How would we snark on YOU?

[Grimalkin]

-My house is a mess.

- My nine year old daughter is CONSTANTLY making little videos of herself so there is always loud singing or talking coming from her room. Think Gilda Radnor SNL.

- My 16 year old has purple hair and I like it.

-There is constant talk about soccer.

-I'm a soccer mom

-even though I am a 40 year old woman I make teeny tiny cute animals out of polymer clay for fun.

-I spend too much time on my phone.

-My mom has dementia, so sometimes she will literally ask the same question 15-20 times in 2 hours.I usually am patient with her but on occasion will get a bit short. She has called me as many as 7 times in the same evening asking the same question. You might see me roll my eyes or take a deep breath before answering the phone.

- The only people who call my house phone are my mom or telamarketers. If my phone rings at night I run for it no matter what.

I don't know what else.....I'm boring.

-

[2xx1xy1JD]

1. I'm not into shopping at all, wear the same clothes for years, and only do mani/pedis or eyebrow waxing now when my girls go. I brag about dyeing my hair in the bathtub and getting only 2 haircuts per year. I don't understand why I would need any footwear that wasn't black.

2. I can be pretty lazy, to the point of making a sloth look energetic.

3. I can be a nerdy know-it-all.

4. I hate the telephone.

5. I buy healthy groceries but secretly go out for junk while at work.

6. Even though my style is fairly conservative, I still don't like the idea of dressing my age. I wear my hair long and even though I have a few blazers, I don't like the idea of expensive suits.

7. I have 2 long gray t-shirts from H&M, and wear them ALL THE TIME at home. Usually with yoga capris.

8. I love to travel, and when we got married, we put away money for travel before we even had a budget for groceries. I also love talking about travel bargains and tend to turn up my nose at hotels and any sort of packaged tours. We may be the only family around that hated Disney World.

9. Even though I tend to be somewhat modest and conservative, I still flash some cleavage. I'm a DD, and all that boobage has to go somewhere.

[formergothardite]

Yes! Oh my gosh what is the deal about him? The most monotonous guy in the universe dressing in the same boring khakis hauling the same shoulder bag all over the world to stand in front of buildings but i agree, he's just got some quiet charm or something. :lol: maybe it's the bloopers. Or my addiction to the '80's.

Rick Steves can take me anywhere. :lol:

My taste in men is snarkable.

I have gone to Walmart in pajamas.

I am not opposed to buying and eating canned biscuits. The horror, I know. :lol:

[freehannie]

1. I would be boring as hell to watch.

2. Because I research conservative Christians, I listen to conservative radio and then yell at it in the car.

3. As I grade my students' papers, I also yell and curse at their mistakes.

4. I am overly smiley or as one of my students put on my semester evaluations I am too "f"ing happy.

5. I love reality tv and am totally addicted to Vanderpump Rules and Alaskan Bush People. So bad that I read their twitter and instagram etc.

6. My clothes. Totally dress for comfort if I'm not at work. Even then I wear teacher clothes with teacher shoes.

7. I am a junkie for any political or religious scandal. Yesterday I was way too excited about the whole Glenn Beck/Grover Norquist/NRA debacle and very disappointed that so little media coverage was devoted to it.

8. I love very bad jokes. The kinds that little kids tell. I find them a lot funnier than they probably are.

9. I am super clumsy and then apologize to whatever piece of furniture I bump into.

[moodygirl86]

1) I'm a scruffy punk and not very feminine (to the point that I often get mistaken for a lesbian).

2) I have fierce feminist principles and will bollock anyone who talks down to me if I know they wouldn't with a man (ie patronising pet names like "baby girl" which the launderette owner near me called me once. I told him in no uncertain terms: "Look! I ain't your baby and I ain't no girl, OK?") He also lectured me that I should forgive my ex-boyfriend for cheating "because that's what men do". I'm also not afraid to slap anyone who thinks my having breasts is an invitation to put their arm around me/get into my personal space in general. For example, the same guy tried to put his hand on my stomach when I'd put on a bit of weight and he assumed I was pregnant. Why the hell would that be OK even if I was?! I slapped his hand away and told him that in no uncertain terms. His excuse was that he didn't really know what else to talk about to women. I suggested music, books, films? You know, the same stuff a lot of guys like? Women aren't a different species and it's condescending to treat us as if we are. This earned me a judgment of don't-be-so-harsh-he-meant-well from friends afterwards. I had to explain that not all sexism comes from a malicious place, so that probably would get me on viewers' snark list if my life was a reality TV show.

3) I also really dislike people who misuse their authority and won't take any shit from them, but won't bore everyone with all the examples.

4) I'm unemployed with a slight Brummie accent, and a slob who drinks lager straight from the can (none of that glass-for-the-lady bollocks in MY house thank you!). Like Formergothardite, I have also been known to go to the shops in my pyjamas when I couldn't be arsed to get dressed.

5) I'm obsessed with cats and shit jokes.

6) I'm tight with money to the point that I'll walk anywhere within a three mile radius. Concerned colleagues at my last job but one went to great pains to tell me all the bus routes that I could use, but even without the money saving aspect, I also wanted to stay fit. They wanted to know why I didn't join a gym then? Because then the gym and the bus would be two things I'd be paying for that I didn't need! Walking to work eliminated the need for both.

7) I got rid of my TV five years ago because there's never anything on but shite and it was a waste of a licensing fee. People are horrified and ask "what I do when I get home?" Er - play guitar, surf the Internet, read books, listen to CDs, watch DVDs on Media Player. Similarly, I have also met with ridicule for not liking Facebook or Twitter as apparently this means I don't like socialising. That's funny - if I want to socialise I just meet friends down the pub. Apparently this doesn't count as we're not in 2003 anymore. By the same token I've been asked what I do for fun by guys chatting me up who can't understand why I want to stay single.

So yeah, some nice snark material for the Moody Girl show!

[KittenMitten]

ITA, that would be very interesting. Dogs are such old souls.

Dollypeeps, did you get a chance to see Jill Rodrigues' video of her kids? Their family has 11 children going on 12, living in an RV, traveling and singing for a living. They also have a little dachshund, Snuggles. At the beginning of the video Snuggles is trapped in a blanket swaddle with the current youngest baby and he gives Jill serious side eye. It might be too painful to watch, I felt so sorry for that poor little guy.

[bBvideo 560,340:2jwewqoz]

[/bBvideo]

The FJ thread about their family: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=23223

Yeah, that video really got to me. I wondered if dog and child were zip tied under that blanket. I half expected the dog to bark out GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE in morse code.

[Mela99]

Neat question.

- We've got four cats and I regularly kiss, cuddle and baby talk them.

- I'm obsessed with nail polish and nail art

- I have a slight obsession with Jackson Browne

- I'm Catholic

- I hate wearing pants and bras in the house :x

[Jessica]

Everyone makes fun of Jill and Derick for being joined at the hip. Guess what, my husband comes home for lunch every day. We live less than 5 miles from his work. We also go grocery shopping together and other such errands. Yes I also go by myself most of the time but it's more fun with him. :) so yeah, some would probably snark on me for being too clingy. What can I say, I love my husband! :)

[Kak]

Really enjoying this thread, it's like some kind of weird group therapy.

I'm introverted and mostly antisocial

I'm a jeans and t shirt kinda gal

Also in the camp where my loudly snoring husband sleeps in a diff room. I'd be so embarrassed by that if people IRL knew, although that's the only reason it bothers me. It made me happy that other people also have this issue. Thanks for sharing!

SAHM. I know some people think that's snark worthy.

Crap hair.

[Maggie Mae]

I'm very boring, so there wouldn't be a show about me. However, there have been plenty of things that get mocked on FJ that I do.

We have a TV, but don't pay for cable and the antenna fell over a few years ago and neither of us want to brave the roof to fix it. Doesn't matter, we don't have time to watch TV anyway. If we want to watch something, we plug the hdmi into a laptop.

I plan out my week in advance. As I, sunday I put my training schedule on a shared calendar and make meals for the week or longer. I usually have 2-3 sessions a day. I swim in the morning, lift weights on my lunch, and run or ride my bike in the evening. A good weekend for me includes a hike, a race, and 50 miles on my bike.

We have a parrot, and I actively tell people who are interested why they are not great pets. I love the parrot and he's awesome, but the bird industry makes me sad. And is not a pet for most families.

We let the cat outside. He showed up one day, and he sleeps here and eats at our neighbors and everyone is ok with this arrangement. He is cute and cuddly and yes I know outside cats don't live as long.

I don't care about purses or brand names or manicures or haircuts. I wear the same few things everyday.

We make our own beer and wine and drink a lot.

I log every purchase into You Need A Budget and will evangelize about how it changed my life and how I think about money.

I travel for work and often go to communities that few people know exist.

We only had a few inches of snow this year and it greatly concerns me.

[countressrascal]

My life would not make it on TV but here is my list:

1) I pay someone to clean the house, however I can not leave the house in the AM without a clean kitchen and bathrooms.

2) I do all the yard work myself except for cutting tree limbs, trees are too tall and the cost of the professional is less than the ER bill. Front and back yards sometimes are cleaner than the inside of the house plus the furniture is better outside than in. I grow 95% of our vegetables in my backyard and give the excess away.

3) Count and I have been together for 38 years but married for only 10, because my first husband (lying sack of shit) would give me a Jewish Divorce (Get) he finally died, that ended that. Most people have no idea that I am married to the Count because I still use my maiden name.

4) I collect high end leather goods (LV & Hermes) spend a lot of time searching auction houses for them.

5) My whole day is scheduled around my running and yoga schedule

6) I have three ways of dressing - scrubs-workout-high fashion other times. I wear workout or scrubs the most.

7) I will remind strangers in public restrooms to wash their hands, if they try to leave without doing that.

8) Talk to my two dogs like they are people, which they are. I know the names of all the dogs at the dog park, very few of the humans.

9) Love to remodel houses but after I am done I hate to sell them.

10) We eat and drink too much

11) My grandkids think that I am the coolest grandparent every.

12) I am a NPR junkie especially "Car Talk" I know they are reruns but I love them

13) I can't wear ear bubs, they do not fit. I run without music.

[KittenMitten]

I love car talk. My favorite one was the goats vs the cars. Which should be penned up? I was driving and was laughing so hard I had to pull over.

[countressrascal]

I love car talk. My favorite one was the goats vs the cars. Which should be penned up? I was driving and was laughing so hard I had to pull over.

That one was great there are a couple other classics:

1) Guy with the fly problem in his pick up and he took the truck to a ice making warehouse and parked it in there to get ridden of the flies.

2) The guy who wanted help choosing a car after his divorce so he could pick up girls

3) Couple that called in from the road trip with MIL.

Oh there are too many to mention, they were greatest thing on the radio.

[ViolaSebastian]

I love car talk. My favorite one was the goats vs the cars. Which should be penned up? I was driving and was laughing so hard I had to pull over.

My favorite was the story (years ago) about how an engaged couple got into a fight and she threw the ring at the dashboard--the guy had taken apart the dashboard trying to find it without any luck.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I sing, and it isn't pretty. I sing in the supermarket when a good song comes on, and yesterday I bumped into one of the kids teachers while doing it. I sing loudly and even dance a little when doing chores. I sing to my pets. My milk snake brings all the boys to the yard. I once didn't realise the front door was open when I was singing to my cat about cleaning her sick off the stairs.

[Coco]

Car Talk was wonderful. Thank goodness for recordings.

my reality show would be boring and snarkable and probably windbaggy like this post. :lol:

imo i would get snarked on for being a terrible hypocrite - i judge fundies but still live that lifestyle. Outwardly our lifestyle would look very similar to fundies who allow pants/shorts. Except i'm a liberal feminist now. i'm excited that my daughter has an open door and a world full of opportunities ahead of her. And I go ballistic if a fundie promotes quiverfull or says collecting children is "godly" without also providing for them mentally, spiritually and physically their whole childhoods. Nothing makes me as furious as that guilt trip quiverfullers lay on moms. No, God doesn't magically "provide everything" when the ability or funds just aren't there for parents to stupidly overextend themselves. The arrogance of quiverfullers to think that God gives them preferential treatment to pop out unprovided-for kids, while Christians in other countries starve and get killed. What - does God not "provide everything" for all His believers? They won't admit they're depending on sympathetic handouts living in a rich country; it's not magical believing. /rant. My parents had a lot of kids but they were both college-educated and they did raise us properly. Quiverfullers tend to guilt trip parents who are less well-off for limiting family size.

i do protect my kids from some kinds of media, have old fashioned country values, and most of the kids' books would be Mennonite-approved. Like the Little Jewel books and things from the 1950's: Charlotte's Web, Stuart Little, Beverly Cleary's Ramona, Henry and Beezus, and the Dick and Jane readers. When my youngest siblings were born i was old enough to have been their mom, so i sometimes spoil my own and feel and act like a grandma to my own kids.

Another snarkable thing (out of many) is that i'm a terrible sentimentalist. I keep random things and sometimes hold them and cry over them. One of my dearest treasures is an old bent up spoon my grandma gave me once when i visited her as an adult. When my grandparents still lived on their farm she would let us kids dig in the dirt outside with spoons. So many great childhood memories involving red dirt. :lol: I've taken photo shoots of my daughter digging in the dirt with that old spoon too, and plan to do another one with my son when spring finally rolls around here. I kept dried flowers from my grandma and grandpa's funerals preserved to make a shadowbox. i keep her stainless coffee percolator on my kitchen cabinet beside the other appliances. I have a picture taped to the fridge of her baking in her kitchen with my littlest siblings lined up on the counter watching. :D And i used to keep one of her magnets on the fridge too that says "Let all things be done with love" until i worried my littles would accidentally play with it and lose it. I love to do random things she did, in memory of her, like keep a big ol' bowl of pepprermints around.

My mom isn't sentimental about actual objects at all. She's a strict minimalist. She had to be, to have time to give my siblings and me a good education. She focused on that above all else and our home life was very regimented. I love her dearly and we are close, but at the same time Erika Shupe is fascinating to me, her house and kids' lives are like a flashback. Mom got rid of most of the special things from my siblings and my childhood when our family kept moving all over the country. So I've gradually collected a lot of my childhood toys for my own kids to play with, and we play with them together sometimes. Probably 80% of my kids' toys are stuff i had when i was little. :lol: This summer i'm hoping to teach my daughter to sew clothes for her Daisy Kingdom dolls, like i taught my little sisters. I'd rather buy memories on Ebay than spend any money on anything for myself. That's why i love studying fashion, sewing and cosmetology - looking nice is important but it can be done well for almost free if you teach yourself. I try to do everything as cheap as possible and buy quality stuff used, but an old toy on ebay will just destroy my self-control. :lol: Thankfully most of the old toys on there that are played with are cheaper than new ones. My daughter does love Frozen though, new My Little Pony and new Strawberry Shortcake. We're redo-ing her room in Hello Kitty :D I try not to be TOO stuck in the past.

I'm basically just a big kid. :lol:

[ariel9]

I love my dog more than most people

I'm a liberal Christian

I'm a feminist

I value comfort over style most of the time

[louisa05]

*I'm Catholic and we go to mass every weekend and teach religious ed on Wednesday nights.

*I sing to my rabbit all the time. Random pop songs with the lyrics rearranged to be about him. For example, "Good Day, Bunny" every morning to the tune of "Good Day, Sunshine".

*I have stuffed bunnies in various places around the house. They all have names.

*I love clothes, shoes and purses. I would get called vain.

*My hair is currently longer and healthier than it has ever been in my life so I'm afraid to cut it because it might not grow out again.

*I do all the cooking and laundry and husband takes care of the cars and lawn...but he does vacuum and clean the bathroom, so we aren't 100% traditional gender roles.

*I only work sporadically (when I get called--which can be 10 days one month and 2 days the next) in order to take care of my parents. This seems to be unacceptable to people on account of us not having kids.

*I watch way too much television but hardly any current shows. I have never seen most of the shows people go on about on social media and IRL.

*I have only seen one movie in the theater in the last year.

*I like stupid guy movies like Wedding Crashers and Old School. I do not like serious movies that we are all supposed to see to be a better person or prove something or whatever. (Example: I never saw Brokeback Mountain way back when. A co-worker was appalled by that because "I thought you were a tolerant person". Since when does seeing a movie prove your tolerance? Another example is The Passion of the Christ which I never saw until we were forced to at work in Catholic school, in spite of people telling me I just had to to prove my faith...).

*I have a variety of 80s pop music on my iPod. Also some early to mid 90s CCM.

[yeahthatsme74]

This is such a fun question. I've really enjoyed reading everybody's posts.

-I talk to myself. A lot.

-My 19 year-old dog is my baby and calls me "mom". My kids don't mind, but my husband refuses to be the dog's "dad". My cat has one eye. His other one was cancerous and had to be removed. He calls me "mom", too.

-I hate having to work full-time. But when I was a SAHM, I wished I was working. I hope to find a compromise some day.

-I'm messy and unorganized. My neat-freak husband thinks if he wasn't around I might go by way of becoming a hoarder.

-Hubby and I don't have separate bedrooms, but more often than not, one of ends up on the couch because he snores and I change position like every 15 minutes all night long.

-We have three adult children plus a girlfriend, a teen son, a newborn grandchild, and me and hubby living in our house right now.

-I am 12 years younger than my hubby and 8 years older than his oldest son. That's fun to tease him about. Like when he went into the Navy, I was in 5th grade! :)

-My favorite comfort item is my Tardis blanket.

-My favorite style of dress is mid-90's grunge, though a t-shirt and jeans, shorts or yoga pants is my usual dress. No make up. It makes me feel pretentious.

-I tend to be anxious or worried about something most of the time. My philosophy is, if I don't worry about it, who will?

-I'm a shy introvert. I have very few close friends and cherish the ones I do have.

-Music is like oxygen. I associate most events of my life with particular songs.

-I homeschool teen son, and enjoy pointing out all the flaws of our local school distric. And then I send him to said local school district to participate in music classes and performance groups.

-My husband adores me, and me him, but we each think the other to be a bit bonkers. :)

[19 cats and counting]

Well I would not have a blog of my life out there for public consumption (I do have a badly neglected political blog that only focuses on politics). That's about the extent of my life that's out there (my FB is mostly politics). I'd make a very boring reality TV show if they even gave me enough $$ to put myself out there for public consumption (wanna talk, give me a winning Powerball ticket).

1) I work in politics and my life revolves around it

2) I like cats better than people. My wardrobe consists of anything I can find with a cat on it (I desperately want to raid Taylor Swift's closet). I'm not ashamed to be called a crazy cat lady.

3) There are so many details about things that women seem to be very into that I just don't give a shit about. Home design/renovations (if it ain't broke, don't fix it), wedding details (I don't care what the centerpieces or table linens look like), what your dinner looks like, etc.

4) I see the big picture and ignore what is on the surface (see above). If there's something that is fluff/busy work, I will skip it because there's absolutely no point in doing it.

5) This comes from working in a male dominated industry, but I can hold down a conversation with the guys a lot better than with the girls. I can talk politics and sports with the best of them, but when it comes to discussing details of a brunch or a baby shower, I will fake an important email and pay more attention to my phone. (I also prefer movies/TV shows marketed to men as opposed to women. Give me House of Cards over a chick flick any day--- my exception is snarking on reality shows)

[Black Aliss]

I am older than dirt and I refuse to act or dress my age. No, I'm not ridiculous in the clothing department, no miniskirts or stuff from teen stores, but apparently I am supposed to be wearing little knit pantsuits or something.

[purposed2015]

I'm sure I would provide plenty of snark fodder.

I have a tendency to attract, shall we say "interesting" people. I apparently have a friendly and open demeanor and people - especially weirdoes - seem to be very attracted to it.

I'm a big lover of crappy B movies, and honestly I would rather watch a Mystery Science Theater 3000 level movie for snark rather than an Oscar nominated film.

When I'm at home and cleaning the house I sing showtunes loud and at the top of my lungs

My deep love of accumulating sports equipment (though to be fair, I do use it!)

I'm sure there are many more I haven't thought of right now that would make good snark fodder!

It would be fun to do 19kac MST3K style and snark right on the screen. I'm always screaming at the tv while it's on. Guess that's why I like FJ

[nonymouse]

I used to have a quick, sharp mind and could remember anything; now I have no common sense or memory at all. (Imagine Jessica Simpson during her "chicken of the sea" years. It's truly pathetic.) I can't remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, but can sing just about any song from the 80s. Even the ones I hate.

[purposed2015]

There would be tons of snark on me. I'm a boarder hoarder (no bugs or garbage) or as Mike on "American Pickers" calls "hoarder of the good" IMO of course. I'm a uniform dresser, wear same types of clothes all the time and have a lumpy body and wimpy hair, "why doesn't she do something with her hair ?" snark fest. I get depressed in nice weather, it's like a 5 month holiday ( I don't like holidays at all), everyone expects you to be happy. I'm not domestic at all and not career oriented, self-employed and mostly motivated by fear of meeting monthly bills. Love my cats, tons of photos, at the store I look at ( but don't buy) outfits and decide which cat would wear what based on their personalities. In a bad relationship, people would be screaming at screen to get rid of the idiot. I am wimpy, cannot watch any violence on tv/movies, especially violence against women and animals. Lastly, I eat potato chips on my plate in order from the smallest to largest in size, only thing I'm good at in the delayed gratification department. Amazing how much we do have in common. :) :wink-kitty:

[Ave Maria]

-Our dog's body type. He's half sighthound, but it can read as "starving German Shepherd" to people who don't know him. My husband has heard dog park gossips talking about our boy, so I assume it would happen a lot if we were on TV. We always want to say something snarky back like, "If we starve him, how come he can outrun your dog with a 30 second head start?"

-I'm messy as heck when I get creative. The area where I do arts and crafts is a freaking wreck. Though maybe being on TV would make me keep things neater.

-I read manga and play video games -- and not the typical ones either. I like stuff like Harvest Moon (video game) and Fruits Basket (manga). No World of Warcraft or Naruto here. (So, basically, I'm too cutesy for the nerds.) I get really motion sick when I have to control the camera angle, so I play a lot of silly things like Animal Crossing or side-scrollers like New Super Mario Bros. DH plays racing games and Call of Duty and stuff like that -- but we play Mario and Mario Kart together.

-Speaking of cutesy, my daughter is a third generation Hello Kitty freak.

-We let our kids try basically any food they want. Including stuff like caviar (one likes it, one doesn't, but they wanted to try it when it was on my DH's plate, and we figure why not). Opinions tend to be strongly positive ("they'll be cultured" "it's great to try new things") or strongly negative ("you'll spoil them" or "why waste fancy things on kids") on this.