Adoptive "Mothers" part deux

[keepercjr]

Her latest post is really upsetting.  So her teen girls are done growing and maturing.  That's it... they are never going to advance any further.

has she investigated that maybe Sissy would learn better from books on tape?  Speech therapy, as far as I am aware, is not designed to teach someone reading skills.  Has she sought out a tutor or someone to teach basic independent living skills.  Since these girls aren't in school they're are getting no educational services.  She could easily enroll them in that home school charter that I told her about,  keep teaching them the way she is, but at least they could get services.  

 

Edit.. when I was homeschooling my son he was behind on reading comprehension so the charter we were with at the time gave him very targeted tutoring and he made some great improvements.  In fact now, in 6th grade, his first year in school, he has just been exited from his IEP.   The tutoring he got was from a professional, which Kimi is clearly not.

[Maggie Mae]

Here's her latest post. It's upsetting. 

Spoiler

 

 

 

[heidi]

As an educator that last post makes me rage.

[Maggie Mae]

Sorry for the bad formatting on the screencaps. 

I've been fascinated and infuriated with Kimi before but this is one of the worst things I've read from her. 

[Lurky]

I really, really wonder how much the "speech and language delays" are because she hasn't given them proper English lessons?  Especially the young women adopted as older children, then made to work in her daycare and "home schooled". If they weren't allowed to continue communicating in their own languages, AND have been given half-arsed "education", how does she know where English-language skills stop and cognitive disabilities start?

I shouldn't read this thread, it makes me beyond angry.

[freejugar]

I've read many  blogs of parents of disabled kids and i had never seen them say that their child is done progressing, no matter their level of impairment or age. That last post wass horrifying.

[Mercer]

That latest post is frankly complete bullcrap.

I work in children's mental and behavioral health, but the agency I work for primarily provides supports for adult clients with developmental disabilities ranging from moderate to profound, so I'm pretty familiar with that side of things too. Every single person our agency works with has an individualized plan with goals... because no matter how significant someone's disabilities are, it doesn't mean they lack potential or we should just declare that they can't learn.

It's really disgusting to me that she's just giving up on her kids that way. They have their whole lives ahead of them. Rather than dismissing their potential, the parent needs to be trying to make sure they have supports to reach their individual goals - even if those goals might be different than those for a person without a disability.

Her kids can walk and talk, so they're way ahead of a lot of my agency's clients - and our clients are constantly learning and progressing, even if it's in tiny tiny steps.

She's also wrong when she says that people with developmental disabilities should not be exposed to new experiences. Yes, these folks generally need routine and may struggle with being abruptly pushed into a situation they're unfamiliar with, but it just means the process of acclimating them takes a little patience and they may need to gradually transition into the activity. It doesn't mean you just keep them home and never let them do anything; you just have to be more mindful about how new experiences are introduced and they will likely need extra support along the way, but people with disabilities benefit from intellectual stimulation just like any other human being when you approach it appropriately.

I think she's just coming up with excuses for giving up, because she sounds like something out of the 1950s when people with intellectual disabilities were hidden away from society. We know better now, and we do better - and she should not be giving up on her children.

[Granwych]

6 hours ago, Mercer said:

It doesn't mean you just keep them home and never let them do anything; you just have to be more mindful about how new experiences are introduced and they will likely need extra support along the way, but people with disabilities benefit from intellectual stimulation just like any other human being when you approach it appropriately.

Nothing used to make me quite as pissed off as when parents of the people I worked with would just keep them home in front of the TV with a bag of Cheez-its.  That, or they'd send them to a day program and basically make the day program follow the same routine of no "field trips," no music, no interaction with other clients, etc. etc.  

Those poor girls.  Kimmie seems more and more overwhelmed.  I know I've said it before, but I see placement in group homes for most of the girls.

[littlemommy]

6 hours ago, Granwych said:

Nothing used to make me quite as pissed off as when parents of the people I worked with would just keep them home in front of the TV with a bag of Cheez-its.  That, or they'd send them to a day program and basically make the day program follow the same routine of no "field trips," no music, no interaction with other clients, etc. etc.  

Those poor girls.  Kimmie seems more and more overwhelmed.  I know I've said it before, but I see placement in group homes for most of the girls.

I hope you're right. As I've mentioned elsewhere, I used to be a services coordinator for people with developmental disabilities. Part of that was supervising a "group home"...which wasn't really what people picture, but actually an apartment building with each client sharing with one roommate. There were some offices in the building that my staff and I worked out of ; we took them to doctor appointments, to the bank, etc etc, helped with cooking if the person needed it. We served all different ability levels; one of my clients could drive a car, while another one couldn't speak or walk independently. 

But we treated all of them as adults, and never forgot that we were technically THEIR employees (paid for by their medicaid), not their parents. Several of my staff specifically focused on teaching independent living skills, even to people that would never, ever actually live independently. I hope Kimmie would let the older girls go to a similar program. They could be among new people, make friends, and be treated as the adults they are. Maybe it wouldn't be perfect, but it could be good.

[FrumperedCat]

My younger brother has severe learning disabilities and as such is currently in the sixth form unit of a special needs school and looking at moving in to supported living in the next year. Yes he does struggle with learning certain new things such as maths and science. However he is great at ICT and even managed to bypass the filters put on his laptop. Even his spelling has improved because he loves reading, even if he doesn't always understand the words.

His class often go into the local community and buy a drink or ingredients for their weekly cooking so that he gains experience and practice with money management. He works to an Individual Education Plan (IEP) aimed at encouraging progress and development across his daily life. The overall aim is for him to be able to live as independent a life as possible, and the aim is currently for him to be able to move into supported living and gain more education at the local college. His school also arrange work experience for their pupils, both in local businesses and within volunteer projects. He expressed a desire in becoming a chef so they arranged work shadowing at a local restaurant. These opportunities they offer are invaluable in providing him with the skills for work in the future and developing his interests.

I feel Kimmie fails to understand the importance of making these skills relevant. Maybe Sissy would take in these skills better if she had practice using them in a way that was relevant for her. It also seems Kimmie places a lot of focus on more traditional skills and subjects as a measure of intellect. For instance it seems like Sissy might be pretty on it with using technology as Kimmie mentioned that she was quite competent at messaging her friend from back home. There are so many more skills and experiences out there and some of these might work better for her teenagers. Through volunteering at the local allotment with his school my brother discovered a love for gardening. He's learnt a lot more from going out into the community and getting these experiences than he has in the classroom. It is this that makes me think that Sissy and Blossom might bloom a lot more by having access to these opportunities because it will be more relevant and interesting.

[Granwych]

Maybe Kimmie just wants to "employ" some or all of the girls as daycare helpers.  Then, there would be no purpose to involve them in community opportunities. 

With  the moaning and bitching that Kimmie posts, it seems like nobody is really happy in that home.

[heidi]

What I'm surprised by is the fact that none of the families in her daycare have seen her blog posts. If my kid was going to her daycare and I saw her blog the amount of red flags would have me pulling my child in a heartbeat--and warning all of the other parents too.

[Stormy]

3 hours ago, heidi said:

What I'm surprised by is the fact that none of the families in her daycare have seen her blog posts. If my kid was going to her daycare and I saw her blog the amount of red flags would have me pulling my child in a heartbeat--and warning all of the other parents too.

I wonder how big Kimi's audience truly is. Everyone who comments on her posts seem to be (a few) individuals in her own online social circle, often fellow adoptive families (who do nothing but affirm her, which means they likely do the same...ugh). There's not a lot of evidence that she gets a lot of pushback aside from gently-worded recommendations for SN programs; also, the one time she did get overt criticism, she made this long defensive post about it. I don't think the blog gets a lot of traffic, and I'm actually kind of curious as to how the original poster of the first thread even found it.

[bertnee]

Maybe Sissy was the original poster.  (Just kidding.)

[Fundiewonder]

This Facebook page about adoption makes me sad. It's not just that parents are giving up their adoptive children...it's also that they often demand that the new parents be evangelical Christian. In other words, they think that religion is more important than getting the child the best possible home. Do the parents also think they can still get points with Jesus for adopting if they insist on an evangelical family?

https://www.facebook.com/secondchanceadoptions/

 

[scoutsadie]

26 minutes ago, Fundiewonder said:

This Facebook page about adoption makes me sad. It's not just that parents are giving up their adoptive children...it's also that they often demand that the new parents be evangelical Christian. In other words, they think that religion is more important than getting the child the best possible home. Do the parents also think they can still get points with Jesus for adopting if they insist on an evangelical family?

https://www.facebook.com/secondchanceadoptions/

 

That is truly heartbreaking...Even to me, as a "non-kid" person. Those poor children.

[katilac]

1 hour ago, Fundiewonder said:

 Do the parents also think they can still get points with Jesus for adopting if they insist on an evangelical family?

I think you nailed it - if they let a wonderful but non-evangelical family adopt the child, they lose Jesus points. 

[apandaaries]

17 hours ago, katilac said:

I think you nailed it - if they let a wonderful but non-evangelical family adopt the child, they lose Jesus points. 

There can be an incredible savior concept with these people.  The Child Catchers, by Kathryn Joyce, discusses this.  There are some people in the adoption world who think the most and only important thing is to get the child to know Jesus.  They won't recognize the value of the child's family, or of their culture, or of their language or anything else. Some are comfortable basically kidnapping "for Jesus." Read up on this crazy lady, Laura Silsby-Gayler, who was arrested for child trafficking along with several others, all church-affiliated -- and who now oddly works with Amber Alerts: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Life_Children's_Refuge_case

[DarkAnts]

On 3/23/2017 at 8:43 AM, Stormy said:

I wonder how big Kimi's audience truly is. Everyone who comments on her posts seem to be (a few) individuals in her own online social circle, often fellow adoptive families (who do nothing but affirm her, which means they likely do the same...ugh). There's not a lot of evidence that she gets a lot of pushback aside from gently-worded recommendations for SN programs; also, the one time she did get overt criticism, she made this long defensive post about it. I don't think the blog gets a lot of traffic, and I'm actually kind of curious as to how the original poster of the first thread even found it.

Kimi screens her comments. She only posts the ones that make her look good. The same is probably true about real life. She ignores comments if they do not make her look like mother of the year.

[katilac]

7 hours ago, amandaaries said:

 Read up on this crazy lady, Laura Silsby-Gayler, who was arrested for child trafficking along with several others, all church-affiliated -- and who now oddly works with Amber Alerts: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Life_Children's_Refuge_case

I remember this! Yes, let's go in two weeks after a major disaster and start spiriting children away, that's going to help. We had parents and children get separated here in the states after Hurricane Katrina, I can't imagine the chaos in Haiti after that earthquake. 

It's annoying that she got so little prison time, and distressing that she's even remotely involved with the Amber Alert system. Somebody that stupid shouldn't be within shouting distance of something that important. 

[keepercjr]

So Jie Jie has been with Kimmy for 6 years now.  And this is all she had to say about it.  I can guarantee it would have been post after post about Apple.  Can she not say anything special about her first daughter?  

Quote

 

Yesterday was Jie Jie's Family Day anniversary. It's been 6 years since her adoption. Her orphanage sent us a Chinese New Year card. It's been a great comfort to her and me, too, that she is so loved by those who cared for her, including her birth family (we know this from her finding note).

 

[Mercer]

This is so sad to me. Surely after six years of having Jie Jie as a daughter, she could come up with some nice things to say about her rather than just saying it brings "comfort" that other people like her? Surely a post about an adoption anniversary should talk about how much her mother loves her? 

[littlemommy]

She had more to say about a half dead butterfly than she did about Jie Jie. 

[Stormy]

2 hours ago, keepercjr said:

So Jie Jie has been with Kimmy for 6 years now.  And this is all she had to say about it.  I can guarantee it would have been post after post about Apple.  Can she not say anything special about her first daughter?  

Quote

Yesterday was Jie Jie's Family Day anniversary. It's been 6 years since her adoption. Her orphanage sent us a Chinese New Year card. It's been a great comfort to her and me, too, that she is so loved by those who cared for her, including her birth family (we know this from her finding note).

 

She couldn't have taken a picture of the card (preferably with Jie Jie holding it)? Follow up from an orphanage in China is something that'd actually be interesting to see. I also don't see why she'd be compelled to write about a butterfly after a long-ish absence (and immediately following a post that was supposed to honor her first daughter).

[freejugar]

After reading your comments, i thought you guys were kidding, but the post about Jie Jie is only a few words. What the hell happened? She was completely doting on Jie Jie when she first arrived.