Bates Wedding Part 2: Zach N Whitney

[anjulibai]

IMHO doing a DJ explanation about this one custom with its special cultural references would be kind of patronizing. Unless the DJ is planning on also giving a background story behind every other custom- throwing the bouquet, cutting the cake and on and on.

I'm just amazed that it seems common in people's families to judge other people's weddings. Wouldn't you expect weddings to all be slightly different? Or at least not be disapproving if they are different? I just don't get it. The point of a wedding is to celebrate people you presumably like. Why would it even occur to someone to be disapproving of how they choose to celebrate ? :think:

Because when you ask for gifts or money, you make it seem like your guests are only there to provide for you, as an audience and a source of funds. Your wedding becomes a fundraiser then, and that's not what it's supposed to be.

Of course weddings are different, but honestly, but they shouldn't make your guests feel like they are obliged to pay you in some way. Gifts are never to be expected - you invite people because you want them there, not because you are hoping they will give you something.

I'm sorry if you can't understand how something like this would be upsetting to others.

[1004srs]

A dollar dance is fun. You have to see it to understand it. THere isn't an obligation to participate, but my friends dance with both the bride and groom. During 1 or 2 songs, you give the best man and the maid of honor each a $1 bill. THe money is used to supplement the honeymoon. They are a hoot. Lots of laughing.

I didn't have dancing after my wedding. We had wedding cake, mints, nuts, champagne, and punch. It was held in the lobby of the resort we stayed at. Very elegant. Held mid-afternoon.

That evening, a few of us went out for dinner and my ex's Dad paid for it.

Also, we registered. It was easier to point people to the registry when they insisted on giving gifts. Plus, we were already established adults combining 2 homes into one. The last thing we needed was more pots and pans, towels, or dishes. Also, easy to track for thank you notes......

[Dutch_girl]

I wish registries became more populair here.. b/c now I almost always have a problem to come up with a gift (most couples already live together), so it's usual just money But the problem is how much we (as a couple) have to give (both students, so not much income but you don't want to give a small amount.. first world problem ;))

So lets start with the registries!

[twinmama]

Do people still register for formal china? [list=]

n

We didn't. I can't imagine what I would EVER use it for. We lived in an apartment with little storage and it seemed like a total waste to register for something I would use at most once every few years. We registered for every day plates.

As for registries, I am hoping that it becomes less taboo to include the info on the invite. Pretty much everyone uses them and making it a treasure hunt to find out where someone is registered seems more rude than just providing the info. I've seen a few invites that included a little card saying "if you'd like to get us a gift, we're registered at XYZ" and it was so much better than having to find someone's mom or email address or bridesmaid to ask. Don't care about rude, I care about easy on me!

I wish registries became more populair here.. b/c now I almost always have a problem to come up with a gift (most couples already live together), so it's usual just money But the problem is how much we (as a couple) have to give (both students, so not much income but you don't want to give a small amount.. first world problem ;))

So lets start with the registries!

That's another nice thing about registries. If you can't afford a lot, it feels much better to get them a bunch of little things from a registry or a $20 coffee pot or something rather than just twenty dollars.

The weddings of friends I haven't really been judgey about. Just the people whose weddings you have to go to but don't want to (distant relatives!). Although, I went to a few weddings while I was planning my own wedding and those were fantastic because it was just "I like that! We should do that!" and "That was dumb, not doing that at our wedding!" the entire time. Very productive :)

[church_of_dog]

I'm very much an anti-consumer and I have a hard time giving a gift of something I don't think is a good idea in the first place. But I definitely wouldn't want to give a gift that wasn't appreciated. So when I have been in a position to give a gift (birthday or wedding, mostly), I take it as a challenge to find something that both the recipient will like and that I "approve" of. It can be a challenge but it also leads to some creative gifts.

The most recent wedding I went to (several years ago), my BF and I gave the couple a $100 gift certificate to a local nursery so that the couple could get some fruit trees or other landscaping for their yard. I liked that because it left the specific choices to them but since it was just for the nursery I could feel like I was supporting a choice that I'd like.

Another wedding I went to years ago, the couple (as most are nowadays) were living together and already had most of what they needed. They let word get out, tactfully, that they were saving up for a canoe which was several hundred dollars, so if people gave cash they could feel like they were supporting a specific goal/project of the couple's.

[twinmama]

Ooh my favorite registry item that I bought for a couple for their wedding was a pooper scooper (for HUMANS! I think it was actually called a "sanitation trowel" but whatever). They were very outdoorsy, registered at REI and one of the things was some kind of small shovel for camping...? I am very indoorsy and thought it was the most hilarious thing ever.

"Congrats on your marriage! Here's a shit shovel!" :lol:

[Mama Mia]

I wish registries became more populair here.. b/c now I almost always have a problem to come up with a gift (most couples already live together), so it's usual just money But the problem is how much we (as a couple) have to give (both students, so not much income but you don't want to give a small amount.. first world problem ;))

So lets start with the registries!

That's what I like about registries too. Most that I've seen the couple will include several reaaallllllllyyyyyy inexpensive items - like a hand can opener, or a pot holder or measuring spoons, or other items under $5 - 10. So even if someone is broke and wants to give a gift they know they are giving something they would like and aren't embarrassed.

[Mela99]

I did and now I really wish I had not. :lol: I drag it out and use it occasionally but it breaks so easily and has to be hand washed so it is just stuck up in a china cabinet.

I refused to register for it. We'll never use it, and we have my grandmother's china.

[Swamptribe]

Yes, people still register for fine china and silver.

I used to do wedding registries for a living. The saddest thing was when the poor couple came in after the wedding with cartloads of gifts that were similar, but not exactly what they had registered for. Or for things they had no need of. They would schlep these items around, store to store, trying to exchange them for what they needed. Sometimes management would take things back that the store didn't really carry, just to be nice.

This is the main reason that I now give gift cards or cash as a present, so the bride and groom can get what they need afterwards. Other items I like to give (showers and such) are a nice vase, with a note that he is to always keep it full of flowers. When a friend got married a few years ago we made up a gift box of all sorts of thing. Homemade vanilla extract, and jam (the groom loved my homemade jam) a big blanket for them to cuddle under and some other things. Put it in a very nice decorative box so they could use it to store things.

Two of my very favorite wedding presents (30 years ago) were a hand made afghan (still have it on our bed) and a card with only five dollars from a cousin we knew was broke.

[Snarfblatt]

I now live on a different continent from the one I grew up on. I have many friends who still live on the original continent. I love registries. I can purchase a gift that I do not have to worry about paying to ship internationally or worse take on a plane with me. Or provide money in a currency I don't have very much of.

So I am very pro-registry.

[jaynie]

The saddest thing was when the poor couple came in after the wedding with cartloads of gifts that were similar, but not exactly what they had registered for.

I used to work at a store that was quite popular for registries. It used to astound me the number of people who tracked down the thing on the registry to see what it was, and then buy a different thing entirely, sometimes because of cost (which is understandable at least), but most often because the item didn't suit their personal taste. Often they'd choose something in a completely different style! (Most memorably, a couple that had registered for a very floral shabby chic bed set, who got an ultra masculine black and grey plaid despite my pleading). I don't understand why these people even bothered looking at the registries, I really don't!

[Coconut Flan]

I'm a fan of registries also. My mother, who has never quite gotten the hang of online ordering, asked me to send a wedding gift for her today. Amazon registries are great. In just a few clicks I had a nice box on the way for her. With my Amazon Prime she didn't even have to pay shipping.

[BurntHoney]

There are registry finders online if you don't know if a couple has a registry or where.

http://registryfinder.com/

[snarkopolis]

Ooh my favorite registry item that I bought for a couple for their wedding was a pooper scooper (for HUMANS! I think it was actually called a "sanitation trowel" but whatever). They were very outdoorsy, registered at REI and one of the things was some kind of small shovel for camping...? I am very indoorsy and thought it was the most hilarious thing ever.

"Congrats on your marriage! Here's a shit shovel!" :lol:

I believe the proper term is human excrement removal device :lol:

[miffy]

My cousin had a registry last year. They had picked out lots of things which didn't match & personal items like a shaving razor...

[twinmama]

My cousin had a registry last year. They had picked out lots of things which didn't match & personal items like a shaving razor...

Getting close to icky territory there! Next up, registering for tampons! Or registering at Ortho Tri Cyclen!

[Mela99]

Getting close to icky territory there! Next up, registering for tampons! Or registering at Ortho Tri Cyclen!

Video games and board games seem like the popular thing right now... lot of those.

[silverspoons]

Video games and board games seem like the popular thing right now... lot of those.

Board games are very popular in the young Mormon registries. I stock up during these holiday sales. I'm not LDS but I live in a very active ward boundary & somehow every house in the ward boundary gets an invite. Our homes are 10-20 years old so there are at least 20 weddings a year. I just send up a couple board games to the ward house gym for the reception.

I did make the mistake of buying a bunch of 3 packs of board games on amazons when they had a sale $5 for 3 games. It was family feud, price is right and the newlywed game. I guess the newlywed game was too racy.

[sunshine]

I read somewhere the Whitney pursued Zach. That would explain how Zach and Whitney got serious since he has trouble talking to women. Interesting.

[Dandruff]

I read somewhere the Whitney pursued Zach. That would explain how Zach and Whitney got serious since he has trouble talking to women. Interesting.

Very encouraging. If true, it suggests that Zach was going to Sonic alone and was willing to talk with her without approval from one or both daddies. It's sounding more and more fundie lite...

[erastus25]

Ooh my favorite registry item that I bought for a couple for their wedding was a pooper scooper (for HUMANS! I think it was actually called a "sanitation trowel" but whatever). They were very outdoorsy, registered at REI and one of the things was some kind of small shovel for camping...? I am very indoorsy and thought it was the most hilarious thing ever.

"Congrats on your marriage! Here's a shit shovel!" :lol:

It's not actually a "pooper scooper". They're used to dig a hole in the ground and then you deposit your waste in the hole and bury it. That way you don't attract animals, make it less likely to end up in a water source, etc. That being said, the branded ones are silly and unnecessarily expensive. A regular garden trowel will work just as well, and is considered a backpacking essential by many.

[veron1que]

Getting close to icky territory there! Next up, registering for tampons! Or registering at Ortho Tri Cyclen!

Lol, a good rule of thumb is that a registry should only contain items that are one time purchases. Which is why food items (I'm looking at you josh), hygiene items, and other dispensible household products should be left off the list.

[infooverload]

I was thinking maybe the plunger was a joke item, some people do put joke items on their registries just to have some fun. Then again I thought maybe Zach see's it as an essential item for the household. After all can you imagine how many times he has had to unclog a toilet living with the number of people he does. I know when I moved to my now apt the first item I purchased was a plunger. I had a bad experience with horrible plumbing in one of my apt and now insist on having a plunger before bedding down for the night in a new place. On the whole he is going to go fundie lite I think it will be interesting to see what happens after the wedding when the couple is on their own. Does anyone else find it interesting there is no Zach loves Whitney site. Okay if there is one I'm going to feel really stupid for posting this, but no one has mentioned it. I do believe the poster who said he is ready to be out on his own. When looking at the picture about the pirate post his body language almost screams get me out. Then again I could just be reading into it what I want to believe.

[Coconut Flan]

I venture to say that Zach's aborted courtship probably killed what little interest he had left in following the more extreme views. He may have been a big reason for Kelly and Gil to change their views especially if he refused to be subjected to another rigid courtship with someone he barely knew.

[Odd1Out]

I can see why, if a girl (woman) plans on going fundie lite, she would play it cool and wait till after the wedding to break away. Meaning she probably has no way of supporting herself and her parents will be paying for the wedding. But why does a guy keep up the act. He must already have a job to support him and his wife and a place to live. So if he's marrying a fundie-lite girl, why not just move on out and do his own thing?