Fundy 'parenting' in action (trigger:assholes)

[church_of_dog]

I had to cover my mouth on several occasions when my son had melt downs. The times he caught me smiling, it only made matters worse, and I think it hurt his feelings to think his mom was laughing at him. So I tried to hide it as best I could. Part of it was me reacting to a very unpleasant situation - unintentional laughter, unwanted laughter.

All I know is that when it came to disciplining my child, or dealing with what he wanted versus what I wanted him to do - I didn't have it in me to spank him or hit him in any way, nor pinch his arm, nor shake him, or otherwise physically impose my will on him. So, although it wasn't easy, I found other ways to encourage the behavior I wanted, or discourage the behavior I didn't want. I was lucky to be part of an older moms group at the time, and got so many wonderful tips and suggestions on ways to redirect. I found that offering another way to include my son in the activity was what worked best of all methods.

What distressed me most about the post was that it sounded as if she was laughing at her son's distress - he's got tears streaming down his cheeks and he wants his uncle, and she thinks it funny. I never did find anything funny about my son when he was crying his eyes out, no matter the reason.

I apparently once tried having a lay-down-kick-scream tantrum in the store when I was 3-4ish (mid 1960s) -- I guess I had seen someone else do it or maybe saw it on TV -- in any event I apparently tried it. Once. My mom tells me that she looked down at me on the floor, and said "You know that doesn't work with me." I never did that again. :lol:

[August]

You mean you "trained" send, not hit it.

Disciplined, ladies.

Trainedfrumper, people don't say "I disciplined him" when they mean "I gave him a time out" or "I wrestled the mop out of his hands" or "i dragged him screaming to the car and forcibly got the straps on him". They say "disciplined" for the same reason J'chelle tells you to do it in the car. They know it's wrong and they're scared if getting caught.

What other child management technique slips into the sentences where they use discipline? "Take the toy away and administer quick discipline", for example.

[TheLurkingFrumper]

Trainedfrumper,

I assume this is me? We are having a conversation about people neither of us know on the internet. No need to be an asshole if you disagree.

people don't say "I disciplined him" when they mean "I gave him a time out" or "I wrestled the mop out of his hands" or "i dragged him screaming to the car and forcibly got the straps on him". They say "disciplined" for the same reason J'chelle tells you to do it in the car. They know it's wrong and they're scared if getting caught.

What other child management technique slips into the sentences where they use discipline? "Take the toy away and administer quick discipline", for example.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

Also, do these fundies have shitty relationships with their own moms? Because I have a great relationship with mine and the only thing I want for my own kiddos is for me to be half as good a mom to them as she was to me. I think about that all the time, I want them to feel safe with me and loved and most of all comforted by me. My mom is all those things to me and I want to be them for my kids. That is so far above having perfectly behaved children to me.

I had a terrible mother and all I wanted was to be the opposite of her. She used some form of corporal punishment on my brother and me on a daily basis and frequently slapped me for "having a bad attitude." (Nothing like slapping someone to put a smile on their face!) Also she loved to use sarcasm and that frequently hurt my feelings. So when I became a mother I never used physical punishment and I tried very hard never to be sarcastic. My daughter did sometimes get her feelings hurt when I smiled at something that she did (such as watching her dance around the room) so I did my best not to laugh at her either, even when I thought she was being cute. Instead I took my cues from her-- if she was sad and teary I tried to be comforting; if she was giggly, I laughed along. It is amazing that anyone could be amused by their children's tears, after all they are entitled to their feelings and we should respect them, not mock them.

[nelliebelle1197]

Disciplined, ladies.

Trainedfrumper, people don't say "I disciplined him" when they mean "I gave him a time out" or "I wrestled the mop out of his hands" or "i dragged him screaming to the car and forcibly got the straps on him". They say "disciplined" for the same reason J'chelle tells you to do it in the car. They know it's wrong and they're scared if getting caught.

What other child management technique slips into the sentences where they use discipline? "Take the toy away and administer quick discipline", for example.

Actually people DO say that when they mean non corporal punishment. Discipline is much more broad in definition than what you assume. People actually use the word when they talk about time out, taking away toys, taking away chore board smilies, etc. I have never heard another mom or a dad using the phrase "child management technique" despite being a mom of two with loads of friends with kids.

I read through a bunch of that blog and a lot of assumptions are being made about this woman. I don't see any of the typical fundie stuff on there; I do see a grown woman who writes like an affected teenager, but definitely not typical fundie.

[Nothing2CHere]

I had a terrible mother and all I wanted was to be the opposite of her. She used some form of corporal punishment on my brother and me on a daily basis and frequently slapped me for "having a bad attitude." (Nothing like slapping someone to put a smile on their face!) Also she loved to use sarcasm and that frequently hurt my feelings. So when I became a mother I never used physical punishment and I tried very hard never to be sarcastic. My daughter did sometimes get her feelings hurt when I smiled at something that she did (such as watching her dance around the room) so I did my best not to laugh at her either, even when I thought she was being cute. Instead I took my cues from her-- if she was sad and teary I tried to be comforting; if she was giggly, I laughed along. It is amazing that anyone could be amused by their children's tears, after all they are entitled to their feelings and we should respect them, not mock them.

You just reminded me of that father who posted - was it tumblr, I think? - a collection of photos of his little boy crying for various reasons such as "I didn't pour his milk in his blue cup" or "There were no more cookies in the house." It was making the rounds in my Facebook feed several weeks ago, and some of my friends thought it was humorous. On one hand, I can see where the father was coming from - my kid is waaaaaaaay too sensitive so this is how I'm going to deal with it. But as a parent, I was still somewhat horrified - he's just a little kid! This is what little kids do, they cry for what we as adults think are ridiculous reasons! And now not only his father, but the entire internet is laughing about this, too. Adults may see it as laughing WITH the kid (or at least his father), but that kid is going to take it as laughing AT him once he's older and possibly finds out about this.

[argypargy]

You just reminded me of that father who posted - was it tumblr, I think? - a collection of photos of his little boy crying for various reasons such as "I didn't pour his milk in his blue cup" or "There were no more cookies in the house." It was making the rounds in my Facebook feed several weeks ago, and some of my friends thought it was humorous. On one hand, I can see where the father was coming from - my kid is waaaaaaaay too sensitive so this is how I'm going to deal with it. But as a parent, I was still somewhat horrified - he's just a little kid! This is what little kids do, they cry for what we as adults think are ridiculous reasons! And now not only his father, but the entire internet is laughing about this, too. Adults may see it as laughing WITH the kid (or at least his father), but that kid is going to take it as laughing AT him once he's older and possibly finds out about this.

I'm kind of on both sides of the fence. When I laugh quietly in a corner at some of my son's tantrums, it's because it is just so ridiculous to my adult mind that he could possibly be having such a tantrum about something minor (he got the blue candy egg instead of the yellow one, for instance). I know this. I don't let him see me laughing at him, for sure, but sometimes, for me, it's a choice between laughing or crying. He's usually "over it" in about 30 seconds and we redirect on to something else.

[August]

Actually people DO say that when they mean non corporal punishment. Discipline is much more broad in definition than what you assume. People actually use the word when they talk about time out, taking away toys, taking away chore board smilies, etc. I have never heard another mom or a dad using the phrase "child management technique" despite being a mom of two with loads of friends with kids.

I read through a bunch of that blog and a lot of assumptions are being made about this woman. I don't see any of the typical fundie stuff on there; I do see a grown woman who writes like an affected teenager, but definitely not typical fundie.

Dude, reading comprehension. Go, read again, edit, then we'll continue.

[nelliebelle1197]

Dude, did you READ the blog or just this out of context snippet from 6 years ago?