I Don't Think Most People Hate Kids

[pomology]

I'm not a huge fans of kids in general. BUT there are some children that I do like (mostly my younger cousins, but also the class of elementary school kids I taught Spanish to this past year) and I absolutely adore them and fawn over them. So in a nutshell I love kids that I have a personal connection to, but don't care about or actively dislike other kids. Especially ones making a lot of noise on planes or trains.

So if I ever end up being a parent, I'll definitely be one of those "love my own kids, but not everybody else's" types.

[AuLait]

I have four kids under 7. Yet I get very little kid hate. I do think this is partly because of my attitude which is if they cause trouble there is discipline RIGHT THEN and I am a meanie. We don't inconvenience people around us, period. We respect their space and ears :) Now I'm not perfect with it, but I have left grocery stores, restaurants, playdates, etc. when they've been over the top. I also try not to put my kids in situations where they will be more likely to misbehave. I limit our errand stops to 2-3 places so they aren't burned out. I don't take them to nicer restaurants. I don't take the whole gang to taekwondo lessons for DS where long term quiet is expected. I try not to take the 3 year old and infant to the library except for the classes specifically for them. When people see you making real efforts at getting a handle on the situation they seem to not react as badly. I don't know if I've been incredibly lucky or what, but very few people have ever given me a hard time and its mostly been looks and not rude comments.

[ADoyle90815]

I'm also one who doesn't hate kids, it's the parents who let them run around I don't care for. My brother has even taken my niece outside when she started fussing at a restaurant, as he respected those who wanted to eat their dinner without hearing a toddler in a bad mood. This restaurant had tables outside, so he just sat there with her while she was fussing. The last time I flew, there was an baby girl on the plane who didn't make any sounds until landing, when her ears were popping.

If anything, I think someone who punishes their sick child even when that child is too young to tell where they're hurting, and says that the acting out is done out of manipulation is someone who doesn't like children.

[Hane]

I don't hate kids any more than any other group of people. I like some of them, and dislike others.

THIS. I'd no sooner say, "Oh, I LOVE kids!!!11!!!!1!eleventy" than, "Oh, I LOVE adults!!!11!!!!1!eleventy." That said, I do tend to get along well with most kids, because I know how to converse with them on the appropriate level without talking down to them.

[Witsec1]

Wow, that OP was a bit dramatic, no?

Those of us who don't experience this negativity in day to day interactions in public may have kids that are more well behaved than the fundie kids (though I would bet on my kid behaving better when I'm not around, over any of the fundie kids).

Rather, it's that we don't start out thinking that we have to be the model family that will cause everyone to fall down, worship Jesus, and then go home to procreate more little Christians. We don't follow baby-beating manuals that tell us if we only follow the instructions, we will be receive compliments from strangers and be universally adored as godly parents. (Pearl and Ezzo explicitly promise this) We know that most of our good parenting is not going to be rewarded with massive amounts of strokes from other people; the most we expect from others is tolerance, and the occasional compliment is gravy. And I think that comes across so people treat us differently, and we are able to deal with the occasional negative reaction in perspective.

Also, gotta call bullshit on this:

You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy.

No, you don't. Unless you are working to ensure that kids who were not born with your children's advantages have the same shot at a decent life, you're not. Bringing more of your own children into the world doesn't make you ethically superior to those who limit childbearing in order to invest in other things that will benefit all the children (and former children) of the world.

[Deleted02]

I like kids. I however don't want any. I'm 10 years older than my brother so I feel like more of a stepmom than a sister. I just feel like I've done my child rearing. I like my independence of not having children too much.

But I will gladly babysit someone else's.

[bananacat]

I never get mad at kids acting up on airplanes. I am extremely sympathetic to them. Flying sucks! I only wish I could scream and cry like they can. I can't blame them for acting up on a plane.

I also rarely judge parents in restaurants. The reason they're there in the first place is probably because it's been a long day for everyone and nobody could stand cooking dinner. Kids get bored easily, especially at restaurants when they are waiting for food. Unless the kid is stealing, vandalizing, or hurting people, I really just don't care. Children are supposed to squirm and run around and it's just not reasonable to expect them to sit still for too long. They'll have plenty of time for sitting when they get a boring office job. I say let them have fun while they can.

When I was just a teenager I was at some meeting at my church with a bunch of adults. It must have been a planning meeting for VBS or something because the adults would rarely deign to include a mere teen in their business. We were in a room that was close to the playground, and there were kids out there playing. I thought it was a joyful sound, kids just being free and having fun. But this one lady got so mad about it that she actually went outside and yelled at the kids to be quiet, and had a firm word with the adult who was supervising the playground. I was just stunned. This woman had four kids of her own and she thought a playground should be quiet? And although my church certainly wasn't officially fundie, there were a few fundies that attended for some reason that I still can't figure out. And this woman was one of them. This was at least 10 years ago and I still just can't get over an adult getting mad at kids for making noise on a playground! She liked kids enough to have four of them, but not even to listen to them playing.

[keeperrox]

I also rarely judge parents in restaurants. The reason they're there in the first place is probably because it's been a long day for everyone and nobody could stand cooking dinner. Kids get bored easily, especially at restaurants when they are waiting for food. Unless the kid is stealing, vandalizing, or hurting people, I really just don't care. Children are supposed to squirm and run around and it's just not reasonable to expect them to sit still for too long. They'll have plenty of time for sitting when they get a boring office job. I say let them have fun while they can.

That is absolute and utter bullshit.

[twin2]

That is absolute and utter bullshit.

I concur. My dissertation (that I borrowed from another post) on why children shouldn't behave as howler monkeys in restaurants:

When children behave like howler monkeys in public, it is not only themselves they may be putting in harms way, but others as well. I worked in a restaurant for 6 years though most children behaved very well, there were the expectations. Every Sunday we had a buffet. One Sunday, some kids got bored and decided to play a game of tag up by the buffet units. The parents sat at the table and oohed and aahed about how cute their kids were. Well, to me, the waitress trying to pass by carrying a tray with a pot of hot coffee and a glass pitcher of milk, its not so cute. One of the kids could dart in front of me causing me to loose my balance and drop the tray of hot coffee and the glass picture of milk on their children. Now, if the parents believe that the potential risk of burns or cuts is acceptable to get a good game of tag in, so be it. However, I, the waitress really doesn't want to trip on a kid and dump a pot of hot coffee on myself or fall on a glass pitcher. However, I'm a selfish bitch. Also, in addition to these families and their howler monkeys, there is also a restaurant full of paying customers who like to eat their meal in peace.

[Patsy]

I've never had a problem with bratty kids in public, but I have had serious problems with their parents. Kid running up and down the aisles in a movie? Don't care. If it annoys me, I can get over it. Parent yanking them by the arm and screaming "SIT DOWN!" Blood boiling. Kid shrieking on the bus? Don't care. Parent screaming in their face to behave? I want to fucking slap them.

To end this on a postive note, good parening: the other day I saw a little girl of two or three running down the aisle of the bus to her mother (who was staying at the front, with the pram - the kid was meant to be sitting with the rest of the group.) Rather than scream at her, she made the kid stay with her and when the kid got upset at that, asked one of the group to collect her to give an example of not running around the bus on your own. She was obviously irritated but talked clearly to her kid and made concessions keeping in consideration the importance of avoiding a tantrum, keeping everyone else on the bus happy, and keeping consistent on bus safety with her kid. (Yaaay!)

[amie]

..........

[DamnPrecious]

In public, I honestly don't want to hear loud playing or pissed off children. It's annoying, but I can handle it if the parents are trying to actually correct the behavior. If parents aren't doing shit, I mean mug.

Playgrounds and over stuff that is for children or family friendly they can be as loud as they want.

[keeperrox]

In public, I honestly don't want to hear loud playing or pissed off children. It's annoying, but I can handle it if the parents are trying to actually correct the behavior. If parents aren't doing shit, I mean mug.

Playgrounds and over stuff that is for children or family friendly they can be as loud as they want.

Exactly.

[muffynbear]

I hate to sound like a horrible asshole, but yeah...not a fan of children in general. Some are okay, but overall I would never have a child. I guess I'm too selfish to have a child. I like being able to do my own thing. The women at my work think I'm crazy because I don't have any children. I've had such responses at "Oh honey, you'll change your mind when you get older!" or "Children are precious jewels! Why wouldn't you want kids?" (not kidding, someone actually said this to me). I don't really have maternal feelings toward children and have gone out of my way to avoid getting pregnant. I just feel like society puts this stigma on a woman who doesn't want children. Just because society expects me to have children, it doesn't mean I SHOULD have kids.This overly religious lady that I used to work with used to get so pissed off with me. She would hound me with questions about being childless. I used to love pissing her off about it. She couldn't get it through her tiny pea brain that someone could be happy and fulfilled while being childless at the same time.

[bananacat]

I've never had a problem with bratty kids in public, but I have had serious problems with their parents. Kid running up and down the aisles in a movie? Don't care. If it annoys me, I can get over it. Parent yanking them by the arm and screaming "SIT DOWN!" Blood boiling. Kid shrieking on the bus? Don't care. Parent screaming in their face to behave? I want to fucking slap them.

To end this on a postive note, good parening: the other day I saw a little girl of two or three running down the aisle of the bus to her mother (who was staying at the front, with the pram - the kid was meant to be sitting with the rest of the group.) Rather than scream at her, she made the kid stay with her and when the kid got upset at that, asked one of the group to collect her to give an example of not running around the bus on your own. She was obviously irritated but talked clearly to her kid and made concessions keeping in consideration the importance of avoiding a tantrum, keeping everyone else on the bus happy, and keeping consistent on bus safety with her kid. (Yaaay!)

I completely agree. I once saw a coworker spanking his son in the parking lot. I was so furious. There's nothing the kid could have done to deserve that. Adults should have more self-control than children.

[bananacat]

That is absolute and utter bullshit.

Well we'll just have to disagree. I'm not presumptuous enough to judge other people's parenting skills. As a complete stranger, I don't assume that I know better than they do about parenting their own kids. Parents get constant judgment already and I refuse to contribute to that. Parents can never win. No matter what they do, someone will always think they are wrong. And frankly, I'd rather see an energetic kid than one with the will literally beaten out of them. Kids don't come with on/off switches and sometimes the only way to make them settle down is to beat them. And I say no thanks to that. As for children running in the way of servers, that would fall under "hurting people", which I specifically addressed as unacceptable.

[keeperrox]

Well we'll just have to disagree. I'm not presumptuous enough to judge other people's parenting skills. As a complete stranger, I don't assume that I know better than they do about parenting their own kids. Parents get constant judgment already and I refuse to contribute to that. Parents can never win. No matter what they do, someone will always think they are wrong. And frankly, I'd rather see an energetic kid than one with the will literally beaten out of them. Kids don't come with on/off switches and sometimes the only way to make them settle down is to beat them. And I say no thanks to that. As for children running in the way of servers, that would fall under "hurting people", which I specifically addressed as unacceptable.

You can clutch your pearls all you'd like, but it's not going to change the fact that it's still bullshit.

You're too tired to cook AND parent your child in public? Then order take out.

You think little precious will stop screaming if you just ignore him? Well, he won't. He obviously wants something, so do your job and find out what it is, because I don't need to hear it.

You know you're going to a restaurant where the fruit of your loins will have to maintain some decorum? Then bring something along that's going to entertain her.

You didn't realize you'd be out so long, so you didn't come prepared? Well, you should keep things in the car just for these occasions.

Someone is throwing a temper tantrum just when the server brings your food out? Too fucking bad. You're going to have to eat a meal that's not at optimal temperature, because you'd better be taking the howler outside to get him under control.

He does it again as soon as you get back to the table? I guess you'd better get off your ass and try again. Too bad about that cold dinner, though, but it's just common decency towards the other diners and it's teaching him what you will and will not tolerate in public.

People who sit there and do nothing about their child's bad behavior are only teaching that child that other people don't matter. What self-centered assholes.

Also, no one said anything about beating anyone. And if you think that's sometimes the only way to settle a child, that's on you, not me.

[dcmhejbl62]

[i desperately want kids, but the time just isn't right, right now. Hopefully soon, though.

I'll be the first person who shoots parents a dirty look when their spawn in crawling around on the floor of a restaurant (yes, this happened at a Japanese Hibachi place near us) or screaming their bloody head off while the parent downs another margarita, but I'll also coo and fawn all over your well behaved bundle of joy. It's a judgment of the parent, not the child.

Famous last words... ;)

[roddma]

I hate to sound like a horrible asshole, but yeah...not a fan of children in general. Some are okay, but overall I would never have a child. I guess I'm too selfish to have a child. I like being able to do my own thing. The women at my work think I'm crazy because I don't have any children. I've had such responses at "Oh honey, you'll change your mind when you get older!" or "Children are precious jewels! Why wouldn't you want kids?" (not kidding, someone actually said this to me). I don't really have maternal feelings toward children and have gone out of my way to avoid getting pregnant. I just feel like society puts this stigma on a woman who doesn't want children. Just because society expects me to have children, it doesn't mean I SHOULD have kids.This overly religious lady that I used to work with used to get so pissed off with me. She would hound me with questions about being childless. I used to love pissing her off about it. She couldn't get it through her tiny pea brain that someone could be happy and fulfilled while being childless at the same time.

exactly. Of course you will never see a happy childless couple in a reality tv show because society can't fathom someone happy without kids. And why do people think all married couples like children? It's not that I don't like children. My house isn't really kid friendly. There are no swing sets and no video games-nothing much to interest them. In the past, I scrambled trying to find kids things to do which becomes annoying because you can't enjoy company. Then it depends on the kids age. I expect certain behaviors from younger kids but not 10 and up. Most 11-13 year old make demands of the parents talk back to them and such things. Though I expect certain behaviors of young kids, they should be corrected promptly in public places. they should be told beforehand where they are going and how to act. The place should be appropriate for children and not an upscale bridal shop!

[latraviata]

I don't hate kids, and have two. But I do thoroughly dislike children who are badly behaved in public, and who render everyone else's life unpleasant by their loud or unruly behaviour. I also dislike parents - and I dislike them much more than the children, believe me, who can't be a***d to bring up their children properly and show them these correct behaviours.

I don't hate children at all, in fact I am very fond of children.

I 'dislike' the parents of badly behaved children.

[JesusFightClub]

You're too tired to cook AND parent your child in public? Then order take out.

You think little precious will stop screaming if you just ignore him? Well, he won't. He obviously wants something, so do your job and find out what it is, because I don't need to hear it.

You know you're going to a restaurant where the fruit of your loins will have to maintain some decorum? Then bring something along that's going to entertain her.

You didn't realize you'd be out so long, so you didn't come prepared? Well, you should keep things in the car just for these occasions.

Someone is throwing a temper tantrum just when the server brings your food out? Too fucking bad. You're going to have to eat a meal that's not at optimal temperature, because you'd better be taking the howler outside to get him under control.

He does it again as soon as you get back to the table? I guess you'd better get off your ass and try again. Too bad about that cold dinner, though, but it's just common decency towards the other diners and it's teaching him what you will and will not tolerate in public.

People who sit there and do nothing about their child's bad behavior are only teaching that child that other people don't matter. What self-centered assholes.

Exactly. I was in a supermarket last week and there was a child who was having an EXTREME meltdown. Howling, wailing, flinging himself on the floor, and screaming...not crying really loudly, but screaming over and over again. It was honestly one of the worst examples I've seen of bad kiddy behaviour.

Mum's response? Carry on browsing the aisles peaceably. Shop assistant comes up to her. Mum "He'll stop when he's ready. And he's my kid not yours."

[keeperrox]

Famous last words... ;)

And you mean by that....?

[MamaJunebug]

Wow, that OP was a bit dramatic, no?

....

Agreed, Miss Poste, agreed.

It's been my experience over long years of ... experience ... that you get from the world what you expect to get from the world.

If you march out with your six children hanging on to yourself and each other, sourly and defiantly "knowing" that you're going to get a bunch of abuse from gawdless pagans, then that's what you'll get.

If you march out with your six children hanging on to yourself and each other, glad for the blessings of the day and knowing what you need to do and how you're prepared to handle surprises, good and bad, then blessings are what you'll see, what you get.

I can't blame the OP blogger too much, though. She's just trying to buy acceptance into her subculture, where male preachers are busy, feeding the emotions of anger, resentment, victimization and martyrdom.

Where female counterparts are mostly either tearing out their hair or in quiet desperation, working with all their might to "seem perfect" to their contemporaries.

On a personal note, I used to be one of those nice old ladies who made over strangers' children when they approached my table in a restaurant. The Junior Junebugs who worked in restaurants set me straight:

By occupying the children of the little darling parents who just couldn't be bothered to keep the kiddoes in their seats, I was enabling behavior that was dangerous to staff as well as other diners.

Big Mama Junebug used to lament that children born out of wedlock were called "illegitimate." She said, "The parents are illegitimate, the baby's .... just a baby!"

I'm not starting a discussion on unwed parenthood! I'm drawing a parallel between BMJ's observation, and those who have said that children's misbehavior is the result of parents' lack of supervision.

And I'm not talking autism-related behaviors, either. Good grief, I'm in a disclaiming mood, today! :x

[antifundie]

I honestly didn't realize that parents loved their kids until my niece was born. Yeah.

Anyways, I think my niece and nephew are the greatest children to ever grace the earth, and I generally like kids. I have kids coming up to me all the time because they want to play with my dog, and for the most part, in that context, I find them very agreeable.

But parents? Not always. I also am annoyed by "Family Parking!" at our local shopping center. And I don't like kids in movie theaters. Usually though, it's the crowds of texting pre-teens that annoying the daylights out of me. However, in our local shopping center, there is a movie theater that is 21+, which is AMAZING. You can drink and watch your movie, there are no texting kids, etc.

Usually I give parents a pass (now) on bad childhood behavior. Although I do get judge a bit when I'm in a store and a kid is having a meltdown and it seems (to me) that the mom is shopping for fun. Then I'm like "Your kid is tried, take him home!" But if it's the grocery store or something, I don't get upset.

I used to be very judgmental, because I'd think "You need to spank your kid"--now that I'm anti-spanking, and because I've realized that children are people, I have a lot more sympathy.

(But I still love my 21+ movie theater, and occasionally park in family parking.)

[notsocommon]

My daughter has ADHD and sensory issues. What most people see as 'bad' behavior is vastly improved behavior for her. So, for example, I was in the fabric store the other day and she wanted to run around. I made her stand in one place and jump up and down and I went on about my browsing. Some people would see the jumping as bad behavior(and me 'ignoring' her) and then judge my 'piss poor parenting' but they just don't have a damn clue. Thankfully, I get more "I wish I had that kind of energy" comments than anyting else. I also get people who say "It is nice to see a child being allowed to be a child" from time to time.

She's better now that she's a little older, but the younger years were hell. Our big thing now is volume control. Kid has no clue what an 'inside' voice is. UGH!