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So, if you were invited to a Duggar wedding


MoonFace

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What do you think the Duggars give as wedding gifts? I'm guessing JB & Jchelle like that book that they give to new couples. The girls gave a joke gift to Whitney of collected recipes + fire extinguisher. Josh and Anna made a mobile, which they could've put a little more effort in... ug.

But I wonder what they do give as gifts as norm?

I bet it is something used from the thrift store so they can save the difference. :lol: :lol: :lol:

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What do you think the Duggars give as wedding gifts? I'm guessing JB & Jchelle like that book that they give to new couples. The girls gave a joke gift to Whitney of collected recipes + fire extinguisher. Josh and Anna made a mobile, which they could've put a little more effort in... ug.

But I wonder what they do give as gifts as norm?

A 9x13 pan from Dollar Tree (or second hand store) and a recipe for Tater Tot casserole!

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If you got an invitation from a distant relative or the child of an old friend, would you still send a gift? People send invitations to distant people hoping for gifts. When I was engaged, a tip going around was send invitations to distance people who probably won't go, but might feel obligated to send a gift.

But it is all so much more complicated than that, so you can't always assume an invite is just a "gift grab". For most weddings, there are multiple people involved in the guest list--bride, groom, and both sets of parents at the least. And everyone has a reason for the people they want on the list. Then you get into if you are sending an invite to Great Uncle D because he constantly asks in letters about these things, is it going to look like a snub if Great Aunt C doesn't get one, because they might talk about it at some point. Or you have Aunt A who is, with her entire family 900 miles away, whining at you that Cousin M didn't invite all six of her kids to her wedding and how rude it was and surely, you are going to invite them even though none of them can come, right?

As for the cake, root beer float, no dinner thing...It has been my experience that evangelical weddings usually do not feature an actual meal. Usually cake, mints and bad punch. The high rollers might have some appetizer type food. But every evangelical wedding I've ever been to has been followed by a starving trip to the nearest fast food place when the festivities were over--and I have been to many and in the wedding party for several.

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What do you think the Duggars give as wedding gifts? I'm guessing JB & Jchelle like that book that they give to new couples. The girls gave a joke gift to Whitney of collected recipes + fire extinguisher. Josh and Anna made a mobile, which they could've put a little more effort in... ug.

But I wonder what they do give as gifts as norm?

it was for erin bates' wedding

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Well this evangelical will be feeding her guest well. Granted it's not a gourmet plated 4 course meal, but there will be plenty of food and take out cartons for a meal to go. Then again I didn't invite 1,000+ guests.

And I think I need to STFU about my wedding....sorry.

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So we've had a lot of discussions about weddings and what is inappropriate/inappropriate regarding selections and expenses over the years, and I've always enjoyed reading other people's thoughts on them. I think a lot of choices are the sort of thing where one's mileage will definitely vary, while others are things I might feel I would never do at my own wedding.

I think the one thing that really gets to me is the idea that if people want to participate in a wedding, they have to pay all of their own expenses, including the cost of dinner. I mean, it's a party that's being hosted by the bride and groom, not a fundraiser for an illness, for God's sake.

If my best friend or a close friend were getting married, I would voluntarily spend more on clothing and a gift, but I always draw the line at being asked to pay excessive amounts of money for food and alcohol at the reception. I mean, who decided that this should be a normal thing up in New York and for anyone who does it? I also am not clear on why people have bridal showers and then expect gifts at wedding receptions. I eloped and had a few stray gifts come in later when friends and family found out, but it never would have occurred to me to hold a shower where people who were already coming to the wedding got invited to another party to bring me another gift. Who honestly does that, besides the Duggars?

As for gifts, I typically hit discount stores and get really nice kitchen items for the couple. Last wedding I went to, they had a registry, but it was largely ignored because the couple asked for too many high-priced items. The bride wound up with 4 crock pots. :lol:

As for a Duggar wedding, knowing what I do of their grifting/user tendencies (and this is only what I've seen on television!), I might send a gift or not bother showing up at all. Or if I did show up, it would be at the wedding start time, and not before, because I wouldn't want to get roped into helping.

Actually, I'm entirely the sort of person who has zero patience for both television cameras and D-rate celebrities,* so I probably wouldn't go at all.

*And trust me, you see plenty of both at the cancer center. I once got into a fight with a cop because he was barricading the elevators so that the hallowed, annointed celebrity faction that showed up that morning could get out and leave before the chemo patients and their families. Children who were sick from chemo were backed up in lines and puking everywhere because the local celebrities signing autographs were considered more important that the needs of the sick patients.

Sorry for the derail, I just have no patience for celebrity assholes and their leghumpers who like to make situations all about themselves at the expense of the less fortunate.

I actually requested that my bridesmaids and family not hold a Bridal Shower for me - I have social and general anxiety, so that would be tough for me. Plus my guy a do moved in together two years ago and all our stuff is still new. I just didn't think a registry was really necessary when all our stuff is new.

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what would you give as a wedding gift?

I mean as a real guest/friend of the family.

In some areas it is customary to give a gift that would cover the cost of the guests' food at the reception, plus more so that the couple 'makes a bit of profit'. (Or is this just a New York area thing?)

Anyway, what would you give as a gift?

The book of "Karma Sutra"? Haha no I would just give them a bunch of baby shit for their wedding, they could just get a jump start! :lol:

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  • 1 month later...

Something off of the registry that would total anywhere from $30 to $40. If I was a closer friend or one would be a family member than I would shell out more around $100. If I didn't have time to pick out a gift to give at the shower then I would present the check at the reception. I also wouldn't feel comfortable giving them some of the gifts that they registered for at Walmart like the gun (that was ridiculous).

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If I was invited to a Duggar wedding?

Hell yes I'd go. It's an opportunity to see an "episode" in real time. All the nonsense... no editing or advertisements.

Would I give them a gift?

Hell no. Money can't buy the things that I want them to have. More common sense. Less self-righteousness. Things like that.

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So for Duggar weddings, $5 should cover it.

Cover the meal and nets them to a romping good time at Good Will or a case of cream of mushroom soup at Walmart.

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I grew up in the land of punch and cake weddings, where wedding registries are the norm and cash gifts (or gift cards) are just not done. There is no expectation that the gift will cover the cost of the wedding (nor the expectation that the reception will be "worth" the gift, which I have heard some friends suggest). If I'm attending a traditional Southern cake-and-punch wedding, I always give something from the registry. I like to wait until a few weeks before the wedding, and check the registry for items that are missing from almost complete sets, usually china or silver. More than once I've had friends tell me how exciting it was to open the box and see that last piece of china or place setting of silver. If the couple hasn't registered for china/silver/crystal, I like to pick a "theme" from the registry, and buy several items that go together.

I also have a lot of friends from the Northeast and other parts of the world where money is the norm. For their weddings, I give cash.

I typically budget $50-$75 for the wedding and bridal shower combined, or as just one gift if I only attend one event or the other.

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Target gift card. You can get super cute housewares or groceries, honestly you can't go wrong. Plus Target has much nicer stuff than WalMart.

This is pretty much my go-to wedding gift, even if I've already gotten something else, a gift card to a department store like that is nice because there's always something you didn't realize you needed until after the fact. I know I definitely appreciated receiving them as gifts when I got married.

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If it were, say, Jana's wedding, I'd get something off the registry. If it were someone like Jessa, idk, a card? As a general rule, I resent the expectation that everyone in attendance gives a gift. However, if it's someone I really like, I enjoy shopping for someone for them.

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I'd go! For a gift, I'd probably just bring a card and a couple of bucks to throw in the truck :lol: That should cover the root beer float that I'm not going to drink.

I have been doing the "cover your plate" thing. Probably because we were young when we got married (him 20, me 21) and we struggled to pay for our wedding mostly by ourselves. We didn't really have anything fancy but we did do like every piece of the wedding. Professional photographer, limo, plated meal, white dress- we were young and didn't know that you could do it any different. Plus back then, people didn't have "mashed potato bars yet. We just tried to do everything as reasonably as possible. We only had like 65 people in attendance (including the professionals- which I also purchased a plate for). We had a grocery store wedding cake...although it was from Publix which makes the best cakes ever.

I have a close friend getting married shortly and I'm not sure what I will get her for the wedding. I have picked out a book for the shower (it's a funny book).

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So this topic definitely hits home as I was recently married myself. I think I managed to piss off almost every member of my fundie family by thinking that since it was my wedding and my hubs and I were paying for it- we should get to plan it. It was a battle on everything from the location, having alcohol at the reception and even the choice of vendors.

I never wanted the cake and punch 300+ person gift grab at our hometown church that my sisters have all had. I had a small wedding at the coast about 6 hours away from where we live. I knew a lot of people wouldn't come because it was 6 hours away, I was using a retired minister from another denomination to perform the ceremony and we were having an open bar at the reception.

We didn't register for anything and if anyone asked we said that we knew everyone was travelling for the wedding and didn't want anything except their company on the wedding day. So my mom brings a card to the wedding from one of my Aunts who did not come. When I opened it, the card said how disappointed she was that I put my own wants ahead of consideration of the family, that a wedding should be a time for family to be together and not just a party. Also that she is praying for me- GAG!

I haven't sent her a Thank You card yet, but I am trying to craft a polite way to basically say Thank You for the card but I don't owe you anything. I'll see if Emily Post has any tips on how to handle such a situation.

I now understand that my sisters were pushed and pulled in million directions to have the wedding that "the family" wanted them to have. Fundie's do not see their kids as individuals but rather as a collective group. It drives me nuts. I am so glad I was able to have my own wedding be the intimate affair that my husband and I wanted.

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Shoes?

Don't ask long story short some of us believe that barefoot is fine, others dont.

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I completely understand monetary concerns. However, I cannot for the life of me understand a reception without a meal. To me, that is rude and tacky. Even if I hadn't a penny I would at least rustle up some sandwiches. I mean, what about older guests or diabetic folks who need to eat regularly? I would be embarrassed if I had 1000 guests that I let go hungry.

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I completely understand monetary concerns. However, I cannot for the life of me understand a reception without a meal. To me, that is rude and tacky. Even if I hadn't a penny I would at least rustle up some sandwiches. I mean, what about older guests or diabetic folks who need to eat regularly? I would be embarrassed if I had 1000 guests that I let go hungry.

Why is it so hard to accept that weddings without meals are just the norm in some places? When properly (and traditionally) planned, the ceremonies are scheduled for early afternoon so they are after lunch time, and the whole event ends well before dinner. It's just a different cultural norm. As implemented by Jill and Jessa, the concept certainly takes on a tacky flair, but the tradition/norm can actually be quite pleasant. The ceremony + reception are generally pretty short, certainly no longer than a normal Sunday church service followed by coffee and doughnuts in the fellowship hall.

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I completely understand monetary concerns. However, I cannot for the life of me understand a reception without a meal. To me, that is rude and tacky. Even if I hadn't a penny I would at least rustle up some sandwiches. I mean, what about older guests or diabetic folks who need to eat regularly? I would be embarrassed if I had 1000 guests that I let go hungry.

Oh, please, I don't think an hour without eating is going to do anyone in. As long as the guests are aware of the situation, they can plan accordingly. My sister always has an extra peanut butter sandwich with her in case of unforeseen circumstances; anyone who has health concerns should be used to this.

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I'd be down to go. I'd even throw in a nice, practical gift. Perhaps a nice coffee maker like a Chemex, or a Dutch oven. However, coming from a Jewish/Italian family, a wedding without obscene amounts of food and wine and raucous dancing is like a day without sunshine to me. I'd feel very out of place. Though considering how much the Duggars have a weird religion boner for Jews, perhaps I could convince them to do the Hora, at least. ;-)

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  • 2 weeks later...
So this topic definitely hits home as I was recently married myself. I think I managed to piss off almost every member of my fundie family by thinking that since it was my wedding and my hubs and I were paying for it- we should get to plan it. It was a battle on everything from the location, having alcohol at the reception and even the choice of vendors.

I never wanted the cake and punch 300+ person gift grab at our hometown church that my sisters have all had. I had a small wedding at the coast about 6 hours away from where we live. I knew a lot of people wouldn't come because it was 6 hours away, I was using a retired minister from another denomination to perform the ceremony and we were having an open bar at the reception.

We didn't register for anything and if anyone asked we said that we knew everyone was travelling for the wedding and didn't want anything except their company on the wedding day. So my mom brings a card to the wedding from one of my Aunts who did not come. When I opened it, the card said how disappointed she was that I put my own wants ahead of consideration of the family, that a wedding should be a time for family to be together and not just a party. Also that she is praying for me- GAG!

I haven't sent her a Thank You card yet, but I am trying to craft a polite way to basically say Thank You for the card but I don't owe you anything. I'll see if Emily Post has any tips on how to handle such a situation.

I now understand that my sisters were pushed and pulled in million directions to have the wedding that "the family" wanted them to have. Fundie's do not see their kids as individuals but rather as a collective group. It drives me nuts. I am so glad I was able to have my own wedding be the intimate affair that my husband and I wanted.

Wow, your Aunt put you in a tough situation, how rude of her. I'm glad you had the wedding YOU wanted. In replying to her I would say something like "Thank you for remembering us on our wedding day, the wedding was perfect just the way we wanted it to be". Then I would do something even more snarky like it sign it "Ciao" or something like that just for effect.

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I would go. Wear appropriate clothing (the most modest dress I own) and be nice and polite. I would bring a little gift - maybe some practical cookbook focused on money saving or seeds for herbs and spices along with nice pots.

I would watch everything really closely - and afterwards go home and write the most detailled article om fundie weddings ever (without names) and sell it lucratively (at least a meal and some cake should be paid for with this money).

My personal way of dealing with fake people like the duggars.

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Duggar wedding? Not a damn thing...

The last wedding I went to was my son's. He and his wife got married in a park next to the lake. It was them, us and the person who married them. That was IT. We went out to dinner afterwards (we paid). Right now they live with us, they're trying to get back on their feet (its a long story), and when it comes time for them to go out on their own, we'll probably help them outfit their place. Probably donate our living room furniture and help them with kitchen stuff...and, knowing us, we'll buy our grandson bedroom furniture. BUT...that's family.

When my stepdaughter got married I think we got her things off her registry. They paid for the wedding themselves so we spent serious $ on gifts for them...I'm thinking probably close to 500 bucks. I waited until a couple of days before the wedding to buy their gifts knowing that the more expensive stuff probably wouldn't get purchased. It was a beautiful wedding (although August in Hampton Roads VA is hell on earth) and a nice reception with a sit down dinner.

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