So, if you were invited to a Duggar wedding

[LogansMama]

A copy of "taking charge of your fertility" and a basal thermometer.

And a link to fertilityfriend.com

[RosyDaisy]

Is that normal, to not wear shoes in church? Is it perhaps a southern thing?

*clutches pearls* No proper Southern lady goes barefoot in church! Lawd a mercy naw! LOL

[louisa05]

*clutches pearls* No proper Southern lady goes barefoot in church! Lawd a mercy naw! LOL

When I worked at Christian school, there was a faction of charismatics (neo-pentecostals) who were constantly preaching about taking off your shoes in church, or in the gym for chapel as it was, because you were "standing on holy ground".

One of the teachers I was close to married the building manager in a charismatic wedding in a public park about a year after I left. I went to the wedding. They did not wear shoes and the groom gave a little spiel about "standing on holy ground".

It was a park where the police regularly had prostitution stings on the weekend. So very holy.

[Four is Enough]

OK, rant ahead. I believe in having the wedding you can afford to pay for yourself, so no amount of "covering the expenses" is going to matter to me. I will give you the gift I can afford to give you, so don't expect to be "reimbursed" the cost of the plate. I like punch, cake and mints. My sister's and brother's first wedding receptions were just that, and they were lovely.

My attendance at your wedding depends on several things. First, if you're a member of our close family, or a close friend, why YES, I'll come. Secondly, if you're a more distant relative, a cousin or friend I don't see often, I may come, if we've interacted within the last few months. Thirdly, if you're the child of a friend or business acquaintance, Hail Naw I'm not coming, because I consider this a gift grab. Fourthly, if it's a "destination" wedding, GET OVER YOURSELF. I will NOT be there. Enjoy the wedding, but it's too rich for my blood, just to see you get married.

As far as your gift, I may send cash, or I may send a gift. I like registries, because it lessens the chance that someone will get four toasters, and increases the chance that the couple will get something they can actually use. That is certainly what they will get from ME. My gift amount varies a bit. More, if you're close, down to a token amount, if you're the child of a friend... YOU may get a cheap gift card. My nephew got a LOT of stuff from BB&B, because I'd been saving coupons to get his wedding gifts. Got 20% off EVERYTHING I got him, so I was able to get the couple more.

AFA a Duggar wedding, I'll pass, thanks. I don't participate in spectacles. Unless it's a flash mob. I'd love to be part of a flash mob.

[KittenMitten]

When I worked at Christian school, there was a faction of charismatics (neo-pentecostals) who were constantly preaching about taking off your shoes in church, or in the gym for chapel as it was, because you were "standing on holy ground".

One of the teachers I was close to married the building manager in a charismatic wedding in a public park about a year after I left. I went to the wedding. They did not wear shoes and the groom gave a little spiel about "standing on holy ground".

It was a park where the police regularly had prostitution stings on the weekend. So very holy.

Wow, I can actually understand the barefoot thing and respect it-for them. Not sure about Jill, but if the church didn't complain, I shouldn't. Why did your friend choose that park? Did it have special meaning?

Edit: riffle

[louisa05]

Wow, I can actually understand the barefoot thing and respect it-for them. Not sure about Jill, but if the church didn't complain, I shouldn't. Why did your friend choose that park? Did it have special meaning?

Edit: riffle

The groom chose it. It was near his house. They had a "Jesus parade" from his house to the park--about 3 blocks with him and his attendants and the pastor carrying Jesus banners and singing. The whole thing was just...too much.

He runs the show at their house. They married later (both over 45) and it was his second marriage. He grew up as a CEO Catholic and yammers about how he never knew about Jesus because Catholics don't teach about Jesus or ever, ever, ever read the Bible and he was a heretic and on the road to hell until someone saved him at an Assembly of God church. Of course, if you don't go to mass regularly, aren't taken to religious ed, never confirmed, etc...then, yes, you probably won't learn about anything from the Catholic church.

When I got married, they did not respond to the wedding invitation prior. About three weeks after our wedding I got a note in the mail from the wife that they were not able to attend because her husband felt it would be bad for them to be in a Catholic church or around a large group of Catholic people. Not surprising as he had skipped his own mother's Catholic funeral and attempted to prevent his three teenage children from attending. The note closed with assurances that they were praying that I would "return to Jesus" and bring my husband "to true salvation". I have never heard from them again.

[Nishi621]

^^What BS!!!!

I am Catholic and we talk about Jesus, read the bible and pray to Jesus all the time!!! I used to teach Sunday school and we taught the kids about Jesus, my class even made a little video about Him. That guy is nutso! He must have never went to church or anything, my church has a weekly bible study

[KittenMitten]

Yes, louisa05. It sounds more than a bit much and the whole I am holier than you thing. No longer impressed with the shoeless thing.

Probably it's good that this guy is out of your life. Sorry about your friend though.

[louisa05]

^^What BS!!!!

I am Catholic and we talk about Jesus, read the bible and pray to Jesus all the time!!! I used to teach Sunday school and we taught the kids about Jesus, my class even made a little video about Him. That guy is nutso! He must have never went to church or anything, my church has a weekly bible study

My husband and I teach confirmation class. We read the Bible every week and talk about Jesus all the time.

This guy's parents only took their kids to church for Christmas and Easter and he never attended any religious ed and was not even confirmed. I got into it with him once because I said that lacking all of that, it wasn't fair for him to say he was "raised in the Catholic church". He was baptized as an infant but had no instruction or involvement beyond that. Although, I found that to be a recurring theme with the evangelicals who "converted" from Catholicism that I encountered in and around that school.

[ADoyle90815]

OK, rant ahead. I believe in having the wedding you can afford to pay for yourself, so no amount of "covering the expenses" is going to matter to me. I will give you the gift I can afford to give you, so don't expect to be "reimbursed" the cost of the plate. I like punch, cake and mints. My sister's and brother's first wedding receptions were just that, and they were lovely.

My attendance at your wedding depends on several things. First, if you're a member of our close family, or a close friend, why YES, I'll come. Secondly, if you're a more distant relative, a cousin or friend I don't see often, I may come, if we've interacted within the last few months. Thirdly, if you're the child of a friend or business acquaintance, Hail Naw I'm not coming, because I consider this a gift grab. Fourthly, if it's a "destination" wedding, GET OVER YOURSELF. I will NOT be there. Enjoy the wedding, but it's too rich for my blood, just to see you get married.

As far as your gift, I may send cash, or I may send a gift. I like registries, because it lessens the chance that someone will get four toasters, and increases the chance that the couple will get something they can actually use. That is certainly what they will get from ME. My gift amount varies a bit. More, if you're close, down to a token amount, if you're the child of a friend... YOU may get a cheap gift card. My nephew got a LOT of stuff from BB&B, because I'd been saving coupons to get his wedding gifts. Got 20% off EVERYTHING I got him, so I was able to get the couple more.

AFA a Duggar wedding, I'll pass, thanks. I don't participate in spectacles. Unless it's a flash mob. I'd love to be part of a flash mob.

I'm the same way about weddings, if the person is close family or a good friend, I'll definitely attend. If the person is a distant relative, or someone I haven't talked to in person in months as I don't count Facebook "friendship", then I probably won't attend, especially if I have to travel more than a couple of hours to get to the wedding.

One wedding I know I won't attend if I'm invited is that of my youngest step sister, as that would be a Mormon temple wedding, and I'm not Mormon so if I actually went, I'd be in some waiting room with the other heathens and unworthy people. Chances are that would also be in Utah, so for me it's a destination wedding where I'd have to not only fly, but get a hotel room.

As far as a Duggar wedding, I certainly wouldn't go since if they somehow invited me, I'd know it was just a gift grab and I don't go to gift grabs at all.

[PennySycamore]

The groom chose it. It was near his house. They had a "Jesus parade" from his house to the park--about 3 blocks with him and his attendants and the pastor carrying Jesus banners and singing. The whole thing was just...too much.

He runs the show at their house. They married later (both over 45) and it was his second marriage. He grew up as a CEO Catholic and yammers about how he never knew about Jesus because Catholics don't teach about Jesus or ever, ever, ever read the Bible and he was a heretic and on the road to hell until someone saved him at an Assembly of God church. Of course, if you don't go to mass regularly, aren't taken to religious ed, never confirmed, etc...then, yes, you probably won't learn about anything from the Catholic church.

When I got married, they did not respond to the wedding invitation prior. About three weeks after our wedding I got a note in the mail from the wife that they were not able to attend because her husband felt it would be bad for them to be in a Catholic church or around a large group of Catholic people. Not surprising as he had skipped his own mother's Catholic funeral and attempted to prevent his three teenage children from attending. The note closed with assurances that they were praying that I would "return to Jesus" and bring my husband "to true salvation". I have never heard from them again.

This jerk didn't even go to his mother's funeral? What a complete asshole!

[Alye]

For my sister's wedding someone got her a gift basket with a whole chicken, vegetables, gravy etc. with a note that said, "Sex should be like a chicken dinner; a bit of breast, a bit of leg and a whole lot of stuffing!"

That's what I'd do for the Duggars!

[Fundie Bunny]

This jerk didn't even go to his mother's funeral? What a complete asshole!

yeah, he should tell that tl the image of christ in the cross hanging in my grandma's old bedroom that has always haunted me.

[ariel9]

I would wear a short lily pulitzer dress. I would buy them condoms and the karma sutra. I would also have a running stream for free jinger since we know that the ceremony is sanitized beyond it's life.

[Pretzel]

The Duggars are rich. With their thousands of wedding invitations they want to grab as many gifts as they can and they don't even serve proper food to their guests (even though I had the impression that Michelle was not happy when she heard Jessa and Ben wanted a hot dog & ice cream reception, but she's probably shut down and doesn't care anymore). They don't spend more than a few dollars on each of their guests but they expect to be greatly rewarded.

I'd bring them something cheap, like a box of chocolates or something.

[Rescinded and Mended]

So we've had a lot of discussions about weddings and what is inappropriate/inappropriate regarding selections and expenses over the years, and I've always enjoyed reading other people's thoughts on them. I think a lot of choices are the sort of thing where one's mileage will definitely vary, while others are things I might feel I would never do at my own wedding.

I think the one thing that really gets to me is the idea that if people want to participate in a wedding, they have to pay all of their own expenses, including the cost of dinner. I mean, it's a party that's being hosted by the bride and groom, not a fundraiser for an illness, for God's sake.

If my best friend or a close friend were getting married, I would voluntarily spend more on clothing and a gift, but I always draw the line at being asked to pay excessive amounts of money for food and alcohol at the reception. I mean, who decided that this should be a normal thing up in New York and for anyone who does it? I also am not clear on why people have bridal showers and then expect gifts at wedding receptions. I eloped and had a few stray gifts come in later when friends and family found out, but it never would have occurred to me to hold a shower where people who were already coming to the wedding got invited to another party to bring me another gift. Who honestly does that, besides the Duggars?

As for gifts, I typically hit discount stores and get really nice kitchen items for the couple. Last wedding I went to, they had a registry, but it was largely ignored because the couple asked for too many high-priced items. The bride wound up with 4 crock pots. :lol:

As for a Duggar wedding, knowing what I do of their grifting/user tendencies (and this is only what I've seen on television!), I might send a gift or not bother showing up at all. Or if I did show up, it would be at the wedding start time, and not before, because I wouldn't want to get roped into helping.

Actually, I'm entirely the sort of person who has zero patience for both television cameras and D-rate celebrities,* so I probably wouldn't go at all.

*And trust me, you see plenty of both at the cancer center. I once got into a fight with a cop because he was barricading the elevators so that the hallowed, annointed celebrity faction that showed up that morning could get out and leave before the chemo patients and their families. Children who were sick from chemo were backed up in lines and puking everywhere because the local celebrities signing autographs were considered more important that the needs of the sick patients.

Sorry for the derail, I just have no patience for celebrity assholes and their leghumpers who like to make situations all about themselves at the expense of the less fortunate.

[Four is Enough]

I've lived primarily in Maryland and Pennsylvania. I've been to many, many bridal showers and weddings. I've always brought a gift to both. The shower gift was usually a small item related to the theme of the shower... Kitchen, Bathroom, Spices, Laundry (HATE, hate HATE negilgee showers!)... that sort of thing. So perhaps I'd bring a laundry basket with a box of detergent to the shower, but a larger gift to the wedding.

Is that not universally done?

It's similar for babies. For a baby shower, I might bring a gift of onesies or Pampers. When I visit the child at home, I might bring some cash for his college fund, or a slightly larger gift.

It's fairly common where I've lived to bring two gifts.

Typically, my amount spent reflects both gifts, so my total fits my budget.

[RabbitKM]

I guess I've been taught that even if I cant attend the wedding (grad party, etc) to still send a gift. For example, my best friend's sister was getting married in another state and during the school year for me. I was invited, but could not go. I still ordered something off her registry and had it shipped. Granted, it was just pillows, so nothing extravagant. And for other non-wedding parties, such as grad parties, I would get the person a small gift card and possibly mail it or give it to them when I see them later. In my mind, this isn't because of any obligation or participation in a gift-grab, but more because I want to congratulate/celebrate with the person.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I didn't mean to criticize anyone who had bridal showers or who is planning to have one, sorry. I guess it's just that I've never been to one and don't understand the protocol involved. I have been to baby showers and also to see the baby at home after the birth, and have also brought a gift both times. I could see bringing a small household item to a bridal shower, but was just wondering if that one was meant to be more like a pounding shower, where people bring food items for the pantry and other household staples before the wedding takes place and the couple moves in together.

[MatthewDuggar]

This is a nice article that speaks to some of the wedding traditions and how they are so not keeping with the times:

The dowry tradition and how it relates to today's bride

[MoonFace]

I didn't mean to criticize anyone who had bridal showers or who is planning to have one, sorry. I guess it's just that I've never been to one and don't understand the protocol involved. I have been to baby showers and also to see the baby at home after the birth, and have also brought a gift both times. I could see bringing a small household item to a bridal shower, but was just wondering if that one was meant to be more like a pounding shower, where people bring food items for the pantry and other household staples before the wedding takes place and the couple moves in together.

Actually, I believe it's considered rude to invite someone to a bridal shower and not invite them to the wedding. But it's still done in many situations.

Found this on a website: http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-plan ... dding.aspx Others agreed that it's bad form to invite someone to a shower but not the wedding.

My experience has been that it's a small gift for the shower, that is usually a theme (Such as a bath,bed, kitchen, or personal) and a nicer gift for the wedding gift.

It sounded like the Duggar kids had just the root beer floats or ice cream as their reception. Doesn't sound like anyone got a meal.

Have a reception you can afford - and serve all guests some refreshments. Can't afford a huge wedding cake? Get a nice wedding cake (small) and then serve up sheet cakes.

I wouldn't be surprised if the next wedding they had the Good Humor man there so you can buy your own ice cream on a stick.

[Alye]

In my family we have the bridal/groom shower and the Bucks and Hens Nights before the wedding. The bridal/grooms shower happens during the day and includes close family and friends plus people who were invited to the wedding but can't make it for whatever reason. The guys go out for drinks to a sports bar and the girls stay home and do all the little games. You only ever give gag gifts (my favourite is called 'Don'ts for Wives'. It's hilarious.) It's mostly for the parents and grandparents of the bride and groom to help celebrate because no one wants their grandmother at their Hens Night.

For babies, we only have a big baby shower for the first baby but will always have small family baby showers for each additional one. Just a small get together and a BBQ. We also have a communal pool of baby items (bassinet, clothes, etc) that have been making their way around our families and friends since my niece was first born (she's 8). Some items we're not even sure who owned them originally, we just track them down whenever we need them. It works since we don't have any within a year.

[DGayle]

I guess I've been taught that even if I cant attend the wedding (grad party, etc) to still send a gift. For example, my best friend's sister was getting married in another state and during the school year for me. I was invited, but could not go. I still ordered something off her registry and had it shipped. Granted, it was just pillows, so nothing extravagant. And for other non-wedding parties, such as grad parties, I would get the person a small gift card and possibly mail it or give it to them when I see them later. In my mind, this isn't because of any obligation or participation in a gift-grab, but more because I want to congratulate/celebrate with the person.

If you got an invitation from a distant relative or the child of an old friend, would you still send a gift? People send invitations to distant people hoping for gifts. When I was engaged, a tip going around was send invitations to distance people who probably won't go, but might feel obligated to send a gift.

[SassyPants]

If you got an invitation from a distant relative or the child of an old friend, would you still send a gift? People send invitations to distant people hoping for gifts. When I was engaged, a tip going around was send invitations to distance people who probably won't go, but might feel obligated to send a gift.

I always send a gift-

Most of the people that I know whose kids are getting married (we are older) have smaller weddings- I rarely get invites, except for family members. I always send something.

[Nic]

What do you think the Duggars give as wedding gifts? I'm guessing JB & Jchelle like that book that they give to new couples. The girls gave a joke gift to Whitney of collected recipes + fire extinguisher. Josh and Anna made a mobile, which they could've put a little more effort in... ug.

But I wonder what they do give as gifts as norm?