I Don't Think Most People Hate Kids

[JesusFightClub]

My daughter has ADHD and sensory issues. What most people see as 'bad' behavior is vastly improved behavior for her. So, for example, I was in the fabric store the other day and she wanted to run around. I made her stand in one place and jump up and down and I went on about my browsing. Some people would see the jumping as bad behavior(and me 'ignoring' her) and then judge my 'piss poor parenting' but they just don't have a damn clue. Thankfully, I get more "I wish I had that kind of energy" comments than anyting else. I also get people who say "It is nice to see a child being allowed to be a child" from time to time.

She's better now that she's a little older, but the younger years were hell. Our big thing now is volume control. Kid has no clue what an 'inside' voice is. UGH!

LOL, no, jumping up and down on the spot would be a cute behaviour, not a bad one! There was a kid on my stair last night who decided to "naked escape" while his dad chased him with nothing but a pair of trousers on. That was funny and we exchanged smiles when dad came back with giggling son under his arm :)

Talky/loud but contented kids are fine in my book. It's children screaming at the top of their lungs and throwing themselves on the floor or children who are badly behaved (rude or aggressive) to stranger adults or kids who are in dangerous situations (running in a restaurant) which are concerning.

[notsocommon]

I sometimes get the 'control your brat' looks when she's jumping around. :/ I just wish people understood. The kid truly does not have the ability to be still. Thankfully, most people are good natured.

[Artemis]

I sometimes get the 'control your brat' looks when she's jumping around. :/ I just wish people understood. The kid truly does not have the ability to be still. Thankfully, most people are good natured.

That's what I meant when I talked about the difference between children who CAN and don't choose to behave, and children who have issues such as being on the PDD spectrum. Usually anyone with half a brain can tell the difference from the behaviour, the tone, the body language, the speech patterns. I've seen parents with kids on the autistic spectrum and it would never occur to me to even shoot them a sideways glance if the kid is having difficulty, because it is so hard anyway for children with that type of problem to self regulate. There's a real difference between that and the badly behaved child having a wobbly because it can't have what it wants.

Small babies crying is a different ball game for me. I desperately want them to stop because it wrenches and pulls at me when they sound distressed, particularly if the parent doesn't try to comfort them. I just wish someone would pick them up and cuddle them.

With toddlers, it's not that difficult to prepare your journey so that you have a smooth time. Just takes a bit of planning, and set the rules in advance.

[Cassandra]

I don't hate kids, and have two. But I do thoroughly dislike children who are badly behaved in public, and who render everyone else's life unpleasant by their loud or unruly behaviour. I also dislike parents - and I dislike them much more than the children, believe me, who can't be a***d to bring up their children properly and show them these correct behaviours.

I think that there are certain behaviours that should be expected of all children unless there is a medical reason for them not to be expected. These vary according to time and place, but basically are things that conduce to a civilised society.

Agreed.

I used to work as an outdoor lifeguard (which does not mean I am a babysitter) and parents would come in with their children and immediately relinquish their parental control and let them fly around like wild monkeys. They would spend the day essentially ignoring their kids excluding lunch time unless I had to discipline them, or tell them not to do something.

The children were always much easier to deal with than the parents. The parents would get mad at me for sanctioning the kids for terrible behavior, and this behavior occurred because the parents couldn't be half-assed to watch their kids.

And don't even get me started on the parents who would put their kids in flotation devices and send them out to sea without any guidance. If the only thing keeping your child from drowning are two little plastic objects filled with air then you need to get in the goddamn pool with your child.

/end lifeguard rant

[Chrystal-J]

My daughter has ADHD and sensory issues. What most people see as 'bad' behavior is vastly improved behavior for her. So, for example, I was in the fabric store the other day and she wanted to run around. I made her stand in one place and jump up and down and I went on about my browsing. Some people would see the jumping as bad behavior(and me 'ignoring' her) and then judge my 'piss poor parenting' but they just don't have a damn clue. Thankfully, I get more "I wish I had that kind of energy" comments than anyting else. I also get people who say "It is nice to see a child being allowed to be a child" from time to time.

She's better now that she's a little older, but the younger years were hell. Our big thing now is volume control. Kid has no clue what an 'inside' voice is. UGH!

That's how it was with my son. He had severe ADHD and people would assume he's a brat instead of realizing that some people have disabilities like autism and ADD/ADHD. I met some nice people along the way too that were understanding, but some obviously didn't understand and would complain (teachers of all people!). I just ignored the complainers and went on with my day. I couldn't keep my son home 24/7. (My son's doing much better too. He's in college and has outgrown a lot of the ADHD.)

[JesusFightClub]

Wanted to add reading these responses...it is horrible to go and tell the parent off because their child is in meltdown. A shop assistant might need to do it but I sure as hell would not. That's the last thing they would need and I doubt, from some random, it would help.

[Artemis]

Wanted to add reading these responses...it is horrible to go and tell the parent off because their child is in meltdown. A shop assistant might need to do it but I sure as hell would not. That's the last thing they would need and I doubt, from some random, it would help.

I agree - I think that would be really rude. It's for the person who owns the venue to do that: their place: their rules. If as another person in the venue I really feel I can't stand it any more, I leave.

[Childless]

I can't tell you how many meals I've had to eat cold because I needed to attend to my child (comfort him, take him out of the restaurant to settle him down, change a stinky diaper, etc.). But, as a parent, that's my job. People who don't want to make that type of sacrifice shouldn't have children.

[keeperrox]

I can't tell you how many meals I've had to eat cold because I needed to attend to my child (comfort him, take him out of the restaurant to settle him down, change a stinky diaper, etc.). But, as a parent, that's my job. People who don't want to make that type of sacrifice shouldn't have children.

Thank you for being a good parent.

[Hane]

I was in a supermarket last week and there was a child who was having an EXTREME meltdown. Howling, wailing, flinging himself on the floor, and screaming...not crying really loudly, but screaming over and over again. It was honestly one of the worst examples I've seen of bad kiddy behaviour.

Mum's response? Carry on browsing the aisles peaceably. Shop assistant comes up to her. Mum "He'll stop when he's ready. And he's my kid not yours."

Some 40+ years ago, one evening my cousins and I were in a grocery store with my aunt (a long-time schoolteacher who had both abundant common sense and high standards for her kids' behavior), and her three-year-old son melted down in the aisle. They'd just arrived after a long trip and needed some supplies, but my cousin was overtired. She calmly squatted down by his side and patiently waited for him to calm down. I was amazed that she just didn't haul off and swat him (which is what my mother would have done), but my aunt explained that melting-down toddlers can't be reasoned with. Soon he tired himself out, and she picked him up and we finished shopping.

More recently, in a department store, I saw a plainly mortified young father dealing with his melting-down toddler much the same way. I wanted to give the poor guy a medal and compliment him on how well he was handling a tough situation.

[DamnPrecious]

We were fireworks tonight and a ton of kids around. The only two that bothered me were the ones that keep running circles through and around ONLY our blankets. The parents never said a peep.

The One year old was oohing and aahing and giggling. I thought I was going to melt from the cute factor.

[keeperrox]

Some 40+ years ago, one evening my cousins and I were in a grocery store with my aunt (a long-time schoolteacher who had both abundant common sense and high standards for her kids' behavior), and her three-year-old son melted down in the aisle. They'd just arrived after a long trip and needed some supplies, but my cousin was overtired. She calmly squatted down by his side and patiently waited for him to calm down. I was amazed that she just didn't haul off and swat him (which is what my mother would have done), but my aunt explained that melting-down toddlers can't be reasoned with. Soon he tired himself out, and she picked him up and we finished shopping.

More recently, in a department store, I saw a plainly mortified young father dealing with his melting-down toddler much the same way. I wanted to give the poor guy a medal and compliment him on how well he was handling a tough situation.

IMO, this is SO different from just ignoring the behavior. This is definitely addressing the behavior. Toddler is tired=meltdown=parent acknowledgement by stopping what they are doing momentarily=calm down. Ignoring the behavior would be continuing shopping while pushing the cart along, pretending like nothing out of the ordinary was happening. The former is good parenting, even though it's still just a wait-it-out situation. The latter just teaches the child that melting down in public is a perfectly acceptable behavior, because the goal (shopping) does not get interrupted.

[JesusFightClub]

Some 40+ years ago, one evening my cousins and I were in a grocery store with my aunt (a long-time schoolteacher who had both abundant common sense and high standards for her kids' behavior), and her three-year-old son melted down in the aisle. They'd just arrived after a long trip and needed some supplies, but my cousin was overtired. She calmly squatted down by his side and patiently waited for him to calm down. I was amazed that she just didn't haul off and swat him (which is what my mother would have done), but my aunt explained that melting-down toddlers can't be reasoned with. Soon he tired himself out, and she picked him up and we finished shopping.

More recently, in a department store, I saw a plainly mortified young father dealing with his melting-down toddler much the same way. I wanted to give the poor guy a medal and compliment him on how well he was handling a tough situation.

Totally with keeperrox on this one. That's GOOD parenting.

It was the fact the mum wasn't bothered about the impact on both her son and the other shoppers of her just ignoring him that got to me. If you're screaming and crying "Mummeeeeee!" at the top of your lungs and said parent pretends you're not there, and you're three, that's got to fuck with your head.

[debrand]

I had one son that had melt downs everytime we entered a store. He was a very calm child until we entered a public area. So, either my husband or myself would take him out and sit either in the car or in the bathroom, until he calmed down. There really isn't much that you can do with a child that is having a melt down except remove them from the situation and make certain that they are safe. I never gave into my children when they threw tantrums but sometimes kids just get over tired or over stimulated. I've left a cart of groceries because I had four kids with me-my hubby was overseas-and one had a meltdown

What I hate is when a young child obviously wants a parents attention and says Mommy or Daddy over and over, yet the parent ignores them.

I had a friend that said that when her son was young, she had little problems with tantrums because she worked hard on teaching him the words needed to express his emotions. So, if she said no to a cookie, instead of pitching a fit, he was allowed to tell her that she made him mad. He still didn't get the cookie but the ability to say, "I'm mad." Helped him.

[clarinetpower]

Totally with keeperrox on this one. That's GOOD parenting.

It was the fact the mum wasn't bothered about the impact on both her son and the other shoppers of her just ignoring him that got to me. If you're screaming and crying "Mummeeeeee!" at the top of your lungs and said parent pretends you're not there, and you're three, that's got to fuck with your head.

Maybe.

But then again, my 3 (now 4) year old would do just such a thing until I gave her exactly what she wanted. If she didn't get it, she kept whining, freaking out, yelling, "Moooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy!!!" The only response that worked with her was to say, "The answer is no. When you are ready to talk to me in a kind voice, I will listen. Until then, I have things to do," and go about my business. This kid has amazing stamina. If I were to sit and wait, I'd be waiting for hours. I get that she is a child (note, I am a teacher with many years of experience), but she is also JUST AS STUBBORN AS HER MOTHER (ahem) and will drive you to the brink of insanity if you let her. The only thing that works is ignoring the meltdown after telling her your response.

It's just her personality. Her sister is 14 months old, and when she doesn't get her way and I say no, she moves on to something else. (At least so far...) The first one, never. She would not stop until the thing she wanted was not available (I have been known to flush things down the toilet because putting it away or in the garbage was not even enough) or until she tired herself out. I've learned how to deal with her. Some times it is not as simple as it seems to an outsider.

[clarinetpower]

BTW, re: my above post--

In public, my kids are usually great. Usually. I get "you have your hands full" with 2 (???), but mostly I think it's just a conversation starter and a compliment as in "I know being a Mom is a lot of work and you are working hard". I hear *all the time* how well behaved my kids are, what a good parent I am (I don't tell them about all the times I lose it!) and what beautiful children I have. I know how lucky I am. I am thankful for the good parenting moments I have, because I know there are plenty of times I don't have them.

I am frustrated when I see bad parenting, but I know I've been there myself. Mostly, when I see a rough moment, I do what I can to alleviate the pressure. For example, I might say to a kid in the line at the checkout who's being whiny, "sounds like you are having a rough day! I've been there, buddy. I'm pretty pooped myself." and try to distract them. I then give sympathetic looks to the parent. I have never had a parent get upset with me, most sigh and nod.

If I were to see a kid running around in a resto with a parent ignoring it, I'd talk to the KID. If they're big enough to run, they likely can take some direction. A simple, "you know, it is not safe for the servers carrying trays of hot food and drinks on glass plates when you run around. You need to find a better way to get some of your energy out, don't you? Where's your family--let's ask them if they have any ideas of how we can do this." That kind of takes the blame off of everyone, while still pointing out *this is not OK*.

[keeperrox]

But then again, my 3 (now 4) year old would do just such a thing until I gave her exactly what she wanted. If she didn't get it, she kept whining, freaking out, yelling, "Moooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy!!!" The only response that worked with her was to say, "The answer is no. When you are ready to talk to me in a kind voice, I will listen. Until then, I have things to do," and go about my business. This kid has amazing stamina. If I were to sit and wait, I'd be waiting for hours. I get that she is a child (note, I am a teacher with many years of experience), but she is also JUST AS STUBBORN AS HER MOTHER (ahem) and will drive you to the brink of insanity if you let her. The only thing that works is ignoring the meltdown after telling her your response.

Well, I hope you at least take her outside while she's melting down, so everyone else doesn't have to hear it before going about your business.