"...So their marriage bed would indeed be sacred."

[OohLaLa]

Lori has no way of knowing what her daughter did before marriage and even less chance of knowing what her son-in-law did. How many parents think their unmarried children are virgins? How many are wrong? Probably most of them!

/Raises hand/

And I'm definitely not alone either. But I have no regrets on that count for sure. I love my husband, but in order for us both to be happy I had to-ahem-teach him some things. And I could teach because I had experience. :D But what a letdown the wedding night would have been, had it been our first time.

[Gizmola]

A bit off topic bit of funny about parents/sex. Read the transcript of a conversation between my father and me over the phone:

Father: Gizmola, tell me about checks.

Gizmola: WHAT?????!!!!!!

Father: Checks! Checks! I need to know about getting checks!!!!

Gizmola: (still deaf with an ear infection): I guess you start by telling Mama she's pretty????

Father: What????

Gizmola: To get sex. Tell her she's pretty. Besides, you're 69 don't you know how sex works by now??

Father: (after laughing until he's choking) I said CHECKS - from the bank, for the new business account.

Gizmola: (blushing through the phone) Oh, thank God, I was worried you were in the early stages of Alzheimer's. I will feed you through a straw but I'm never helping you and Mama get it on.

Father: We wouldn't come to you for advice. We've been married 40 years, we know more about sex than you will ever hope know. In fact...

Gizmola: (interrupting) Okay, going to throw up now. Kthxbai!

I'm 39 and while my parents know I've been sexually active for 20 years, we don't discuss it outside of jokes like the one above. If my parents ever commented seriously on my sex life, especially to others they know they'd be destined for a cut-rate nursing home.

What I don't understand about fundies is their preoccupation with the hymen. Seriously? Why is a woman's worth tied up in her sexuality like that? They tend to talk out of both sides of their mouth - they want a woman to be judged on her worth and her godliness on one hand but then teach their daughters that the sum worth of that godliness lies between her legs. WTF?

[Anise]

The "marriage bed" must be made sacred because sex is a horrible filthy thing that somehow is purified by putting rings on the fingers and God in the middle (yes, some fundies seriously talk about making sure their sex life is God-centered).

Personally, I suspect the "getting to know each other better bit" was code for sex.

[Beammeup]

That ;) smirk just gave me he heebee jeebes. Yes, everyone know's that's what most people do on a honeymoon. Usually your parent's don't talk about it that openly. (Well except me (the fucking like rabbits part, not the parents talking about it part) because while I was virginal and pure on my wedding night, I got a raging case of honeymoonitis, and so we ended up seeing way more of the area we visited than we should have. YES, that is the PERFECT way to start a new sexual relationship. YUP.)

[Elle]

Is that really common? I'm a virgin and in my early 20s and I can never remember being "sexually frustrated."

Were you allowed to masturbate when you got horny? Since fundy kids aren't allowed to, they're very likely going to get frustrated.

[alba]

Ugh I don't know how I missed this the first time I read it...

I... really?.. I mean... what?...

...what!?

Do you think the couple actually wanted the father of the groom to be soapboxing on marriage at their wedding? I mean, really, "let's use our wedding as a day, not to celebrate our love, but to criticise other people's relationships". Yup, showing Jesus' love there.

[Katiebug]

I think that the cruelest part about waiting until your married to have sex is the decade of complete and utter sexual frustration that precedes it (if you are lucky enough to get married in your early twenties).

I think if you CHOOSE that lifestyle because you believe it is a test of your strength, good for you. But the amount of pressure that fundies put on girls to be virgins until they are married constitutes coercion in my eyes and I think it is akin to abuse. It's like forcing someone to be on a diet of rice and lettuce for 10 years, or keeping them indoors or something, through coercion and manipulation. It's inhumane.

As someone who chose not to be sexually active until I was 20, I didn't find my teen and early college years to be "complete and utter sexual frustration." I agree with you that this choice should not be imposed on teens unwillingly or out of religious obligation, but it's a bit hyperbolic to imply that those who choose to wait are destined to a decade of sexual frustration.

IRL I know at least two women who were virgins until marriage. They were technical virgins only: PIV had never happened but just about everything else had. Both were in their late 20s. Personally I think it's a little silly to proudly proclaim you're a virgin bride when you've been having oral sex for years, but that's just me.

[Peas n carrots]

I'm going to have to go back through this blog...I wonder if her daughter is not really fundie, or even conservative Christian. Unless the champaign was grape juice. There is a chance that the wedding bed wasn't as pure as momma thinks!

[slickcat79]

As someone who chose not to be sexually active until I was 20, I didn't find my teen and early college years to be "complete and utter sexual frustration." I agree with you that this choice should not be imposed on teens unwillingly or out of religious obligation, but it's a bit hyperbolic to imply that those who choose to wait are destined to a decade of sexual frustration.

For fundie girls, it's not just waiting to have sex, though. They're not allowed to masturbate, and they're not even allowed to kiss or be alone with a guy, so there's not even an option of sex or a relationship that might lead to sex. They're made to believe that natural, sexual feelings are weird/wrong/not normal/sinful. And those girls or women who might actually have lesbian or bisexual urges are completely SOL. There's a distinct difference between choosing to wait, knowing that the opportunity is there or might come up sometime soon, and knowing that someone else has control of your sex life.

[MrsYoungie]

Wow - I've been to a lot of weddings and I have never sat thinking about the happy couple's sex life (or lack thereof) throughout the evening. That is just creepy and kind of obsessive. I actually think it's better now that most couples are not virgins on their wedding day. That way nobody except they themselves know when they first did the deed. It also eliminates all the smutty double entendre (and singe entendre) jokes throughout the reception.

I would have been totally mortified if I thought people were thinking about my having sex the first time I had sex.

Just confirms for me that it is the fundies who are sex obsessed - and in a very unhealthy way.

Anyone remember Jessica Simpson's dad at her wedding announcing her virginity to all and sundry? Wonder how he feels now that she is divorced and just had a baby with her new fiance. Karma.

[TXDuck]

(yes, some fundies seriously talk about making sure their sex life is God-centered)

Seems like the one thing God would like to just stay out of. Did they even get God's permission before starting this spiritual three-way? Ok, seriously, this is just nutty. You'll not even allowed to enjoy sex for sex's sake even after you're married, you have to think about God the whole time? Can you say "mood killer"? Or have the fundies invented yet another kink? "I get off on praying while we're banging away."

ETA: Do fundies not understand how utterly inappropriate it is to comment on their and especially their children's sex lives in front of people? Miss Manners does not now nor will she ever approve of discussions of marital relations in mixed company. So really, people, stop doing that. You're over-sharing and displaying your horrifying lack of boundaries.

[thoughtful]

I like this grammatical error:

After kissing the bride and being proclaimed husband and wife, it was difficult for Alyssa not to dance down the isle.

Sounds like Alyssa kissed the bride, and was both husband and wife!

[holothuroidea]

I like this grammatical error:

Sounds like Alyssa kissed the bride, and was both husband and wife!

ROFL!!!!!

[kpmom]

I like this grammatical error:

Sounds like Alyssa kissed the bride, and was both husband and wife!

Good catch. I missed that, but noticed her misuse of isle instead of aisle. So, in addition to Alyssa kissing herself, being proclaimed both husband and wife, she could hardly keep herself from running off to some isle somewhere and dancing down it. Maybe to get far away from crazy Mom.

[BelieveinScience]

Were you allowed to masturbate when you got horny? Since fundy kids aren't allowed to, they're very likely going to get frustrated.

I bet there are fundy kids out there that do masturbate and hide it from their parents. You don't need a "friend" to masturbate which makes it really easy to. And no my parents didn't "allow" me to masturbate. It was never discussed when I was 9 or 10 my mom caught me doing it and took me the doctors to try to get me to stop. My parents and even more controlling ones like to think they know everything about their kids and what the kids are doing 24/7 in truth they dont.

[alysee]

I remember feeling such pride that I wasn't going to have sex before marriage, I wasn't going to be a "slut" like everyone else...it's like a badge of honour in the world I used to live in...now I am happy I get it. I couldn't even imagine not having sex with someone before I decided he was going to be my last(what if you're not compatible in bed..although I guess that doesn't matter either sex is for babies not for pleasure), although I suppose in my old world the temptation definitely not there thanks to the indoctrination and chaperones.

If it's your choice to not have sex before marriage because of another reason other than being in The Bible, I commend you, but I couldn't do it!

[thoughtful]

Good catch. I missed that, but noticed her misuse of isle instead of aisle. So, in addition to Alyssa kissing herself, being proclaimed both husband and wife, she could hardly keep herself from running off to some isle somewhere and dancing down it. Maybe to get far away from crazy Mom.

:lol: I had completely missed that!

Nothing more romantic than an island honeymoon . . . by oneself! :lol:

[Grace]

Two things.

#1 I waited a looooooong time because I was just never in love and didn't want to have sex with some random dude I sort of liked just to say I'd had sex. After I'd waited until I was closer to 30 than 20 I decided, "Well, hell, I might as well go ahead and wait till I get married." Then I started dating my (now) husband and fell madly in love and all that mess just went out the window. And you know what, you judgmental witch? My marriage bed was VERY sacred to us. So, kiss my grits!

#2 I had a roommate in college who was probably Fundie Lite-Lite who waited until she got married in her early 20's. She definitely ONLY waited for PIV and I remember wondering how in the HELL they avoided that because she would take a bath in our apartment and he would go in there with her and like, hang out the whole time and they showered together and he stayed at our place almost all the time. The day before her wedding she ran out of her mom's house to greet some friends in the wedding party and yelled "I get to have Sex tomorrow!" And the pastor TOTALLY mentioned the couple "saving themselves for each other" right in the ceremony. I was mortified. This guy had been her youth pastor growing up so it skeeved me out on so many levels.

[duplessis3]

Mazturbation is sex. It iswithout a physical partner, but celibates arent allowed to masturbate. So if you masturbate you cant really compare that kind of not having sex to folks that arent allowed to do that. I am sure that for those that arent asexual, or have a low libido , they are sexually frustrated. Jeez, just thinking of the annoying sexy dreams that dont get any place...ugh.

[nokidsmom]

Lori has no way of knowing what her daughter did before marriage and even less chance of knowing what her son-in-law did.

I was wondering the same thing. Don't know their ages but both look to be at least mid-20s, possibly 30 and old enough to have done plenty, and really, how would mommy know? I was thinking she may know otherwise but wants to have this look all proper somehow.

How many parents think their unmarried children are virgins? How many are wrong? Probably most of them!

Mine sure were :lol:. My folks, especially me mum, were big on the "saving yourself for marriage" stuff which I didn't buy into, but I made darn sure they didn't know that I lost my virginity before my marriage. I didn't want to deal with how I now wasn't considered "pure" and the guy to be treated like a villain for "deflowering" their daughter, which in my case, turned out to be Mr. Nokidsmom, their future son-in-law! Never mind the fact that I waited until my early 20's because I was picky (seriously) though I had plenty of opportunities to lose it earlier if I really wanted to.

[Bloo]

See, my parents assumed that since Mr. Bloo and I lived together, that we weren't virgins. Well, they were wrong. Granted, we were only PIV virgins (well, and PIA virgins, but I don't really intend on giving that one up anytime soon) but whatever. To me, if there's slim-to-no chance of pregnancy without contraception, it counts. Our friends razzed us about it, and sure everyone knows the date that we lost our virginity, but we don't really care. The foreplay experience, coupled with honest discussion of our fantasies and whatnot, was enough to convince me that we'd be more than compatible in bed.

But it was completely our decision. At first, we approached it with a bit of a religious bent, but later on (we dated for 9 1/2 years before marrying, as we were high school sweethearts who wanted to be done with school before marriage) it became more the practical thought of not wanting to get pregnant before our situation was settled enough to want it, and for us that included marriage. I don't give a damn what other people do as long as they are consenting adults.

For the record, my first time was actually a wonderful experience, though that may have been due in part to the adrenaline rush of the wedding and the fact that a rough pap smear had taken my hymen a year or two earlier.

[Hane]

They stood in front of us in purity, saving themselves for each other so their marriage bed would indeed be sacred. God's ways are so good!

I was a virgin when I got married at age 20 (during the Pleistocene). My "marriage bed" was in a Holiday Inn the night of my wedding reception, and I never thought of it as particularly sacred.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

See, my parents assumed that since Mr. Bloo and I lived together, that we weren't virgins. Well, they were wrong. Granted, we were only PIV virgins (well, and PIA virgins, but I don't really intend on giving that one up anytime soon) but whatever. To me, if there's slim-to-no chance of pregnancy without contraception, it counts. Our friends razzed us about it, and sure everyone knows the date that we lost our virginity, but we don't really care. The foreplay experience, coupled with honest discussion of our fantasies and whatnot, was enough to convince me that we'd be more than compatible in bed.

But it was completely our decision. At first, we approached it with a bit of a religious bent, but later on (we dated for 9 1/2 years before marrying, as we were high school sweethearts who wanted to be done with school before marriage) it became more the practical thought of not wanting to get pregnant before our situation was settled enough to want it, and for us that included marriage. I don't give a damn what other people do as long as they are consenting adults.

For the record, my first time was actually a wonderful experience, though that may have been due in part to the adrenaline rush of the wedding and the fact that a rough pap smear had taken my hymen a year or two earlier.

Holy crap, I think I just FELT that in sympathy! I hope you fired that OBGYN!

[nokidsmom]

Holy crap, I think I just FELT that in sympathy! I hope you fired that OBGYN!

Seconded. I had my first pap when I was a virgin as well; it was a painful experience and did a number on the hymen, not that I was worried about it. But it was really rough and even now, I really HATE getting paps even though they are not painful.

[DarkAnts]

Mazturbation is sex. It iswithout a physical partner, but celibates arent allowed to masturbate. So if you masturbate you cant really compare that kind of not having sex to folks that arent allowed to do that. I am sure that for those that arent asexual, or have a low libido , they are sexually frustrated. Jeez, just thinking of the annoying sexy dreams that dont get any place...ugh.

I wont lie, I love my vibrator. I am not currently interested in dating at this point in my life there is too much instability.Its a great way to explore your sexuality so you can help your partner find your pleasure spots when you finally have sex. Its sad that people demonize it. One of my friends casually left a book about self pleasure and a vibrator in a spot where she knew her daughter would see it. Her daughter took the book and vibrator to her room and we assume she used them. She later told her mom that it kept her from having sex until she was emotionally ready for it.