Romantic History's Sarah Jane Leaves Husband

[browngrl]

I've been fooled in the internet world by people claiming to know someone or to have inside information so now I take everything with a grain of salt. If DGayle is correct about Sarah leaving fundamentalism then I think that is a good thing. If her husband truly is racist/abusive then I hope that she can get to a safe place for herself and her children. If DGayle truly is her friend then I suggest strongly that Sarah is advised to get off Facebook - as much as I love snarking on fundies - I think that it is a terrible idea to air marital woes in public. Certainly she can't control what the other people in her life post but she can stop endorsing the public squabbling with "likes".

[theologygeek]

The guy in the Civil War get-up is David, Sarah's estranged (?) husband and the baby's father. He is dressed like that because he is a reenactor who fantasizes about actually living in the 1860s. (At least I think so. He had/has a blog, but he is so close to illiterate that it's hard to figure out what his agenda is.) Russell is Sarah's on-again, off-again boyfriend. I don't know what kind of fundie David and Sarah are. I don't think Russell is a fundie. Maybe Sarah isn't one anymore.

Oh my goodness. I have no words. LOL

[chaotic life]

David Meister is creepy and seriously pings me as someone who will end up on the news at some point. I sincerely hope that is not because he turns family annihilator against Sarah Jane and those children. If Sarah was really not raised Fundie, then she is already a step ahead of the game getting free, but someone like that man is dangerous as you try to leave them and will remain dangerous until either he moves onto a new obsessions or does something horrific to himself.

I have to agree with the other poster, if Sarah Jane is really trying to get free and get her life together, then she needs to close social media for now. Women coming out of abusive relationships are full of drama. It doesn't matter that she may *think* she is trying to avoid drama, it's a normal pattern of reversal. The pendulum swung very far into abuse and control and when it swings back the other direction it tends to swing VERY far out before coming back to center. That's okay, so long as she works hard to shield her children from where she goes in that swing. But, utilizing social media will make it far worse and leave a lot of rubbernecking into it.

I think it's been said before but I will say it again. Sarah needs to utilize her local domestic violence shelter as much as possible. They will have support groups AND therapy for her. She needs to seek therapy for healing from what she's endured, no matter how mature or how much she thinks she's got her shit together, in two years she will look back and realize she did not have it together nearly as much as she thought. As she exits both an abusive relationship and fundamentalism, having known something healthy before only ensures she can find the path to healing, not that she will immediately revert back. If she fails to seek out health and healing, she may well fall back into something worse rather than getting healthy and free.

[DGayle]

Therapy and leaving social media for now have both been suggested, or at the least unfriending David. There's no way she's going to leave social media, which she uses to keep in contact with friends and family who live far away, but hopefully she'll get therapy, and learn to put up more boundaries with David. It's sadly clear that he still has some hold on her, as a lot of abusers do until their victims can cut them out. None of her family favors them having contact outside of custody exchanges for the kids, but she's trying to remain friendly to keep him from being an asshole some more. There's no chance of them getting back together.

She has come close to admitting eloping was a mistake, which is a good step.

By all means, feel free to snark what she's chosen to put out there (I've done it mentally). I'm just sharing some behind-the-scenes stuff.

[Howl]

A. unfriend David! there's a restraining order; no need to try to be friends right now, because it only gives him an opportunity to be crazy and manipulative. NEVER TRY TO APPEASE CRAZY, MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE, since that only allows them to be crazier and more manipulative!

B. limit her FB page to very close friends and family ONLY who need to stay in touch with her and close it to everyone else. People are emphasizing this step for a reason.

This can't be emphasized enough: the ex is apparently mentally and emotionally UNSTABLE

This number one thing is for her to protect herself and her children. Do what needs done now so she & children are safe. That is so far at the top of the list, I don't even know what would be second on that list.

[hoipolloi]

B. limit her FB page to very close friends and family ONLY who need to stay in touch with her and close it to everyone else. People are emphasizing this step for a reason.

+eleventy-billion times.

[eyeseeit]

Mrs. D,

If you're a friend of Ms. Romantic History, you probably shouldn't be spreading her personal information all over this site. I'm sure she told information to you in confidence and didn't expect you to blabber on the internet about it.

Another thing, Russell posted in the past (which he deleted) that she had no family on her side or even any close friends that are supporting her, and you're saying she has family on her side? Lots of twists here and it's hard to tell who is telling the truth here.

Yeah, I had respect for Russell when he said he was done with the situation. But they will not quit the affair and that is not healthy.

[DGayle]

Mrs. D,

If you're a friend of Ms. Romantic History, you probably shouldn't be spreading her personal information all over this site. I'm sure she told information to you in confidence and didn't expect you to blabber on the internet about it.

Another thing, Russell posted in the past (which he deleted) that she had no family on her side or even any close friends that are supporting her, and you're saying she has family on her side? Lots of twists here and it's hard to tell who is telling the truth here.

Yeah, I had respect for Russell when he said he was done with the situation. But they will not quit the affair and that is not healthy.

Russell saw himself as a knight in shining armor who'd save her. She has support aside from him. No one's thrilled about the affair, but she's got the support she needs from family. Think about it. She's not living with Russell, or with David, or in a shelter. Where do you think she's staying?

Did you chastise when behind-the-scenes information was given on Meredith?

[DGayle]

A. unfriend David! there's a restraining order; no need to try to be friends right now, because it only gives him an opportunity to be crazy and manipulative. NEVER TRY TO APPEASE CRAZY, MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE, since that only allows them to be crazier and more manipulative!

B. limit her FB page to very close friends and family ONLY who need to stay in touch with her and close it to everyone else. People are emphasizing this step for a reason.

This can't be emphasized enough: the ex is apparently mentally and emotionally UNSTABLE

This number one thing is for her to protect herself and her children. Do what needs done now so she & children are safe. That is so far at the top of the list, I don't even know what would be second on that list.

David still has visitation rights. Unfortunately this means that contact can remain open for the kids. I wish it meant the kids were dropped off with a social worker and picked up by the other 15 minutes later, or that David had no visitation. I'm worried about him being allowed unsupervised contact.

And she's starting to limit more things. A lot of the more recent stuff being brought up is that David and Russell are posting.

[Howl]

David still has visitation rights. Unfortunately this means that contact can remain open for the kids. I wish it meant the kids were dropped off with a social worker and picked up by the other 15 minutes later, or that David had no visitation. I'm worried about him being allowed unsupervised contact.

And she's starting to limit more things. A lot of the more recent stuff being brought up is that David and Russell are posting.

Thanks for responding, DGayle. We're posting this stuff out of sincere concern for a person in a difficult situation so apologies if it seems overbearing. It brings out the mother hen in me.

Glad she has support and friends to help her and keep her going. A breakup under the best of circumstances (is there such a thing?) is a huge change, but with 5 children and a difficult ex, so much more difficult & concerning.

Please convey that there are a lot of people wishing her and her children well. Yes, the unsupervised visit thing is very concerning.

[Hedgehog]

Just saw this post on Russell's FB:

Russell L DeJaynes Jr

2 hours ago

Will Dgayle. Or chaotic life from freejinger please contact me ... please email me. After a very scary turn of events im trying to protect myself and figure out the truth. Please contact me.

[bea]

Yikes. It's all interesting fundie drama from afar, but David sounds seriously unstable. I hope Sarah Jane and the kids are okay.

[Coconut Flan]

Just saw this post on Russell's FB:

Russell L DeJaynes Jr

2 hours ago

Will Dgayle. Or chaotic life from freejinger please contact me ... please email me. After a very scary turn of events im trying to protect myself and figure out the truth. Please contact me.

That is both one of the saddest, freakiest, and yet funnily hysterical things I've seen in awhile.

[kjrsg]

Why do I have the feeling that this is only going to get more bizarre?

[formergothardite]

That is both one of the saddest, freakiest, and yet funnily hysterical things I've seen in awhile.

This is very, very strange. I would be very cautious about contacting him, especially using a real name.

[Zuzus Petals]

I have to say that ever since this thread started, I've been Facebook stalking her, her dimwitted husband, and her dull-witted boyfriend. Lots of unfriending and friending on all sides. She finally went private. The boyfriend goes off and on private. They've called out FJ several times. Apparently her husband beat up the boyfriend and was arrested. Lots of threats, lots of accusations and a shit ton of bible quoting from both guys. It's like a soap opera and I can't look away. :embarrassed:

[formergothardite]

I have to say that ever since this thread started, I've been Facebook stalking her, her dimwitted husband, and her dull-witted boyfriend. Lots of unfriending and friending on all sides. She finally went private. The boyfriend goes off and on private. They've called out FJ several times. Apparently her husband beat up the boyfriend and was arrested. Lots of threats, lots of accusations and a shit ton of bible quoting from both guys. It's like a soap opera and I can't look away. :embarrassed:

We are just one paternity test away from a Maury show.

[chaotic life]

Oh geesh. Look, I see the message and I will assume that Russell is reading here.

I don't know what to tell you. I'm not going to put my real name into the fray with your mess and drama. I am willing to engage you here on FJ, for the purpose of referring you to resources and providing information on how to navigate the criminal and therapeutic services ONLY. That's about as far as I will go.

If you feel you or your child are in danger, call the police. File a police report, seek a restraining order. Call the police every time you feel threatened. If someone has done anything to traumatize your child, get her therapy. If Sarah is the one in trouble, then Sarah has to call for help. No one can do it for her. She needs to call the Domestic Violence Shelter in her town. She needs to call the police. The domestic violence shelter can give her referrals for therapy, for legal services, and if necessary a safe location to flee with the kids. But, she has to reach out for that help. You can't do it for her.

I highly recommend you stop thinking that love just happens TO you, Russell. We are not animals who operate solely on instincts, we have brains that we must use. Sarah has a long, hard road ahead of her, full of drama and missteps even if she does everything RIGHT. ANY man who steps into a relationship with her now will NOT be one that she grows old with. You cannot have healthy relationships down the path she must walk, because you cannot have healthy relationships until you are yourself healthy. No matter how much she THINKS she is healthy, she most definitely is NOT, and only therapy, independence and distance from Mr. Coockoo Pants is going to get her healthy. You think you love her because she invokes all of the protective instincts in your heart and soul. She is vulnerable and fragile and broken and she has those precious babies with her, and you want to be the strong man who she can lean on and who can keep her and those children safe.

Life is not a fairy tale. You cannot keep her safe. She has to find herself. She has to rise up with her own voice. She has to be her OWN hero first. All you will do is circumvent that process for her. Yes, she needs friends along that path, but she needs friends--not I'll be your friend but really I'm in love with you friends. If you are going to feel your heartstrings pulled, then you have to walk away, for your sake, and your daughter's sake, but also for Sarah and her children's sakes.

[DomWackTroll]

David, all paranoid on FB: “I sure would like to know who this D Gayle person is and how they think they know me or my close Family l have an idea who he may be but I could be wrongâ€

When someone replies “Who cares!?â€, Sarah Jane “Likes†it. Oh, but she’s “trying†and “learning.†Right.

facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1433297630260977&id=100007422609448

Edited to fix link.

[ViolaSebastian]

David, all paranoid on FB: “I sure would like to know who this D Gayle person is and how they think they know me or my close Family l have an idea who he may be but I could be wrongâ€

When someone replies “Who cares!?â€, Sarah Jane “Likes†it. Oh, but she’s “trying†and “learning.†Right.

facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1433297630260977&id=100007422609448

Edited to fix link.

She desperately needs to unfriend him on facebook. This is just ridiculous.

[gezykah]

I was curious how bad the public drama was and saw Russell posted on his facebook page about 15 minutes ago that she is living with her ex. Everybody in this situation has already been given some great advice here but I get the feeling none of them are ready to accept it.

[ViolaSebastian]

Wait, so she's back living with David? With the kids?? That's extremely alarming, given his issues with violence.

[DomWackTroll]

Neither David's nor Russell's FB posts seem to show up for me right away. Wonder what's up with that?

[Coconut Flan]

Some of these people really know how to worry over the trivia while ignoring the mountains of doom.

[Howl]

Somebody call Dr. Phil, STAT! He may be the only person alive who could sort out this level of crazy.

Still deeply wishing for happiness and healing for Sarah Jane, who is (lest we forget) only a few days post partum and hours away from Mothers Day. Also wishing for safety, security and normalcy for her kids.

In addition to withdrawing as much as possible from social media, my other recommendation is DO NOT GET PREGNANT again. Take the pill, make the man wear a wee rain coat over his John Henry, erect an impenetrable barrier of rubber or foam, but just don't get pregnant, just don't do it! Every sperm is NOT sacred.