Closet Racist, Adoptive Mom, Annoying Narcissist ...

[polabear]

One if the best parts of being super short are the free lollipops. I'm not joking.

[Morton Fan]

I agree. It's condescending but probably not because of her race. I was/am the same. I also often got the feeling that the nurses at my doctors' office were afraid patients would have an extreme reaction to seeing a needle (like fainting) and that would contribute to them going over the top like that.

ETA: I don't think it was out of the ordinary for the nurse to ask if she wanted to hold her mom's hand. Lots of adults are scared of needles too and I think it's a reasonable assumption that if you bring someone back with you to get a shot you might want to be comforted by them. That part might be embarrassing for a teenager but I don't think it was as condescending as the lollipop. ETA2: Though I have to add that might become condescending if the nurse was using a baby voice.

Totally. And honestly, she keeps saying that everyone treats Sarah differently because of a "cute, black little African girl" stereotype. Is that even a real stereotype? I don't get it.

[mockingbird]

One if the best parts of being super short are the free lollipops. I'm not joking.

Lol. I agree.

If you ask Lauralea in the fat photobomber thread "cute black kid" is totally a separate thing than "cute kid". I'm not sure about the real world.

[Mama Mia]

Actually, I see her point here (which does not excuse the rest of her racist BS). It is a condescending, infantilizing way to treat a 14 year old. As the "whitest" looking member of my extended family, I have been in situations where the authority figure would only speak to me, and would ignore or condescend to other, older relatives. This strikes me as an example of the nurse other ing Sara in an inappropriate way.

I totally agree. In my family we have a range of how people appear - from transparently fair to mocha - and you can bet that people are treated differently based on what people assume their race to be. And although the racism sometimes comes across in the typical negative way -- often it will be more in a patronizing and condescending way that treats the person as needing extra help or even material items or being more vulnerable than the family member who appears more white.

I've noticed this even more over the phone, because there are different last names in the family - some anglo and some spanish - and the different reactions are pretty amazing.

Since she says that she has been to that dr.s office numerous times and has never had this happen, that makes it more likely that she is correct and it was racially motivated. If it was a different nurse than she had seen before that could explain it though.

[littlemommy]

She says repeatedly how small and young her daughter looks, so it is very possible that the nurse thought the girl was younger than her real age. I'd like to think that the doctor/nurse inspects your chart, including your age, before coming in the room but we all know that doesn't really happen. As far as "Are you the mother?" she shouldn't get her panties in a twist over that either. I was a social worker and we learned super quick to assume NOTHING. Doctors may feel the same, as with the OBGYN that I visited, hugely pregnant, who asked me "Are you pregnant or do you have plans to become pregnant?"

[Morton Fan]

Lol. I agree.

If you ask Lauralea in the fat photobomber thread "cute black kid" is totally a separate thing than "cute kid". I'm not sure about the real world.

I should have clarified - I meant because of her age. My son is 2 (and African), and people go out of their way to tell him how cute he is, or even how cute "they are" (I assume they mean all black kids). So, I do understand the cute African kid stereotype. But Sarah is post-pubescent - I really don't think this particular stereotype applies to her. If anything, I agree with the prior posters that the condescension is more likely to be because of her small size than her race.

[bionicmlle]

Not sure if anyone saw her post about her hairstyle - the post wasn't much to snark on (except it was attention-seeking) but the comments section is ... interesting. She got torn out of frame about a seemingly-well-intentioned (albeit new) reader giving her some beauty advice about her eyebrows. If you ask for comments on your appearance, don't bitch about the results.

[Morton Fan]

Not sure if anyone saw her post about her hairstyle - the post wasn't much to snark on (except it was attention-seeking) but the comments section is ... interesting. She got torn out of frame about a seemingly-well-intentioned (albeit new) reader giving her some beauty advice about her eyebrows. If you ask for comments on your appearance, don't bitch about the results.

Oh, I will have to check out the comments! Thanks for the head's up. I also thought the post about her "bust" (ugh) was very weird.

ourjourneyoffaith.net/2013/04/gotta-laugh.html

[bionicmlle]

Oh, I will have to check out the comments! Thanks for the head's up. I also thought the post about her "bust" (ugh) was very weird.

ourjourneyoffaith.net/2013/04/gotta-laugh.html

No problem. I will say, however, that the first hting I thought when I saw that picture of her was "Wow! Her boobs look HUGE!" and spent time thinking about how much bigger mine would look if I could get off 15 lbs.... :)

[dairyfreelife]

I think it is definitely possible that other people can have racist undertones in what they are doing, but her assumptions about everything being about race, even when there's no real reason to think so also has racist undertones. As someone who is very short (barely 4'11") and smaller in general (stupid genes), I cannot count the number of times I have been mistaken for being younger. I was 21 and some old lady told me she thought I was 12. Mind you, I was checking out groceries by myself and had a purse on my shoulder and car keys in my hand and she still thought I was 12 (because 12yos shop by themselves and drive cars :roll: ) I have been given lollipops before (many times actually), have been asked where my parents where, told when I was 16/17 and applying for a job to come back when I was old enough to see over the counter (I could see over the counter just fine), told I am just oh, so adorable and oh, so cute (by people YOUNGER than I am even) and for the past few halloweens I was told I should be a fairy or thumbelina and would be just so cute. Sure it would be cute...if I was six instead of 24.

So, those comments I don't buy as being about her race, but her size.

However, some things very well could be about race. My boyfriend and I are a mixed race couple (I'm white, he's black) and I have gotten comments about just oh, so cute our (non-existant) children will be because biracial children are just the cutest. It does bother me a bit because I don't get why the race matters. I mean, of course my children will be the cutest, most beautiful children ever, but I'll obviously be biased to that since they will be my children. Most children are cute in general to me. Being "mixed" won't automatically make her/him the cutest child. It almost feels like some people, in trying to be accepting and show they are not racist, end up doing the opposite and it comes across as racist. You can't do anything to prove you are not racist. You show you are not (or that you are) by how you treat those whose skin tones don't match yours.

So, yes, some people could be doing things to her that has to do with her race or maybe not. It could very likely just be her size. Or it could be that others feel she is being treated differently because of her race by her own mother and are trying to give her extra attention as a result. I have seen that happen before and it does make you feel like giving the "othered" child special acknowledgement. Based off of her writing, I could see that as well. It could be a combination of the above, but without reading someone else's mind, there's no way to know what the person's intentions were or what they were thinking. Blaming it all on race does nothing but make the blogger come across as racist.

[sewingmom2]

" biracial children are just the cutest"

There's a long thread over at mothering.com in the multicultural families section about this very thing. Many of us mothers of biracial children find it irritating that people go out of their way to comment on our kids' looks. I always just said "thank you" and kept going. Back in the '70's, I was mostly just relieved whenever I didn't meet blatant hostility. I think it's much easier these days but things still aren't perfect.

[Stephanie66]

I comment on all cute babies, but I do think the complexion from biracial babies is particularly gorgeous. It's not bigoted or racist, just a preference. I married a dark guy (caucasion, just dark) hoping to get dark babies. Worked with one, but my daughter is blonde haired and blue-eyed. I am surrounded by blonde and wanted to add some color to my Scandinavian family. :)

I am also attracted to darker complected people in general. I do think they are prettier.

[TMS]

I'm Caucasian with blonde hair and blue eyes and my first husband was Mexican. I was told by a biracial friend that our kids would be adorable because Caucasian/Latino were such a great combination. When we had a baby I have to say, she was one of the cutest kids I have ever seen. :) Wait, isn't that what all moms think?

[Carla Bruni]

I comment on all cute babies, but I do think the complexion from biracial babies is particularly gorgeous. It's not bigoted or racist, just a preference. I married a dark guy (caucasion, just dark) hoping to get dark babies. Worked with one, but my daughter is blonde haired and blue-eyed. I am surrounded by blonde and wanted to add some color to my Scandinavian family. :)

I am also attracted to darker complected people in general. I do think they are prettier.

Agreed. I'm not a fan of babies in general, but if I were to create them, in a perfect world, I would make them biracial :P I do understand how the incessant commentary of strangers could get annoying though.

[dianapavelovna]

Laurel wrote a long post Sunday about Rachel's progress at her "RTC." She doesn't call her by her name once in the post, the excuse being, I suppose, the stupid narrative device she uses. Anyway.

But,

she now had a lot of time to think . . .

about all of her hurts . . .

and about all of the pain that she had caused.

Oh yeah, her problem is really about how her struggles hurt you.

Recently,

this Little Girl began to look back at her family,

and instead of anger she felt grief.

This Little Girl realized that she loved her family very much,

and she missed living with them.

Yeah, and she's probably terrified that she's being abandoned again.

Please continue to PRAY for full restoration of our family !!!

I'll believe it when I see it. Oh, and no space is necessary between the final word of a sentence and its punctuation, thanks though.

ourjourneyoffaith.net/2013/04/once-upon-time.html

[littlemommy]

I'm sure the "parents" are rejoicing that they have finally broken that "little girl's" spirit.

[Iovershare]

I am so happy to find this thread! I have hate read her for a few years and a friend of mine knows her because they are from the same area and both adopted from Ghana. My friend says she is nuts.

The issue I have is that it is never her fault. She keeps talking about how she forgave Papa but never mentions how she may be at fault for the crisis. She always sleeps in, gets her nails done, goes on scrapbook retreats and papa works insane hours and then takes the kids after work. The beach trip with perfect Hosanna was so obnoxious!

I hate how she talks about people on the blog. When she suggested recently that she was going to take hosanna's friend out for coffee to teach her about how to handle Sarah, I almost lost my shit. I would be pissed if someone took my daughter out to "educate" her.

And for the love of God, woman, we know you love your low calorie mochas!

[Dinger]

Oh, I will have to check out the comments! Thanks for the head's up. I also thought the post about her "bust" (ugh) was very weird.

ourjourneyoffaith.net/2013/04/gotta-laugh.html

Sorry if this sounds strange but I am curious :lol: is it the word "bust" that you dislike? We use it most of the time and vital statistics always state "bust measurement" as do dress patterns etc.

On topic; what a nasty piece of work she is. Horrible woman and her blog layout and writing style make. my. eyes. bleed.

[NurseNell]

I'm reading the entry about the "little girl" who got sent 600 miles away to the residential treatment center. In it they mention that they haven't visited her in 9 months. Is this normal? I've known a few families who've had to put their kids (bio) in residential treatment but family visitation was always part of the plan, along with family therapy.

I don't know why but it just bothers me that she always refers to her husband as Papa. He has a name, use it.

[Boltingmadonna]

I just figured out what bothers me about her comments about how people treat her daughter. Which I will preface by saying that I think what would be most important is how her DAUGHTER feels about it. And I also think it would be important to hear what other people of color living in a majority white area think about it. Laurel may not be the total expert on what's racist and what isn't. But the thing that bugs me is she's looking at interactions that are positive, on the whole, and THAT'S what seems to get her goat. I understand what some commenters here are saying--that singling someone out because of their color is racist, even if it seems like a positive thing. But I'm not so sure Laurel even gets that. I think she's just miffed because her black daughter is getting attention, and Laurel doesn't like that. She wants to be the only gatekeeper of attention for her adopted kids. If someone praises precious white Hosanna, THAT couldn't be racist in any way. it wouldn't be because she's white, it would just be because she deserves it. But if her African child gets attention, it could only be because someone is racist.

The main thing that bothers me is that I have a feeling her children from Africa do get very negative attention at times, because of their color. I'd be very surprised if she lives in the only place in America where racism doesn't impact negatively on a black child. But she never talks about that. She never admits that her African children may face extra challenges because of their skin color. No, the only problem they could ever have is that people are TOO NICE to them. I seriously doubt that.

[Cheetah]

I am so happy to find this thread! I have hate read her for a few years and a friend of mine knows her because they are from the same area and both adopted from Ghana. My friend says she is nuts.

And for the love of God, woman, we know you love your low calorie mochas!

Would love to hear more details of why your friend things she's nuts, if you have them. I'm kind of dying to know the back story on the issues she's having with her older kids... do most of them hate her, or just a couple of them.... and is it because of how they treated Rachel, or something else.

And LOL about the mochas!

[chaotic life]

The other daughter is NOT in a residential treatment facility. She is in a private, faith-based orphanage that does NO therapies and doesn't require parents to visit. Licensed and properly staffed RTCs would call the state for abandonment on her rear, but she put her child in a fundie orphanage that will raise the girl the way *she* would without requiring her to actually parent her.

[NurseNell]

The other daughter is NOT in a residential treatment facility. She is in a private, faith-based orphanage that does NO therapies and doesn't require parents to visit. Licensed and properly staffed RTCs would call the state for abandonment on her rear, but she put her child in a fundie orphanage that will raise the girl the way *she* would without requiring her to actually parent her.

And the son from Ghana, is he in a facility or was he readopted by another family?

What is the story about the estrangement with some of her older bio kids? Was that over religion or something else? I'm reading her blog a few pages/day, from recent to past. I read today her father is a retired minister. She doesn't say what denomination but he is liberal, supports gay marriage, and gay ordination.

[dianapavelovna]

The son was adopted by another family. They requested Laurel remove his photos and name from her blog, but he's still all over it if you go back far enough.

No one is sure about what's going on between her and the older bio kids. Some have speculated that they were upset about the way Laurel & her husband handled the various adoption disruptions, but she's never stated specifically what the trouble is.

[dianapavelovna]

Oh, and here is the link to what I think is the facility where Rachel is. Be sure to scroll down to the FAQ.

ahome2come2.com/placement_inquiries

Q: Do you provide treatment, counseling or other clinical services?

A. There is a therapeutic element to our daily environment however we are not a treatment facility, as we do not offer attachment therapy, groups, skills classes, family counseling etc. When/if counseling services are deemed appropriate, youth will receive individual counseling through a local community provider.