Joy and Austin: It's the Final (Wedding) Countdown!

[ScorpiousMalfoy]

13 minutes ago, MargaretElliott said:

You all are very laid back. I'm a little crazy about planning and organization, combined with the fact that I'm the most indecisive person I know... just thinking about planning my wedding stresses me out. What if the food is shit, or the dress gets ruined, or there's drama, or a million other things. There's so many moving pieces and so much to worry about, and I like having all my ducks in a row, so planning a huge event like a wedding sounds truly terrifying.

 

High five! I'm a worrier as well! And planning a big event would be the death of me. Indeciveness is my problem as well. It does make life a little more difficult

[pook]

2 hours ago, VineHeart137 said:

Honest question. What is it exactly that people find stressful about wedding planning? I didn't find the planning process to be stressful at all. I actually thought it was a lot of fun! Does it just depend on the person?

1st wedding which lasted for 8 months, lol, was very stressing a la 350 guests and someone I clearly should not have married.  2nd wedding at our new home in the back yard a la 70 guests was a walk in the park and that was 13 years ago and with a backyard the size of a postage stamp.

[Dandruff]

2 hours ago, Dubiousclaire said:

I was thinking, sunset wedding, doesn't that mean you have to feed people dinner? But I am guessing they schedule the ceremony for 7_ish, assuming people eat dinner first, and they just have a dessert reception.  My prediction is a sundae bar. 

I think they might be able to pull off a cheap tater-tot casserole (prepared with a cousin of Rufus vs. turkey to save $$s), generic lemonade, coffee for the grown-ups, and candy for the kids.

[ak1188]

If I were going to have a big wedding I would have panic attacks. Too many details to think about, and family demands would have taken all the fun out of everything. Since we decided to do a courthouse wedding it's been a lot less stressful, but even then people are trying to make it into a bigger deal than we want it to be, and telling certain people that they cannot do or bring x, y, or z has been stressful. I can't imagine doing this on a bigger scale.

[CrazyMumma]

I got married 6 yrs ago..  It was really stressful.. When you aren't simply hiring a wedding venue and leaving it to them to do all of the work... 

Constant fights with my mum... super stressful.. we shopped around and found the cheapest seat covers for the reception.. they had to picked up.. bridesmaid dresses were sewn for it,..  I went to the fabric store with my bridesmaids, mum and their kids.. I was pressured into settling on a fabric I wasn't happy with.. as the seamstress did the dresses... at the fittings I had to make sure she didn't go and do something crazy... mate..  we were doing 12 hr return trips to go the wedding location for the minister counselling sessions..  organizing musicians.. AND my sister did a lot the work for me.  We hand made up each and every place card for the reception.. Went to see a professional interior decorator who designed the decorations for the reception (which we had to go and make up).... eloping would be easier!   We didn't have the money to just hire a wedding venue and leave it to them.  My FIL was dying... can't believe he DID make it to our wedding... died 5 months later.  organzing our wedding was exhausting and full on .. my parents who had fully paid for my older sisters weddings refused to pay for mine.  (not a favoured daughter)

[MadeItOut]

2 hours ago, Dubiousclaire said:

I was thinking, sunset wedding, doesn't that mean you have to feed people dinner? But I am guessing they schedule the ceremony for 7_ish, assuming people eat dinner first, and they just have a dessert reception.  My prediction is a sundae bar. 

Or campfire snacks - that would suit them.

[SweetLaurel]

I have seriously never understood wedding stress.    Worst case - you get married and have good stories...  I managed mine alone, had three daughters get married - did one in two weeks because she and her future husband were flying in from being deployed - and did it alone with no input from anyone and it was great - and  they were married at the end.    If you want to do a big party and can afford it - do it.  If you can't, don't.   If mommy and daddy are having issues about whatever and you can't deal - you aren't old enough to get married.     What am I missing?  Why do people get stressed out?    Because they want to? Sincere question - not being an ass.  Just wondering.

[louisa05]

5 minutes ago, SweetLaurel said:

I have seriously never understood wedding stress.        What am I missing?  Why do people get stressed out?    Because they want to? Sincere question - not being an ass.  Just wondering.

People get stressed out because they try to please everyone. And because they have likely never handled a big event before. 

My MoH was literally upset that I was not stressed out over the wedding (no idea what that was about). I finally told her that after directing 12 high school plays or so, a wedding was super easy. I wasn't joking. Fewer people in the "cast", fewer interfering parents, "costuming" was way easier, no lights or sound to deal with, invites are less of a pain than posters and publicity, decorating is easier than building sets...I could keep going. 

I had one relative throwing a fit at every turn, demanding to dictate the guest list and making threats about ruining the wedding (bringing body guards, confronting another family member, bringing a gun to the church, etc...). I finally informed her and her husband that they would not be invited then stopped answering the phone when they called. That was that. But I think a lot of people try to accommodate that shit instead of drawing the line. 

 

[season of life]

I have never planned a wedding or had my own, but I think it's different for each person. Some people have no stress. Others have to figure out how to get all their friends and family together, locate a date that works for everyone, find relatively affordable venues and whatnot.

I wanna add that some parents make it tough for their kids on their wedding day. Seriously. They might micromanage or try to hold the celebration hostage. 

Weddings are supposed to be wonderful affairs. I can understand people getting stressed over such an emphasized day, especially in certain cultures.

[marmalade]

Our only real stress was finding a venue. Although my husband and I were both baptized Lutheran (although I didn't find my records until we cleaned out my dad's house 13 years into our marriage), the church in which my husband was raised wouldn't marry us. Neither would my parents' church. No real surprise there; they converted to Dutch Reformed when they turned 50, and I don't think they do "outsider" weddings. I was 16 when they joined that church and fled it the second I turned 18. Remember that nutcase Harold Camping? He used to lead the bible study there. 

We finally found a non-denom who performed the ceremony at my parents' house, which was perfect since we wanted this to be just closest family and friends. We had about 50, picnic lunch reception in the backyard with an Italian creampuff "cake." Went off without a hitch. Almost 24 years later, I still grin when I think of that day. 

[Four is Enough]

The stress I had at my wedding all stemmed from other people. 

I went dress shopping alone. Tried on two dresses; bought one.

I decided on flowers, then my SIL, whose mother did silk flowers for money, decided that my wedding flowers would be her gift to us. Fine, I said. I want yellow roses, daisies, and one or two wine colored flowers in the flowers. SIL said, Oh, NO, it's bridal, it must all be white! and I said, thank you very much, I'll buy my own flowers so that I get what I want. She grumbled, but did it. Turns out she really didn't want to spend much money, and her mother got the white flowers wholesale but she had to purchase the colored ones. Too bad, so sad.

The twenty zillion relatives that weren't invited wanted to know WHY. Really? NUNJA BUSINESS. 

My sister stood up with me in a dress we borrowed from one of my friends. Cost? drycleaning. I'd do it again.

His brother stood up with him in a suit he already owned. Cost? Free.

Since his brother wore a grey suit, Mr. Four, who, on the advice of the aforementioned SIL, was looking at white tuxes, was persuaded to wear a lovely grey tux. WHEW! Dodged a bullet there! I HATE those white suits!

I specifically told the photographer that I wanted candid shots of people, but still we wound up with those dumb posed pictures of us gazing at the rings... gag.

Mr. Four's godparents got lost on the way to the reception. Finally, they showed up, and the party began.

People at the reception insisted we open our gifts, so we did, and we just enjoyed ourselves.

[QuiverFullofBooks]

21 minutes ago, SweetLaurel said:

What am I missing?  Why do people get stressed out?    Because they want to? Sincere question - not being an ass.  Just wondering.

Most people go into wedding planning not knowing how to plan a wedding. Then there's a minefield of horrible surprises - your church is booked up, gown alterations take forever and cost a fortune, etc. Meanwhile, at least one parent has very strong opinions and may well be writing the checks. By the time you've figured out what the hell is going on, the whole thing is over.

[louisa05]

7 minutes ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Most people go into wedding planning not knowing how to plan a wedding. 

I'm telling you, direct even just 4 or 5 high school plays first. A wedding will be so easy, you'll want to do it again. 

And we had 8 attendants,  nearly 200 guests, a buffet and a dance. Still easy by comparison. 

Of course, the other key is to just not get crazy or overly hung up on every detail. My husband picked the entire menu. I wasn't even there for that. His parents handled the bar. I wasn't there for that, either. I picked a color and let the women pick their own dresses. Didn't even know what one looked like until that day. 

 

[MadeItOut]

The one that's slightly irritating me is, since we're going VERY non-traditional, we copied some other friends and did an info sheet thing - not a novel by any means, but a bullet point for each thing. Some of the things we covered include: Since we already have an established home, please no gifts, but if you'd care to bring a game, or do 'a turn' towards the entertainment (most of our guests are performers) that would be welcome; ...or dress code adults: come as you're comfortable. We'll be on grass so you may wish to avoid heels children: play clothes suitable for painting and water play etc. We even included a list of the ten nearest places to stay complete with info, and the local tourist info office.

Regardless of all this, the theme for 'phonecalls at present is 1) Where's good to stay near you? 2) what colour hat shall I buy? ...and then all kinds of variations on 'I need an address to send your present... Oh well if you've no registry I'll just pick something... or, worryingly (as it comes from a friend with similar disability induced clumsiness issues as mine), you'd love a big lead crystal vase though wouldn't you?

My Mum has been the greatest throughout. She keeps stressing to do our own thing and just be ready for folks to panic and just do whatever they think is appropriate since we're going so far from what's 'normal'. Lots of little anecdotes from her wedding lead up are coming out too, which is awesome.

 

ETA: just realised I should qualify the above - we've both done it before, complying from under duress to all manner of stuff that fit everyone else. Mr MIO is not a bit interested in any proprietary 'purchasing' rituals and I'm extremely shy IRL so prefer to stick to the edge of a group. We also don't want a lot of the typical wedding photos as we are each missing key family members who died. I also find photos really hard as I have BD. Fortunately we found a really great photographer who understands the importance for us of unposed, everyone doing whatever shots, so she, along with all our guests will arrive at 3pm to get the party started with our awesome bridesmaid and best man, while we and two witness will slip in 20 mins or so later, having met with the registrar at her office.

[GuineaPigCourtship]

4 hours ago, VineHeart137 said:

 What is it exactly that people find stressful about wedding planning? 

I didn't find the planning stressful because I'm not somebody who needs things just so.  Once I had a venue I kind of forgot about planning for a few months and had to cram everything else in at the end.  The only real stress I had was because I told my bridesmaids to buy dresses and gave them the color I wanted.  A week before the wedding only one person had bought a dress and the others said they were going to check out goodwill for something.  I went out and bought them all dresses and told them they needed to pay me back (they were nice dresses but only $50 or so) and I was really peeved about the whole thing.

[frugalitymom]

Couple of thoughts:

1st Pickles posted an image of the local paper showing that Joy and Austin applied for a marriage license last week.  I was thinking how we literally watched Joy grow from a little girl and now she is getting married.  I've always had a soft spot for Joy.

2nd  In that type of environment how ackward is it to see your family the day after the wedding and they are all probably thinking about your wedding night compared to others who may or may not be virgins on their wedding night and either way their sex life isn't openly discussed.

3rd  I think they should serve s'mores at the wedding it would go great at an outdoor themed wedding.

[divadivine]

44 minutes ago, frugalitymom said:

3rd  I think they should serve s'mores at the wedding it would go great at an outdoor themed wedding.

I was thinking the same thing! They'll have s'mores and hotdogs. Sounds like el cheap-o JB. 

[marmalade]

If it's an after dinner wedding, I expect dessert, but no hot dogs. 

And no s'mores for the bride. They're messy little fuckers. 

[2manyKidzzz]

S'mores are tasty though. 

[marmalade]

Oh, mighty tasty. But none for Joy. Maybe they'll have a real cake for the bigwigs, and a s'more disaster, courtesy of Sierra, for everyone else. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

S'mores in a mason jar ala Sierra. 

But they won't charge $10 each.

[GuineaPigCourtship]

If they weren't the Duggars, they could make s'mores cake.

http://www.perrysplate.com/2012/11/smore-layer-cake-smitten-kitchen-cookbook-giveaway.html

And yes, it is totally as good as it looks.

[neurogirl]

I've posted this elsewhere, but I imagined I'll be stressed for my future wedding because my family is VERY traditional and I'm already going to be causing some heads to roll not wanting it in a church/having my future-fiance's aunt (who is a judge and a lesbian) marry us, BUT my boyfriend's side is very practical and wishes we would just have a party and get married in the middle or elope. Besides trying to please the families (which I do want to do), if I planned my wedding in a vacuum, it would look very different than if my bf planned it in a vacuum. And then there's the issue of the wedding party. I've lived in multiple places and have deep friendships from different times of my life, but there's no way I can ask everyone and I don't want to start drama amongst my friends. Finally, we would be planning an out-of-state wedding with no family that lives there either. So anyway, my bf and I love each other, I'm so excited to be officially engaged, but I'm also very nervous for the planning aspect. (excited too!)

[HarleyQuinn]

I wasn't stressed planning my wedding, but I did think about punching my mother and one of my sisters for getting pissy with me for not wanting to follow their traditions.

 

 

[marmalade]

I'm thankful that my parents respected our wishes as to how the wedding would play out, given that it was their house. Their only rule was no one upstairs unless the downstairs bathroom was occupied.