Lourdes & Nolan Manteufel - Doug Phillips lawsuit - Part 2

[thoughtful]

@ CND on Free Jinger.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

@ MerryHappy on Free Jinger.

I mindfucked you.

Your response, and the response of your forum, is interesting to me. This entire interchange is being studied.

Knowledge is power. If i know more about Psychological Manipulation than you, a power gradient exists. If i am a wicked person, i may exploit this psychological power gradient to enable sin.

Where is that? I looked on Nolan's Facebook page right after it was posted here, and didn't see it. Am I looking in the wrong place, or did he take it off?

[bea]

Wow, disappointing. Facebook is full of young men pounding their chests and showing off their testosterone levels, but I suppose I'd assumed Nolan had better things to do.

I wish Lourdes the best. I hope Nolan realizes that when you slap it on the Internet for all to see, "shut the fuck up" isn't going to get you anything but a whole lotta eyerolling.

[happy atheist]

Why is half of this conversation taking place on FB?

Is Nolan not allowing comments? Why won't he post here?

[bea]

My thought is that Nolan wants non-FJ members to read his responses? I admit I don't really understand the way he's choosing to copy over FJ posts to FB and answer them there. It makes for a very jumbled discussion that I think may be leading to misunderstandings.

There is a great deal of support here for both of them. If Nolan wanted to join, I suspect he'd find it easier to.actually respond to people, and have a conversion. There's a lot of people here (myself included) who.can't follow a discussion that takes place in two locations, with different participants who have different levels of understanding about the topics.

[formergothardite]

Why is half of this conversation taking place on FB?

Is Nolan not allowing comments? Why won't he post here?

I personally think that Nolan is very much enjoying all the attention he gets from this situation and that it annoyed and angered him when he didn't get all praise from here. This doesn't mean that I view him as an enemy or that I'm "man-hating"(that is an accusation from his FB) just that I'm cringing over what he posts and how he is reacting to all this. Coming out of this mindset is a long process that is best not played out on the internet for all the world to see. The wisest thing for both of them would be to get all their drama off public FB and spend time finding out what they really believe.

[Peas n carrots]

I wish Nolan would come on here too, but perhaps there are legal reasons why he does not?

If there isn't any legal reason...I would like Nolan to come here (maybe start a new thread)? I don't think we've had many men who have escaped patriarchy discuss their experience here. Patriarchy is damaging to men as well, and Nolan got burned. I for one would be interested in hearing of his experiences and the challenges of living outside the system in a more conversational style.

For the record, I found the post in question distasteful as well...I definitely would not appreciate my husband speaking about me in that way. I will say I've said plenty o' stupid in my time (besides, the belief system he came out of is far more offensive in a variety of ways than that one comment). Hopefully he just learns to be more judicious about what he posts and moves on.

riffles

[Queen Of Hearts]

Much of Nolan's recent activity on FB has been very, very immature. But I think we have to also remember that we are dealing with a young man here. Many young men act immature... and coupled with his background and the fact he is a recent cult escapee, he really is just now getting to experience adulthood the way most young men get to experience it in their late teens. I don't think he realizes how damaging some of his comments could be to the court case and the bigger issue he and Lourdes are supposedly fighting. Hopefully their legal counsel can reign him in before things get too far out of control.

I am still 'on their side' but think I will chose to not read Nolan's FB page anymore... right now he needs time to reflect more than he needs an audience.

[MerryHappy]

Why is half of this conversation taking place on FB?

Is Nolan not allowing comments? Why won't he post here?

I have opted not to friend Nolan on FB as I value my privacy...as much privacy as FB allows. :lol:

As far as I can tell, he is allowing comments from people he is friends with.

I don't know why he won't post here. I wish he would come and talk to us. He and Lourdes have many supporters here and I do think he has a story that is worth sharing, if it won't damage Lourdes' cases.

[happy atheist]

ADMIN HAT FIRMLY ON:

CloakNDagger asked to have a post redacted, and we've done that, but only because we don't want to contribute to screwing up Lourdes's court case.

CloakNDagger needs to slow down and think before posting, because FJ has a policy of non-deletion. As I said, we complied with the request this time for Lourdes's sake. If it happens again, CND will be put in the Prayer Closet so that his posts can be reviewed before they go live. It's not a step we want to take, but it's better than having to deal with the question of further redactions.

I'm sorry that we had to remove anything from this thread. If anyone happens to have a copy of what was removed, you may NOT repost it.

[bea]

Nice hat!

That's the hard thing about discussing this - it's PERFECT for FJ, we know more about DPIAT/R than half his church members, and I would guess many of us are deeply gleeful that DPIAT/R is getting his much-justified comeuppance.

But it's also the subject of a lawsuit, and people involved in the lawsuit are making statements here or regarding things said here may hurt that lawsuit

So while I'm reading with great interest, I'm also flinching when private info gets posted, or when Nolan goes on the attack. Probably because I'm married to an attorney and I know just how vicious this lawsuit is likely to get.

TL;DR. Thank you for thoughtful moderation - I know it's a largely hands-off board, but this is a situation different (I think) than FJ has dealt with before.

[debrand]

I think that the new couple should concentrate on having fun and doing things that have been denied to them for so long. As much as I love FJ, it isn't really the most healthy place for either Nolan or Lourdes right now.They need to try and ignore the drama and just figure out who they are as individuals and a couple. There is a lot of depramming to do and that takes a lot of time.

Nolan, you obviously read here. Please, please don't give Doug's lawyers any ammunition to hurt your case. I am sure that they will twist your words, no matter how innocent, into something they can use against you.

[nausicaa]

I personally think that Nolan is very much enjoying all the attention he gets from this situation and that it annoyed and angered him when he didn't get all praise from here. This doesn't mean that I view him as an enemy or that I'm "man-hating"(that is an accusation from his FB) just that I'm cringing over what he posts and how he is reacting to all this. Coming out of this mindset is a long process that is best not played out on the internet for all the world to see. The wisest thing for both of them would be to get all their drama off public FB and spend time finding out what they really believe.

[Rescinded and Mended]

I think that the new couple should concentrate on having fun and doing things that have been denied to them for so long. As much as I love FJ, it isn't really the most healthy place for either Nolan or Lourdes right now.They need to try and ignore the drama and just figure out who they are as individuals and a couple. There is a lot of depramming to do and that takes a lot of time.

Nolan, you obviously read here. Please, please don't give Doug's lawyers any ammunition to hurt your case. I am sure that they will twist your words, no matter how innocent, into something they can use against you.

So much this. I'm behind on both threads, but it worries me to think that Nolan's need to lash out is more important to him than his wife's case. One thing I always remember being told growing up is to never let your mouth overload your brain - there are some things that, once they come out of your mouth, can't be taken back. And really, this isn't just about him - I hope he'll try to think of Lourdes and what her best interests are before he posts anymore public rants about this case.

[mausi]

Yup.

[Curious]

Lourdes and Nolan have both been invited (via posts on FB) to join us here. I understand why they might be unwilling or unable to do so at this time. I do hope at some point that one or both of them will decide to join us and talk to us more directly because a) I think they have a lot of support here and b) hearing their experiences from them directly (I'm not speaking of the "grisly details" of what happened with Lourdes) would be very interesting and educational.

I also think if we were talking to them directly instead of carrying on a conversation (such as it is) in 2 different venues that perhaps there would be less misunderstanding/miscommunication.

[ladyamylynn]

Oh lordy, now we're "man-haters." My poor rolling eyeballs.

[bea]

What, all of us?

[Hane]

Not me. They like me.

[Curious]

By request: [link=http://www.zazzle.com/freejinger/gifts?cg=196416629547294117&sr=250253271214928259&ch=freejinger&rf=238593616702009923&CMPN=zBookmarklet]Keep Calm and Leave Patriarchy[/link]

and a sample of what it looks like:

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It's on a variety of items, which you can see in the top link.

[fuglyexfundy]

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and a sample of what it looks like:

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See other Freejinger Keychains

It's on a variety of items, which you can see in the top link.

I'm a cheapskate, but I'm totaly loving the manly romp one. It will never loose relevance or go out of style.

http://www.zazzle.com/manly_romp_key_chains-146133733096701241

Anyone know Doughball's work or office address?* Dough looks like a medium to me....get him a t-shirt or a tank. I'm feeling generous! :dance: :dance: :dance:

I'd only want to send it if I knew it was unlikely his kids would see it. Perhaps it should go to the attny?

[MamaJunebug]

So much this. I'm behind on both threads, but it worries me to think that Nolan's need to lash out is more important to him than his wife's case. One thing I always remember being told growing up is to never let your mouth overload your brain - there are some things that, once they come out of your mouth, can't be taken back. And really, this isn't just about him - I hope he'll try to think of Lourdes and what her best interests are before he posts anymore public rants about this case.

.

I endorse this as well as others who have expressed concern about Nolan's perhaps misguided posts.

Humbly and FWIW-edly, I'm going to ask us all to consider a moratorium on responding to him.

Or at least a second or third thought before we post. Something along the lines of "Is this going to help Lourdes?"

Note well: I posted the above humbly and "for what it's worth/this is just my opinion" and I asked only that we consider. There's no way on earth I'm trying to tell all y'all what to do. Big Daddy JB, long ago, advised me to remain silent in the face of emotional people (my kids) - "let them flare up and soon they'll die down, and then you can talk," he said. Nolan's emotions are doubtless all over the place. But before he was taken into the BCA, he was trained as a Lutheran, which comes out in some of his posts. There's hope for him, I truly believe.

OK, that's my two bits, and it's all I have, except for great hope for a future of healing, wholeness and life-enjoyment for the two of them and those they love.

[Hane]

Humbly and FWIW-edly, I'm going to ask us all to consider a moratorium on responding to him.

Or at least a second or third thought before we post. Something along the lines of "Is this going to help Lourdes?"

Note well: I posted the above humbly and "for what it's worth/this is just my opinion" and I asked only that we consider. There's no way on earth I'm trying to tell all y'all what to do. Big Daddy JB, long ago, advised me to remain silent in the face of emotional people (my kids) - "let them flare up and soon they'll die down, and then you can talk," he said. Nolan's emotions are doubtless all over the place. But before he was taken into the BCA, he was trained as a Lutheran, which comes out in some of his posts. There's hope for him, I truly believe.

OK, that's my two bits, and it's all I have, except for great hope for a future of healing, wholeness and life-enjoyment for the two of them and those they love.

*fellow sexagenarian mom-of-adult pats MamaJ's hand and nods at her in agreement*

This, indeed. These are younguns here, a good ten years younger than my own kid. Let's all take a step back and let things simmer down.

[debrand]

.

I endorse this as well as others who have expressed concern about Nolan's perhaps misguided posts.

Humbly and FWIW-edly, I'm going to ask us all to consider a moratorium on responding to him.

Or at least a second or third thought before we post. Something along the lines of "Is this going to help Lourdes?"

Note well: I posted the above humbly and "for what it's worth/this is just my opinion" and I asked only that we consider. There's no way on earth I'm trying to tell all y'all what to do. Big Daddy JB, long ago, advised me to remain silent in the face of emotional people (my kids) - "let them flare up and soon they'll die down, and then you can talk," he said. Nolan's emotions are doubtless all over the place. But before he was taken into the BCA, he was trained as a Lutheran, which comes out in some of his posts. There's hope for him, I truly believe.

OK, that's my two bits, and it's all I have, except for great hope for a future of healing, wholeness and life-enjoyment for the two of them and those they love.

That is pretty good advice, MamaJuneBug.

[Marian the Librarian]

Nolan's FB page has been taken down.

[Ms Jess]

I was just coming here to say the same thing.