Joy and Austin: It's the Final (Wedding) Countdown!

[Justmurrayed]

I fully admit I was not stressed about wedding planning either. I figured if we had clothing and food, everything else were just details. I was sorta picky about the venue but even then most of the actual planning went to my sister who is used to handling big events, I didn't really even know what to do so I let her take the reins near the end with all those weird details that I didn't care about like tablecloths and decorations. Weddings can be as stressful or no stressful as you make it. If you don't like crowds don't have a large amount of people invited, if you aren't detail oriented then forget the favours and flowers. Do your thing. 

[singsingsing]

Some people just hate wedding planning. I'm one of them. I also get extremely stressed out whenever I have to do something I hate. If I ever get married, I'll be keeping it very simple and low-key, and focusing on keeping my stress levels down, but I'm sure I'll still experience some level of stress. I can only imagine what it would be like if the Duggars were my family. I think I'd just elope.

[NachosFlandersStyle]

Anything-- anything!-- that involves planning, schedules, decision-making and prioritizing will stress me out. Hell, booking a plane ticket stresses me out. If I ever get married it's gonna be an afternoon at the courthouse, get in and get out.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

4 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

 

@allthegoodnamesrgoneWe were engaged two years and married in November 2015. First six months we jut enjoyed being engaged and tried to get through Tax Season (husband is a CPA - Tax Season is his whole life January through late April.) We planned between May and December 2014, then finished up between May and November 2015.

That makes sense, my parents paid for my ridiculous big fat German wedding, more power to them I wasn't wasting that kind of money because I too hate being the center of attention.  I know so many people who had 18 month 2 year engagements and just stressed and changed their minds and stressed and I'm like WTH just flipping get married already, it shouldn't be that much work.  Th only couple I know that took 2 years to get married that it made seance for them was he had just graduated med school and was starting his internship and knew he wouldn't have any time to plan or enjoy anything, so they got married at the beginning of his 2nd year of residency so he had some vacation time for a proper honeymoon, and they knew he would a little less stressed out. 

[MargaretElliott]

1 hour ago, SweetLaurel said:

What am I missing?  Why do people get stressed out?    Because they want to? Sincere question - not being an ass.  Just wondering

Ha! You don't get stressed out because you want to- it just happens. Personally, I'm a very type-A person. I need to plan things or I'll be stressed. And I'm a natural caregiver. I like feeding people, entertaining people, and if they're not having a good time, then I feel as if I've failed, somehow. Maybe some people view that as foolish, but if I'm throwing a party, I just want everyone to be happy and have fun. I also despise being the center of attention. And I have a massive, somewhat judgmental Catholic family. I would probably stand up to them to get what I want, but come on, at any age, having a dozen people badger you about everything you're doing wrong is stressful. Especially when they're the people who are supposed to be on your side and support you. Not to mention the drama that can arise- and before people say to cut the dramatic people out of the wedding/my life, I love them dearly despite their flaws and would want them to be there to celebrate with me. So the idea of throwing any kind of event or party, especially one focused on me, that's a direct reflection of myself, is stressful.

Y'all underestimate my crazy.

[ihaveanexamintwodays]

22 minutes ago, MargaretElliott said:

Ha! You don't get stressed out because you want to- it just happens. Personally, I'm a very type-A person. I need to plan things or I'll be stressed. And I'm a natural caregiver. I like feeding people, entertaining people, and if they're not having a good time, then I feel as if I've failed, somehow. Maybe some people view that as foolish, but if I'm throwing a party, I just want everyone to be happy and have fun. I also despise being the center of attention. And I have a massive, somewhat judgmental Catholic family. I would probably stand up to them to get what I want, but come on, at any age, having a dozen people badger you about everything you're doing wrong is stressful. Especially when they're the people who are supposed to be on your side and support you. Not to mention the drama that can arise- and before people say to cut the dramatic people out of the wedding/my life, I love them dearly despite their flaws and would want them to be there to celebrate with me. So the idea of throwing any kind of event or party, especially one focused on me, that's a direct reflection of myself, is stressful.

Y'all underestimate my crazy.

Hey, this sounds like me! lol. past and future medical professional speaking here, LOVE when everyone has a good time and gets what they want/need, LOVE when everything goes smoothly, but absolutely MUST plan for every possible circumstance that could arise (don't need things to go accordingly, just need to plan!). i loved planning and hosting events back in college, but now just the idea exhausts me. my natural inclination is to be indecisive rather than confrontational, and there aren't many things i can straight up say "i want *that* one" but plenty of things i already know i'll give a "HELL NO" (like a white dress). i'm excited to plan my future wedding because i just love to plan things, but i already know it will consume the majority of my free brain-space and will be stressful as hell, i've just resigned myself to that fact. My mother and immediate family let the kids do whatever they like, and my significant other's family is similar thank goodness, but they're also both very large and opinionated....so i'm guessing we'll have a lot of "oh that sounds lovely but....no" going on haha.

[VelociRapture]

2 hours ago, SweetLaurel said:

I have seriously never understood wedding stress.   

<SNIP>

Why do people get stressed out?    Because they want to? Sincere question - not being an ass.  Just wondering.

As I said earlier, I was stressed because I don't do well being the center of attention and the thought of people watching me was freaking me out. I was fine on the actual wedding day though. I knew I would be because that's how my brain works - it freaks out ahead of time and then settles right in time. 

I've been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in the past and that plays a massive role in how stressed I get before massive social events like a wedding. 

1 hour ago, marmalade said:

If it's an after dinner wedding, I expect dessert, but no hot dogs. 

And no s'mores for the bride. They're messy little fuckers. 

I wish I had s'mores at my wedding. I would have done horrible, dirty things to them (wedding gown be damned!) 

 

52 minutes ago, neurogirl said:

I've posted this elsewhere, but I imagined I'll be stressed for my future wedding...

<SNIPPETY SNIP>

 ... I'm so excited to be officially engaged, but I'm also very nervous for the planning aspect. (excited too!)

1. Screw the families. Do what you want.

2. Either pick the people you're closest to, pick only family (if you're close to them), have one attendant each, or just skip the wedding party. The people who really love you won't really care as long as you're happy.

3. Do your best to accommodate important guests' travel plans/limitations - I'm talking people like your parents or siblings. But remember that you can't please everyone.

4. At the end of the day, it'll be about you and your future-fiancé.  Plan something you'll enjoy and make sure you get good photos (you'll likely have them for a very long time.)

Bing, bang, boom. 

I know it's easier said than done. Just talk with your guy about what you both want and see what areas you can compromise on. You'll have a fantastic day regardless.

[Dubiousclaire]

2 hours ago, MadeItOut said:

Or campfire snacks - that would suit them.

Ohhh! S'mores!

[louisa05]

2 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

 

 

 

2. Either pick the people you're closest to, pick only family (if you're close to them), have one attendant each, or just skip the wedding party. The people who really love you won't really care as long as you're happy.

 

This. I think people over-estimate other people's desire to be in a wedding party. Mr. 05 insisted that he had to reciprocate for everyone who had ever had him in their wedding party. I had been in way too many to even think of it and three of them were left out entirely. And the friends that didn't have me in their wedding parties did not offend me, more like they won my undying gratitude because 5 ridiculous bridesmaid dresses and one ugly candlelighter dress is enough for one wardrobe. 

[BadMammaJana]

34 minutes ago, MargaretElliott said:

Ha! You don't get stressed out because you want to- it just happens. Personally, I'm a very type-A person. I need to plan things or I'll be stressed. And I'm a natural caregiver. I like feeding people, entertaining people, and if they're not having a good time, then I feel as if I've failed, somehow. Maybe some people view that as foolish, but if I'm throwing a party, I just want everyone to be happy and have fun. I also despise being the center of attention. And I have a massive, somewhat judgmental Catholic family. I would probably stand up to them to get what I want, but come on, at any age, having a dozen people badger you about everything you're doing wrong is stressful. Especially when they're the people who are supposed to be on your side and support you. Not to mention the drama that can arise- and before people say to cut the dramatic people out of the wedding/my life, I love them dearly despite their flaws and would want them to be there to celebrate with me. So the idea of throwing any kind of event or party, especially one focused on me, that's a direct reflection of myself, is stressful.

Y'all underestimate my crazy.

Are we cousins? This is why I didn't have a wedding. I knew there would be too much BS drama from my closest family members who are judgemental, ungrateful, straight up assholes sometimes. I didn't want to waste my money just to hear them complain about why I was doing something that, silly me, I actually like. At every wedding they find something to snark on, and don't appreciate the overall invitation they received to be a part of a very special moment in someone's life.

I'm Mexican, so I have a huge family, on top of the fact that my mom is the 1 of 10 children, had me at age 40, so most of my cousins are WAY older than me and have children of their own. You may think to yourself, well, just don't invite children, but, my mom boycotts weddings  where no children are allowed, and wouldn't hesitate to sit my own out, even though I'm the youngest and was 24 when I got married. So then you invite this person, you have to invite that person, but don't invite that other one on the other side because they don't get along... Ugh, so frustrating, so I said fuck it, and got married at the courthouse.

It makes me feel bad for my cousin who really loves my mom because my mom talked so. much. shit. about her wedding. She refused to go to the bridal shower because they were digital invitations. She then came around and decided to go, but then another family member printed her invitation and my mom assumed it was a mailed copy and refused to go because she didn't get one. After I told her what happened, my mom still refused to go because my cousin knows my mom is computer illiterate, and must've emailed invitations to spite her. Then my mom was pissed because it was a Friday wedding, it wasn't Mexican enough, why is it so far, etc. 

*My mom is normally a pretty reasonable person, but when it comes to parties, she's just the worst. 

 

[sansan]

10 hours ago, Angelic83 said:

Yeh I saw it on her page like her you see the conversation I had with my "source" see that i'm not lying. The person has only be ignoring me for the last few days. More dibs to everybody here saying that the wedding was not last weekend en probably this weekend.

Regarding "Pickles", followers have basically made her what she is. We all have maybe gone to her site for some intel and lots of times she is on the mark. Can't be hatin' on her for being prideful. I will still check her site once in a while but know that it's not the gospel, (get it, gospel, :>}) 

[klabourdeth]

I been married for around 4 years. I have some regrets in the since that I did not get either of my dream weddings. The formal black tie wedding where only salmon & egg plant Parma is served. The other was crazy unspeakable trip to be married by Elvis in a drive thru. Being married by Elvis was my dream wedding for ages (think age 7 & up) with the drive thru line added as a joke but after a while it seemed right. The fancy one was inspired by watching soaps & other romantic movies & books. When I got engaged I priced out and made a list of who I would invite. It was coming up with the guest list that I had nightmares about my side looking like Ian's from My Big Fat Greek Wedding and maybe even less then that. The cost, the potential stress ( I get stressed out really easily), and health insurance we just went to a chapel on a Tuesday after the first paycheck that was an hour away for a ceremony that took 10 minutes maybe less and chilies for dinner afterwards. Since we got marry earlier then plan for insurance reasons we debated for a while if we were going to do a regular wedding or even a party we barely told anybody our actually wedding date. Since it was in another state every few have discovered the real date and our families think we wed on 11/30 (accidentally we chose my dad parents wedding anniversary). And yes I do regret the decision at times normally when I think that I didn't get the chance to wear a pretty gown. There two things that gets me over my regrets. One is thinking about is that it's just a single page in story. But the main thing is that I got to avoid some additional stress that I didn't need.

I just hope Joy and the other girls got to have their dream wedding. Or at the very least don't regret the wedding they had.

[Lurky]

I'd been thinking how, if I was a huntin', shootin', fishin' type, I'd want to serve food made out of stuff I'd shot with my future spouse for my wedding, just as if I was a big food gardener, I'd want stuff I'd grown in there.  Of course, having eleventy hundred guests would make that impossible, of course. 

I really feel for the Duggar girls, because they don't have the same choices most people have.  Choices like: Don't want your parents interfering in the wedding?  Don't take their money, stand up to them.  Super-easy for someone like me to say, when I can pay for a small wedding with my partner, but these kids don't have that choice.  And then there's the fact that JB is this moral authority that God speaks to directly, so there isn't even the chance to have the "seriously, dad, I haven't seen your cousins since I was 12, I'm not inviting them" or whatever.  So things like inviting all 14 Rodrigueses, because they're "family friends", even if, like Jinger, there isn't a kid close to you in age you'd have been friends with, isn't even a question.

 

[singsingsing]

I can't remember a time that Pickles had 'intel' that wasn't already posted somewhere else, an educated guess, or just useless (ex. I think she posted that there was an ambulance outside Jill and Derick's house a week or so before Jill gave birth. It obviously wasn't anything to do with the birth, and nothing ever came of it).

[BullyJBG]

57 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I can't remember a time that Pickles had 'intel' that wasn't already posted somewhere else, an educated guess, or just useless (ex. I think she posted that there was an ambulance outside Jill and Derick's house a week or so before Jill gave birth. It obviously wasn't anything to do with the birth, and nothing ever came of it).

Hehehe........I wonder if Pickles is secretly Ashleigh the fake blogger.......

[sassyNoz47]

I told my mom on a Thursday that I was getting married the upcoming Sunday. I didn't stress at all. I still have no idea why we did that to our parents. We had a Novemeber wedding planned. This was June, we only had our first date that March . It was 3months and 6 days from first date to wedding. I'd only met him a week earlier. 

I planned nothing at all. Just who I wanted to be my maid of honor. I confess I don't remember the brides maids.  We told my parents and then left for a date. I wasn't pregnaunt like the town thought. I was still a Virgin. First guy I dated , hell I was a virgin for 2 weeks AFTER we married. I was so scared to "do it" well all the way lol , so was he , he was also a virgin. 

I know that when we returned from our date it was midnight and my dad had huge shop lights outside and was painting the house. I knew then that it in fact WAS a big deal. When my mom ever got stressed, mad, upset or anyone anywhere period had royally pissed her off. She imediatly went into cleaning mode. She's very OCD. I was total opposite ( but damn that caught up with about 10 years ago I'm just as bad maybe worse) ! Thanks mom ! Anyway I knew when we pulled up and saw him painting that mom was pissed big time. See when mom got thAt mad everyone under that roof better for sure be doing something or she would find impossible things for you to do. So my dad painting actually on the roof painting trim that didn't need it I knew it was bad. 

Normally I would hurry to do laundry when she got in her moods. Laundry was my one love and I actually did it well. No one else could do dishes well enough for mom. She has to do those herself. When I was around 10  I folded a load of towels , and did it so well it became my thing. We never had dirty clothes in that house. And I could not let anything sit in the dryer or worse a basket. Had to fold and put up right then. ( I still have this obsession) 

i walked in a went to do find so laundry to do. My brothers were younger so at least I could wash what ever they had worn that day. Plus when I left my parents were ready for bed. Now of course they weren't. So I'd be fine if I was busy to. I wasn't sure it was my announcement that upset her, what was the big deal? I was barely 19 and clueless as to what was involved. However when I walked in my mom told me to either leave or go to my room she was to upset to even look at me.  That was a first !! 

She didn't talk to me until the day before the wedding. But somehow I had a real church wedding it was actually big and really really nice. I have zero idea how or who put it all together. I just know I was married Sunday. Much to the shock of Dh cultish family I did refuse to marry in thier church ran by his grandma. I also much to thier Shock did not have our first child until 2 months before our 2 anniversary. She was planned all mine were.

God denied us getting married for a couple days actually,  because of not doing it in there church. That was my only huge stress , I had no idea the family I waS about to be apart !  So I had to agree to let her marry us,  but my pastor had to be a part of it. She finally agreed to do it outside of her church. ( wait that was God who finally allowed that) . Finally God said yes so my future Dh was all ok again . She however said the actually I hereby words which I didn't want. So she signed the license .

The hardest part about the entire ordeal was leaving for the weekend "honeymoon" and having to leave my baby brother behind. When I came home ,and had to pack all my stuff and move it to my husbands house that last trip with my stuff. Realizing I was leaving my baby , he was going to have to live without me. Me without him. That was hard OMG that was the worst thing ever. That baby and I spent every waking moment together if I wasn't in school. I took him to work with me. He didn't even have his own bed. He slept with me from the day he left his crib. He's still never forgiven me. 

I didn't really know the stress of a wedding until my own oldest child (girl) married. But even then she married a only child. They we're the take charge type of people no compromise ever. So still didn't have much to stress over. They really let us have no say. 

[Carm_88]

My family is too big and I hate being the center of attention. So that being said if I'm getting married, I will probably pick a place far away and do it there. If you love me, you'll show up. If you can't, I understand. If you hate weddings like I do, have a drink with me. I don't feel I'll be stressed but I could be shocked. 

[ShadowCat]

I hated every single second of my wedding, from the planning to the end of the day itself.... which incidentally was 5:30 am the following morning. We gave ourselves 4 months to plan a wedding which was initially supposed to be just us, a bridesmaid, best man and our parents in a registry office. It eventually snowballed to 80 people, a reception with a 3 course meal and a bar extension, a band and a dj, in a hotel.

My family wrecked my head in the planning stages. The dress I chose wasn't "weddingy" enough, so two of my family arrived at my door and brought me dress shopping for what they had in mind. There was conflict over the guest list. I was adamant that because we had two children and had already been living together for years that we didn't need the whole nine yards of a do, but noooooo, the whole shebang was needed.

Some of my very close family whinged that the wedding was too far away and could I not have it nearer to where I grew up as opposed to where I had settled and had my own family. Others complained on my wedding day that they didn't like where they were seated and that the meal was too late after the earlyish ceremony. 

Nearer the wedding day, I had to just stop taking calls from my immediate family. I was constantly "in the shower" when they called. My husband was furious because every time one of them rang me, I'd be upset and crying. Nothing was good enough for them and to be honest, it still isn't.

Other spanners in the works were, the band cancelling while I was stuck in a car wash with two screaming kids, the afternoon before the wedding. A massive bruise on my arm from a blood test the week before and the microphone being broken for the speeches. I was all luck really. (Yes, we found another band who quite literally screwed us sideways, but we had no choice)

I put a lot of it down to being the youngest of 7 girls, who feel they can tell me what to do and criticise my life and my family to this day. 

The upside? The food was amazing and the extortionate band were great. Also, we'll be married 11 years in a couple of weeks and have never been happier, so... every cloud etc

[BackseatMom]

I basically let my mom and mother in law plan the whole thing. When either one tried to push me into making the other do something a specific way, I said "you pay for it, and you can do it." My mom paid for 2/3rds, so she picked most of the things. My mother in law covered the other third, and did the rehearsal dinner. She invited everyone she couldn't invite to the wedding (we had to have a strict number limit to stay in budget, and she got 1/3 of the guests, my husband and invited 1/3 - our friends, and my mom invite 1/3) plus the whole wedding. It was bigger than the wedding itself. The venue was byob, so my husband and I picked the wine and beer for both events. My mom and sister picked my dress and clothes for the other events that weekend.

It was fun. I did not care about the details. It was not stressful. But, if I have cared and tried to create my own vision, it would have been a freaking nightmare. My advice for those planning weddings is always pick your battles, and be prepared to pay for your non-negotiables.

[LeftCoastLurker]

I've done the wedding thing twice. Once with the big poofy dress, tuxes, church ceremony, separate reception site, professional photographer, blah, blah, blah.  That marriage lasted less than five years. Planning was a blast (I did it all myself) while working full time and going to school. My mom was slightly chagrined that I didn't have roving waiters passing appetizers on silver trays, but that's not my style and she knew it.

Second wedding I also did myself, with my sister's help. What should have been panic inducing, what with moving 200+ miles and closing on a new house the previous weekend, all I remember is .  Husband wore a suit he owned, I ordered a sundress from a catalog (this was a long time ago). Original plan was to do it in my sisters' new house's backyard but with a windstorm and no landscaping yet, we moved it inside. We used a rent-a-reverend (yellow pages!) since my Mom would have died if it wasn't "religious"l, the cake was from costco (I picked it up myself that morning) and a make-your-own shish kebob BBQ. Just our closest friends and family. Again, no panic inducing moments. We did what we had time and $$ for and nothing more and didn't worry about what we didn't get to do/have. This September we will celebrate 25 years. That's what matters!

[mstee]

I'm getting married in June and I have not enjoyed planning for it at all. My parents wanted a bigger wedding, and are paying for it, and so my mom has basically planned it, which is fine with me. But she calls with questions often and I usually tell her just to decide. My fiancé and I are not comfortable in the spotlight, so it's a bit of a stretch for us. There are 60 people coming, which isn't huge or anything, and I know them all so that's a huge relief. I don't know how much I'll actually enjoy the wedding itself?? I'll at least pretend to haha. I feel sorta guilty for being the anti-bride, but my parents are so excited so that's nice.  I'm just excited to be married and excited for the honeymoon. We've been living together for 4 years now, and own a home etc so it's not like anything that massive will change in our day to day life by actually being married. 

ETA someone upthread mentioned having an anxiety disorder and that being a reason having a wedding was stressful. I'm right there with ya! While I manage my anxiety very well, it does crop up for big events like a wedding. So that's another stresser. 

[GeoBQn]

I got the wedding I wanted, but I quickly realized that when people in the wedding industry say, "It's YOUR day!  Do what you want!" what they really mean is "Do what you want . . . as long as it's exactly what I'm used to."

The most useful advice I give to brides planning a wedding is this:  if you want things one way, and your parents or wedding planner keep trying to convince you to go against that, invoke your fiance's name.  Say "[Fiance] doesn't want it."

If I said, "I don't want fake eyelashes/a live band/Fiance and I to see each other before the ceremony," my mom and wedding planner would try to convince me of why I needed these things.  If I said, "Fiance doesn't want that," they would immediately stop asking.

[Hmmm_idolatry]

7 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I can't remember a time that Pickles had 'intel' that wasn't already posted somewhere else, an educated guess, or just useless (ex. I think she posted that there was an ambulance outside Jill and Derick's house a week or so before Jill gave birth. It obviously wasn't anything to do with the birth, and nothing ever came of it).

I can't help but wonder if a Duggar fan gave her that "intel" as revenge for saying negative things about their favorite fundies. 

[General Jinjur]

My wedding was totally stress-free: just me and my husband and the officiant. We bought a big tasty cake (because the only wedding tradition I care about is cake) and a bottle of bubbly for the two of us. I didn't have to be the center of attention, and I didn't have to share my cake. Win-win. 

[Chewing Gum]

I never had a wedding. We got a Civil union thing when I was pregnant with our first, thinking we wanted to get married at a later time when we had our (step)kids back (husbands ex refused any contact at all). That took 4 years. Then my husband got a burn-out from all the stress, courts and not seeing his kids; lost his job. So we couldn't afford one. Now we're 12 years down the road and besides the cake and dress I don't miss it. There's a ring on my finger and we had a ceremony with the civil union. Just not the one we that we wanted "down the road". The kids (5) want us to though.