I know that these thought processes are fucked up and I'm trying to change them, but after spending 20 years of my life feeling like an ugly duckling, I just don't really know how to be a swan.

[Thorns]

1 hour ago, nastyhobbitses said:

 but after spending 20 years of my life feeling like an ugly duckling, I just don't really know how to be a swan.

To me it sounds like you already are one, just not one of the mean, bitchy, arrogant "I'm queen of the pond and belong to the Queen" - ones.

[MissAmelie]

10 hours ago, Suz8710 said:

Lawson can be grating but I hope he can stay single until he decides he's ready. It seems like all you hear is goading from his family about when he's going to get a girlfriend. That would drive me nuts, I can relate to that. He's freaking 23!!!!!!!! But in his world that makes him a middle aged bachelor...

Didn't Kelly once mention that Lawson read an article or stupid that about being in a relationship can be bad for the career. Or your career might not go well after one started a relationship. So I guess he's not starting one soon since he's still making his music 

[nastyhobbitses]

1 minute ago, MissAmelie said:

Didn't Kelly once mention that Lawson read an article or stupid that about being in a relationship can be bad for the career. Or your career might not go well after one started a relationship. So I guess he's not starting one soon since he's still making his music 

I'd totally be Lawson's Yoko Ono if you know what I mean ;-)

[mango_fandango]

I did kinda enjoy school, mainly because I like routine, and by the time I got to sixth form I was only doing the subjects I liked (French, German and Religious Studies). In Britain, secondary school is the equivalent of grade six-grade twelve, what we call year 7-year 13. When I started secondary, I was very, very, painfully shy. I could not bring myself to talk to anyone. I spent a lot of year 7 in the library. I didn't queue up for lunch immediately like everyone else, I waited until there was nobody outside the lunch room. It was that bad. Gradually, I met a few people. I still didn't do much socialising, though. I wasn't bullied, thankfully. Then again there wasn't so much of a clique culture as there is in American schools. I went to an all-girls' school, so there probably was bitching, but if there was I wasn't aware of it. I think people just accepted me as silent, shy and a bit weird. 

Even now I am still very shy when it comes to meeting new people. I'm 20 (21 soon!!) and not had any kind of relationship. I have low self-esteem, to the point where I just cannot imagine myself being in a relationship as I'm just so critical of myself, unconfident, whatever. My friend said once that it was really unusual for someone of our age to have never had a relationship, which I thought (and still do) was horseshit. I pointed out that my other friend had never had one, and she was like "yeah, that's ONE person". She has had one now, but that's beside the point. She is a lot more confident and social than me. 

[enigmata]

1 hour ago, mango_fandango said:

I did kinda enjoy school, mainly because I like routine, and by the time I got to sixth form I was only doing the subjects I liked (French, German and Religious Studies). In Britain, secondary school is the equivalent of grade six-grade twelve, what we call year 7-year 13. When I started secondary, I was very, very, painfully shy. I could not bring myself to talk to anyone. I spent a lot of year 7 in the library. I didn't queue up for lunch immediately like everyone else, I waited until there was nobody outside the lunch room. It was that bad. Gradually, I met a few people. I still didn't do much socialising, though. I wasn't bullied, thankfully. Then again there wasn't so much of a clique culture as there is in American schools. I went to an all-girls' school, so there probably was bitching, but if there was I wasn't aware of it. I think people just accepted me as silent, shy and a bit weird. 

Even now I am still very shy when it comes to meeting new people. I'm 20 (21 soon!!) and not had any kind of relationship. I have low self-esteem, to the point where I just cannot imagine myself being in a relationship as I'm just so critical of myself, unconfident, whatever. My friend said once that it was really unusual for someone of our age to have never had a relationship, which I thought (and still do) was horseshit. I pointed out that my other friend had never had one, and she was like "yeah, that's ONE person". She has had one now, but that's beside the point. She is a lot more confident and social than me. 

My first relationship started when I was 27 and I married at 36.  I never had any confidence in my appearance and (in all honesty) my first few relationships were disasters because I was so grateful that somebody had shown an interest in me that I allowed them to treat me really badly (cheating, lying.....).  I'm not going to say that something magically changed - I still don't really believe I'm attractive but I know my husband does and that really helps.

What I would say is that there is plenty of time - I know I felt I was over the hill and left on the shelf but it is never too late.  It is much better to be single than be with somebody who just makes your low self-esteem even lower.

 

 

[Nashville92]

11 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I'd totally be Lawson's Yoko Ono if you know what I mean ;-)

Why do I find him attractive? Lol.  Kelly mentioned it on the Christmas episode.  I wonder if he get's annoyed with all the relationship talk.  

[RoseWilder]

On 6/17/2016 at 4:22 PM, OyToTheVey said:

Tori, Katie, Josie, Callie, Ellie aren't full names. 

Callie is not her full name. It's her nickname. 

[HermioneSparrow]

33 minutes ago, RoseWilder said:

Callie is not her full name. It's her nickname. 

It's not her nickname. Her full name is Callie Anna Rose Bates.

[RoseWilder]

13 hours ago, HermioneSparrow said:

It's not her nickname. Her full name is Callie Anna Rose Bates.

Callie-Anna is all one name. So Callie is her nickname. 

[nolongerIFBx]

On ‎6‎/‎16‎/‎2016 at 8:38 PM, HermioneSparrow said:

. . . . It's not easy but hang in there, there IS someone out there who will appreciate and love you very much.

Except there may not be, so it isn't right that we tell girls/women/whatever their age this. We need to let them know that there might not be anybody out there for them and that is okay too. There are only 88 single guys for every single woman. (Source: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/19/single.in.america/) Some of us aren't going to get THAT happily ever after and have to find something else that fulfills us.

One of the 12- Almost 40, never been kissed, never been dated.

[season of life]

Honestly, I think if you try hard enough and let a little of your requirements go, you will end up meeting someone you connect to emotionally and physically. But I'm only 18 and the only date I went on was a huge failure.

[19 cats and counting]

4 hours ago, RoseWilder said:

Callie-Anna is all one name. So Callie is her nickname. 

It seems that these hyphenated named fundie kids (at least the girls) tend to drop their 2nd name after a certain age.

Joy-Anna and Jordyn-Grace Duggar are simply known as Joy or Jordyn.  (Jordyn has a 3rd name while Joy does not).  The only Duggar to have the 2nd name stick is John-David.  

I've never heard Callie Bates referred to as Callie-Anna.  

(I will admit I really like the combination of Callie Anna Rose.  I think the name just works).

[GoddessoftheUnderworld]

I personally agree with full names with nickname potential. However names like Katie, Ellie or Josie have in a lot of ways have become sort of normalized as proper names in many places. I'm not British but I have a fair bit of knowledge of the UK and I know it's not uncommon for Ellie to be used as a full name. Sure it might be a short form for Eleanor, but not always. Ella is also a name not so uncommon there. I live in Canada and I knew a woman who was a corporate lawyer with a retired CEO as a dad(so it's hardly just 'uneducated' or humble townsfolk people naming their kids nicknames) who named her daughter Katie. She said she named her after her mother in law Katherine. I thought Oh so she's actually Katherine but called Katie. Makes sense, but she was just Katie. I get that to many Katherine might sound dowdy, especially outside of the UK. However that's easily solved by calling her Katie or Kate. Now names like Tori baffle me a bit because that's not a name that's crossed any "can be considered a full name" threshold. I've never met or heard of a Tori (not including the Bates one) who wasn't actually a Victoria. I have met Josie's and Josephine's called Josie. I think a name like Callie to most would count as a proper name because most wouldn't even know what a full version would be. I know a little girl named Annie, not as a nickname for Anne or Anna. Obviously names being officially established makes them sound more legitimate though even if you presented them to someone who was somehow immune to outside bias would Ellie or Callie sound that different to Sophie or Emily?

Also a lot of regular names like Tanya or Natasha or even Stacey are actually diminutive versions of Russian names Tatiana, Natalia and Anastasia. Stacey wouldn't be used in Russia where the diminutive form is Nastia but I imagine English speakers derived Stacey from Anastasia over time. So names evolve and change. 

I'm not free of that bias and I'm somewhat ashamed to be something a name snob. However we do live in a world where names can impact how we're viewed. Though I do think it's less of issue depending where you're from and your experiences. From my personal experience Canada isn't the land of name snobbery. Sure, you can find some but I knew a guy who was the son of a mother who owned a law firm and he was named Cody. So name snobbery is maybe more random and less class based. If he was British he'd probably be named Harry or George or Thomas. Just anything more classic. Or something above the norm. I think well off Brits are more conscious of that stuff because of the private school system being so much more a part of public consciousness.

 

 

[HermioneSparrow]

1 hour ago, nolongerIFBx said:

Except there may not be, so it isn't right that we tell girls/women/whatever their age this. We need to let them know that there might not be anybody out there for them and that is okay too. There are only 88 single guys for every single woman. (Source: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/19/single.in.america/) Some of us aren't going to get THAT happily ever after and have to find something else that fulfills us.

One of the 12- Almost 40, never been kissed, never been dated.

I'm sorry but that's YOUR opinion. I'm not going to be a pessimistic asshole and tell someone that one of the things they want in life isn't going to happen cause stadistics. I know that being single isn't a bad thing if it is a personal choice, it's great but if you want a romantic relationship, who am I to say you'll never get it cause stadistics says so? Even when odds are against us in the worst case scenario, there's people achieving things... I'm all for it about being independent, single and fabulous but having romantic love is human nature. If you think telling someone else they're going to end up alone is okay, fine, it's your choice but don't tell me i'm wrong. I don't go the pessimistic settle for something else route.

[19 cats and counting]

38 minutes ago, GoddessoftheUnderworld said:

I personally agree with full names with nickname potential. However names like Katie, Ellie or Josie have in a lot of ways have become sort of normalized as proper names in many places. I'm not British but I have a fair bit of knowledge of the UK and I know it's not uncommon for Ellie to be used as a full name. Sure it might be a short form for Eleanor, but not always. Ella is also a name not so uncommon there. I live in Canada and I knew a woman who was a corporate lawyer with a retired CEO as a dad(so it's hardly just 'uneducated' or humble townsfolk people naming their kids nicknames) who named her daughter Katie. She said she named her after her mother in law Katherine. I thought Oh so she's actually Katherine but called Katie. Makes sense, but she was just Katie. I get that to many Katherine might sound dowdy, especially outside of the UK. However that's easily solved by calling her Katie or Kate. Now names like Tori baffle me a bit because that's not a name that's crossed any "can be considered a full name" threshold. I've never met or heard of a Tori (not including the Bates one) who wasn't actually a Victoria. I have met Josie's and Josephine's called Josie. I think a name like Callie to most would count as a proper name because most wouldn't even know what a full version would be. I know a little girl named Annie, not as a nickname for Anne or Anna. Obviously names being officially established makes them sound more legitimate though even if you presented them to someone who was somehow immune to outside bias would Ellie or Callie sound that different to Sophie or Emily?

Also a lot of regular names like Tanya or Natasha or even Stacey are actually diminutive versions of Russian names Tatiana, Natalia and Anastasia. Stacey wouldn't be used in Russia where the diminutive form is Nastia but I imagine English speakers derived Stacey from Anastasia over time. So names evolve and change. 

I'm not free of that bias and I'm somewhat ashamed to be something a name snob. However we do live in a world where names can impact how we're viewed. Though I do think it's less of issue depending where you're from and your experiences. From my personal experience Canada isn't the land of name snobbery. Sure, you can find some but I knew a guy who was the son of a mother who owned a law firm and he was named Cody. So name snobbery is maybe more random and less class based. If he was British he'd probably be named Harry or George or Thomas. Just anything more classic. Or something above the norm. I think well off Brits are more conscious of that stuff because of the private school system being so much more a part of public consciousness.

I'm a name nerd so your post is fascinating.  

My mom has always been of the school of thought to name a child what you want to call him/her.  One of the contenders for my name was Elizabeth.  Had she named me that, I would have gone by Elizabeth, not Liz, Beth, etc.  My mom's rationale is that it is stupid to name your kid Robert when you have the intention of calling him Bob and to name him Bob instead.  She's also of Puritan descent and still has the mentality that there's a 'proper' way to do things.

As for names like Katie, Josie, Ellie, Callie, etc.  There's a US Senate candidate (PA) Katie McGinty who's given name is Kathleen (I looked up her Wiki) but is successful enough to run for US Senate (and win a competitive primary) as Katie.  There's a Callie who is a forensic investigator on one of the CSI shows (can't remember which one).  Yes it is fiction, but the character is a successful career woman.  

Should I have a kid, I'm going to test out names by putting a fancy political title in front of it and see if that works.  President, Governor, etc.  In 40 years, we could live in a world run by Aiden, Mason, etc.

[MorningMist]

1 hour ago, GoddessoftheUnderworld said:

I personally agree with full names with nickname potential. However names like Katie, Ellie or Josie have in a lot of ways have become sort of normalized as proper names in many places. I'm not British but I have a fair bit of knowledge of the UK and I know it's not uncommon for Ellie to be used as a full name. Sure it might be a short form for Eleanor, but not always. Ella is also a name not so uncommon there. I live in Canada and I knew a woman who was a corporate lawyer with a retired CEO as a dad(so it's hardly just 'uneducated' or humble townsfolk people naming their kids nicknames) who named her daughter Katie. She said she named her after her mother in law Katherine. I thought Oh so she's actually Katherine but called Katie. Makes sense, but she was just Katie. I get that to many Katherine might sound dowdy, especially outside of the UK. However that's easily solved by calling her Katie or Kate. Now names like Tori baffle me a bit because that's not a name that's crossed any "can be considered a full name" threshold. I've never met or heard of a Tori (not including the Bates one) who wasn't actually a Victoria. I have met Josie's and Josephine's called Josie. I think a name like Callie to most would count as a proper name because most wouldn't even know what a full version would be. I know a little girl named Annie, not as a nickname for Anne or Anna. Obviously names being officially established makes them sound more legitimate though even if you presented them to someone who was somehow immune to outside bias would Ellie or Callie sound that different to Sophie or Emily?

 

 

This is very true. It's rare to find somebody here with a name which is primarily a nickname, it's sort of viewed as common to do so. Practically every Ellie/El/Katie/Tori do not have them as full names.

[theinvisiblegirl]

Moment of silence for all those - like myself -  who thought Lawson and Jinger were bound for the first Bates/Duggar courtship.

[MorningMist]

Moment of silence for all those - like myself -  who thought Lawson and Jinger were bound for the first Bates/Duggar courtship.

Have you seen his recent tweets though?

Some people are suggesting it's subtweets directed at 'JinJer' and tbh it actually looks like he's quite bitter. Maybe there was something going on after all...

Not sure if I believe it though haha I think I'm just after some drama and let's be honest, that would be sooooooo interesting to watch.

[season of life]

Lawson is so petty. Spill or shut up! But now that Jinger is off the market, who will be the first to unite the Duggars and Bates? Joy? The younger ones?

[Purrl]

2 hours ago, season of life said:

Lawson is so petty. Spill or shut up! But now that Jinger is off the market, who will be the first to unite the Duggars and Bates? Joy? The younger ones?

Have we given up on Joe & Carlin?

[patsymae]

'But now that Jinger is off the market"

 

What did I miss?

[Fundie Bunny]

1 hour ago, patsymae said:

'But now that Jinger is off the market"

 

What did I miss?

Everything i see. Jinger is courting a guy named Jeremy Vuolo, is a pastor and former football player. A creep.

[Melissa1977]

13 hours ago, season of life said:

Honestly, I think if you try hard enough and let a little of your requirements go, you will end up meeting someone you connect to emotionally and physically. But I'm only 18 and the only date I went on was a huge failure.

I'm 39 and I didn't find the right guy since I was 35. I tell you something, look for the right one, but don't get depressed for failed dates because these situations are lessons of life and make you smarter. Good look!

After the flat tummy tea debacle, Alyssa is not posting, not even for father's day. Maybe she prefers to became annonymous. Maybe she's suffering morning sickness. Who knows?

[JermajestyDuggar]

Joe + Carlin?

Joy + Trace?

Jeremiah + Josie? 

Jana + Lawson (hahahaha)