Joy and Austin: It's the Final (Wedding) Countdown!

[TeamDefraudinSquad]

My husband and I eloped, and we had such a blast on our wedding day because of it!  It was 1/2 hour long ceremony, an hour and a half of photography, and we were back in our room sipping bubbly until our dinner reservation at sundown. So awesome!  We bought an elopement package that included dinner, champagne, photography, and a ceremony; it cost about $2500. It was great, because I also have a bit of social phobia and anxiety around being the center of attention, so I was happy to just have my husband and two closest friends there. We're also weirdos who wanted to act inappropriately by doing a divorce cheer after the wedding ceremony (we all chanted "Give me a D! Give me an I! Give me a V....what's that spell? DIVORCE! I can't heeeear you!!! DIVORCE!!"), and saying things like "boner" and "poop" as loud as we could in our nice clothes, which we were able to do without objection. I also walked down the aisle to the theme song for this horrible movie called "Salo", and had a chocolate "mangiare la merde" cake made for the occasion, which I definitely couldn't have done with family around. 

Our officiant was confused as hell by us though, not only because we were doing a divorce cheer and other inappropriate things on our wedding day, but because us and our two friends/witnesses dressed up in full wedding attire, like we were having a big wedding, which he said is not really typical of people eloping. His exact words to us were, "You two are without a doubt the most INSANE couple I have ever officiated a wedding for, but mevertheless, I can tell you two are going to make it." We dressed up more than usual for an elopement because I knew that my parents' biggest complaint about us eloping would be that they didn't get to see us dressed up, so I decided to take pictures so they could have that without triggering my anxiety to give them that experience. His suit and my dress cost less than $400 combined though, so its not like I spent $5K on a dress that only three people saw me wear. Fun times!

ETA: I totally forgot that I came on here to discuss that Joy and Austin got their marriage license this week! I guess that means they're on for this weekend then. I apologize in advance if someone already mentioned that. Whenever a fundie woman gets married, I always imagine the wedding night is like the Beltaine feast from the Mists of Avalon (may M.Z.B rot in hell where she belongs...) for some reason. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

7 minutes ago, TeamDefraudinSquad said:

My husband and I eloped, and we had such a blast on our wedding day because of it!  It was 1/2 hour long ceremony, an hour and a half of photography, and we were back in our room sipping bubbly until our dinner reservation at sundown. So awesome!  We bought an elopement package that included dinner, champagne, photography, and a ceremony; it cost about $2500. It was great, because I also have a bit of social phobia and anxiety around being the center of attention, so I was happy to just have my husband and two closest friends there.

THIS for me and my 17 yr old DD as well said she wants to do this, I said she certainly can but her father and I WILL be there, and she was cool with that, even her favorite Aunt and Uncle and 2 cousins, but that was it.  I'm like well if my parents are still alive it will have to be them as well as my brother SIL & other niece she can easily get away with less than 50 people (depending on how big of a family she marries into) and she will be very happy with that as will her socially awkward father and I.  I will NOT do to her what my mom did to me, guilt me into a wedding with over 200 people in which I had a panic attack in the middle of the reception because of all the people and attention.  NOPE NOPE NOPE, hatted it. 20 years later and I would still have eloped if I'd had the balls to stand up to my mother. 

[justodd]

Got married once, and it was a hassle and a half. Too many people having too many opinions and not understanding that a) their wishes didn't take precedence over ours, and b.) I had enough going on just keeping things on track and did not have time to go around to everyone individually and ask them if they wanted to help. (Pro tip: if you want to help with someone's wedding, speak up. Don't act like a child pouting in the corner.  

 

I've pretty much given up on ever even having a decent relationship again (six years single and mostly not by choice), but if I ever do lose my head enough to decide to do it again, I'm glad I live in a state where a couple can solemnize their own vows. I could be down for a party afterwards, but hell if I'm going through with another cycle of everyone stamping their feet about not getting their way and blaming me for "being difficult" when I point out that if they have so many demands, they should plan a wedding of their own and leave mine alone. 

[PVMom]

I don't think wedding stress has anything to do with planning the wedding, that' pretty basic stuff for an adult woman I think.   Wedding stress has to do with the stress with being he center of attention.    Wedding stress has to do with worrying that your guests will have a great time, not just a good time but a great time.    Wedding stress is about wanting to host the best possible party you can.     You have people that perhaps flew cross country or across the world to be at your event, brides do worry that it's worthy!

[Dubiousclaire]

My husband's grandmother bullied my SIL into getting married at her church, and having her baby (gasp!born out of wedlock) baptized as part of the ceremony, so she wouldn't burn in hell. Literally, grandma said the baby would go to hell because she was born out of wedlock and not baptized.  The grooms mother took care of all the reception arrangements because the mother of the bride was useless at that kind of planning.  The bride was maybe 20, and the groom a year younger. They had one more kid and got divorced in about five years. 

When it was our turn to get married, I picked an outdoor venue, because neither my husband nor I belonged to a church, and I thought it would be hypocritical to join one just to get married.  Plus, I was enamored of "gone with the wind".  Grandma almost had a heart attack when we said a relative, who was a judge at the time, would be marrying us, instead of a pastor. I did cave a little and let her pastor co_officiate, which was basically saying a prayer, but the judge did the vows and signed the marriage certificate. So I still won. ;-)

[friendofgreen]

I got married 3 yrs ago in 2014. I had been with my bf for 11 yrs. hi's parents had an awful divorce and he was scarred for life. I was actually about 2hrs shy of breaking it off with him (new years eve. I was ending it if i didn't get a ring by midnight) he came in right under the wire and had even set up my camera to record the proposal (which I was so shocked by-since I really thought we were about to break up-and was sort of already thinking that was how it was going) but we ended up getting married june the following year (not in 2013 (it was 12/31/12) 

I never wanted a big wedding and really wanted to elope. somewhere along the line he decided he wanted a big-ish wedding (100 guests) so we planned for June 2014. I didn't stress any of it. my soon to be hubby had the money to pay for it (i didn't and had never wanted a big wedding) so it was all sort of new to me. he was conflicted about inviting his father (a chance i'd have love to have had, but he committed suicide when I was 17) I basically planned the entire thing with the girl at the venue-well I planned everything and she made sure it all went off perfectly. It was a gorgeous ceremony and everything was perfect (my brother walked me down the aisle-which was still nice even though I really wanted it to be my dad) my biggest stress was going wedding dress shopping. (I used to be morbidly obese and have lost close to 150lbs and kept it off for about 20yrs, and counting) I waited until 8 months before the wedding to go shopping for the first time. I bought my dress that day. I just wanted to have a dress and be done with it. My friends were all concerned that I never had a bridezilla moment, but I never needed to have one. I basically picked everything I wanted. and once I had picked the dress. I was ok with that (just pretending I'd never heard the size of it (which was still an entire size too big at the time of the wedding) 

I guess I'm glad I had it, but I probably wouldn't do it again unless my future hubby wanted it (and he really only did it for his mom, and I guess I did it for mine too-but only after he said we had to have a big one) --He just paid when it was time, everything else was all me (and my mom) I opted for no bridesmaids (my bestie had turned to heroin and was in jail) and my other friends were scattered all over the country so I didn't want to have to worry about coordinating all that and any drama that might have come from that. So our flower girl and ring boy were basically bride and groom minis and absolutely adorable. I would have only done one thing differently (which would have been for my dad to walk me down the aisle)  My husband actually cried seeing me walking down the aisle to him (he thought he was going to have to comfort me). 

So far it's been good. We both really enjoyed it and he gives me all the credit 

I've seen so many  brides stress about the venue, photographer, band/DJ, food, etc. --i worried most about the dress and how awful it was going to make me feel (it didn't make me feel awful but I wasn't thrilled with it either-i mean I loved my dress) but i was in and out and had it bought in about 2 hrs. The dress ladies literally couldn't believe I waited until 8 months before the wedding to even start looking. I also didn't have a shower or any of that stuff either. it just felt like too much (i know, I was doing it all wrong lol) but tha'ts not my style I guess. 

I'm hoping joy really does enjoy her wedding (even though I think she was rushed into it) but she seems to love Austin (they've probably been betrothed for years already) plus with all the other jslaves (except Jana) being gone, she's probably trying to get out ASAP since so much of the work is on her and Jana right now. Jana is now training up the Jslaves 2.0

I truly do hope she's able to get out of there without having to have a massive quiver (since she's already raised 15 or so kids of her own) 

[kmary1]

My husband and I eloped and didn't care what anyone else thought about it. Maybe that's selfish but many people said it's our day and we should do what we want, so we did. We did not want to spend any time or money planning a wedding for ourselves. I had a lot of fun as maid of honor or bridesmaid in many weddings, but for some reason I never wanted any of it for myself. Maybe because for us it didn't change anything about our day to day life.

A lot of things about wedding tradition bothers me (white dress, dad "giving me away" to another man, etc.) But for some reason I was happy to change my last name. I do have two degrees and professional licenses in three states in my field, but I still didn't find it to be a big deal to change over. I do sometimes sign emails as firstname (maiden) lastname if I think someone might not figure out who I am and that they know me. 

[Elvis Presby]

Mr. Presby and I got married in about 30 seconds (maybe less) in the hallway of a courthouse.

 

[Glasgowghirl]

I told my parents if I wanted to get married I'd run away to Gretna Green, place in Scotland where couples traditionally elope, Dad said fine I'll pay your train ticket. My parents were 19 when they got married and they didn't get to invite all the friends they wanted because my grandmother kept inviting distant relatives and they were too polite to say no. 

I hope Joy and Austin have the wedding they want and not what the extended family want.

[onekidanddone]

42 minutes ago, Elvis Presby said:

Mr. Presby and I got married in about 30 seconds (maybe less) in the hallway of a courthouse.

 

We had three witnesses at the courthouse and then went out for Indian food. After we both said "I do", my husband said "Neat" which was exactly what Mr.One Kid's father said when he married Mr. One Kids's step-mom. 

[GnomeCat]

Yup, wasnt crazy stressful for me either. Once my husband helped teach me that I didn't have to do a wedding any specific way--once I got past that element and decided to go through with it, it was super chill. Decided to get married on a Tuesday, scheduled the appointment and notified parents on Wednesday, ordered announcements on Thursday and got married privately at the court house on Friday. Just the husband, myself, a judge and two court provided witnesses. Wore a casual dress I already had. Didn't exchange rings. What are traditions again? It was simple and sweet. Parents were a little salty they weren't invited but overall happy it was finally happening. We had been dating and living together for 5 years and in a small town that was viewed as sinful but whatevs. We celebrated our 6th anniversary last month-tax day to be exact! Legit planning an actual wedding sounds daunting and scary and nothing I want to be a part of.

[Elvis Presby]

7 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

We had three witnesses at the courthouse and then went out for Indian food. After we both said "I do", my husband said "Neat" which was exactly what Mr.One Kid's father said when he married Mr. One Kids's step-mom. 

We went back to his condo in East Atlanta and ordered take out from Burger Win (a chinese restaurant that also sold burgers and wings, but had a hilariously misspelled menu).

[QuiverFullofBooks]

12 hours ago, Lurky said:

I'd been thinking how, if I was a huntin', shootin', fishin' type, I'd want to serve food made out of stuff I'd shot with my future spouse for my wedding, just as if I was a big food gardener, I'd want stuff I'd grown in there.  Of course, having eleventy hundred guests would make that impossible, of course. 

 

Miranda Lambert served venison she had hunted at her wedding. The marriage still went all to hell, but that was really cool.

Didn't Austin serve venison that he and Joy had hunted together at their engagement dinner? So she did get to have that.

[2manyKidzzz]

I still just really want to see the dress. Don't have high hopes for the food because cheap Duggars. 

[SamuraiKatz]

Couple of thoughts:
1st Pickles posted an image of the local paper showing that Joy and Austin applied for a marriage license last week.  I was thinking how we literally watched Joy grow from a little girl and now she is getting married.  I've always had a soft spot for Joy.
2nd  In that type of environment how ackward is it to see your family the day after the wedding and they are all probably thinking about your wedding night compared to others who may or may not be virgins on their wedding night and either way their sex life isn't openly discussed.
3rd  I think they should serve s'mores at the wedding it would go great at an outdoor themed wedding.

I am local. I live half way between Fayetteville and Camp Fort Rock. I checked the same paper edition Pickles posted for dates. The Forsyth/Duggar wedding license ws obtained on May 11. You have 30 days to get married. Then thirty days post wedding to file the officiant signed license with the court house.

So now the question is when? I am guessing memorial day weekend.

[Jug Band Baby]

On 5/18/2017 at 5:39 PM, HarleyQuinn said:

I forgot about Pippa Middleton lol. I stopped reading the Daily Fail after all the Trumpkins took it over.

I can't believe they put Israel in the car seat on the plane. I hate when people don't gate check those lol.

Why?  They pay for the seat to do that.

[Shadoewolf]

First marriage I had the poofy dress ($99 at Davids!) and flowers, photos. It was part of a package at the local chapel. About 10 people and we had a wild pizza/movie night with those 10 as our version of a reception. Neither of our parents were there. Actually we didn't tell my mother until 6 months after the fact, when I was pregnant with my first and she commented about how we should be married before the baby came. My FIL outted me on the spot, I was mad but relieved too. We lasted just over 9 years.

Second marriage was at the courthouse on a sub tropical island. Nobody but me, Mr Wolfie and our son. I had a cute white sundress threaded with blue. Mr Wolfie bought a new dress shirt and we spiked Lil Wolfie's hair. We got a babysitter for Lil Wolfie for the evening, had a nice dinner and watched the sunset together.  Very little stress or fuss. Going on 6 years this summer. Our daughters are begging for a vow renewal so we can all get dressed up and stuff.  I said maybe at our 10 year anniversary.

[NotQuiteMotY]

Some of these weddings sound wonderful! 

I don't get why there's this perception that brides have to be stressed out and awful to everyone. I...didn't. I said I wanted a long white dress, a cake, and a particular church and minister, and that was it. Everything else I didn't really care! My mom said later that I was one of the more relaxed brides she'd seen, probably because of that. 

I rather liked the book The Practical Wedding, just for that reason. It emphasizes doing what you feel comfortable with, since as long as guests see a wedding and get food, you're doing what you need to.

We ended up with 75 people, a lunch buffet (dry, by necessity of being in a park as well as preference), and just having a picnic sort of thing in the building my husband wanted for a reception, and it was wonderful.

[louisa05]

18 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

my 17 yr old DD as well said she wants to do this

When I was 17, I would have told you I would have an early afternoon wedding in a Protestant church with 75 guests or so, the ceremony lasting about 15-20 minutes, followed by cake and mints in the church social hall. 

When I was 22, it would have been changed to evangelical church. Same reception. 

When I got married way later than that, I had a Catholic wedding followed by a buffet dinner and dance. 

Don't count on your daughter not changing her mind, her circumstances, or not having a partner that has vastly different ideas about a typical or appropriate wedding. Hell, don't even count on her getting married. I kind of hate that people assume everyone will get married. Speaking as someone who was over 35 at my first marriage, it is a nice way to make your kid feel like a failure if it doesn't happen on whatever timeline is typical for her peers or never happen at all. 

[VelociRapture]

@NotQuiteMotYMy sister was a laid back bride. A bit snippy the night befor and morning of, but nothing terrible - she was just a bit nervous. She said I was the most laid back bride ever. I like to credit my mom for that. She would have slaughtered us if we had been Bridezillas. 

I've mentioned it before, but I was in a former friend's wedding a few years ago and she was kind of a Bridezilla. She had some legitimate issues pop up that contributed to it all (she lost a family member suddenly and tragically shortly before the pre-wedding festivities began.) I felt horrible for her because of those things. But other things were just her being a nasty person. Whole experience kind of opened my eyes a bit to who she really was. Friendship finally ended last year and it's been a relief to be honest.

@msteeThat was me. Anxiety sufferers unite!

(... unless it stresses you out... in that case, don't...)

[karen77]

So.... Wedding is Friday night??

[bekkah]

I pretty much planned my sister's wedding for her. It makes me want to elope and get married in Hawaii so much more. I look forward to seeing her in her wedding dress. I'm betting the location will be near the camp and they will use that as a reception site. 

[Pasta]

I have no preference on the wedding except that I do get married and that i get to wear a pretty dress. 

[Kak]

58 minutes ago, karen77 said:

So.... Wedding is Friday night??

That's what I want to know too. It's sometime this weekend, right?

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Don't count on your daughter not changing her mind, her circumstances, or not having a partner that has vastly different ideas about a typical or appropriate wedding. Hell, don't even count on her getting married. I kind of hate that people assume everyone will get married. Speaking as someone who was over 35 at my first marriage, it is a nice way to make your kid feel like a failure if it doesn't happen on whatever timeline is typical for her peers or never happen at all. 

Well this conversation was had while we were watching SYTTD and she said, "I want to elope when I get married." So I'm assuming that she will want to at some point, will she? Don't know ,I'm in no big hurry for either of my kids to run off and get married any time soon, we will pass any and all bridges when we come to them and do what feels right at the time.  

I'm not assuming anything, and not saying she has to do anything, other than at some point in the not too distant future be able to be a grown up and support herself.  Not sure how you got, I'm pressuring my teenager to get married, from saying she's like me and will maybe want to elope and we will let her if that is what she wants.  I was literally saying I will let my kid do what ever they want when they get married, and since both have expressed desires to one day be married and have kids we assume one day it will happen, they are 19 & 17 be it in 10 years or 20 or more years.