Josiah Duggar - Part 3 Now with lost heart pieces

[Percy]

25 years ago I wanted to keep my maiden name but Husband strongly objected.  He did not want to get married if I did not take his name! My sticking point was that I wanted any children baptised, this upset my atheist Man.

25 years on I am happy I took his name as it is unusual and matches the children's.  Now he has two girls his stance on taking the husbands name has changed significantly. ( and while the girls are baptised they do not believe or go to church)

[Fascinated]

I don't know why, but I always read this thread title as: Josiah Duggar - Now with 3 lost heart pieces. I always wonder how we can be so specific. 

[coexist]

That's how I first read it also, which is what made me click. 

[sophie10130]

i kept my last name because I was too lazy to file the paperwork.

After we have kids, I think I will change my name because a lot of the schools still aren't up to speed with the whole different last name business, which is a real shame. it'll just be easier then for us all to have the same last name, and since i don't mind changing, i think i will just for ease of use for everyone involved.

[Toothfairy]

Kept my name because it's my name.  Kids name are hyphenated.  

[Fundie Bunny]

This conversation seems foreign tp me. I have two last names, first is father's first, second is mother's firse. The same they had, the same for my grandparents and so. No one changes their name upon marriage. And it has been like this since the middle ages, when last names started to be inherutes as they do today

[JillyO]

This conversation seems foreign tp me. I have two last names, first is father's first, second is mother's firse. The same they had, the same for my grandparents and so. No one changes their name upon marriage. And it has been like this since the middle ages, when last names started to be inherutes as they do today

So it's always the male's family name that gets inherited though, right? You have your father's and your mother's (first) last names, but the names your children will inherit are your father's name (not your mother's) and the children's father's father's name (gosh, that's complicated). So in the end, it's not that dissimilar to many other countries' naming practices in that the name that gets passed down through the generations is traditionally the man's.

[morri]

I am not fond o my surname, it super rare and often misspelled. In SA it is now my oh's surname. (not here officially because of pricks in the civic office.

[nokidsmom]

When I changed to my husband's surname in 1999, I don't remember giving it much thought. I didn't have a career established under my maiden name, his was easier to spell, etc. I don't even blink when a woman chooses to keep her surname, but I had no reasons to, and having the same last name can be very convenient sonetimes.

I guess I also never felt that attached to my last name, maybe? I associated it with the alcoholism and abuse that comes down that side of my family. A new name was nice. My mom is very proud of her maiden name and uses it as a middle name. My sister and I never seriously considered that. Marriage is a useful time to get rid of a name you don't like without having to file court paper or have anyone asking "why". 

This was me.  I never liked my maiden name, just didn't like the sound of it and I was annoyed as hell over some of my FOO extolling how great it was to be a "Insert Family Name Here".   I was more than happy to take Mr. No's name though did consider briefly doing a hyphenated name with my maiden and married names for career reasons but in the end, decided just to change it.   I had the perfect excuse and took advantage of it.

[EmCatlyn]

So it's always the male's family name that gets inherited though, right? You have your father's and your mother's (first) last names, but the names your children will inherit are your father's name (not your mother's) and the children's father's father's name (gosh, that's complicated). So in the end, it's not that dissimilar to many other countries' naming practices in that the name that gets passed down through the generations is traditionally the man's.

Yes it is the man's family name.  But the advantage is that there is a system by which a woman keeps her name and her children share her name.  It is not complicated at all. It is just what you are used to.

Most kids master it before they go to school.

This conversation seems foreign tp me. I have two last names, first is father's first, second is mother's firse. The same they had, the same for my grandparents and so. No one changes their name upon marriage. And it has been like this since the middle ages, when last names started to be inherutes as they do today

And when/if you marry you will be Fundie Bunny de Hisname instead of Fundie Hisname.  Americans and others who have women take their husbands' name at marriage don't realize the advantage of this system.

The family relationships are clear.  For purposes of genealogy, it is great to have all the family names, and in the case of children with only one parent in common, there is no confusion.

[Jeebusismycopilot]

I plan on taking my fiancé's last name. Not because I feel that I must (he truly doesn't care) and I do like my last name - it is quite unique and it has been part of me for the last 30 odd years.  I just like the thought of taking on his name. It is equally unique and it makes me feel like it bonds us. My family doesn't care at all either. My aunt chose not to take her husband's last name as she was an established journalist. The only trouble she has ever had with that was in taking her daughter on holidays by herself as they had different last names and that was only if she was traveling to the US (from Canada)  

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Kept my name because it's my name.  Kids name are hyphenated.  

A friend of mine and his wife both hyphenated their names. Instead of her being Mrs Smith-Jones, they are Mr and Mrs Smith-Jones. 

[sophie10130]

A friend of mine and his wife both hyphenated their names. Instead of her being Mrs Smith-Jones, they are Mr and Mrs Smith-Jones. 

I knew people like that. We toyed with that idea, but since my husband is in the military, it'd be a HUGE inconvenience for him to change his last name. Everyone at work would have to call him a different name, he would have to get all of his uniform items changed plus the regular paperwork to change his name on all the documents they have one him. It was nixed pretty quickly.

[eandre31]

I've been thinking about this subject for awhile now. Ever since I was a little girl I had told everyone that I would keep my maiden name if/when I got married. I would even proudly tell my dad at the age of 10 that I would keep MY name and he thought it was great. 

Now I am close to marriage. I've been with my SO for 4 years now and we are committed, cohabitating, and sure of our future together. Part of me would like to change my last name when we get married just to make it easier with any future children, but the other part of me feels attached to my last name. My partner also kind of hopes I'd change my name to make us look more of a "family" without questions from others about it.

The other problem is that my son was born from a previous relationship and has my maiden name as his last name. So, even though I'm starting to want to change my name, I would feel weird not sharing a last name with him anymore.

I guess I could hypenate it, but we both have last names of over 6 letters. 

Why does it have to be so complicated?! Haha

[Shadoewolf]

We have 3 names in our family of 5.   My oldest daughter has my maiden name (we were on the outs with the ex's family at the time). My middle daughter has the ex's last name as we had reconciled with them by the time she was born.  Hubby, son and I all have hubby's last name. You should see the comments we get from the mailman!

[Karma]

We have 3 names in our family of 5.   My oldest daughter has my maiden name (we were on the outs with the ex's family at the time). My middle daughter has the ex's last name as we had reconciled with them by the time she was born.  Hubby, son and I all have hubby's last name. You should see the comments we get from the mailman!

Not snarking, just curious: How do you like eg Christmas cards to be addressed? One my friends is in a de facto relationship. Their two kids have his last name, his partner still has her own, her son for a previous relationship has his dads, so like your family, there's three different surnames.  You can't really address it to the Jones family.  Or can you?

(last year I didn't send Christmas cards, just Facebook messages. Much easier!)

[sisterwives]

There's tons of names in my family. My mother has her stepfather's name that she took on after he married her mother (let's say Hernandez), my two older sisters have their father's name (Lopez), and my younger sister and I have our father's last name. This is where it gets confusing but Lopez is actually my mother and grandmother's original name. When my grandmother married her husband, she didn't take his name but the first three children did. So they went from Hernandez to Lopez. My mother then met my older sisters' father. She never married him but decided to give them his name, Lopez. They're not related or anything crazy lol, it's just a semi common last name in that part of the country. She then met my father after coming to this country but maintained her name (Hernandez) after marriage.

Not all of my grandmother's children carry Hernandez either. My youngest uncle carries the name Lopez because by the time she had him, she'd left her husband and so my cousins have Lopez. My second youngest uncle was adopted by a white American women who has a generic name like Smith so his kids have that.

Omg whenever I talk about names, it's such a big tangle! But I have strong feelings about my name. I don't like it at all and some situations have led me to become estranged from my father. 

My boyfriend is estranged from all of his family too and doesn't have a strong connection to his name (which he's always felt disconnected to, him being mixed race has a lot to do with it.) So I decided that once I get married, I'd like to change my name to Lopez so I can have the name that most of my family has and my mother's original name. And my boyfriend intends on changing his name to his paternal grandmother's maiden name and if we were to get married, we decided that we'd both like to hyphenate. So we can be Mr. and Mrs. so-and-so.

The problem is that I'd really like to have my college degree with my mother's name on it but I really don't know if I want to go through the courts to do all that... That's me being spiteful towards my father though.

[EmCatlyn]

i kept my last name because I was too lazy to file the paperwork.

After we have kids, I think I will change my name because a lot of the schools still aren't up to speed with the whole different last name business, which is a real shame. it'll just be easier then for us all to have the same last name, and since i don't mind changing, i think i will just for ease of use for everyone involved.

Schools can handle different last names just fine.  They are used to it.  My youngest child is 25, and we never had any problems.  Sometimes I might get called by the kids' last name, but I never objected.  And the teachers would often catch themselves and apologize.  I always said that I was fine with being called by my children's last name when I was in the role of parent to my children.  Similarly I answered to their father's last name when married to him (20+ years before divorce-- the kids were almost grown)  and now to my second-husband's name. But I didn't change it legally. 

It isn't necessary to change your name legally to be called "Mrs. Hisname" socially.  I know a lot of women (Including the Dean of a college) who use their birth names for their careers, social security etc. but still answer to Mrs. in social situations.  

You can buy a house, buy a car, use each other's health insurance, etc. without having the same last name. And you can still be Mrs. HisName socially and at the PTA meeting.    

Of course if you want to change your name to his, that's another matter. But it really isn't necessary in the US these days.  

 

[ClaraOswin]

Not snarking, just curious: How do you like eg Christmas cards to be addressed? One my friends is in a de facto relationship. Their two kids have his last name, his partner still has her own, her son for a previous relationship has his dads, so like your family, there's three different surnames.  You can't really address it to the Jones family.  Or can you?

(last year I didn't send Christmas cards, just Facebook messages. Much easier!)

My sister is remarried and took her husband's last name. But her daughters (ages 8 and 10) have their dad's last name. I think I am going to put The Smith/Jones Family on the card....that way the girls will feel included if they happen to see the envelope.

[Karma]

@sisterwives, that's one complicated family tree!

[sophie10130]

Schools can handle different last names just fine.  They are used to it.  My youngest child is 25, and we never had any problems.  Sometimes I might get called by the kids' last name, but I never objected.  And the teachers would often catch themselves and apologize.  I always said that I was fine with being called by my children's last name when I was in the role of parent to my children.  Similarly I answered to their father's last name when married to him (20+ years before divorce-- the kids were almost grown)  and now to my second-husband's name. But I didn't change it legally. 

It isn't necessary to change your name legally to be called "Mrs. Hisname" socially.  I know a lot of people Including the Dean of a college) who have a name for their career, social security etc. but still answer to Mr and Mrs in social situations.  

You can buy a house, buy a car, use each other's health insurance, etc. without having the same last name. You cah share a credit card and have each others' legal names on the card, accidentally swap cards and still sign your name to the card with the other spouse's name and nobody even notices.  It is really not complicated at all to keep your name after marriage.  And you can still be Mrs. HisName socially and at the PTA meeting.    

Of course if you want to change your name to his, that's another matter. But it really isn't necessary in the US these days.  

 

I know about all of that, no disrespect. I've just seen things in my life that because I don't really have a sway either way to change my name or keep it would sway me to change it when my kids get to school age.

I worked at a school that made every student get signed in and out by a parent or guardian. They had to show ID, blah blah, and if the last names didn't match they had to go into the files to make sure that person was a person who was allowed to pick them up. Just small hassles like that are what I'm talking about. Also parent/teacher conferences where I've seen teachers assume the parents aren't together and talk to the student like they come from an unstable background (not saying those raised by one parent or two parents from different households have unstable home lives, just saying what these teachers assume). Plus having to answer questions about if the kids are mine and yadda yadda. Some places aren't really as caught up as places I've lived in the past, and I don't really feel like explaining myself for 20+ years while all my kids are in school. Very small hassles to some people, especially if they feel really strongly about keeping their name, but I can see it wearing on me.

[sisterwives]

@sisterwives, that's one complicated family tree!

Lol tell me about it! Everyone gawks when I talk about it but hey, that tends to happen when your mom is one of a double digit family! 

[Fundie Bunny]

 

And when/if you marry you will be Fundie Bunny de Hisname instead of Fundie Hisname.  Americans and others who have women take their husbands' name at marriage don't realize the advantage of this 

That system is not really used anymore. If you want to adress a couple is Mr Sam and his wife, pr Mrs Sam and his husband (or the other way around, yay equality ), no woman is Mrs de hisname anymore. I have never actually heard anyone younger than 60 ise it

[OodOnTheLoo]

That's my uncle's name! 

so we have at least three related to a David Davis?  I'm off to the prayer closet to pray you three are all related to the same guy.  You'll have to let us know.

[Guest]

(snip) The problem is that I'd really like to have my college degree with my mother's name on it but I really don't know if I want to go through the courts to do all that... That's me being spiteful towards my father though.

I changed my name from my father's last name to my mom's maiden name when I was 21 for the same exact reason.  It wasn't that complicated, but it was kind of expensive (about $400 in NYC circa 2003).  Iirc, all I had to do was fill out a form, get it notarized, pay the fee, put a legal notice in the newspaper (this was the expensive part), submit proof that I had done the legal notice, and then it was done.  I didn't have to go to court or anything, but I guess these things vary from state to state.  Good luck with whatever you decide!