Fundy 'parenting' in action (trigger:assholes)

[August]

The Kristina thread reminded me I had this little gem C&P'd. Thought I'd share, since it makes me wish there were a hell.

.

I was about to mop the floor this morning and Troy wanted to help, as usual, and so I let him, as usual. But then, when it came time for me to take the mop and actually do the job, he didn't like the idea. At all. I'll spare you the details, because I'm sure you've seen it yourself before and know just what I'm talking about, but we had quite a little ordeal on our hands resulting in a lil bit of discipline.

When it was all over and the human-natured little boy was on his way, he then took up an attempt at gaining Mama's pity by walking around the house alternately crying for his Oncle--only it sounds more like "N'cuh" when he says it--and crying "S'wheet... s'wheet!"

With tears.

Streaming down his face.

As if Oncle was going to fly home from Alabama just to hear him say "Sweet!" save him from his mama.

A few minutes after this little incident, John called from work to say hi and I told him I was about to get in the shower so I could go to the store. A hurt foot that couldn't really handle a trip to the grocery store saw to it that we are virtually out of food. Unless you want to count the jar of mayonnaise, bag of rice, spaghetti noodles and leftover baby shower cake.

ETA the blog its from, took me a while to find it.

ashleighbaker.net/2007/10/someone-please-tell-me-im-supposed-to/

[Effie]

Judging from that entry alone, I would say that she's a sadistic bitch. Why do fundies make such shitty parents? Among the fundies we snark on, there are several child abusers.

[August]

I wonder if it's that fundy-hood only retains the shitty ones. The ones with a heart eventually can't take it any more and leave.

[France Nolan]

I don't understand why fundies flip out when their children exhibit age appropriate behavior. I mean, I do understand because child psychology is evil and a lie from Satan but for fuck's sake.

Toddlers love to mimic. Why not keep a spare mop for him to fool around with so he can "help"? Why not give him another job (my two year old loves taking baby wipes and "cleaning" the cupboards, her toys, etc.) to distract him? Why not gently take the mop from him and if it provokes a tantrum, so what? It's a tantrum. It's what toddlers do. They shouldn't be hit for being frustrated. Ignore the histrionics and move on.

Again, I know the answers to these questions. I also know that I'm clearly not training my daughter properly.

[Turtle]

I don't understand that at all. She needed a "lil bit of discipline" (which I guess is cutesy speaking for hitting) for her toddler who is too young to really even talk that much? Because he wanted to help her mop?

Poor baby.

[doggie]

I am surprised she let him mop at all it being wimmins work and all. Maybe that's the true reason for the little but if discipline.

[debrand]

This might sound crazy but understand I had a son who was diagnosed with hyperactivity so I had to get creative. When I would mop, I would get old towels and let him stand on them and push them with his feet. He would pretend he was skating on the wet floor and I could continue mopping. Again, you have to realize he was very active and impulsive. Having him close to me kept him out of trouble. My floor was just as clean with his help as if I spanked him for trying to mop with me.

[Rosa]

Debrand, I never did that one (because my son had some sensory issues, he didn't like anything touching his bare feet - taught himself to walk on grass when he was 5 after hearing us discuss it as a sensory issue) but I got my son his own sweeper & cut the handle of a mop very short so he could mop but not use it as a spear or accidentally break things spinning around holding it.

There are a lot of ways to handle this without hitting a little boy too small to really even talk back :(

[rene76]

There's a reason diversion is such a wonderful parenting strategy for toddlers. It's hard to reason with little ones. I guess if they don't respond to your demands you have to beat them. Parents like that make me sick!

[QueenNocturne]

Slightly OT, but this blogger's name is very close to the full married name of an old high school classmate, who also has young kids. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the url and thought "Oh no, please don't let it be her." Thankfully, it's not.

Back on topic: What. A. Bitch. Why the frak do so many fundies have kids if they're just going to treat them like shit?

[argypargy]

I don't understand why fundies flip out when their children exhibit age appropriate behavior. I mean, I do understand because child psychology is evil and a lie from Satan but for fuck's sake.

Toddlers love to mimic. Why not keep a spare mop for him to fool around with so he can "help"? Why not give him another job (my two year old loves taking baby wipes and "cleaning" the cupboards, her toys, etc.) to distract him? Why not gently take the mop from him and if it provokes a tantrum, so what? It's a tantrum. It's what toddlers do. They shouldn't be hit for being frustrated. Ignore the histrionics and move on.

Again, I know the answers to these questions. I also know that I'm clearly not training my daughter properly.

Exactly. My son has his mop and I have mine. I encourage the behavior. Most of his tantrums, I quietly laugh in the corner.

[VaSportsMom]

There's a reason diversion is such a wonderful parenting strategy for toddlers. It's hard to reason with little ones. I guess if they don't respond to your demands you have to beat them. Parents like that make me sick!

I adopted a new dog several weeks ago and she absolutely loves chasing the mop. It is annoying to try and get anything done while a giant puppy wants to play but I sure as hell don't hit her or even yell at her. These idiots have no business reproducing if physical punishment is their only method of dealing with their children!

Edited because I hit send to soon.

[rollmeover]

I've known Ashleigh on line since before she was married. I'm shocked by that entry since she comes across as a very loving, gentle mother normally. It was a long time ago and she was a very young wife and mother due to a fundie childhood - but she has come a long long way in her personal growth and probably wouldn't recognise her parenting from those days, if she means she hit her child for acting like a toddler.

[latraviata]

This might sound crazy but understand I had a son who was diagnosed with hyperactivity so I had to get creative. When I would mop, I would get old towels and let him stand on them and push them with his feet. He would pretend he was skating on the wet floor and I could continue mopping. Again, you have to realize he was very active and impulsive. Having him close to me kept him out of trouble. My floor was just as clean with his help as if I spanked him for trying to mop with me.

Great! My compliments!

I am a child (developmental) psychologist and this is parenting as it should be.

Creative, loving and acknowledging the child's personality, in short everything fundie parents seem to miss.

[oil]

May be Im not understanding this, is she making a fun comment about having to discipline her child?

[August]

May be Im not understanding this, is she making a fun comment about having to discipline her child?

She didn't discipline him, she hit him. And yes, she's laughing at his utter devastation at being treated so cruelly.

[August]

I've known Ashleigh on line since before she was married. I'm shocked by that entry since she comes across as a very loving, gentle mother normally. It was a long time ago and she was a very young wife and mother due to a fundie childhood - but she has come a long long way in her personal growth and probably wouldn't recognise her parenting from those days, if she means she hit her child for acting like a toddler.

Would she? Or has she learned how socially unacceptable it is and hides it, like Michelle Duggar does.

[oil]

She didn't discipline him, she hit him. And yes, she's laughing at his utter devastation at being treated so cruelly.

She makes me to want to be violent.

[rollmeover]

Would she? Or has she learned how socially unacceptable it is and hides it, like Michelle Duggar does.

Well, I am guessing, but she has worked hard to free herself from the unthinking acceptance of the fundie beliefs she was raised in, and has developed her own ideas on issues such as gay rights etc. And in many circles it is not socially unacceptable - sadly. There are still plenty people who think that hitting children is a human right and that the liberals and gubbmint are trying to prise the plumbing supply line and novelty paddles out of the hands of all right thinking christian parents.

[debrand]

Debrand, I never did that one (because my son had some sensory issues, he didn't like anything touching his bare feet - taught himself to walk on grass when he was 5 after hearing us discuss it as a sensory issue) but I got my son his own sweeper & cut the handle of a mop very short so he could mop but not use it as a spear or accidentally break things spinning around holding it.

There are a lot of ways to handle this without hitting a little boy too small to really even talk back :(

That is a good idea. We are trying to move closer to my son and dil so that we can see our grandkids more often. I think that we will do that so that the kids can help us.

[August]

Well, I am guessing, but she has worked hard to free herself from the unthinking acceptance of the fundie beliefs she was raised in, and has developed her own ideas on issues such as gay rights etc. And in many circles it is not socially unacceptable - sadly. There are still plenty people who think that hitting children is a human right and that the liberals and gubbmint are trying to prise the plumbing supply line and novelty paddles out of the hands of all right thinking christian parents.

Has she explicitly renounced it and shown she considers her children people, like Melissa at Permission to Live did?

[TheLurkingFrumper]

Has she explicitly renounced it and shown she considers her children people, like Melissa at Permission to Live did?

Even among bloggers, not everyone explicitly announces every change in their thoughts and philosophies. Just sayin'. Sometimes its a gradual realization that things can be different as you interact with different people and different ideas. My mother (born in 1947) was a huge proponent of non-violence against children. Several of my friends' moms gradually moved away from hitting and spanking through their friendship with my mom and the model she presented. Many of my friends from childhood, now with kids of their own, site my mom's example as the reason why they don't hit their kids.

When your raised that there is only one way to discipline a child, it takes time to move away from that. While my mom never approved of anyone hitting, well, anyone, she also understood that telling people they are evil, horrible, awful people for disciplining that way helped neither the parents nor the child. People don't come to a place of loving nonviolence through being on the receiving end of degradation and hatred.

Her friend said she is a different parent now. Maybe she met someone like my mother who helped find a different path. Also, she doesn't say she hit him. We are making that inference. Does she at other places in the blog explicitly say she hits her children?

[AuntCloud]

I adopted a new dog several weeks ago and she absolutely loves chasing the mop. It is annoying to try and get anything done while a giant puppy wants to play but I sure as hell don't hit her or even yell at her. These idiots have no business reproducing if physical punishment is their only method of dealing with their children!

Edited because I hit send to soon.

You mean you "trained" send, not hit it.

[twinmama]

Most of his tantrums, I quietly laugh in the corner.

One of my boys is entering tantrum territory now and it's all I can do to not spend the entire thing laughing at how ridiculous he's being. And my boys are right on the cusp of talking, so probably around the same age as this little boy and if I attacked them like she did her son, they would have no idea why I was doing it and they would just be confused and scared and not feel safe with me. That accomplishes nothing. So so sad.

Also, do these fundies have shitty relationships with their own moms? Because I have a great relationship with mine and the only thing I want for my own kiddos is for me to be half as good a mom to them as she was to me. I think about that all the time, I want them to feel safe with me and loved and most of all comforted by me. My mom is all those things to me and I want to be them for my kids. That is so far above having perfectly behaved children to me.

[EmmieJ]

One of my boys is entering tantrum territory now and it's all I can do to not spend the entire thing laughing at how ridiculous he's being. And my boys are right on the cusp of talking, so probably around the same age as this little boy and if I attacked them like she did her son, they would have no idea why I was doing it and they would just be confused and scared and not feel safe with me. That accomplishes nothing. So so sad.

Also, do these fundies have shitty relationships with their own moms? Because I have a great relationship with mine and the only thing I want for my own kiddos is for me to be half as good a mom to them as she was to me. I think about that all the time, I want them to feel safe with me and loved and most of all comforted by me. My mom is all those things to me and I want to be them for my kids. That is so far above having perfectly behaved children to me.

I had to cover my mouth on several occasions when my son had melt downs. The times he caught me smiling, it only made matters worse, and I think it hurt his feelings to think his mom was laughing at him. So I tried to hide it as best I could. Part of it was me reacting to a very unpleasant situation - unintentional laughter, unwanted laughter.

All I know is that when it came to disciplining my child, or dealing with what he wanted versus what I wanted him to do - I didn't have it in me to spank him or hit him in any way, nor pinch his arm, nor shake him, or otherwise physically impose my will on him. So, although it wasn't easy, I found other ways to encourage the behavior I wanted, or discourage the behavior I didn't want. I was lucky to be part of an older moms group at the time, and got so many wonderful tips and suggestions on ways to redirect. I found that offering another way to include my son in the activity was what worked best of all methods.

What distressed me most about the post was that it sounded as if she was laughing at her son's distress - he's got tears streaming down his cheeks and he wants his uncle, and she thinks it funny. I never did find anything funny about my son when he was crying his eyes out, no matter the reason.