How would we snark on YOU?

[Trynn]

Let's see, I could (and probably have) been snarked on for my:

1. hatred of shoes. I don't wear them unless I know there's broken glass or the law requires it (the grocery store.)

2. I HATE wearing an FTD--I mean, bra, and go without one as much as humanly possible.

3. My large collection of American Girl (and similar) dolls

4. I have fabric sensitivities, so I never wear jeans and love yoga pants

5. I drink like a fish

6. I listen to disney music most of the time.

7. The messy state of my room

8. I'm very vocal about why I hate the religion I was raised in and the harm I believe was done to me, and I'm also not shy about talking about the verbal abuse I endured from my parents.

That's all I can think of atm.

[Marian the Librarian]

I can't leave the house in the morning until the bed is made. I feel better coming home to an orderly room. Call me madcap... :lol:

[whoviana]

Pretty much everything.

[polecat]

Off topic, but how long does it take you to heal from your chemical peels? I'm looking into getting one and I've heard 5-10 days, but I need to be able to be presentable (not terrifying to children) the day after.

I guess I would get the vanity snark too. And try as I might, I cannot find a pair of jeans that doesn't look like mom jeans thanks to a pudgy middle.

Not the op, but I get 30 percent TCA peels fairly regularly. I look blotchy the day-of (weird white spots all over my face). The next day, I usually only look sunburned or flushed. On day three, the ugly starts. It's not peely, but the skin gets a weird tan cast and is super shiny -- but the big problem is when you make facial expressions. You suddenly look 5,000 years old, almost like a mummy. It's indeed pretty scary. Over the next two or three days, the skin starts peeling off. You canNOT pick at it, or you'll hurt your skin. You may also scar it. Slather on petroleum jelly or something and hydrocortisone to keep itching and irritation under control. I also use a fruit enzyme cleaner to help get some of the peely bits off without picking them off. By the end of the week, you'll be looking human again, although you may still look like you have a peeling sunburn. Two weeks out, you'll have a bright glowy look. My husband almost every time will ask, "Are you doing something different?" But maybe that's just because I suddenly no longer look a mess.

Hope that helps!

(Glycolic acid peels leave me not just peely but also horrifically pimply, with little itchy white heads all over. I just don't even bother with them at this point.)

[nausicaa]

Off topic, but how long does it take you to heal from your chemical peels? I'm looking into getting one and I've heard 5-10 days, but I need to be able to be presentable (not terrifying to children) the day after.

I guess I would get the vanity snark too. And try as I might, I cannot find a pair of jeans that doesn't look like mom jeans thanks to a pudgy middle.

My experience is similar to Polecat's. I'm recovering from a pretty intense peel right now and I think I've always been "presentable," just not attractive. Really the first two days just look like a sunburn. It wouldn't really be that noticeable except that I have to slather on this Vaseline looking cream on my face that makes me look, well, like I have a thick layer of Vaseline slathered on my face. But I still go to work, the grocery store get gas. Just not out with friends. The end of the second to the third day the peeling starts. But it's not too terrible, it's mostly around the chin, jawline, and browline. If you are diligent about keeping your face covered in the creams you are given the peeling isn't too bad. But no make up allowed, it only makes it worse. And like Polecat said, you can't pick at it. With my last peel I was good to go after four days.

But I've never had a phenol peel, which apparently causes intense facial swelling? All of mine have been Trichloroacetic acid or some blend. And when I did the OTC peels you can buy on Amazon, I had no issues the next day. However those also didn't seem to do much.

[Kailash]

So much to snark on with me. My weight. My adult onset acne. My lack of fashion sense. I pretty much wear the same thing over and over and over until it literally falls apart. I mean, I have work clothes (a uniform!) but in my everyday life my outfit rarely varies. I talk baby talk to my cats. I laugh loudly and a lot. (Some probably think it's obnoxious.) I love to read and knit and other "boring" stuff. Ha! I thought I'd feel bad about myself listing all these things but for some reason I don't. It's just who I am.

[BrownieMomma]

It's a great topic Firiel but honestly the thought of my life being out there filmed for TV creates a small feeling of panic.

My show would have been on a theme of how does this single mom barely cope rather than me being an expert or showing myself as "the way to do things" a la the Duggars/Bates.

I would be criticized for

1. Eating out too much

2. Spending too much time playing my MMO

3. My house is generally "picked up" but rarely behind the couch clean

4. Everyone in my house weighs too much

5. We have three house cats that are a priority

6. We are homebodies

7. Might be a bit enmeshed

8. Take daughter to church cuz she likes it, don't make sons go bc they don't like it

9. TV like Orange is the New Black and American Horror Story

10. Never have Bible time

11. Never pray over the kids

12. Drink the occasional alcohol

[Delilah]

I have pathetic computer skills and will be thoroughly screwed when my daughter heads off to college in fall. Seriously, you're looking at the extent of my knowledge right here. :embarrassed: I need to go on that FJ practice page.

[AlwaysExcited]

- Im weird

- I would be worst TV star ever because I am a) shy, introvert and I dont like to be around lots of people or talk to ones I dont know well b) I hate being filmed

- Im obsessed with clothes, but have no interest in makeup or jewelry

- I am crazy dog lady (sorry, cat madams)

- My eating and sleeping habits are disaster

- I feed my dog healthier than I feed myself, and I spend more time planning her menu than mine

- I talk to my dog, about my dog with people who are interested and who are not

- I also talk about books and writing process and how I want to publish a book, but I dont like to answer any questions about what exactly I write and why

- I snark on other people (fundies). I have never met one and most live on other side of the world (Thanks God)

[Firiel]

I only shower and wash my hair twice a week. The average person probably thinks that is gross. After the gym I use baby wipes. I just think it better for your skin or at least my skin. I wash my face once a day though.

Yay! My old roommate only showered 2-3 times a week. And then I found out she had used the same stick of deodorant since high school... HIGH SCHOOL (we were 26 at the time). I guess she didn't wear it in the winter at all. I have to apply it twice a day to keep my underarms from stinking, but I never noticed her stink in the two years we lived together. So for her, it was perfectly hygienic and not gross at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I definitely don't hold everyone to the same hygiene processes. People produce different amounts of sweat and oils and their skin should be cared for differently.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I keep pets people think of as creepy and disgusting, and I baby talk to them. My widdle fuzzy wuzzy spideys, and noodly woodly longbaby snakeys are cute to me.

[Dollypeeps]

Let's see

My great Danes that I show and breed all over the country would be snarked on as cruel if not a dog person.

My job as a psychologist of dogs not humans. even folks in RL find it weird.

I kept my maiden name.

I have what folks would class as a blended family of many kids.

I have 4 special needs kids, young adults and they have appointments what seems like all the time.

My house is a mess

My kennels are spotless

I advocate raw feeding of my Danes too and have a blog on it all which I update weekly so that would be boring

I read a lot too and can have 3 books on the go at once

I'm a big Dr Who nerd I even collect the toys and play with them nothing is in a box. My grandkids see me as the cool granny because of it.

My hubby follows me around when home why cos he works long hours and he misses me

[erunerune]

This is a great topic!

1. I try too hard, and then I have anxiety because I am sure everyone I interact with immediately senses this.

2. I am geeky about espresso makers and grinders, ands I can talk about these things non-stop whenever possible.

3. I run a lot & sometimes I think this makes me a better person. The closest I ever get to evangelizing is when I try to convince uninterested people that running would change their lives/works ethics/mental health too.

4. And then I insinuate that not having a $600 coffee grinders might be an integral reason for any other life issues they are having.

5. I can out hard-core any fundie when it comes to my passion about my morals/values.

6. I dress like a boring, practical mom.

7. I make macarons because they are more esoteric than cupcakes.

8. My cats are just more highly-evolved humans, and I don't care if they only pretend to like me because they are manipulating me for their own ends.

9. I use big words because I REALLY MEAN THEM.

10. I have secret European fantasies about Rick Steves.

[salex]

Well, my weight--which fluctuates by ab out 80+ lbs every so many years and even at the low point, I'm not totally skinny.

My giant house for 2 people who travel for work.

Always wearing make up outside of the house

Never leaving the house in shorts, including to go into my own yard

Eating canned veggies (Green beans, beets and occasionally spinach) in part because while fresh is better, I hate frozen green beans and grew up on canned spinach so find it almost a comfort food.... yes, mock away)

My Being pleased when our zipcode is highly ranked in whatever way... wealth, educational attainment, schools, etc Knowing it is part of why we chose to live here

the fact we drive cars from 1997 and 2002.

Our parties--

the fact spouse and I are sort of joined at the hip, by design.

[Firiel]

My job as a psychologist of dogs not humans. even folks in RL find it weird.

That's pretty fascinating. You should start an Ask Me Anything thread!

[NotALoserLikeYou]

People would say I'm lazy and I need to get a job and stop living off of child support. That would be their perception. I've been divorced for almost five years and I haven't needed to go out and get a "real job." I needed to be there for my kids (who were 7, 5, and 2). I have them almost all the time and the youngest just started full time school last year and even then they get out at 2pm. I can't even make plans for his scheduled visitation time because he usually cancels last minute (due to work). I also was in the unique position of living rent free in a home my dad owns outright. I don't carry any debt. I keep my expenses low. I do a little work for my dads business and I went to school. This is my last semester so I'll be getting a job later this year, hopefully. And I didn't get child support for a long time so now he pays arrears. The court imputes me income so it's not like his support would be lowered if I worked outside of the home. His support goes to the kids not me. In general, I have it good (I also cashed out my retirement settlement and used that to live on). It's not like I get welfare (not that there's anything wrong with it). But I feel like people think I don't do a lot. I didn't have a privileged life growing up either, it was actually very abusive (my mom) and I didn't reconnect with my dad until I was an adult.

Also. I'm fat, and I also have anxiety I deal with and I like to be alone a lot. But I'm pretty funny and well liked in real life. And I wear fake eyelashes everyday which may or may not be a good thing.

[Mary C Doates]

I work for the government. Need I say more?

[polecat]

Yay! My old roommate only showered 2-3 times a week. And then I found out she had used the same stick of deodorant since high school... HIGH SCHOOL (we were 26 at the time). I guess she didn't wear it in the winter at all. I have to apply it twice a day to keep my underarms from stinking, but I never noticed her stink in the two years we lived together. So for her, it was perfectly hygienic and not gross at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I definitely don't hold everyone to the same hygiene processes. People produce different amounts of sweat and oils and their skin should be cared for differently.

Oh man, I have to weigh in on this. My husband thinks I'm weird because I don't stink, but I really don't. I don't think I've actually had to use deodorant since I was going through puberty (definitely needed it back then). When I'm going somewhere, I'll grab his and use it, but otherwise, I don't bother. I also don't really have body hair -- my legs have so few that I rarely ever shave them (I do shave, mind you, just because I like how silky my legs feel, but between the blonde color and the sparseness, I can go weeks between shaves if I wanted). My mom was the same way: hairless and odorless. It's weird.

I don't even want to think of all the things you guys could snark on me over. I have lots of quirks and weirdnesses and freaky things going on. I'm also horribly introverted and camera-shy, so the show would be super-boring anyway -- a bunch of film of me coloring or cooking or reading or working. Not at all interesting.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Hmm...I think I would be snarked on because of my affinity for scrunchies, my need to change over any and all calendar pages in advance of the actual month (and the fact that I have three calendars on the wall in my bedroom alone), my decorating of walls by pinning or taping things up, the way I randomly belt out Disney lines and lyrics, the way I'm constantly touching my face and hair, and my horrible table manners.

[StacyW]

That's pretty fascinating. You should start an Ask Me Anything thread!

Yes, an AMA! I tried to find the raw food Great Dane blog and was not successful.

[Peas n carrots]

I'm sure I would provide plenty of snark fodder.

I have a tendency to attract, shall we say "interesting" people. I apparently have a friendly and open demeanor and people - especially weirdoes - seem to be very attracted to it.

I'm a big lover of crappy B movies, and honestly I would rather watch a Mystery Science Theater 3000 level movie for snark rather than an Oscar nominated film.

When I'm at home and cleaning the house I sing showtunes loud and at the top of my lungs

My deep love of accumulating sports equipment (though to be fair, I do use it!)

I'm sure there are many more I haven't thought of right now that would make good snark fodder!

[RachelB]

I am extremely earnest, to an extent that people offline typically find amusing or off-putting.

I care a lot about what other people think and feel.

The combination of these two things alone would generate a lot of material. It certainly makes me a lot of fun to mess with IRL.

[sparkles]

Love this!

My personal style–or the lack thereof–is definitely snarkworthy. My hair is generally half an inch long, I never wear make-up, don't shave and I couldn't care less about clothes. I wear the same thing every. damn. day. because I just don't want to be bothered with it. So it's jeans and and white t-shirts for warm weather or jeans and long sleeve black t-shirts for cold weather, both of which I buy in multiples in the men's department at K-mart (I like their t-shirts). Everything I own is way oversized because I hate anything close fitting (including underwear). My footwear is a pair of 10+ year old men's Docs (they didn't have a similar style for women). My one concession to girly-ness is my love of colorful and/or bejewelled flip-flops (I have a major collection) and wacky colored toenails-usually blue–but that's summer only. Oh, and I do own one dress suitable for weddings, funerals and everything in-between.

Fundies would also have a snarking field day–or a conniption–over the fact that Mr. Sparkles and I haven't shared a bedroom for sleeping in nearly 15 years, because otherwise, I'd never get any rest. Even after surgery and with a CPAP, he has severe sleep apnea and I just couldn't take being punched, kicked and thrown out of bed anymore, because his episodes were so violent. So instead, he's in one bedroom and I share mine with the dog and 3 cats, who leave me clinging to the side of bed for dear life. Fundies, I'm sure, would tell me to just suck it up and deal like the submissive helpmeet I'm supposed to be. I mean, who cares if wifey sleeps?

I'm also a sucky housekeeper. Good cook and baker though so there's that!

[KittenMitten]

I'm sure I would provide plenty of snark fodder.

I have a tendency to attract, shall we say "interesting" people. I apparently have a friendly and open demeanor and people - especially weirdoes - seem to be very attracted to it.

I'm a big lover of crappy B movies, and honestly I would rather watch a Mystery Science Theater 3000 level movie for snark rather than an Oscar nominated film.

When I'm at home and cleaning the house I sing showtunes loud and at the top of my lungs

My deep love of accumulating sports equipment (though to be fair, I do use it!)

I'm sure there are many more I haven't thought of right now that would make good snark fodder!

Oh, heck, peas and carrots. I love MST3K, especially the shorts. Also, which show tunes are your favorites? I do admit to singing some Broadway tunes. I am such a nerd.

[KittenMitten]

Love this!

My personal style–or the lack thereof–is definitely snarkworthy. My hair is generally half an inch long, I never wear make-up, don't shave and I couldn't care less about clothes. I wear the same thing every. damn. day. because I just don't want to be bothered with it. So it's jeans and and white t-shirts for warm weather or jeans and long sleeve black t-shirts for cold weather, both of which I buy in multiples in the men's department at K-mart (I like their t-shirts). Everything I own is way oversized because I hate anything close fitting (including underwear). My footwear is a pair of 10+ year old men's Docs (they didn't have a similar style for women). My one concession to girly-ness is my love of colorful and/or bejewelled flip-flops (I have a major collection) and wacky colored toenails-usually blue–but that's summer only. Oh, and I do own one dress suitable for weddings, funerals and everything in-between.

Fundies would also have a snarking field day–or a conniption–over the fact that Mr. Sparkles and I haven't shared a bedroom for sleeping in nearly 15 years, because otherwise, I'd never get any rest. Even after surgery and with a CPAP, he has severe sleep apnea and I just couldn't take being punched, kicked and thrown out of bed anymore, because his episodes were so violent. So instead, he's in one bedroom and I share mine with the dog and 3 cats, who leave me clinging to the side of bed for dear life. Fundies, I'm sure, would tell me to just suck it up and deal like the submissive helpmeet I'm supposed to be. I mean, who cares if wifey sleeps?

I'm also a sucky housekeeper. Good cook and baker though so there's that!

Oh, Sparkles. I am so happy to know I'm not the only one. I love my husband dearly, but he does snore and I have been kicked numerous times. I love my own bed and 3 freaking cats...I get 1/5 of the bed, the cats get the rest. I also cling to the bed. Sorry you have to go through that, but again, glad I'm not the only one. I doubt fundies would understand cat headship. Few people do. Sisterhood is so important.