Bates Wedding Part 2: Zach N Whitney

[singsingsing]

See, I feel the opposite - I'd feel rude NOT having a registry. I don't think it's rude at all for a couple, especially if they're young and haven't lived together, to ask for household essentials. What on earth is wrong with family and friends helping a young couple get on their feet? And a registry helps people to know what the couple needs, and avoid getting duplicate gifts. If people are on fixed incomes, you make sure you've got a range of prices on your registry, and you don't EXPECT anyone to get you a gift. If it's customary in your culture to give gifts at a wedding or bridal shower, and you know almost everyone is going to bring a gift regardless of whether there's a registry, a registry actually makes it easier on the guests.

[Marilla-Cuthbert2013]

Truthfully I had never stopped to think about which cultures because it's so common where I live. Most of the weddings that I go to that have dancing the couple is Mexican, and I can't think of any that didn't have it. But also many non Latino weddings have had a dollar dance. I'm 50 , so have been to dozens of weddings, so I'm sure there must have been several that had formal dances and no dollar dance, but I had never heard of someone considering them tacky or strange until this thread. It's like throwing the garter, you probably wouldn't think it was odd or particularly notice if it was included or not, it's just part of many weddings. I think its kind of funny that the same people who find a dollar dance odd seem to expect free booze. :lol:

I loved your response! Because until I moved to the east coast I had never been to a wedding with an open bar.

I am from a large Hispanic family, and I think I am the only one in my family that did not have a dollar dance. Don't get me wrong. I was sad that I did not have it, but my in-laws (who are not Hispanic) were not keen on it, so out deference to them I didn't have one.

But totally made up with the lack of a dollar dance with my side of the family... With an open bar!

[Mama Mia]

Here's the problem I have with registries. It is the couple's responsibility to make sure they have a place to live and household essentials (big ticket items) not their family and friends. The smaller ticket items are the things that should be given as gifts. Also, it is really rude to have a registry if a lot of the people invited are on fixed incomes.

As if registries aren't bad enough, dollar dances and passing a collection plate are downright tacky unless these things are part of your culture. I seriously doubt those things are part of the Bates' culture. I have been to many Southern weddings. I have never seen these things done. I have also never seen a family try to sell their "warez".

Having said all of that, I do like a lot of the items on Zach and Whitney's registry. A lot of them are sensible and affordable.

If I went to wedding and there was something done differently than what I have experienced at other weddings I would find it interesting. I would assume it was something that was a tradition in their culture, or their family, or their region, or that maybe they found it on a Pinterest board and just thought it was cool. I wouldn't question its appropriateness or taste level, because it isn't about what I want, it's about what the bride and groom want and what makes them happy.

If I really liked the new (to me) food/dance/activity/custom I would probably mention it as an idea if I was talking to someone who was planning a wedding. If I didn't like it I would just shrug and think, not to my taste, oh well.

And I've actually always thought part of the idea of a wedding IS to help a couple get started, as well as to celebrate. Obviously the amount of help a couple needs ranges from 0 to a great deal, depending on age, income, time away from home etc. But I don't see why helping a young couple get set up in their first home is bad?

I'm thinking some of you would have the vapors if I mentioned the custom of Patrons :lol:

[OddlyAmused]

Why would they want two coffeepots? His and Hers???

My guess is that they like both and want to give people options.

Looking over their registry, I don't see anything that seems too bizarre. I will say good luck on getting the gardening supplies from Target at this time of year, from what I remember from working there most if not all of the gardening supplies are not being sold after October.

[Coconut Flan]

I considered bringing up padrones also.

[Mama Mia]

I considered bringing up padrones also.

Thank you for the correct spelling, I was too lazy to check :D

[Marilla-Cuthbert2013]

I have been enjoying the debate on the dollar dance, but realized no one has stated why it is done. I can't speak for everyone, but for the Hispanic Families from where I am from. The dollar dance was the couple's Honeymoon money.

Whatever you received that is what you spent on your Honeymoon. So even today, my cousins and my sister used their dollar dance money on their honeymoons. So my Grandparents back in the 1920s went to a fancy hotel in the mountains, and my sister used hers to pay for some day trip in Italy.

However, in this day in age when you have bridal showers, wedding gifts, and destination weddings, how it can be too much.

[TheLurkingFrumper]

As far as registries go, I was told by the old ladies in both mine and my husband's family that you register, but don't sent out cards or notes as to wear. If someone is interested in buying off the registry they will ask you (or a relative) where you are registered, but this way it is not pushed in anyone's face and doesn't come across as a "gift-grab." It worked out well for us.

My husband is Mexican and we did do a dollar dance. I had never heard of it before and balked at first, but it was important to his family. It was actually a lot of fun. We both dance and people pinned money to him and I had an old lace bag for the 1930's that was a family heirloom. If I remember correctly, we were given around $500 dollars during the dance. We had about 100 guests. I was pretty shocked. We used the money on our honeymoon. And for a new battery for my car.

I have never felt "offended" by anything at a wedding. Something might not be my taste or style, but whatever, not my wedding. For instance, we did not do the smashing of the cake in the face thing. I felt it was not respectful, or frugal. I paid to have my make-up done and shoving cake in my face was wasting that money. But some people think it's cute and funny. To each their own.

[treemom]

The best thing about being poor and effectively coming from poor white trash and being 19 when I got married is that no one expected much out of my wedding and I only had about 35 people there.

In retrospect, I wish it has been more secular. But I wanted to combine a story that was from both our religions at the time and I felt very ruth like. I also wish I had gotten my off the rack wedding dress altered. But poor and self conscious about my shape fed into it.

But we registered, and were so poor I don't think we even had anything that was 100 on our registry. We had several showers because I know lovely people. But a small wedding was all we could afford without going into debt.

Anyhow, I suspect everyone was just so horrified my husband was marrying me on his side and so boggled that I had snagged such a steal on my side that all the ways I screwed up with brushed over. Plus I fell and misprounced a few words.

[fullmetalheart]

I was a videographer at a wedding last year, and there was a dollar dance. however, all the money went to the bride's favourite charity. I couldn't dance, but gave up all the cash I had so one of my close friends could dance with her (also one of her best friends, so it worked out perfectly). I thought it was sweet.

[gustava]

The tradition of registering for one's wedding goes back at least 60 or so years. One registered one's crystal, china, and sterling patterns at a local establishment. ONLY crystal, china, and sterling. Therefore, registeries were only for middle (maybe), upper middle, and the upper crust. It was expected that basic house hold items such as linens, pots/pans, bedding, and furniture would be provided by the family. To ask for that would have been....tacky, vulgar.

The internet made it much easier to "register" and ask for everything.

[Ralar]

I think the best way to handle one side of a family being shocked over a dollar dance is to just have the DJ explain it before it starts. If everyone hears that it's a family tradition or local custom or whatever they'll be MUCH more accepting than if the bride and groom are like "Pay me a buck and I'll dance with you!" I know to me, who doesn't have this in my wedding experience, I'd be shocked and think it was tacky if I saw it; but if the DJ made a little speech about how it was a family tradition and up to each guest if they wanted to do it or not, I would think it was very cute and a nice way to speak to the bride or groom one on one. If it was a hundred dollar dance or something, yeah no, but at a dollar a piece it seems to be more of a custom or fun tradition than an actual money grab. Who is going to dance with over 300 people to make any serious money? $30 or so... no big deal.

Though no amount of DJ announcements would make the bride's brother hawking CDs outside the church cool with me :pink-shock:

My extended family does very fancy ,mostly black tie, weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs. No amount of DJ or bandleader announcements would make requesting money for ANYTHING (drinks, dancing, cd, etc) acceptable at one of my family's simchas. In fact, I think an announcement would just make more to talk about.

The groom in a wedding I attended not long ago works in his family's bakery. Each guest took home a chocolate babka with a just married sticker on the box. The babkas were FREE! Giving away CDs might have been nice, and great publicity, so long as the bide and groom okayed it for their big day.

ETA: free gifts okay

[Ralar]

The tradition of registering for one's wedding goes back at least 60 or so years. One registered one's crystal, china, and sterling patterns at a local establishment. ONLY crystal, china, and sterling. Therefore, registeries were only for middle (maybe), upper middle, and the upper crust. It was expected that basic house hold items such as linens, pots/pans, bedding, and furniture would be provided by the family. To ask for that would have been....tacky, vulgar.

The internet made it much easier to "register" and ask for everything.

So, no toilet plungers . . . .

[Cheetah]

(Asking respectfully) what cultures have a dollar dance? In all my familial and friend weddings they thought it was enough that there was a shower gift, and a wedding gift for the happy couple. Your wedding gift was the equivalent of the cost of the wedding meal you were eating (and hopefully an open bar).

It's big in Polish families. I think Czech as well. I grew up in the midwest where there's a good-sized chunk of both of those, interspersed with Germans and Scandanavians. My parents (who were not Polish or Czech) thought it was tacky, but it was just one of those things where some of your friends did it and some didn't and it wasn't a big deal.

[sableduck]

re: Dollar dance

I had one, and all the weddings I can think of that I've been to(dozens at this point, from black tie weddings to home country on the farm weddings) except for two have had one. Those two weddings had no dancing at all. I've never considered it tacky or even thought about it, I guess, it's just what everyone seems to do. I live in upstate New York, and these weddings span work friends to high school friends to college friends, and they only thing they all seem to have in common is location.

For every one I've seen, the DJ has made a cute little announcement, the maid of honor and best man have stood there with baskets to collect the dollars, and everyone seems to have a great time. Usually they've played some funny song during it. It just seems to be for fun; not really collecting lots of money(I think between us we got like $55 from it). The whole thing is played for laughs; my grandmother and great-aunt even got up and danced with both my husband and I during it. :-)

[Ralar]

It's big in Polish families. I think Czech as well. I grew up in the midwest where there's a good-sized chunk of both of those, interspersed with Germans and Scandanavians. My parents (who were not Polish or Czech) thought it was tacky, but it was just one of those things where some of your friends did it and some didn't and it wasn't a big deal.

My family is Hungarian/Czech and as I posted, asking for money for anything at a wedding would never be acceptable.

[Arete]

Parents that were born and raised in Greece were mortified with the idea of registries when their American born kids starting using them at their weddings. In fact, I think it was probably the first thing my divorced parents had agreed upon in 25 years. Apparently, asking for specific things is gauche, but being expected to give money as a wedding present is not. :roll:

The only hill most of them insist on still dying on is "no knives on the registry". To buy a knife as a wedding gift (or any gift) is considered inviting strife into the relationship.

[sockiemom]

Do people still register for formal china? [list=]

n

[Mama Mia]

My extended family does very fancy ,mostly black tie, weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs. No amount of DJ or bandleader announcements would make requesting money for ANYTHING (drinks, dancing, cd, etc) acceptable at one of my family's simchas. In fact, I think an announcement would just make more to talk about.

The groom in a wedding I attended not long ago works in his family's bakery. Each guest took home a chocolate babka with a just married sticker on the box. The babkas were FREE! Giving away CDs might have been nice, and great publicity, so long as the bide and groom okayed it for their big day.

ETA: free gifts okay

IMHO doing a DJ explanation about this one custom with its special cultural references would be kind of patronizing. Unless the DJ is planning on also giving a background story behind every other custom- throwing the bouquet, cutting the cake and on and on.

I'm just amazed that it seems common in people's families to judge other people's weddings. Wouldn't you expect weddings to all be slightly different? Or at least not be disapproving if they are different? I just don't get it. The point of a wedding is to celebrate people you presumably like. Why would it even occur to someone to be disapproving of how they choose to celebrate ? :think:

[Ampak]

See, I feel the opposite - I'd feel rude NOT having a registry. I don't think it's rude at all for a couple, especially if they're young and haven't lived together, to ask for household essentials. What on earth is wrong with family and friends helping a young couple get on their feet? And a registry helps people to know what the couple needs, and avoid getting duplicate gifts. If people are on fixed incomes, you make sure you've got a range of prices on your registry, and you don't EXPECT anyone to get you a gift. If it's customary in your culture to give gifts at a wedding or bridal shower, and you know almost everyone is going to bring a gift regardless of whether there's a registry, a registry actually makes it easier on the guests.

100% agree.

Registries are completely optional. Normally they are spread by word of mouth and are not listed on the invitation therefore, the guests would need to contact someone inquiring about where the couple is registered. We had ours on our wedding website along with all the info/directions/places to stay. Probably 90% of my guests brought a gift only a few weren't on the registry. I was just thankful for everyone who came and celebrated with us. We got lots of hand me downs and can afford to provide for ourselves, wedding gifts aren't really about meeting a need but more of making an offering out of love to the couple. You get to gift them something that they'll use for years. I love picking something up to use it and remembering who gifted it to me.

I've only been to one wedding where the couple didn't register and she said she received 7-sets of pots and pans. So...yeah. I'm sure she had fun trying to exchange 6 of those sets with no registry. Gifts are optional. If we can't find anything on the registry in our budget we either get pitch in on a group gift or just give cash/gift card. Don't get me wrong, cash is great, but a gift is always more personal .

[love2scrap]

I find Zach and Whitney's registry to be way more reasonable and practical than Cherin's. I just hope that Z and W get equally many gifts as the Cherin. It would be highly unfair of mutual friends to present those that marry first more than those who follow. :think:

Cherin! I like that. I've seen elsewhere people referring to John and Alyssa as Jalyssa.

So would Zach and Whitney be "Whach" or "Zitney" ???

[fullmetalheart]

Zacney?

[pudding]

Cherin! I like that. I've seen elsewhere people referring to John and Alyssa as Jalyssa.

So would Zach and Whitney be "Whach" or "Zitney" ???

all I can think of when hearing "whack" or "whach" :lol: (yes I'm a total Friends nut)

[sunshine]

Do people still register for formal china? [list=]

n

Yes.

[formergothardite]

Yes.

I did and now I really wish I had not. :lol: I drag it out and use it occasionally but it breaks so easily and has to be hand washed so it is just stuck up in a china cabinet.