Lori and Ken: The Big Ball of Crazy -Multiple Merges

[Firiel]

Before I catch up with thee myriad of Klorien/Robert threads today, I just want to lament that my new job (where there is actually work for me to do!) means I can't watch these morons like a hawk anymore. :cry:

I seriously sneaked away to the bathroom to read some of these threads on my phone when I was feeling the new job information overload in the early afternoon.

I'm broken. :sick:

[Firiel]

According to Ken,

Hey, Ken's discovered Google Tactics!

These men, btw, have clearly NOT tried everything that's been suggested in the comments. Ken has decided to reject the idea that referring to your wife as a selfish, difficult shrew might not be good for your marriage. In fact, he seems to be rejecting any suggestion that doesn't involve the husband "disciplining" a wayward wife. Having an actual conversation and problem solving together are not things that he discusses either.

Wow, Lori must really be a last resort because I Googled Dealing with Difficult Wives, and on page 7 of the search results, there is still nary a sighting of Always Learning.

[Koala]

WIVES need to learn to live without the internet?!? My husband and I were watching last week's South Park episode, which was making fun of the newest form of entertainment--watching videos on YouTube of other people playing a video game and making comments on it, rather than actually playing the game yourself. I gave my husband a look, because that's what he does. He spends hours watching a live stream of his best friend playing a computer game. He replied, "What? It's why I have two computer monitors." Ah yes, two computer monitors, which he used to watch so much live streaming of other people playing computer games that we surpassed our internet usage's data limit. My husband confessed that if it wasn't for me, he would be playing computer games over the Internet from 7pm to 3am every night.

I can live without the internet because I have a lot of real, hands-on hobbies. My husband, whom I love dearly? I don't think he could survive.

Apparently my husband has wandered over to your house. Please send him back sans computer when you get a chance :P

[feministxtian]

I think I finally figured out what Ken and Lori have in common....they both hate women...

[Hisey]

If oldest daughter is working 20 hours a week making 25 dollars an hour, thats 500 a week and 2000 a month. How is that not a living wage? Is that the location she is in? I wish I made that much money, I would be very content.

I knew someone would challenge me on that!

I'm sure there are people who live on $24,000 a year in So Cal, even in San Diego, one of the most expensive cities in the US

But remember, she probably doesn't even make $24,000. First of all, you are assuming she is making $25/hour, and not $20 or $22. Secondly, you are assuming she is working 52 weeks a year. Is that likely? Thirdly, you assume she can get 20 hours a week. Maybe she can, maybe she can't.

I think $15-$22,000 a year, gross, is much more likely.That means, what, $19,000 net? To buy housing, food, car stuff, health insurance? It's a pretty low standard of living in San Diego. And she didn't go to college, so I'm not sure how many well-paying options she has for other employment.

Of course, her husband supports her (he worked construction and now works for Ken). That wasn't my point. My point was, can she support herself? I'm not sure.

I always suspected Alyssa's interest in ballet began as a desire to get out of the house. Remember, she was homeschooled, almost exclusively, from grades K-11. By Lori.

[church_of_dog]

I knew someone would challenge me on that!

I'm sure there are people who live on $24,000 a year in So Cal, even in San Diego, one of the most expensive cities in the US

But remember, she probably doesn't even make $24,000. First of all, you are assuming she is making $25/hour, and not $20 or $22. Secondly, you are assuming she is working 52 weeks a year. Is that likely? Thirdly, you assume she can get 20 hours a week. Maybe she can, maybe she can't.

I think $15-$22,000 a year, gross, is much more likely.That means, what, $19,000 net? To buy housing, food, car stuff, health insurance? It's a pretty low standard of living in San Diego. And she didn't go to college, so I'm not sure how many well-paying options she has for other employment.

Of course, her husband supports her (he worked construction and now works for Ken). That wasn't my point. My point was, can she support herself? I'm not sure.

I always suspected Alyssa's interest in ballet began as a desire to get out of the house. Remember, she was homeschooled, almost exclusively, from grades K-11. By Lori.

I think net vs gross reduces it even more than you're allowing. One of my first official jobs at about age 20, during a break in college, was for a non-profit that couldn't afford to pay much. They had a somewhat unusual approach where they asked each person what they needed to earn, rather than having set salaries for different tasks. I added up my bills and my estimated food etc, and came to something like $700-750/month (this was in 1982 in San Francisco). I forgot all about tax withholdings, and told them the exact amount I needed. Well, that's what they paid me. Gross. Not net. Whoops! So my paychecks were only $5-something when I actually needed $7-something. I was too embarrassed to tell them. I only ended up working there a few months anyway, maybe 6 months. Eventually I would have had to speak up otherwise. :embarrassed:

[FJismyheadship]

The only person I've ever spoken to who literally couldn't cope without the Internet was also a man. He was one of our tenants at the council, and he'd rung us to report that there was a leak from his bathroom upstairs dripping into one of his living room plugs. I told him to switch off the electricity at the mains and we'd send out an electrician and a plumber as soon as we could. He yelled, "WHAT, AND MISS OUT ON MY INTERNET? I'LL PROSECUTE YOU IF YOU'RE NOT OUT WITHIN FIVE MINUTES, THIS SHOULD BE PRIORITY!" Exactly, it is priority. And he should have been prioritising his safety above his fucking Facebook or whatever he couldn't bear to miss for the next 24 hours.

Please tell me you went and switched off his electricity. Cause that would make me luagh.

[socalrules]

So when is someone going to send fundie husbands to bootcamp? These men refuse to get paying jobs to provide for their families, don't mind living in RVs or campers, have no problem with their kids paying their bills and look well nourished while their kids appear to be starving. A bigger set of losers I have never heard of. Who is going to train them to be, oh I don't know, real hardworking men?

[moodygirl86]

Please tell me you went and switched off his electricity. Cause that would make me luagh.

Yeah, the electrician who went out in the first instance would have had to "isolate" the plug first, then replace it after 24 hours if necessary. It's the only way you can be sure all the leakage has drained dry. This guy had some tough competition though - someone else wanted the scaffolding from their block of flats taken down as it was interfering with their TV reception. Despite the fact the builders were there to fix a roof problem and she'd started the call moaning about rainwater leaking into her flat, the TV was just that little bit more important to her.

[church_of_dog]

Wow, Lori must really be a last resort because I Googled Dealing with Difficult Wives, and on page 7 of the search results, there is still nary a sighting of Always Learning.

I googled goggled it too, and noticed that most of the results are for Christian sites/discussions (well, or a focus on alcoholism). Using Ken-style logic, I therefore conclude: only Christians have problems with difficult wives! Seems like there's an easy solution to that... :dancing-demon:

[jerkit]

From the comment section of that post, a guy named familyman

I stumbled onto this site but I will tell you what I've done with my wife....

A little back story, (and I won't write a novel) I wanted my wife to be a stay at home mom as it is my responsibility to provide for my family as it is her responsibility to be in the home caring for the children and taking care of the home as well. When my wife had our second child, she came down with a severe case of post-partum depression. Her temper ended up getting worse and worse, as she would get upset over the littlest things, kids not fed exactly what she wants them fed at the time she wants them fed, chores not done, etc.

Six months of the on/off violent temper go by, and I finally send her to a specialist who confirms that her hormones are completely out of whack (a result of having a child) and she is placed on meds to correct the situation. Another six months go by, and during that time, the meds she's taking have no effect on her mood & behavior. The doc changes the meds which ultimately makes her temper worse. This entire time, I'm completely giving her the benefit of the doubt since she has a confirmed medical condition, but there is no change in her temper and she showed no interest in getting it under control.

She's acknowledged on more than one occasion that she knows that she's behaving inappropriately, but makes no effort to change it. I repeatedly tell her that this is unacceptable behavior for a wife and she needs to take an active part in changing things, but she would always ultimately ignore it and label me as a controlling husband and tells me “you can’t tell me what to do!â€

A little more time goes by and one day, she gets upset over a child's toy. Yelling and screaming at me calling me an unfit father in front of the children and ultimately become physically violent at me in front of the children. It was at that point that I asked her to leave and not return until she got her behavior under control. Yes, I kicked my wife out of my home. I felt that I had no other choice given the fact the she became physically violent in front of children and showed no sign of change. It is my responsibility to safeguard my home. She got very upset, ultimately left and didn't return. I will not accept violent behavior in my home. I've never laid a hand on my wife.

I was served with a restraining order which bans me from my home and family after she lied to the authorities labeling me as a controlling husband and was also served with divorce a week later.

This was 6 months ago.

My wife is a baptized Christian and she goes to service every Sunday. She acts like nothing has happened, I no longer exist, the children have no father, she's now the head of the family & the home as far as she's concerned and her congregation doesn't even bother to call her on her un-biblical reason to divorce. Her bible study (prior to her baptism) I believe was filled with the ideas that a husband is supposed to supplicate to his wife. This obviously didn’t help. Her 3 time divorced mother (also a baptized Christian) is encouraging her daughter to divorce. Both of them have even tried to have me illegally arrested when I tried to contact my children.

My wife is waiting for me to apologize to her and expects me to supplicate to her. Her mother’s husband is a doormat, he does whatever his wife tells him to do. Since my wife was raised in that home, I assume that she believes that this is how marriage is supposed to be. That is unacceptable. I’ve told my wife on more than occasion that we will live a biblical marriage in our home. She has resisted this as well. I think she has a problem with biblical principles as a whole. Either that, or she is very conflicted with what she knows what the bible says and what she’s been taught by her mother, society, etc.

She also states that I don’t say that “I’m sorry.†I will not apologize for her violent behavior. It is unacceptable and inexcusable. She will take responsibility for her own actions & behavior. For me to say “I’m sorry†will only teach her that she can get away with this kind of behavior. She needs to be taught that this is not the case. It is my job as husband to wash her in the water of the word and discipline her in this matter. The form of this discipline? Withholding all my support to my wife and making her attempt to be the “head of the home†by herself since she has used the secular law system to ban me from my family by way of her lies. My children are taken care of but she needs to be taught a lesson. Hopefully she’ll see that she can’t do it alone and maybe she’ll see that she’s on the wide path to destruction. She’s been lied to by her friends, her family and even her congregation which doesn’t hold her accountable. She is now living with her parents on welfare with our children as opposed to living in our family home. My wife has ruined her marriage, her life and the lives of our children by living on the whims of her emotions. Even if it means divorce, she needs to see that she’s on the wrong path.

Cynthia's response

Forget your wife for a moment - what about your role as a father to your children?

Have you spoken to a competent divorce lawyer?

Laws vary from state to state, but it is extremely rare for a court to permanently cut off all contact between a father and child. It takes far more than a mere allegation from a wife to do that. Even in cases where there is a history of some abuse (which isn't the case in your situation), supervised access is usually an option.

Your children need a father, and you have an obligation to them. If their mother has made certain choices, that is not their fault.

It is not your responsibility to change your wife. That is not what you are commanded to do. If she is sinning, that's HER sin.

Read, however, Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21, as well as Colossians 3:12-15. Your children are required to honor BOTH their mother and father. Do not make this impossible for them. You also have an obligation not to provoke your children, which is what will happen if they are raised to think that you abandoned them, don't want a relationship with them and won't pay support. Do not allow your anger at your wife to sabotage everything. Leave that to God, and have peace in your heart.

[GeoBQn]

I turned on Turner Classic Movies this morning and I think I've found the movie that must have influenced Lorken. It's a comedy called "Love, Honor, and Behave" from 1938. The movie ends with a husband spanking his wife, which is treated as a victory by everyone--including the wife. I . . . I can't even . . .

ETA: The Wikipedia page for this movie informs me that it is actually a drama. The plot:

The picture's plot revolves around a timid husband who finally stands up for himself in the wake of being cuckolded by his ravishing wife.

[thoughtful]

The Story of LO.

:lol: :clap:

Alternative title:

[ThisOlGirl]

From the comment section of that post, a guy named familyman

Cynthia's response

Methinks family-less man is leaving something out. Maybe Familyman is kin to Cabinetman.

[polecat]

From the comment section of that post, a guy named familyman

Cynthia's response

Six months ago? But Cabinetman Tom Familyman, didn't you lock her in a cabin and made her straighten right up? So what's with the new sob story? Her hormones out of "whack" again? :?

[2xx1xy1JD]

My quick guesses re familyman are:

1. He never bothered to file any court papers

2. He is refusing to pay support and might be having trouble dealing with the courts as a result

3. He is utterly incapable of thinking about his kids at all, because all he can focus on is trying to "correct" his wife who has clearly decided to leave him.

4. He might be incapable of following any court order, since he was almost arrested for breaching a restraining order.

5. His mind simply cannot picture any reality where he would be a divorced dad, seeing his kids but not talking to them about their mother, and paying support. He is furious that he can't actually prevent his wife from divorcing him, and that the courts don't give a shit about biblical roles.

Breakups over PPD happen - it actually happened to a friend of ours, complete with weird allegations and total meltdown. The difference is that he didn't have his head up his rear, he got a good lawyer, and he focused on the kids. They now share custody, and he has a new partner.

[chaotic life]

One of my best friends had his marriage implode over PPD. He woke up one morning and his wife, his 9 month old, and his handgun were all missing. He hired a lawyer and went to the police that day. He spent two years in and out of court with her, always paying child support and always seeing his kid every chance he got. A year ago, after having had physical custody for 18 months with not a single overnight visitation, his ex-wife finally heard her lawyer when it was explained that if she fought his request for full custody and dropped the child support he had faithfully paid her every month for years, even when he had custody, the judge was going to make her refund 18 months of child support AND actually pay him child support. That's because, my friend never once focused on teaching his wife a lesson but on protecting his son. It took until his kid was 7 to end it, but the courts clearly saw his commitment to his child and not focused on going after her.

[kpmom]

Familyman wrote;

"I was served with a restraining order which bans me from my home and family after she lied to the authorities labeling me as a controlling husband and was also served with divorce a week later."

Yes, restraining orders are granted all the time over "controlling husbands". :roll:

[feministxtian]

Familyman wrote;

"I was served with a restraining order which bans me from my home and family after she lied to the authorities labeling me as a controlling husband and was also served with divorce a week later."

Yes, restraining orders are granted all the time over "controlling husbands". :roll:

Umm...color me dumb here...but being a controlling jerk won't get you slapped with a restraining order anywhere I've lived. Being a VIOLENT, controlling SOB will. Judges don't hand out PPOs for no reason at all. And, when they do, it's a bitch to get them overturned.

[memabelle]

Why does Ken even post on Lori's blog? Isn't it supposed to be a blog by a woman for women? A "godly" older woman mentoring younger women? If most of Lori's readers are women, why should they listen to Ken anyway? Aren't they supposed to be listening to their own husbands?? Is "Lori's" blog actually Ken's outlet for venting about Lori?

I can't even with these people.

[usmcmom]

Why does Ken even post on Lori's blog? Isn't it supposed to be a blog by a woman for women? A "godly" older woman mentoring younger women? If most of Lori's readers are women, why should they listen to Ken anyway? Aren't they supposed to be listening to their own husbands?? Is "Lori's" blog actually Ken's outlet for venting about Lori?

I can't even with these people.

Oh dear! You aren't allowed to ask that question. DETRACTOR!! We've tried a hundred different times to get Ken and Lori to answer but Lori just says "I want Ken to answer," and Ken says "these women want advice from a Godly man..." as though our husbands and ministers somehow are lacking in that area.

Here's how I look at it. It's like I have a daily coffee date with several FEMALE friends, in which I expect to discuss all sorts of things - fashion, child rearing, scripture, recipes, marriage,whatever...with FEMALES. Because that is who I relate to and who I feel comfortable sharing certain things with. Then a man...KEN...shows up several times a week and inserts his "expertise" on these topics that women wish to discuss with other women. It changes the dynamic and makes things awkward. Lori has no business repeating "I write for women," when she lets Ken dominate the conversation most of the time. Lori needs to change her message. If she wishes to mentor women, then SHE needs to mentor women and keep Ken out of things. If the two of them together want to share some sort of message, they need to make their blog "for married couples who wish to pursue submission."

My goodness, I can't believe how simple it is and yet...they just don't get it.

[jerkit]

they just don't get it.

They never do. And it's so unbelievably, indescribably frustrating.

[usmcmom]

They never do. And it's so unbelievably, indescribably frustrating.

It's like Robert saying his blog is to help men lead their families better. He writes to manly men. Then he makes a list of Christmas gifts that Godly wives should give to their husbands...it's just...I mean... :roll:

Oh, never mind!

[jerkit]

It's like Robert saying his blog is to help men lead their families better. He writes to manly men. Then he makes a list of Christmas gifts that Godly wives should give to their husbands...it's just...I mean... :roll:

Oh, never mind!

Boobert is completely delusional. He writes for some female leghumpers and FJ. Not even ken comments anymore.

[Koala]

Ken has once again advised physical aggression towards women:

I once suggested that a husband should perhaps walk up to his difficult wife and grab her wrists while looking in her eyes and tell her "stop it. I am no longer putting up with your bad behavior," then walk away.

This isn't the first time Ken has made such a suggestion:

What if you quietly walked over to your wife who is seemingly out of control and you placed your hands on her arms and pinned her to the wall, or you gave her a bear hug for a moment where she could not move, and then you kissed her a few times then whispered in her ear, “I love you, but this is totally unacceptable behavior. Please stop.’â€

I believe that many wives and husbands would respond well to a physical approach to dealing with such trying or out of control times. Allowing a husband leeway to decide how to deal with his wife is part of submission and vulnerability.

It is also worth noting that Ken has advised a reader (in the comments) of Lori's blog to violate a restraining order.

Reader:

I was served with a restraining order which bans me from my home and family after she lied to the authorities labeling me as a controlling husband and was also served with divorce a week later.

Ken:

Call a meeting with her pastor and repent of all that you can repent of in front of her, expecting nothing in return. Be clear how unfair she has been, but also clear that you want her and want your wife back home and a fresh start. You have no idea how much this discipline truly has helped to change her unless you give this one more try

Does Ken understand what a "no contact" order is, or does he just think he's above the law????