Adoptive "Mothers" part deux

[littlemommy]

3 hours ago, freejugar said:

After reading your comments, i thought you guys were kidding, but the post about Jie Jie is only a few words. What the hell happened? She was completely doting on Jie Jie when she first arrived.

Yeah, Kimmie has fallen a long way from the lady who would write 2,000 words about a cat. She wrote a three part tribute to Apple's birthday, but can't be fussed to post one picture of Jie Jie for their anniversary.

 

[Stormy]

4 hours ago, freejugar said:

After reading your comments, i thought you guys were kidding, but the post about Jie Jie is only a few words. What the hell happened? She was completely doting on Jie Jie when she first arrived.

That's because everything went Kimi's way in the first year after adopting her. Jie Jie adjusted quickly, learned English, gave Kimi plenty of attention, and was just generally a sweet, laid-back little girl. Her world got turned upside-down when her mother started adopting more children and turned into scary mommy;  Jie Jie became distressed (which Kimi actually mentioned after adopting Sissy), withdrew, plateaued academically, and stopped being the golden child.

[DaisyD]

I think Jie-Jie is the one I feel sorriest for. She got all those years of pent up yearning from Kimmie only to have it all taken back when Apple came along. Considering the setup at her orphanage with one caretaker to only a couple of children all in the same room together, she's more of an orphan now than she ever was in China.

[Stormy]

Now there's pictures accompanying her last two posts. Does Kimi read FJ or...?

[Stormy]

I'd just edit my last post if the "edit" button hadn't disappeared...strange.

I've also just (ashamedly) discovered that Kimi's website for her daycare is down; the URL won't direct to the site and instead gives an error message. I know she was supposed to take several months off to mull over her intense mail pile, but you wouldn't think she'd take down the website. She probably just didn't pay the bill for the domain, but it's still kinda weird.

[Bethella]

1 hour ago, Stormy said:

I'd just edit my last post if the "edit" button hadn't disappeared...strange.

You only get a limited amount of time to edit your posts (10 or 15 minutes?)

[Stormy]

13 minutes ago, Bethella said:

You only get a limited amount of time to edit your posts (10 or 15 minutes?)

Oh, okay; I think I just never realized because I've always edited my stuff seconds afterwards, since that's when I realize I have typos.

[BabyBottlePop]

5 hours ago, Stormy said:

Now there's pictures accompanying her last two posts. Does Kimi read FJ or...?

I could see it. If you google "fencing mama" Free Jinger is the third result.

[OurCrazyAdventure]

Long time lurker here...thought I would finally join.  I am a single, adoptive mother (of only two)...but wanted to let you know we aren't all crazy!!  These stories absolutely break my heart.  I have taken in a couple kiddos for respite that had families who decided they wanted to "rehome" and wanted them out of the house immediately.  Both were due to special needs, not RAD.  This is the dark side of adoption that I hate.  

I think they go in with good intentions...but they are not prepared or commited enough.  

Jenn

[Stormy]

Am I the only person who periodically checks for new posts to this thread? I should probably stop since I feel a drop in my stomach every time I see it bolded.

@OurCrazyAdventure, welcome! You sound like a very good mom. I think a lot of it boils down to prospective adopter's goals and expectations when adopting; if it's to be someone's "savior", to get kudos from people, or to simply have a cute kid to dress up, then there's bound to be problems. It boils my blood to even read about, so it must have been hard to witness that sort of thing in person.

[Mercer]

Adoptive parents are just like any other parents: most are great, but a few are crappy.

I can't imagine any of us think that the bad apples being discussed here represent adoptive parents as a whole.

[Peas n carrots]

Adoptive parents are just like any other parents: most are great, but a few are crappy.
I can't imagine any of us think that the bad apples being discussed here represent adoptive parents as a whole.

I don't think anyone does, but the adoption triad is not easy to navigate even in the best of situations. And then later on cultural and language barriers for international adoptees, and it can be even more difficult.

But isn't that the point of FJ, not all religious folks are bad people, but some are terrible people that aren't alway representative of the whole and should be discussed?

We live in a country where adoptive parents are put on a pedestal for taking in poor, unwanted children. Often this glosses over or even ignores the experience of the adoptee and birth parent(s). There are issues particular to adoption triad and international adoption where it deserves a special call out from biological families, and Kimmie is just one of many examples where conservative religious beliefs can inhibit relationships and development of adopted children.

[LilMissMetaphor]

I see Lynnea Hameloth went private (again) the other day.  The first time was when she faced criticism for dumping Josie off at the Mussers (who, at least, seem to be more invested in her).  I wonder why; she was staying off the radar from what I could see.  Maybe she's trying to adopt again 

[FutureA]

Kimmy has never fully acknowledged the impact of her girls' loss, trauma and adoption from what I have read. I think "trauma informed care" or at least the working knowledge of it should be a requirement for any adoptive resource at the start. I have followed her odd blog for a long time. She is just another sorry excuse for "saving" kids and then pushing them away when they get older. Adoption does not make her or anyone else a saint automatically. Most of us foster/adoptive parents are really just trying to raise kids to have as many normal experiences as the next kid, but with an understanding that you need to meet these kids where they are sometimes and understand trauma. 

[elliha]

I really don't get was so terrible with that musical that Blossom would be harmed from watching it. Yes, she might not have understood everything but neither do I (as an adult with no cognitive issues) all the time. I don't think that it in any way harms me to listen to a lecture of physics even though I don't really understand most things said. I might get something and then that is great but otherwise it is no more than time wasted really.

I totally get that the girls have breakdowns going to so many stores. I am not sure I would be able to go to that many stores myself even and not with 4 kids. And Apple going missing. She is 5 for God's sake, not 10 months. She screamed, mom found her and problem solved. If she is able to go to a million stores and not get too tired she should not be in a stroller. 

I think that these girls, all of them, need to get out and about and experience more things. Sure, there might be things that they can't do or that turn out to be too tough for them but they really need to get to do things. I mean, Sissy is an adult and she should be in school or doing some work training and training for an as independent a life as is possible, really working hard now to prepare herself. My cousin has a son with cognitive and physical disabilities. He went to school and training but she really did expect him to stay living at home because he had his own room with a separate entrance so he could have some privacy but at 22-23 he moved out to an independent living facility. It wasn't his parents who put him there or anything, he chose it because he wanted to be an adult and live on his own "Am I going to be the only one not moving out when my brothers have already moved out? I am not a kid and I want to live in my own place and have my own life" was his words (my translation). He is really happy there with other young people his age with similar disabilities and living a typical young person's life with sports, dying his hair blue and getting a mohawk and other things. No girlfriend yet but it would not be out of the question. I think he probably has a tougher time than Sissy with his quite severe physical disabilities paired with cognitive issues so I really don't think the reason she is not doing things like this is her disabilities.

[dianapavelovna]

On 4/11/2017 at 8:55 AM, LilMissMetaphor said:

I see Lynnea Hameloth went private (again) the other day.  The first time was when she faced criticism for dumping Josie off at the Mussers (who, at least, seem to be more invested in her).  I wonder why; she was staying off the radar from what I could see.  Maybe she's trying to adopt again 

Yeah, I have her in my feedly, and I don't remember anything in her recent posts that would suggest controversy. But maybe there was something in the comments? I dunno.

[SoybeanQueen]

On 4/10/2017 at 0:18 AM, OurCrazyAdventure said:

Long time lurker here...thought I would finally join.  I am a single, adoptive mother (of only two)...but wanted to let you know we aren't all crazy!! 

I think they go in with good intentions...but they are not prepared or commited enough. 

Many of us are adoptive parents, too. Watching people like Kimi pontificate about adoption and special needs as though she's the foremost expert is extra-irritating when you've had classes and read books and visited specialists that totally disagree with her.

A while back (I think) I mentioned a family nearish to me who had rehomed an adopted child because they didn't want to pay for therapies that would help him. Of course, they claim to be super-Christian and family-focused. Only if you fall in line perfectly right away, I guess. Anyway, I saw recently that they had been essentially kicked out of their church. Then I saw that the mother posted that the church pastor and his wife had adopted the child she abandoned. Hmmmm. It seems like the church made the decision to be on the child's side instead of supporting the people who promised to parent him and then sent him away.

[jegfile]

Jean of "There's no place like home" has been largely silent since her family made the move from Minnesota to Colorado. Her last few posts have been birthday celebrations. The most recent one is Anna's pool party - does anyone else think they have a pool in their house? There's a lack of stuff around that would indicate a public pool. I'm jealous ... I've always wanted an indoor pool. Do you think Jean might adopt me? It would be cheaper since I"m in Canada not China.

[Stormy]

Kimi put up four posts in a row after a month's absence: two posts about baby clothes, and two posts about December/Christmas 2016, which are, of course, mostly Apple-centric. She mentions that she struggled to figure out what to get her girls "due to their lack of need and lack of development" and that this years' gifts catered to their "intellectual disability and developmental delay". I'm not sure what the hell any of that means, so, since we only get a glimpse of Apple and Jie Jie's expensive-looking doll strollers, one can only make some depressing assumptions of what that means for the older two. Judging by the size of the presents, I'm banking on those giant coloring pads that reveal color when scrawled on with a clear-colored marker (like magic! no mess!).

[FloraDoraDolly]

1 hour ago, Stormy said:

Kimi put up four posts in a row after a month's absence: two posts about baby clothes, and two posts about December/Christmas 2016, which are, of course, mostly Apple-centric. She mentions that she struggled to figure out what to get her girls "due to their lack of need and lack of development" and that this years' gifts catered to their "intellectual disability and developmental delay". I'm not sure what the hell any of that means, so, since we only get a glimpse of Apple and Jie Jie's expensive-looking doll strollers, one can only make some depressing assumptions of what that means for the older two. Judging by the size of the presents, I'm banking on those giant coloring pads that reveal color when scrawled on with a clear-colored marker (like magic! no mess!).

Kimi acts like she's the only person who ever parented intellectually disabled teenagers. Why doesn't she ASK other parents who have been down this same road what kinds of gifts they buy for a 17-year-old who has the mental capacity of a first-grader? (Assuming her girls really are as disabled as she makes them out to be). I would think books would make good gifts. Even if the kid will never read beyond a basic level, reading new books will help her maintain her reading level. If the books are nonfiction, they can help her learn new things and might suit a teen's interests more than storybooks about little kids (although there's nothing wrong with a disabled teen reading these kinds of books if this is what interests her).

[PopRox]

On 4/15/2017 at 2:33 AM, SoybeanQueen said:

A while back (I think) I mentioned a family nearish to me who had rehomed an adopted child because they didn't want to pay for therapies that would help him. Of course, they claim to be super-Christian and family-focused. Only if you fall in line perfectly right away, I guess. Anyway, I saw recently that they had been essentially kicked out of their church. Then I saw that the mother posted that the church pastor and his wife had adopted the child she abandoned. Hmmmm. It seems like the church made the decision to be on the child's side instead of supporting the people who promised to parent him and then sent him away.

Holy wowza! Good-- no, GREAT-- of that Pastor and his wife! Now THAT'S what Christian love and parenting looks like.

[DarkAnts]

Kimi would have been better getting a bunch of reborn dolls. Always babies, never need stimulation, changing or feeding. She could have saved so much money and aggravation. I honestly dont understand why she is not reaching out to others who can help her, relieve some of the stress, and give the girls some more stimulation.

[anachronistic]

Hey, Kimi? We fucking get it. Apple is bigger than Jie Jie was at the same age. You can stop posting pictures of them in the same outfit at different ages. It makes you seem like you are faulting Jie Jie for her size.

and yeah......give up on the kids, they will never make you happy except for Apple. Go live in doll land as it is clear that is all you ever wanted. I'm sorry your parents never got you a baby Alive! but get over it. Your older 3 daughters are bright, capable human beings, but you treat them like toys that you've grown tired of. 

[sawasdee]

I've just read right through this thread - it's a long time since I looked at it - and what is fascinating is the varying levels of ability Kimi ascribes to Blossom and Sissie.

At one time, Blossom is enthralled by the solar system, studying on her own, and asking questions. Then she has the reading level of a 1st grader. Sissy comprehends the importance of her personal papers - birth certificate, passport - to the point of searching for them, and is able to go online in a Chinese based chat forum - but has to have a baby sitter at 18.

Nothing adds up. I would love to see these girls assessed by a Mandarin/Cantonese/ whatever speaker. I would not be surprised if their lack of English and interpersonal skills were a lot more to do with Kimi and lack of appropriate teaching, than their inborn abilities. She seems to have deliberately stunted them.

And I hate the feeling of utter helplessness and rage that reading her blog engenders in me.

[sawasdee]

Sorry to double post, but I have just read this.

http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/20821

It's a,list of abused  and murdered adopted kids, and it is appalling.

There are two points that leapt out at me - how many of the parents were followers of the Pearls, and the fact that they were ALL 'home schooled' and fundamentalists of various stripes.

'Home schooling' seems in many cases a cover for exploitation/abuse, and a means of getting these children off grid. With so many examples, surely it is time that there is some kind of compulsory home check on home schoolers?

Warning: The link had me in tears.