So, if you were invited to a Duggar wedding

[Snarkaluffagus]

I completely understand monetary concerns. However, I cannot for the life of me understand a reception without a meal. To me, that is rude and tacky. Even if I hadn't a penny I would at least rustle up some sandwiches. I mean, what about older guests or diabetic folks who need to eat regularly? I would be embarrassed if I had 1000 guests that I let go hungry.

I've heard it explained like this: "We have the reception in the church basement. One of the ladies says, 'I'll bring the punch!' And another says, 'I'll bring the cookies!' And we have cake and punch and cookies and then we go home."

As long as people know what to expect, it works very well. They have the wedding after lunch and put something like, "cake and punch immediately following the ceremony," on the invitations, so people know they're not getting a meal and can plan accordingly. The added benefit is that the reception is short - you go, have a piece of cake and a cup of punch, hug the bride and groom, tell their parents how beautiful everything was, and go home.

Now, if you plan your wedding for 6pm, lead everyone to believe you're serving dinner, and then only serve cake and punch...that's not cool.

[nomoxian]

I'd get them baby clothes (you know they're going to be needing it sooner than later!) in gender neutral colours. Either that or some art that's not religious but could still be interpreted as faith inspired, like (a less expensive version of) this tree

everfunart.en.made-in-china.com/product/uXbQoVwKlLhc/China-Handmade-Landscape-Canvas-Oil-Painting.html

[MisUndrstd]

If I were invited to a Duggar wedding. I would arrive with a U-haul full of decorations and an entourage of caterers. I'd hog tie Sierra up and put her in the prayer closest then I would proceed to make the reception something fundies would talk about for generations to come. I'd give the fundie guests a real meal, allow them to break bread with Kirk Cameron and sneak some wine and a keg in through the back door. Of course DJ Paulie D would be on hand to play to spin some tunes while the Fundie's flee in masses.

[nomoxian]

The Duggars are rich. With their thousands of wedding invitations they want to grab as many gifts as they can and they don't even serve proper food to their guests (even though I had the impression that Michelle was not happy when she heard Jessa and Ben wanted a hot dog & ice cream reception, but she's probably shut down and doesn't care anymore). They don't spend more than a few dollars on each of their guests but they expect to be greatly rewarded.

I'd bring them something cheap, like a box of chocolates or something.

Very valid point.

I live in the land of chocolate, where I can buy cheap and save the difference. Milka and Ritter Sport are 1 euro each, and that's not the sale price!

[SnazzyNazzy]

I would probably go, because let's be honest, I don't pass up free food. I don't care if it's cake and punch, or filet mignon, if it's free, I'm eating it.

That said, I would also smuggle in a flask. I would take a sip, anytime anyone said "blessed" or "amazing", and would probably take a full on shot, for every prayer.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I love the threads here where weddings are discussed.

:popcorn2:

[twinmama]

I would not go or send a gift. A wedding that does not involve close family or friends AND doesn't serve a meal and alcohol, is not someplace I want to spend time. Meaning I'd grudgingly deal with a no alcohol/meal wedding if it was close fam or friends no freaking way for anyone else!! My worst wedding ever was a Catholic distant relative, 1.5 hour ceremony, horrible reception with cash bar (tacky city to me) and total crap food (itty bitty buffet of terrible food for 300+ people, people were already eating cake by the time I FINALLY got some food).

I am also of the opinion that you don't invite more people than you can give a nice time. I had 75 people, full bar and sit down dinner. They had to travel and deserved an awesome time for coming!

[twinmama]

Don't care at all :P

I've never been to a wedding where people opened gifts in front of anyone, is that a thing for some people??

[twinmama]

If you got an invitation from a distant relative or the child of an old friend, would you still send a gift? People send invitations to distant people hoping for gifts. When I was engaged, a tip going around was send invitations to distance people who probably won't go, but might feel obligated to send a gift.

Apparently I did not know this. I've never sent a gift to a wedding I wasn't attending and I certainly didn't expect 'cousin I had to invite for propriety's sake, but knew wasn't coming' to send me a gift! I even had a friend (wannabe actor, lol, so broke) come to my wedding but not give a gift. I was totally ok with that. I give and receive whatever is in that person's budget, even if it is nothing but their presence.

But this reminds me, that friend (mostly a friend of my husband, not me) that couldn't afford a gift but came anyway got my mom on the dance floor and we have the funniest, best pictures of him dancing with her, then finally one of her basically holding her hands up like "Nope, not doing that!" I'm so glad he was there, despite paying for all his food and drink for the night.

[twinmama]

Well this evangelical will be feeding her guest well. Granted it's not a gourmet plated 4 course meal, but there will be plenty of food and take out cartons for a meal to go. Then again I didn't invite 1,000+ guests.

And I think I need to STFU about my wedding....sorry.

THAT IS AWESOME. I have never heard of doing that but it is such a brilliant idea! Especially as someone who never finishes her meals.

[mpheels]

Apparently I did not know this. I've never sent a gift to a wedding I wasn't attending and I certainly didn't expect 'cousin I had to invite for propriety's sake, but knew wasn't coming' to send me a gift! I even had a friend (wannabe actor, lol, so broke) come to my wedding but not give a gift. I was totally ok with that. I give and receive whatever is in that person's budget, even if it is nothing but their presence.

But this reminds me, that friend (mostly a friend of my husband, not me) that couldn't afford a gift but came anyway got my mom on the dance floor and we have the funniest, best pictures of him dancing with her, then finally one of her basically holding her hands up like "Nope, not doing that!" I'm so glad he was there, despite paying for all his food and drink for the night.

Exactly. I give gifts because I love and care about my friends and family. I give gifts whether I can attend the wedding or not, and I base the price of the gift(s) on what I can afford at the time. For me, the gift is an expression of my love and support for the couple. I guess I just have really awesome family and friends, because I haven't yet received a wedding invitation that felt anything but a sincere expression of love and friendship. If/when I get married myself, I will invite the people I love and care about because I want to share a significant, happy life event with them. I really don't care what gifts I receive, or if I receive any at all. I will register because I know people will insist on buying gifts, and I think registries are a nice gesture to make gift giving easier. If a loved one goes off registry, I will be just as thankful for their gift as I will be for the carefully selected dishes and tchotchkes on the registry.

[Galbin]

I've heard it explained like this: "We have the reception in the church basement. One of the ladies says, 'I'll bring the punch!' And another says, 'I'll bring the cookies!' And we have cake and punch and cookies and then we go home."

As long as people know what to expect, it works very well. They have the wedding after lunch and put something like, "cake and punch immediately following the ceremony," on the invitations, so people know they're not getting a meal and can plan accordingly. The added benefit is that the reception is short - you go, have a piece of cake and a cup of punch, hug the bride and groom, tell their parents how beautiful everything was, and go home.

Now, if you plan your wedding for 6pm, lead everyone to believe you're serving dinner, and then only serve cake and punch...that's not cool.

Yes, that would be a good idea. At least it lets people know in advance.

As for ppl here being snarky about my comment, I was under the impression that American weddings lasted about 5-6 hours. I think it's reasonable to assume one would need to eat during that time period. In my country, weddings last 16 hours or so, so I guess we are coming from different places.

[MisUndrstd]

Yes, that would be a good idea. At least it lets people know in advance.

As for ppl here being snarky about my comment, I was under the impression that American weddings lasted about 5-6 hours. I think it's reasonable to assume one would need to eat during that time period. In my country, weddings last 16 hours or so, so I guess we are coming from different places.

Typically the wedding ceremony will take place about 2 or 3 pm in the afternoon and depending on what type of reception you have it can go until midnight or later. If you have a reception with a full course meal, alcohol and music then the reception will go until midnight or later. But a reception with just punch and cake will only last 3 hours maybe.

[Traveler01]

I would give some grammar books, a dictionary and a thesaurus. English as a second language material.

[nastyhobbitses]

I've heard it explained like this: "We have the reception in the church basement. One of the ladies says, 'I'll bring the punch!' And another says, 'I'll bring the cookies!' And we have cake and punch and cookies and then we go home."

As long as people know what to expect, it works very well. They have the wedding after lunch and put something like, "cake and punch immediately following the ceremony," on the invitations, so people know they're not getting a meal and can plan accordingly. The added benefit is that the reception is short - you go, have a piece of cake and a cup of punch, hug the bride and groom, tell their parents how beautiful everything was, and go home.

Now, if you plan your wedding for 6pm, lead everyone to believe you're serving dinner, and then only serve cake and punch...that's not cool.

Agreed. I come from a Jewish/Italian background, so pretty much every family wedding I've been to has been "ceremony, enough food to end the world hunger crisis, enough booze to knock out a rhinoceros, dancing and partying until 1 AM (to burn off all that food), tired guests go to hotel for drunken gossipy post-mortem with takeout Taco Bell", so the weddings that are just 2 hour long receptions with just cake and punch are just very alien to me. I'm of the opinion that if you're having guests stay at your event or home for more than an hour or so, food is in order (my mom keeps nice cheese and crudites around for if she has company come for more than a short visit), and it better be enough food for the length of the event. And if you're having a nice fancy wedding and are expecting guests to give you nice gifts, get some decent food. It doesn't have to be on the level of The French Laundry, but nice. It's just basic hospitality, or at least the hospitality I grew up with.

[Rainbowconnection]

I would definitely offer them books. The ones that make you laugh and stimulate your intelligence and your imagination. Maybe some comics, why not Calvin and Hobbes. Maybe some funny science fiction, too, like H2g2. And I would do something that is horrible with any childless couple, but I guess it's ok fot quiver, I would give them lots of children's books that are fun and not about Jesus. Little girls who become great scientists. Pippi Langschtrumpf who is a free child. And also monsters stoties.

And... I would totally add some wodka in their ice screams or grape guice to get some fun (I ´m sure that a drunk Anna would be very funny). :cracking-up:

[kiwiana]

RE: No shoes for the bride..

Im from New Zealand and as a whole, we don't wear shoes very much. It is considered rude if you wear your shoes into someone's house. You must always take them off before entering.

BUT I have never ever heard of, or known a bride not to wear shoes on her wedding day! I thought that was very odd. I think her reason was "why buy a pair of new shoes if you will only wear them once" But with all the free perks they get, I don't think it would have been hard to convince someone to give you a pair, or even *shock horror* check out second hand stores

(the "buy used and save the difference" motto hasn't seemed to have rubbed off on Jill and Jessa with all their new furniture and baby nurseries.)

One thing that someone might be able to clear up for me though - I couldn't understand why both Jill and Jessa ran back down the isle once the wedding was finished? I had never seen that done before. To me, it came across as rude and disrespectful to their guests. Is that a "thing" in America??

As for present, I would probably just get them towels or a set of mugs - with the amount of guests they invite, each guest getting something small should set their houses up quite nicely. And yes, I would go, but I would likely try and photo bomb or slip Jinger some booze LOL

[lookinggoodforjesus]

RE: No shoes for the bride..

Im from New Zealand and as a whole, we don't wear shoes very much. It is considered rude if you wear your shoes into someone's house. You must always take them off before entering.

BUT I have never ever heard of, or known a bride not to wear shoes on her wedding day! I thought that was very odd. I think her reason was "why buy a pair of new shoes if you will only wear them once" But with all the free perks they get, I don't think it would have been hard to convince someone to give you a pair, or even *shock horror* check out second hand stores

(the "buy used and save the difference" motto hasn't seemed to have rubbed off on Jill and Jessa with all their new furniture and baby nurseries.)

One thing that someone might be able to clear up for me though - I couldn't understand why both Jill and Jessa ran back down the isle once the wedding was finished? I had never seen that done before. To me, it came across as rude and disrespectful to their guests. Is that a "thing" in America??

As for present, I would probably just get them towels or a set of mugs - with the amount of guests they invite, each guest getting something small should set their houses up quite nicely. And yes, I would go, but I would likely try and photo bomb or slip Jinger some booze LOL

Not a thing in America!

Please do NOT think the Duggars are a good representation of US culture. They are a very, very amplified version of a portion of it. There are some political and regional niches in American culture that they unfortunately are poster children for, but their weddings and their lives are absolutely not representative of the US. There are perfectly nice people in the US. Although the culture of the south is a bit of a shock for a commonwealth citizen

[FloraKitty35]

If I were invited to a Duggar wedding, I would smuggle in some vodka and use it to spike the punch.

[FloraKitty35]

If I were invited to a Duggar wedding, I would smuggle in some vodka and use it to spike the punch.

[Snarkle Motion]

RE: No shoes for the bride..

Im from New Zealand and as a whole, we don't wear shoes very much. It is considered rude if you wear your shoes into someone's house. You must always take them off before entering.

BUT I have never ever heard of, or known a bride not to wear shoes on her wedding day! I thought that was very odd. I think her reason was "why buy a pair of new shoes if you will only wear them once" But with all the free perks they get, I don't think it would have been hard to convince someone to give you a pair, or even *shock horror* check out second hand stores

(the "buy used and save the difference" motto hasn't seemed to have rubbed off on Jill and Jessa with all their new furniture and baby nurseries.)

One thing that someone might be able to clear up for me though - I couldn't understand why both Jill and Jessa ran back down the isle once the wedding was finished? I had never seen that done before. To me, it came across as rude and disrespectful to their guests. Is that a "thing" in America??

As for present, I would probably just get them towels or a set of mugs - with the amount of guests they invite, each guest getting something small should set their houses up quite nicely. And yes, I would go, but I would likely try and photo bomb or slip Jinger some booze LOL

No, its not an American thing. I've never seen a couple run out of the church except maybe in movies. I think that Jill didn't wear shoes SO that she could run without tripping? Maybe? I don't understand how they can be so weird about not showing your knees in public but not wearing shoes in church is totally fine.

I think the running down the aisle was really so they could go have their first private moment together ASAP - hence we need to run out of the church as soon as they say the words "pronounce you man and wife". It makes sense since they haven't been able to kiss or spend a moment alone in private before. But it does seem kind of rude to your guests since every wedding I've been at does that SUPER long meet and greet where they briefly say hello to all the guests who stand in a long line - its got a name but can't remember off hand.

Also, I went to a wedding recently and the bride and all the bridesmaids changed into canvas sneakers for the reception and took a bunch of pictures. I think it was supposed to be kitschy or "ironic" to see people in their fancy dresses wearing sneakers or something? A friend I was with got really annoyed by that because apparently this is "so pinterest" and all the rage right now. Who knew footwear during weddings/receptions was such a big deal.

[Trynn]

If I like them very much, a hand crocheted or knitted afghan. If I am not close to them, I'll probably just send a card and skip the wedding. I hate weddings. They're so boring.

Although these secular weddings I hear about with drinking and dancing may be different....

[nastyhobbitses]

If I like them very much, a hand crocheted or knitted afghan. If I am not close to them, I'll probably just send a card and skip the wedding. I hate weddings. They're so boring.

Although these secular weddings I hear about with drinking and dancing may be different....

Weddings are really a mixed bag. I'm used to weddings that have only the very basic trappings of religion and are more excuses to party like rock stars (big family of lapsed Catholics/very liberal, secular Jews), and one of the loveliest weddings I've ever been to that wasn't a family member's was a Quaker wedding. No officiant, the bride and groom just did the usual walk, and sat at the front and anyone who was moved to speak could do so. Then they read vows they wrote themselves, kissed, and we all adjourned to an awesome party with tons of beer and Thai food (catered by a local restaurant the couple used to go on dates to all the time). I went to one no-drinking no-dancing reception, and while it was very tasteful and the food was pretty good, it more pleasant than straight-up fun. But hey, that's what the couple wanted, they were very happy that day, they've outlasted all the divorce pools people started (quickie engagement, clashing personalities, we were all friends with the groom's ex-girlfriend with whom he had a really nasty breakup), and I really liked that they did cake pops instead of one big cake.

[SassyPants]

If I like them very much, a hand crocheted or knitted afghan. If I am not close to them, I'll probably just send a card and skip the wedding. I hate weddings. They're so boring.

Although these secular weddings I hear about with drinking and dancing may be different....

Not a fan of weddings either.

[MatthewDuggar]

One thing that someone might be able to clear up for me though - I couldn't understand why both Jill and Jessa ran back down the isle once the wedding was finished? I had never seen that done before. To me, it came across as rude and disrespectful to their guests. Is that a "thing" in America??

I was born and grew up in the upper midwest in the US (Illinois, Wisconsin) and have attended many weddings and have never seen the bride and groom run down the aisle. It struck me as odd too and almost a bit rude. (but they can do whatever they want it's their day) They usually walk a bit slower if anything so people can wave and clap, snap photos, etc. and then they stand in a receiving line either at the back of the venue or outside.

It's probably been discussed here somewhere, but maybe the running is a regional thing or something specific to their religion?