Joy and Austin: It's the Final (Wedding) Countdown!

[karen77]

1 hour ago, Kak said:

That's what I want to know too. It's sometime this weekend, right?

Pretty sure!!! We only have to wait a couple more days too

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, Kak said:

That's what I want to know too. It's sometime this weekend, right?

Smart money says yes. Someone saying they know the Duggars said it was an unexpected day and time - many are saying sunset this Friday based off that. Could also be Sunday or Saturday too. But I think pretty much everyone is betting on this weekend.

[Coy Koi]

Speaking of bridezillas, my cousin is getting married this summer. Last year, she asked my sister not to get married ANYTIME IN 2017 for that reason. Not that she was going to anyway. But now she kind of wants to.

She's also having a 10-person planning session, complete with detailed, written agenda, for her bachelorette party.

[Jingeyk]

2 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

Speaking of bridezillas, my cousin is getting married this summer. Last year, she asked my sister not to get married ANYTIME IN 2017 for that reason. Not that she was going to anyway. But now she kind of wants to.

She's also having a 10-person planning session, complete with detailed, written agenda, for her bachelorette party.

I had a friend who behaved this way! I did the minimum for her as a bridesmaid and pretty much ended our friendship via slow fade after. She was very adamant that this was her "princess day" and we were basically supposed to be slaves. 

 

The only reason I didn't quit sooner is because she didn't have any friends to replace me with in her bridal party (they HAD to be even, of course) and I felt bad. I suspect this type of behavior is why she didn't have any other friends..

[Coy Koi]

4 minutes ago, Jingeyk said:

I had a friend who behaved this way! I did the minimum for her as a bridesmaid and pretty much ended our friendship via slow fade after. She was very adamant that this was her "princess day" and we were basically supposed to be slaves. 

 

The only reason I didn't quit sooner is because she didn't have any friends to replace me with in her bridal party (they HAD to be even, of course) and I felt bad. I suspect this type of behavior is why she didn't have any other friends..

My cousin has lots of also-annoying friends, and a bunch of them are bridesmaids who seem to be 100% thrilled to devote the majority of 2017 to my cousin's wedding. I guess she did or will do the same for their weddings. I have no idea how these bitches ever find time to do anything non wedding-related.

That kind of thing is just not for me. I was ready to scream by the time my sister's wedding was over (I was MOH) and it was like the most low-key thing in the world compared to my cousin's princess year. If I ever get married, I want to elope.

[fluffernutter]

31 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

Speaking of bridezillas, my cousin is getting married this summer. Last year, she asked my sister not to get married ANYTIME IN 2017 for that reason. Not that she was going to anyway. But now she kind of wants to.

She's also having a 10-person planning session, complete with detailed, written agenda, for her bachelorette party.

I love my sis in law to pieces, but man, she was a classic bridezilla. Highlights- She fired the family minister who married the rest of us because his ROBE didn't match her wedding colors, and called me asking who was good-looking enough in the family to stand up front to read a poem. (I wasn't invited to be in the wedding OR read said poem). We get along great now, but I loathed her for a good long while.

[Fundie Bunny]

36 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

Speaking of bridezillas, my cousin is getting married this summer. Last year, she asked my sister not to get married ANYTIME IN 2017 for that reason. Not that she was going to anyway. But now she kind of wants to.

She's also having a 10-person planning session, complete with detailed, written agenda, for her bachelorette party.

Ugh, tell me about it. My cousin is getting married next month and has been pissed off with her father since march because he is also getting married this year. The poor thing doesn't even want to tell anyone until after her wedding, but she has to be the fucking Queen of the year, nothing else can happen. And my other uncle having his small civil wedding last week wasn't her favorite thing either 

[Coy Koi]

1 minute ago, Fundie Bunny said:

Ugh, tell me about it. My cousin is getting married next month and has been pissed off with her father since march because he is also getting married this year. The poor thing doesn't even want to tell anyone until after her wedding, but she has to be the fucking Queen of the year, nothing else can happen. And my other uncle having his small civil wedding last week wasn't her favorite thing either 

This year on my birthday my sister wished me happy birthday and I said thanks, I only ask that no one else have a birthday this year. This is MY year.

I seriously can't believe the nerve of some people!

[Jug Band Baby]

4 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Hell, don't even count on her getting married. I kind of hate that people assume everyone will get married. Speaking as someone who was over 35 at my first marriage, it is a nice way to make your kid feel like a failure if it doesn't happen on whatever timeline is typical for her peers or never happen at all. 

If someone wants to get married someday, it's pretty mean to say they might not get married.  If someone tells me they want this or that for their wedding, I'm damn well going to assume they'll get married some day.  There's no way I'm going to sit there thinking, well, you might not get married.  Reasonable hopes and dreams and goals should be supported and assumed that the person with that hope, dream, or goal will achieve it.  If our friends and family aren't supported, then WE are setting them up to fail.

My elder child wants a pink wedding dress.  She hasn't even kissed a boy (she's interested in boys, so I'm assuming nothing there), and hasn't hit double digits in age.  Now tons can happen and she could decide not to marry, she could realize she's more interested in girls and end up preferring a pantsuit, struggle to find a partner, whatev.  But until SHE tells me otherwise, then what place is it of mine to take the mindset of it might not happen for her, pink dress and all?  My job here as a mother is to support her aims in life.  When she asks me if I'll make her a pink princess dress when she gets married, I say of course, not "that's assuming you get married."

Jesus, I can't believe you're really telling the mom of a 17-year-old off for assuming her daughter will get married when the daughter's talking about what she wants at her own wedding one day.  Is she really supposed to sit there thinking that her daughter might not end up finding a partner?  That's crushing.  Who told you you were probably not going to find a partner?

[SassyPants]

I have 3 nieces who are sisters. They are each 4 years apart in age. These girls play off each like mad.

#1 Got married

#2 immediately got engaged

#1 had a baby weeks before #2's wedding

#2 got married

#3 got engaged 

#1 had a second baby

#2 had a baby

#3 will be married in a few weeks.

This has all happened in the last 5 years!

As soon as a girl announces an upcoming event , the next one has to trump it.

I feel for their parents.

[catlady]

46 minutes ago, Jug Band Baby said:

Jesus, I can't believe you're really telling the mom of a 17-year-old off for assuming her daughter will get married when the daughter's talking about what she wants at her own wedding one day.  Is she really supposed to sit there thinking that her daughter might not end up finding a partner?  That's crushing.  Who told you you were probably not going to find a partner?

i didn't see it that way; i took it that @louisa05 was simply saying to be open-minded because anything can happen, up to and including not getting married.  i don't think her intent was to "tell off" anyone, but rather to withhold expectations that might not fit in 5, 10, or 20 years.

[singsingsing]

Why would it necessarily be 'crushing' to not get married? Not everyone wants to. You can have a partner and not marry them. You can be happily single your entire life. Even wanting to get married and having it never happen doesn't necessarily have to be crushing. What's more crushing is this idea that being single necessarily = misery, or that thinking that your teenage daughter might not get married even though she currently wants to is something shocking or devastating.

[VelociRapture]

@Jug Band BabyI agree completely with @catlady. Yes, your daughter is talking about it now and yes, of course you should be supportive of her. But sometimes people change their minds or things don't happen the way we expect. And that's ok.

All @louisa05was really trying to say is you shouldn't bet on anything being a given and you should be sure she realizes marriage isn't the only way to be happy or successful.

[CreationMuseumSeasonPass]

My wedding was pretty stereotypical. Ceremony in the church I grew up in. Beautiful ballgown dress. Reception at an awesome historical center (with a wooley mammoth skeleton in the corner). However, there are a lot of professional singers with my family and friends. I knew I didn't want a unity candle or sand ceremony. So, I decided for two singers instead. I got to choose one song and my husband got to choose the other.

I chose Edelweiss. My husband chose a choral rendition of "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys. 

My husband had been so laid back about wedding decisions that I didn't put a fight with the BSB song choice. Our singer was so talented and professionally trained that it actually came out beautifully.

Our organist (who has been doing weddings for 30 years) said he's accompanied a lot of songs, but never one like "I Want It That Way." That was a new one for him.

Our photographer told us afterward that it was the first wedding where he took more photos of reaction shots of the crowd during a song than of the singer.

[louisa05]

5 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Why would it necessarily be 'crushing' to not get married? Not everyone wants to. You can have a partner and not marry them. You can be happily single your entire life. Even wanting to get married and having it never happen doesn't necessarily have to be crushing. What's more crushing is this idea that being single necessarily = misery, or that thinking that your teenage daughter might not get married even though she currently wants to is something shocking or devastating.

I know a few women now in their 40s who always intended to marry and never have. Life has not worked out that way for them so far. They are not crushed; they have pretty full lives. They both own their own homes and are successful at work.  I "achieved" the holy grail of marriage and have no full time job and we don't own a home.  And they definitely have better social lives, travel more and do more interesting things than we ever do. In one case, I happen to know that her parents do find it devastating that she has not married. And that really is not helpful to her or supportive at all. 

Speaking of....I hate the notion that marriage is an achievement. Finding a life partner seems to me to be more of a matter of good luck than anything that one might achieve. Degrees and career success are achievements. Finding the right person is not a project one undertakes and then gets graded on wherein a wedding is an A+ and breaking up is an F.  

 

 

[Jug Band Baby]

1 hour ago, Coy Koi said:

Speaking of bridezillas, my cousin is getting married this summer. Last year, she asked my sister not to get married ANYTIME IN 2017 for that reason. Not that she was going to anyway. But now she kind of wants to.

She's also having a 10-person planning session, complete with detailed, written agenda, for her bachelorette party.

My ex-best friend told all of us chosen to be in her wedding party not to get pregnant unless we we willing to get an abortion before the wedding since she didn't want anyone looking fat or for any pregnant belly to take any attention away from her.  There were 14 of us, and she knew a couple were actively getting fertility treatments to try getting pregnant.  Our friendship exploded soon after that, and others followed.  I saw some pictures of the wedding a few years back on Facebook, and not a single original bridesmaid was in the wedding she had.  Before she was officially engaged, she was so sweet and kind and gentle and loving, but once the ring was on, she went Mr. Hyde on us.

36 minutes ago, catlady said:

i didn't see it that way; i took it that @louisa05 was simply saying to be open-minded because anything can happen, up to and including not getting married.  i don't think her intent was to "tell off" anyone, but rather to withhold expectations that might not fit in 5, 10, or 20 years.

Even as adults, our goals can change within 5, 10, or 20 years.  Even year to year, or month to month.  It's a bad mindset to have not to hold on to goals or expectations because minds change.  When they do, then alter the goal or expectation.  Kid #1 wants to be a vet right now.  I wanted to be a vet at her age.  I changed my mind in high school (because I wasn't able to get the loans).  She might change hers.  Until she does, I'm going to support her long-term goal instead of brushing them off for the sake of being "open-minded" because she might change hers too.  My mom said that to be when I was a kid and said I wanted to be a vet.  It hurt, and made me withhold a lot of my goals because being told that things may change told me she didn't take me seriously.  It doesn't matter that I later changed my mind.  I needed to be encouraged to reach for my long-term goals, not told to be "open-minded because anything can happen."  If kids can't rely on their parents to take their goals and dreams for their lives seriously, who can they rely on?

[front hugs > duggs]

As a northerner going to college in the south, I heard a ton of "I'm so proud of you!" upon being engaged or married, and I never understood it (or had heard it where I came from). I certainly find those occasions to be celebrations, even milestones, but not really accomplishments.

[louisa05]

15 minutes ago, Jug Band Baby said:

 It doesn't matter that I later changed my mind.  I needed to be encouraged to reach for my long-term goals, not told to be "open-minded because anything can happen."  If kids can't rely on their parents to take their goals and dreams for their lives seriously, who can they rely on?

And I did not say that the poster should tell her daughter, "hey, we're not talking about this because you might change your mind". My point, as others surmised already, was that the mom should not count on her daughter having the wedding that they have apparently planned on right now when she is 17. Because she might not want that when the time comes. Or she might not want to get married. Or she might not find a partner. That is reality.

And marriage really doesn't seem to me to be a goal one reaches for--how exactly do you achieve that? Go find anyone who is single and drag him/her to the courthouse? 

[Carm_88]

Most 17 year olds are going to say that they want to get married. It's when you get older and realize "Wow that's not as easy as the movies/romance novels tell you..." that you reconsider. If someone finds someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with and they want to get married, good for them! If they find someone who they want to spend the rest of their lives with and never marry, good for them! If they stay single, good for them! My dreams at 17 are vastly different from my dreams 11 years later. Neither versions of me are wrong, we just have different life experiences.  

[Pasta]

You know I've never had a passion for something. I always wanted to get married and have babies.  I went to college because my family wanted me to. I am working in a field that I'm good at but have no passion for. I'm basically waiting to find my soulmate and get married. The funny thing is that my parents want me to be a successful business woman not get married. It's the opposite of what other people/ parents disagree about.  

[cascarones]

28 minutes ago, front hugs > duggs said:

As a northerner going to college in the south, I heard a ton of "I'm so proud of you!" upon being engaged or married, and I never understood it (or had heard it where I came from). I certainly find those occasions to be celebrations, even milestones, but not really accomplishments.

As someone who grew up in the south and went to graduate school in New York it was completely shocking when a classmate told he got married really young and quick, they were 27/28 and had been together 3 years. Regional differences, with my friends from childhood I'm the only unmarried, non-mother at 29. The girls are fine about it, but I do sort of dread get togethers with everyone's Mums about, because it's like a carcass being circled by vultures. I feel for Jana, thought of her when my Mom called to ask if everything was alright between my boyfriend and I, because someone had called her. All because I changed my profile photo for a good hair day and he didn't happen to be in it. 

Joy seems like she'll be a pretty low key bride, maybe a bit indecisive or less assertive on what she wants with so many opinions flying around. For Jessa it seemed really important her wedding was very different than Jill's, Jinger seemed to really incorporate Jeremy's tastes (dress, meatballs), but didn't seem overly invested in the other details.  

[QuiverFullofBooks]

@Jug Band Baby, please tell me your ex-friend's abortion comment was a joke.

[ADoyle90815]

From what I remember, I probably had ideas for my wedding at 17, but in the end, things didn't happen that way as my marriage to my ex-husband 8 years later didn't last long because he was abusive, and I had to get out of that situation before the abuse turned physical. The wedding we did have was at a Renaissance Faire, and while it was fun, it was also pretty damned expensive. It didn't help that his grandpa with dementia started to wander off at the hotel before going to the ceremony site, and again at the reception. Other things I didn't like was that my mom insisted I invite friends I knew from childhood that I never kept in touch with, but my mom was friends with their moms. If I had set better boundaries, those people wouldn't have been invited because I wasn't as close to them as I was when we were children. 

My guess is that the wedding will be the weekend, possibly Saturday as they already have the marriage license and you generally have 30 days from when you get that to actually get married.

[PennySycamore]

Just dropping into the thread to say that I heard "It's the Final Countdown" on the radio coming home from Target a while ago.   The thought of Joy getting married already depresses me.

[louisa05]

I was in a wedding years ago (20 in July to be exact) where right before we all walked down the aisle, the 26 year old bride sighed happily and declared "it all looks exactly like I imagined it when I was six!". So I guess some people do not change their minds. And that wedding did look like a six year old planned it; but, please, trust me when I tell you that that was absolutely not a good thing.