Erika Shupe *grim rictus* Large Families on Purpose Part 3

[Antimony]

This is not a novel thought at all but all of this locking business she has going on in her home (closets, bathrooms, bedroom doors for quiet playtime) suggests to me that her methods just plain don't work. Shocker, I know. 

[usmcmom]

40 minutes ago, Antimony said:

This is not a novel thought at all but all of this locking business she has going on in her home (closets, bathrooms, bedroom doors for quiet playtime) suggests to me that her methods just plain don't work. Shocker, I know. 

I know, right? If you have to lock your bathroom doors to keep YOUR OWN CHILDREN from messing around in there...you're not a very diligent parent.

If it is for visitors who don't know your rules, who you aren't sure can be trusted...whatever, sure. But your own children should be aware of household rules.

My daughter, at like 13 months, walked into the bathroom, climbed onto the sink, opened the toothpaste and proceeded to paint the bathroom with it.  I didn't lock the door or spank her. I just...you know...kept the door shut and kept a better eye on her while I taught her "no no," with regards to playing in the bathroom. Like somebody above said, if you can't manage your eleventy kids, don't have eleventy kids. And, PLEASE, don't write a blog on parenting a large family. 

[feministxtian]

There were a few doors that were locked when my kids were little...but that was mostly for my own sanity, to keep them out of places they shouldn't be...like the garage (it was a detached garage and there was a door from the yard to the garage), the X's home office (nobody was allowed in there but him), but I didn't even have cabinet locks. Kids were taught what was ok and what was a no-no and that was that...other doors may have been closed (master bedroom), and the kids knew that was off limits. They had a HUGE family room, a basement and a yard to play in...and...2 bathrooms at their disposal.

[Hisey]

That post on three-year old boys amazed me. It was basically, "Kid, I'm busy, so play alone here, play alone there, play with your sister here, have five minutes with me here."

She keeps trying to cage her little ones in defined spaces. Tyler wakes up and is trapped in his crib (which has a crib tent) till Erika comes to change his diaper (what about that potty training?). Then he is kept in a high chair for at least an hour during breakfast prep, breakfast, and breakfast cleanup. She keeps him in a high chair all that time, so he can't run around and bother her.

Then, after breakfast, at which point he is probably bursting with energy. . . he is sent for a ONE HOUR play-alone time in his room, alone. With the door closed. So he gets up, eats, and is sent to his room. For an hour. Do you know how long an hour is to a three year old boy? And it wouldn't surprise me if she uses a lock to keep him in, because what three-year old boy wouldn't open that door to see what his brothers and sisters are doing?

When you have toddlers and preschoolers, they tend to run around the house, touching things and messing things up. That's just the way it is. A good parent realizes that it's just for a very short "season". You can get a preschooler absorbed in a toy, but their attention spans are so short at that age that it probably won't last the Erika-required hour. Frankly, I think it's better to use TV as a babysitter than to force a three-year old to spend an hour in his room, alone.

[StepMonsterInLA]

E is CRAZY!  I, too, try to logically solve her problems and cannot. Our ways of doing trying parenting are never going to make sense in her home. My sons are 14 mos apart. I never caught them playing in the toilet or unsupervised outdoors or engaging in other terrible mischief. Because my sons at boys. They are totally naughty. So I didn't leave it up to the 3 older kids in our home to monitor them. I removed anything precious or dangerous and didn't let the minor inconvenience of all of the couch pillows (I agree that they were not designed to be a landing pad for jumping off the chair) on the floor make me *losemyshit* 

And letting littles run wild in the yard or at the park is exactly what kids with too much energy or frazzled mommies need.  The dirtier the kid the funner the play. *beam*

She is *insane* and mentally ill. *discuss*

 

 

[Mango]

7 minutes ago, StepMonsterInLA said:

 

She is *insane* and mentally ill. *discuss*

 

 

I think this is disresectful. While she might be, I think most of her problems stem from just being a JERK, not from being mentally ill.

[iweartanktops]

@Hisey

I think your post is spot on! It also makes me RAGE. I have 3 younger brothers, and they were totally wild - still are sometimes! I cannot imagine keeping them cooped up for the first three- four hours of the day! That is cruelty. Even the two one year olds I nanny, right after naps, although it's meal time, I let them get energy out first. Their meals our frustrating for me and them, if I bring them from the crib straight to the high chair! Children need activity, and in my opinion, some small children need almost constant motion. 

[StepMonsterInLA]

1 minute ago, Mango said:

I think this is disresectful. While she might be, I think most of her problems stem from just being a JERK, not from being mentally ill.

We have pages and pages of irrational and hyper controlling behavior that she provided for us on her blog. Her anxiety that prohibits normal life to happen around her seems to not be rational behavior. I would not characterize her as a jerk (implies control of ones behavior). Yes I am disrespectful of Erica.  No apology. She throws her life out to the public. She is my first and therefore *favorite* fundie (other than those seen on tv) and her behaviors are appalling. If you take offense to my characterization or diagnosis of mentally ill, I would counter that she would benefit from psychiatric and psychological help. I am not aware of my own family, friends, aquaintances, or bloggers who display this degree of crazy. Um. Wait. I forgot about Kate plus 8. 

[mango_fandango]

Everything in her life is designed to be convenient for her. She keeps little ones in high chairs so she doesn't have to manage them. It's like in the 2012 camping post she mentions how she put the youngest four in their strollers every morning so she didn't have to manage them. I really don't understand why people like her have kids, unless it's so they have something to control. 

[iweartanktops]

15 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

Everything in her life is designed to be convenient for her. She keeps little ones in high chairs so she doesn't have to manage them. It's like in the 2012 camping post she mentions how she put the youngest four in their strollers every morning so she didn't have to manage them. I really don't understand why people like her have kids, unless it's so they have something to control. 

Lazy and neglectful. 

[Pseudoname]

@StepMonsterInLA. I also think that Erika is a jerk, may have anxiety issues, definitely has control issues, but I would hesitate to make an armchair diagnosis of mental illness.  

As someone who has a mental illness, I am not 'crazy'.  I am nothing like Erika, and neither are any of the other people I have met in various support groups, hospitalisations, etc.

Please never describe a person with a mental illness as crazy.  It is entirely demeaning, discriminatory, and just plain wrong. Mental illness is not the disease you see on tv shows.   I'm willing to bet that you have encountered many, many people with mental illness over your lifetime, and probably never even realised that they had a diagnosed mental illness.

But yea, I'd hate to be one of Erika's children.  I've read some of her posts out loud to my kids, and they think it is a satirical blog, they just cannot believe that people would actually live like that.  My son calls them "the crazy jellybean family"

18 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

I really don't understand why people like her have kids, unless it's so they have something to control. 

I think the need to have kids is because she is a good Christian, and good Christian women stay home and have babies, there is little other choice for them.  I suspect that the pressure for women to have kids is very strong, from all directions, and to push against it is a near impossible thought for people like Erika, who strive to be 'practically perfect in every way'.

[Whoosh]

I think maybe we should give StepMonsterInLA the benefit of the doubt here.  I am no fan of internet diagnosis or attacks on the mentally ill.  However, I think it is valid and reasonable to bring up the fact that someone would benefit from some counseling or whatever.  I also think that, as Pseusoname said, it is generally acceptable to most people to call someone a nutter or the crazy jellybean family.  

I get what people are saying, but sometimes it is hard to tell what is discriminating against or mocking the mentally ill versus something else.  

[Jingerbread]

3 hours ago, Hisey said:

Frankly, I think it's better to use TV as a babysitter than to force a three-year old to spend an hour in his room, alone.

Especially now that a lot of PBS shows are educational and teach math and rea-

Oh.  Never mind.  Erika doesn't like that stuff.

[Jingerbread]

3 hours ago, Mango said:

I think this is disresectful. While she might be, I think most of her problems stem from just being a JERK, not from being mentally ill.

I disagree.  I think her need for such extreme control might have root in a legitimate mental illness.  I'm not being light when I say she has signs of real OCD.  Her need for order in all areas of life is absolute, and she can't handle even letting her kids express their favorite foods because she won't accommodate them because of her schedule.

Now plenty of people with various types of OCD manage to live pretty normal lives, like me, but it becomes an illness when it preoccupies someone so much that their lives will come to a stand-still because of schedules and need for order, order, order, order, ORDER.

I don't believe she enjoys what she's doing, but I think she'd be a lot more stressed if she loosened up.  She needs to because her kids are paying for this, but she won't loosen up and deal with the stress since it's not a part of her many schedules.

Jill and David are jerks.  Erika is a jerk too, but I think she has an undiagnosed mental illness, and OCD is probably it.

2 hours ago, Pseudoname said:

Please never describe a person with a mental illness as crazy.  It is entirely demeaning, discriminatory, and just plain wrong. Mental illness is not the disease you see on tv shows.  

A person can be both, or just one, or none.  Crazy, as society understands the word now, has nothing to do with insanity, and everything to do with how people choose to act.  Jill Rodrigues is crazy.  Erika is crazy and probably dealing with OCD.  Having, or maybe having, a mental illness doesn't make you immune to crazy behavior and people talking about it when the person chooses a public life.

I live with a mental illness,  so can talk on this.

[mango_fandango]

Erika has a thread in GOMI and the possibility of OCD was mentioned. Having done a little Googling, I think Erika has something else: OCPD, the P being Personality. The key difference is that OCD sufferers know that their actions are bad/wrong, but they feel that they must do them anyway. OCPD sufferers feel that their actions are good and necessary. If you google OCPD it screams Erika. Think about it: Erika believes that her actions are good and necessary. Religion is the perfect cover/excuse.

[happy atheist]

"Locking the Kids Out of the Bathroom" is our newest Post Count Title!

[smallestneal]

9 hours ago, Pseudoname said:

@StepMonsterInLA. I also think that Erika is a jerk, may have anxiety issues, definitely has control issues, but I would hesitate to make an armchair diagnosis of mental illness.  

As someone who has a mental illness, I am not 'crazy'.  I am nothing like Erika, and neither are any of the other people I have met in various support groups, hospitalisations, etc.

Please never describe a person with a mental illness as crazy.  It is entirely demeaning, discriminatory, and just plain wrong. Mental illness is not the disease you see on tv shows.   I'm willing to bet that you have encountered many, many people with mental illness over your lifetime, and probably never even realised that they had a diagnosed mental illness.

I'm mostly caught up on the Shupe mess! God, she's awful. I mostly lurk (because I'm a super busy dude), but I feel like I should say something here. While I mostly agree with you (though I do suspect Erika might have some problems; I tend to believe that vulnerable people of a certain type/people in vulnerable places in their lives are the most likely to get into fundamentalism), I have a diagnosed personality disorder and while I don't act a thing like Erika (thank Jeebus), I don't like that people keep spreading around the idea that mentally ill people never have "unattractive" symptoms.

I do things by virtue of my illness (I'm working on it though) that I frequently see other mentally ill people say aren't things "we" do (like being manipulative). Not saying you were specifically doing this, but maybe some people might take it that way/your comment sort of reminded me of what I'd seen.

Having an illness wouldn't absolve Erika of responsibility for her actions though. Once you start actively hurting other people it is TIME TO GET HELP, not just *beam* it away.

[mango_fandango]

Erika's posted a link to a Generation Cedar post. In the post, Kelly admits Christmas was originally pagan, or the origins are, or something, but because it's now about Jesus (to Christians anyway) it's A-OK. Her commenters don't get it. Kelly says something about not indulging in pagan practices but celebrating in a Christian manner, or something. I don't quite understand. But then I don't get fundies in general. 

[Eternalbluepearl]

1 hour ago, mango_fandango said:

Erika's posted a link to a Generation Cedar post. In the post, Kelly admits Christmas was originally pagan, or the origins are, or something, but because it's now about Jesus (to Christians anyway) it's A-OK. Her commenters don't get it. Kelly says something about not indulging in pagan practices but celebrating in a Christian manner, or something. I don't quite understand. But then I don't get fundies in general. 

I think she's trying to say "I like Christmas. Don't rain on my parade with your pagan-talk, non-fundies."

[defraudingjezebel]

45 minutes ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

I think she's trying to say "I like Christmas. Don't rain on my parade with your pagan-talk, non-fundies."

Apparently divorcing Christmas from its pagan practices is a-ok but Halloween is undeniably inseparable from paganism and witchery no matter what.... (despite its history as a harvest celebration). I soooo wish someone would call her out for that. 

[Eternalbluepearl]

1 minute ago, defraudingjezebel said:

Apparently divorcing Christmas from its pagan practices is a-ok but Halloween is undeniably inseparable from paganism and witchery no matter what.... (despite its history as a harvest celebration). I soooo wish someone would call her out for that. 

Oh my goodness, YES! 

[Seven Severn]

11 minutes ago, defraudingjezebel said:

Apparently divorcing Christmas from its pagan practices is a-ok but Halloween is undeniably inseparable from paganism and witchery no matter what.... (despite its history as a harvest celebration). I soooo wish someone would call her out for that. 

Erika has stated on her blog that she's done "research" and is convinced that Christmas has no pagan origins. But Hallowe'en is a whoooooole other story. Because "research". Erika's research is better and more thorough than anyone else's research in the whole wide world. If that settles it for Erika then it settles it for everyone. There. Aren't we happier now?

[Eternalbluepearl]

3 minutes ago, Seven Severn said:

Erika's research is better and more thorough than anyone else's research in the whole wide world. If that settles it for Erika then it settles it for everyone. There. Aren't we happier now?

It's all settled! Whew!

[usmcmom]

54 minutes ago, Seven Severn said:

Erika has stated on her blog that she's done "research" and is convinced that Christmas has no pagan origins. But Hallowe'en is a whoooooole other story. Because "research". Erika's research is better and more thorough than anyone else's research in the whole wide world. If that settles it for Erika then it settles it for everyone. There. Aren't we happier now?

Yes! Much happier. *rye smile*

(suddenly craving a Rueben...)

[umsami]

21 hours ago, Hisey said:

That post on three-year old boys amazed me. It was basically, "Kid, I'm busy, so play alone here, play alone there, play with your sister here, have five minutes with me here."

She keeps trying to cage her little ones in defined spaces. Tyler wakes up and is trapped in his crib (which has a crib tent) till Erika comes to change his diaper (what about that potty training?). Then he is kept in a high chair for at least an hour during breakfast prep, breakfast, and breakfast cleanup. She keeps him in a high chair all that time, so he can't run around and bother her.

Then, after breakfast, at which point he is probably bursting with energy. . . he is sent for a ONE HOUR play-alone time in his room, alone. With the door closed. So he gets up, eats, and is sent to his room. For an hour. Do you know how long an hour is to a three year old boy? And it wouldn't surprise me if she uses a lock to keep him in, because what three-year old boy wouldn't open that door to see what his brothers and sisters are doing?

When you have toddlers and preschoolers, they tend to run around the house, touching things and messing things up. That's just the way it is. A good parent realizes that it's just for a very short "season". You can get a preschooler absorbed in a toy, but their attention spans are so short at that age that it probably won't last the Erika-required hour. Frankly, I think it's better to use TV as a babysitter than to force a three-year old to spend an hour in his room, alone.

 

See I don't get this.  This is one of the benefits of having older kids.  You can tell one of the older kids, OK, will you go play with Tyler for 30 minutes outside...take him for a bike ride on his tricycle, play in the dirt or snow or whatever.  Then she can rotate to the next kid, etc.   Then have each of them read him a book or something or color with him.  My kids love playing with their little 5 year old brother.  It's a treat for them.  An excuse to be 5 years old again.  

He shouldn't have to spend all that time prisoner, basically.