Closet Racist, Adoptive Mom, Annoying Narcissist ...

[Iovershare]

My concern is that ultimately these kids will become adults who will have really effect up views of relationships in general. How will they parent or act as spouses or in a work environment?

I am finding myself increasingly annoyed with the idea that other countries need us to come in and rescue their orphans and attempt to Americanize them. If you read back on mama d's blog, she says God kept giving her clear visions on how many kids to adopt and it seems that she maybe pushed her husband to adopt under the guise tha t God told her to. As an adult, I can't imagine moving to a foreign country, being told that I had a new family and having everything comfortable or known ripped from me unwillingly.

My parents adopted my older brother about 40 years ago and he had tons of issues and was a huge pain in the ass my whole childhood but never once was he treated any different. My dad and I were talking a few years ago and my dad said his only regret was that there wasn't much info about fetal alcohol syndrome, attachment issues etc. back then and they often felt ill-equipped to help him. It sickens me to think that these already troubled kids will just have one more issue to deal with. I seriously imagine Laurel introducing Rachel like Royal in the Royal Tenenbaums "this is our adopted daughter, Margot".

[Ukfundielover]

Imagine, a 3-year-old who wants all the attention for himself!

.

I know So shocking! I held my sister in law's 6 week old last week and my 4 yr old exhibited some so called 'anti social' behaviour - pulling at my clothes, trying to hang onto my leg, silly antics to get my attention on purpose. You know it never occurred to me it was anything more or less than normal jealousy. When I handed the baby back I picked him up and gave him a little cuddle and said 'even when mummy cuddles another baby, you are still my baby'. He wriggled down mollified and we went about our day. Who knew I was meant to catalog every fault!

[2xx1xy1JD]

That site is giving me nightmares.

What standards are there for homestudies, and what oversight or accountability is there?

SO many of these issues look like they were preventable! Many of these children will require extra attention - so, don't place them with families that cannot provide it. Some traumatized children may act out against younger children - so, don't give them to families where they would not be the youngest.

We know that one of the reasons that kids who grow up in the foster care system tend not to do as well as adults is that many never had a sense of a stable, loving and permanent home. I remember dealing with one social worker who had to testify at the murder trial of one of her former foster kids, and outline all of the different placements that he'd had. She was totally devastated. How long before some of these kids do something horrific as adults, and the problem of disrupted adoptions gets some serious press and attention?

[Iovershare]

that site disgusted me with the utter lack of respect and privacy for those poor kids. It is awesome for that boy who masturbates excessively in his bed to have his picture and story posted for the whole world to see. In some ways, it could also be a safety issue-especially for kids who are sexualized, that info could be a predators field day! Ugh, I want to throw up.

[Jinger Jar]

That site is giving me nightmares.

What standards are there for homestudies, and what oversight or accountability is there?

SO many of these issues look like they were preventable! Many of these children will require extra attention - so, don't place them with families that cannot provide it. Some traumatized children may act out against younger children - so, don't give them to families where they would not be the youngest.

We know that one of the reasons that kids who grow up in the foster care system tend not to do as well as adults is that many never had a sense of a stable, loving and permanent home. I remember dealing with one social worker who had to testify at the murder trial of one of her former foster kids, and outline all of the different placements that he'd had. She was totally devastated. How long before some of these kids do something horrific as adults, and the problem of disrupted adoptions gets some serious press and attention?

These are questions I've been asking myself since I fell down this rabbit hole via FJ. :(

[Morton Fan]

that site disgusted me with the utter lack of respect and privacy for those poor kids. It is awesome for that boy who masturbates excessively in his bed to have his picture and story posted for the whole world to see. In some ways, it could also be a safety issue-especially for kids who are sexualized, that info could be a predators field day! Ugh, I want to throw up.

It's beyond horrifying. It's not even a password-protected site! At the very least, they should say, "this child is this age, is from this country, and if you're interested in adopting him, email blahblah for more info." It's unimaginable to me that this is in the public domain.

[Val78]

that site disgusted me with the utter lack of respect and privacy for those poor kids. It is awesome for that boy who masturbates excessively in his bed to have his picture and story posted for the whole world to see. In some ways, it could also be a safety issue-especially for kids who are sexualized, that info could be a predators field day! Ugh, I want to throw up.

setting these kids for a total lifetime of trauma. that's what i hate about mom blogs and things that document kids...the ones who have no respect for the kids as actual, real PEOPLE. who will grow up and as adults possibly come across all kinds of stuff written and shown of them. prospective employment, spouses, etc.

[JesusFightClub]

Yeah, totally. I was actually eyes-hanging-out horrified at that page.

Poor kids. I'm sure they are all a handful times 100. Their upbringings haven't shown them much else. But that was like, as FJists have said, a rescue dog site. I am still amazed by how human families can treat their adopted children.

I don't know the histories, obviously, of all these children. But a Dad too ill to love them any more? A mum too depressed to take care of a child with mild ODD? (He stamps his foot near dogs). Um, look, those kids are human as well. If you had any doubts you shouldn't have taken them. Ever.

[chaotic life]

ALL adoptions in Illinois must go through DCFS, including private and international adoptions. Even those adoptions must undergo training. While a private agency can substitute the foster-adoption training for something more specific to the type of adoption you are pursuing, you have to provide documentation that you underwent that training. Your family must be approved as a foster-adoption home, you are limited both in family size AND number of adoptions you can do in your lifetime. Lastly, EVERY placement that goes into IL must go through a social worker who works in the state ICPC office and approves or rejects all adoption placements on a case by case basis even after you meet all of the other requirements.

I don't know who the person who reviews the private adoptions for ICPC is now, but I know seven years ago the person was militant in the approvals she would or would not make for special needs children. I have a friend ho got stranded in Siberia for six weeks proving to the coordinator that the match could go through for her child she had already finalized *in* Siberia on.

[Pomidor]

I'm more of a lurker than a poster, but I'm coming out of the shadows for this.

I just saw poor little Benson from Craigslist for slightly used children on my facebook news feed. It turns out they not only have incredibly personal biographies with pictures of these children on their website, but on their facebook page as well! And they encourage people to share the bios/pictures so that everyone can see them!

Just like a dog rescue.

And even better, every post contains this disclaimer:

Negative remarks about this child's story will not be tolerated. Any person who posts anything negative about his parents will be immediately banned from this Facebook page. Parents who are in the position of this family need compassion and not criticism.

Lovely.

facebook.com/secondchanceadoptions?ref=stream

[lizziesmom]

This thread is the perfect example of why every pregnancy should not always result in a child. No one wants these poor children but I would be willing to bet you that every family who initially took them in and are now rejecting them are pro lifers.

[Val78]

Pro-life= every pregnancy should result in a perfect non-gay child?

Have you seen the bumper sticker fighting for unborn child's right should they end up gay?

As long as its not a problem child by their definition every baby should be born :-/

[Iovershare]

Seriously. everything is about Laurel. Her whole post about the grandbaby starts with her bitching about her son and daughter-in-law finding out the sex of the baby and how she never did that...blah, blah, blah.

Her poor kids.

[Ukfundielover]

Seems all not well in the Reeces Rainbow camp -

Carringtonscourage.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/burden-of-proof.html

[chaotic life]

Well, that answers questions I've had and suspected about RR for YEARS. I've long suspected that she is a facilitator and does not merely advocate for children. A good portion of the children she posts cannot be found through an actual agency and you HAVE to go through RR to find the child. It screams of the Russian adoption ring that a decade ago practiced bait and switch practices.

Adoption facilitators should be illegal every single state. Facilitators have no training, no background in adoptions and no accountability for their actions. They are illegal in most states, but they get proficient masking that they are not real adoption professionals quickly.

[France Nolan]

I've read a lot of RR blogs, and there's only one I can think of where things went smoothly and could be called successful.

I want to know where the money went after Russian adoptions were banned.

[NurseNell]

Adoption facilitators should be illegal every single state. Facilitators have no training, no background in adoptions and no accountability for their actions. They are illegal in most states, but they get proficient masking that they are not real adoption professionals quickly.

Absolutely agree. Chosen Child, AKA Marcy Meshes, Marcy Zubrick, is one I followed for years. She facilitates U.S. adoptions and is as unethical as they come. I wonder what she's up to now? I encountered her on AOL's Adoption Forum in the 1990's.

[Just Not Good]

I should absolutely never ever read these adoption threads. Given that they've picked up on the RAD diagnosis as a poison pill for adoptions, SURELY they would have picked up on the need to pretend that they TOTALLY tried to work on the dyad before dumping the child?

[Morton Fan]

Well, "Mama's" at it again.

"Our adopted children have a very difficult time accepting Personal Responsibility for things that happen. They also find it very challenging to understand Cause & Affect."

And you, Laurel, have a very difficult time spelling "effect" correctly. Not to mention, understanding the implications of "personal responsibility" for your own life. What is it they say in the Bible? Take the plank out of your own eye before you notice the speck in your brother's ....

[adayinthelife]

I don't like/agree with RR's tactics or approach to the situation in these countries (pushing for adoption, not reform or supporting organizations that are trying to better the situation from inside). But why is this woman adopting three unrelated special needs children at once? That's a huge red flag to me and so perhaps the entire story is not being told. Not that RR has had a problem before with facilitating adoptions of 3+ children at once.

The money from the Russian adoptions was disbursed to other children. If you happen to know the RR name of one of the Russian children you can look it up on their site and it will tell you which child's grant account the money was put into.

[chaotic life]

I have a HUGE problem with a family with as many special needs children there, and so recently acquired, adopting three more. However, I have just as much problem with the actions of RR which has NO authority over the actual adoptions. I wish with all of my heart the blasted collectors would STOP COLLECTING. However, as long as social workers, adoption agencies, immigration and foreign countries continue to allow them adopt, there is little to stop it.

I *am* confused as to why after having such conflict with RR why exactly they went forward with applying for the grants for the children when they found out they were listed with RR.

We actually had a conflict with one of these grant programs years after the child who had the grant came home. They used to require volunteer work to repay the grant. We provided the volunteer work. They came back two years later and demanded we either provide more volunteer work or repay the funds. We told them that wasn't the contract agreement, we had already honored the contract. They then demanded we sent them a thank you letter, which they claimed was in the contract. We re-read the contract and it was NOT in there. They sent us a new contract, and yes apparently it was added after our child came home. We moved and somehow they got our new address. They got information from our adoption agency that we did NOT consent to be released to them.

At that point, I told them to never contact us again. I told them I would never, ever write a coerced thank you letter, and I would not tolerate the harassment any longer.

However, you know what ELSE I did? When we looked at future adoptions, I made sure to NOT consider any child that was listed with that advocacy group for their grants. I knew they would refuse to release a future grant to us, and I knew I had NO intention of engaging them for a future adoption grant. This family is applying for the grants because they don't have the funds for their adoptions otherwise. Yet, they started their adoption before they knew those funds existed--supposedly, so finish that adoption without those funds and don't get into a battle with RR on the money.

[adayinthelife]

I'm confused whether they went through RR or whether they went through a different channel and found out the children were listed on RR after the fact. It's not entirely clear but I'll try to read more of the blog later.

[wantondisregard]

I come from the town Momma D live in. I happened to stumble across her blog while reading another community member's blog. She commented on it or something. I've heard about this family before but didn't ever really know the details of their life. Don't worry, it's all on Laurel's blog. She doesn't know how keep her big mouth shut and is basically the talk of the town. I feel really bad for her children. They must be completely embarrassed their mom is begging for handouts from the internets and spilling all the family secrets. ANYWAY, she's often spotted around town getting her hair done, nails done, driving her huge nice SUV while talking on her iphone. You guys, she's totally broke. Please send money ASAP. They've done a tour of the churches in town. Once people are on to them, they leave. I honestly think the dad is a nice guy but man, he needs to ditch the crazy. The received a HUGE cash gift of $15,000 to adopt the three children from Ghana. You know, because the Lord wanted them to take these kids in and not parent them at all and then complain when they weren't being grateful for being saved. I can't with this crazy lady. I'm also so.over.her.horrific.writting. (Grin)

[Morton Fan]

Oooh, wantondisregard, please share more!!!! Has she always been crazy, or is it a more recent thing? Do you know what the issues are between her and the older children (the ones who live out of state)? Do you know why "Papa" got fired from his church job?

[wantondisregard]

I'm not sure if she's always been crazy? I've just heard stories from the past five years or so. Unfortunately I don't have the dirt on any of the questions you asked. I normally just hear about how she's at the salon or nail place in town shortly after writing about having no money. Before they disrupted Jacob's adoption I would hear about him riding his bike all over town unsupervised. I guess he was a bit out of control and they didn't put much effort into working with him.

I too want to know what the crisis was all about or their relationship with the older children. Next time I'm up visiting I'll ask about them. I have a friend who lives near them, she usually has the goods ;)