Daddy (Arndt) said I can go!!!

[0 kids n not countin]

Quote

A few days ago, Dad came up to me out of the blue and said I could join the guys on their trip! I’ve never been to Florida, but I’m sure it’ll be an awesome experience!

 

Sorry just had to post this, it bugs me to no end that the Arndt "men" still need the permission of mommy & daddy before they do anything. Some of the older brothers are going to Florida to photograph a wedding and Jacob (who is almost 19 I believe) is so excited because daddy said he can go too. Are these "men" not allowed to make any decisions themselves? WTF??

[candycanehead]

when my oldest was that age, he still asked to do things..i figure that as long as hes under my roof, being supported by us, he could at least let us know whats up. granted, i never really said no, unless it was something dangerous/risky.

[0 kids n not countin]

when my oldest was that age, he still asked to do things..i figure that as long as hes under my roof, being supported by us, he could at least let us know whats up. granted, i never really said no, unless it was something dangerous/risky.

I guess I do sort of agree considering the age, but with the Arndt family I feel that the kids wouldn't even ask. All of a sudden daddy decides Jacob should go with the other brothers?? It could just be me but I get the feeling that the Arndt kids don't get a say in anything they do, they just do what their parents tell them, even the older sons who are 25+. I do agree if you are living under your parents' roof you respect their "rules" and yes, if you're going somewhere let them know what's up, but I don't get the feeling the Arndt sons get to "ask" their parents if they want to do something. And if you're an adult living with your parents why should you have to ask? But that's just me. I guess it sort of goes a long with the sons' attitude about waiting for a "Godly girl" to be dropped at their doorstep, rather than actually doing something to meet someone.

It icks me out that the dad has that much control even over his adult sons.

[She Who Laughs]

We had the "my house, my rules" policy as well. I didn't have a problem with my kids making their own decisions as adults, but if they lived in my house then they had to follow house rules. Not because I wanted to control their every movement, but because their decisions often had an effect on the rest of the family. For example, we had a curfew. The curfew wasn't so much because I wanted to control how late they stayed out, but rather because coming home late after everyone else had gone to bed would ultimately mean it would wake someone else up. For my husband and myself, we both had jobs we needed to be up for pretty early in the morning and when your sleep gets interrupted it can make you not feel as rested, or for my husband it might mean he couldn't get back to sleep at all and would be exhausted the entire next day. When you live with someone else, you have to be respectful of them despite what your own desires might be. If they wanted to stay out later than curfew then they needed to make arrangements to spend the night with a friend, or move into their own place.

So, I can see why I would expect an adult child living at home to ask permission. Perhaps he has responsibilities at home and his being gone would mean someone else would have an extra load of work. If he doesn't want to have to ask permission, then he needs to move out.

[Witsec7]

At the age of 19 my DD lived at home and she was self supporting. She informed me of plans and I would offer opinions if germane.

[alba]

I think it's normal for young adults living at home to ask permission to do things, or at least tell their parents what they're up to. What's not normal is to get this excited when the answer is "yes", because that suggests it's usually "no". Even less normal is that I get the impression that Jacob didn't even ask; is it because he expected the answer to be "no" or because asking these things "isn't done" in their household?

[0 kids n not countin]

I think it's normal for young adults living at home to ask permission to do things, or at least tell their parents what they're up to. What's not normal is to get this excited when the answer is "yes", because that suggests it's usually "no". Even less normal is that I get the impression that Jacob didn't even ask; is it because he expected the answer to be "no" or because asking these things "isn't done" in their household?

Yes, this is what I mean but perhaps didn't articulate it as well as you.

As for not living at home, several of the older sons probably don't need to as they obviously have skills and are able to work on their own, but to live on their own would be out of the question because it's not "daddy approved".

[Witsec7]

We had the "my house, my rules" policy as well. I didn't have a problem with my kids making their own decisions as adults, but if they lived in my house then they had to follow house rules. Not because I wanted to control their every movement, but because their decisions often had an effect on the rest of the family. For example, we had a curfew. The curfew wasn't so much because I wanted to control how late they stayed out, but rather because coming home late after everyone else had gone to bed would ultimately mean it would wake someone else up. For my husband and myself, we both had jobs we needed to be up for pretty early in the morning and when your sleep gets interrupted it can make you not feel as rested, or for my husband it might mean he couldn't get back to sleep at all and would be exhausted the entire next day. When you live with someone else, you have to be respectful of them despite what your own desires might be. If they wanted to stay out later than curfew then they needed to make arrangements to spend the night with a friend, or move into their own place.

So, I can see why I would expect an adult child living at home to ask permission. Perhaps he has responsibilities at home and his being gone would mean someone else would have an extra load of work. If he doesn't want to have to ask permission, then he needs to move out.

How hard would it be to tell them to enter quietly without waking others? Perhaps I'm missing something.

[Trynn]

How hard would it be to tell them to enter quietly without waking others? Perhaps I'm missing something.

Maybe they're light sleepers? Heh. When I lived with my parents, I had no curfew, but if I was going to be unusually late I would usually tell them. It just seemed like a courtesy thing to me. My mom and dad usually told me when they were going somewhere too, so even as a teenager I thought, well, if they tell me when they leave the house and approximately when they'll be back, it's no big deal for me to do the same thing. But then, maybe my parents were just less strict and gave me no curfew because I had no friends and so anytime I wanted to socialize, they were just happy I was out of the house?

[She Who Laughs]

How hard would it be to tell them to enter quietly without waking others? Perhaps I'm missing something.

My husband is an incredibly light sleeper who cannot go back to sleep (generally) if he wakes up in the night. Because of our house layout and age, even if someone could get through the front door quietly, there is no way they could get to any of the bedrooms without the floors squeeking or worse yet the dog barking. I swear a bug walking across the floor would wake my husband up. Plus, I don't see it as any big deal to expect people to follow the house rules or move out.

[Zoom]

Maybe they're light sleepers? Heh. When I lived with my parents, I had no curfew, but if I was going to be unusually late I would usually tell them. It just seemed like a courtesy thing to me. My mom and dad usually told me when they were going somewhere too, so even as a teenager I thought, well, if they tell me when they leave the house and approximately when they'll be back, it's no big deal for me to do the same thing. But then, maybe my parents were just less strict and gave me no curfew because I had no friends and so anytime I wanted to socialize, they were just happy I was out of the house?

The last part is me :oops:

I moved back home when I was in my late twenties to save money when I was in grad school. I only asked my parents when it involved borrowing the car, and then it was because it wasn't my car so I think everyone would agree that asking is the right thing to do. My parents rarely said no, and if they did it was because they needed it more than me (for example I wanted it to do something fun, but they both needed their cars for work, and even then they would try to make it work so that I could do my fun thing). But yeah, I was brought up that if you live in a house with someone it is polite to inform them where you are going and when you will be back *shrug*

However, with these guys, I agree it seems a bit weird.

[gustava]

Sorry just had to post this, it bugs me to no end that the Arndt "men" still need the permission of mommy & daddy before they do anything. Some of the older brothers are going to Florida to photograph a wedding and Jacob (who is almost 19 I believe) is so excited because daddy said he can go too. :roll: Are these "men" not allowed to make any decisions themselves? WTF??

Thank you O Great Daddy for granting me permission to go on a trip the state of booze, boobs, and orgiastic sex.

[0 kids n not countin]

more "wtf" regarding the trip:

As soon as we crossed into Mississippi, we encountered rainfall, and since we had two suitcases on the luggage rack on top of the car, we decided to cover the suitcases to protect it from the rain. But a few minutes after we finished that and got on the road again, we heard some flapping and tapping, and when we pulled over we saw the plastic we used to cover it was tearing. Since the rain had at least temporarily stopped, we decided to tear off the plastic and hope for the best… but as we tore it off, the rain started up again. So now we’re back on the road, packed into the minivan with two large suitcases down the center aisle, and guess what? The rain has cleared up. We’re headed to a pizza buffet now, so I guess we’ll stay there until God decides whether he wants rain or not.

Let God decide whether he wants rain or not.... :roll: and a big sigh!!!

It reminds me of one of the Maxwell posts where they mentioned Abby saying Daddy listened to "God" (I believe in respect to going out and watching chipmunks or something). I guess I just find the mentality of just sitting around and waiting for God to do something a bit hard to take.

And please, they find it "exciting" that a new Chick-Fil-A is being built, of all the things one can comment on on a road trip this is what they feel worthy of mentioning??? :think:

[Witsec7]

I think there is a bit of confusion about my position. I never said I opposed the parents being informed by the young adult. I don't see any reason why one would expect or require a 19 year old to ask permission to go somewhere or stay out late. There are ways to handle light sleepers in households and any adult member of the house staying out late that don't require asking permission to do so.

Please feel free to return to your original programing.

[holothuroidea]

Sorry just had to post this, it bugs me to no end that the Arndt "men" still need the permission of mommy & daddy before they do anything. Some of the older brothers are going to Florida to photograph a wedding and Jacob (who is almost 19 I believe) is so excited because daddy said he can go too. :roll: Are these "men" not allowed to make any decisions themselves? WTF??

Well of course not! You're not really a man until you have a wife and she's properly submissive to you. Gosh, everyone knows your manhood and worth as a person completely depends on every thing your wife does.

Anyway, I got the weirdness from the quote. It's definitely not along the lines of the normal, "we have to talk about stuff you want to do before you do it" kind of conversation that a respectful family has.

I also get the impression that he HAS to be excited about it, because dad said he "could" do it, even if he might not want to.

[dairyfreelife]

Maybe they're light sleepers? Heh. When I lived with my parents, I had no curfew, but if I was going to be unusually late I would usually tell them. It just seemed like a courtesy thing to me. My mom and dad usually told me when they were going somewhere too, so even as a teenager I thought, well, if they tell me when they leave the house and approximately when they'll be back, it's no big deal for me to do the same thing. But then, maybe my parents were just less strict and gave me no curfew because I had no friends and so anytime I wanted to socialize, they were just happy I was out of the house?

:oops: That was my parents too. I never had a curfew either, but if I went out, I let them know where I was going or if I wasn't sure yet, an approximate time I'd be back. This just seems like a courtesy thing. Making your parents worry about you because you can't be bothered to call them just seems rude to me. I didn't really have friends either, so they were happy I was out with others. They also knew I wasn't the type to do something crazy and get in serious trouble either.

[alba]

more "wtf" regarding the trip:

Sorry, I got distracted by the shitty writing. SOTDRT fail.

[Peas n carrots]

The Arndts don't bother me too much. Though I think it is kind of weird that so many of their grown sons still live st home?

[slickcat79]

How hard would it be to tell them to enter quietly without waking others? Perhaps I'm missing something.

Agreed. There's a difference between telling your parents (or even your roommates) where you're going to be and when you expect to be back, and knowing that you're an adult and you wouldn't EVER be ALLOWED to stay out past 10 or whatever. I lived with my mom during summers when I was in college, and I had no problem doing chores or following whatever rules were in place, but she wouldn't have expected me to follow a curfew as long as she knew where I was and all. I would have had to be pretty damn desperate to live at home with my parents under those conditions. My first job after college involved working a night shift that sometimes let out in the wee hours. If my parents had instituted curfew, it wouldn't have taken long to be kicked out of their house for coming home from WORK at 4 AM. If you're going to make your adult children feel like inconvenient kids when they have to come live with you, why not just tell them that they're not welcome to begin with?

[She Who Laughs]

Agreed. There's a difference between telling your parents (or even your roommates) where you're going to be and when you expect to be back, and knowing that you're an adult and you wouldn't EVER be ALLOWED to stay out past 10 or whatever. I lived with my mom during summers when I was in college, and I had no problem doing chores or following whatever rules were in place, but she wouldn't have expected me to follow a curfew as long as she knew where I was and all. I would have had to be pretty damn desperate to live at home with my parents under those conditions. My first job after college involved working a night shift that sometimes let out in the wee hours. If my parents had instituted curfew, it wouldn't have taken long to be kicked out of their house for coming home from WORK at 4 AM. If you're going to make your adult children feel like inconvenient kids when they have to come live with you, why not just tell them that they're not welcome to begin with?

Naturally if they had a job where they would come home in the middle of the night we would have had to figure something else out. This was not for a job however and there is absolutely no reason for a young adult who can't pay their own bills yet to be out until the middle of the night. If you live with someone else, parents or not, you need to be respectful of their rules, their schedules, etc. It wasn't as if I was forbidding them from going out, they just knew if going out with friends meant they wouldn't be home until the middle of the night then they should make arrangements to stay with one of their friends who did have their own place. It was never an issue and they never complained or argued about it.

[fakepigtails73]

How hard would it be to tell them to enter quietly without waking others? Perhaps I'm missing something.

I thought the same thing as you re: what you bolded.

I lived until the age of 21 with my Dad, so from the age of 18 to 21 I didn't need to ask permission to sleep out, although I did leave him a note or a message on the answering machine as common courtesy. I stopped having curfews at 17.

My Dad wasn't strict at all, and looking back at some stupid things that I did in my teens I do wish that he would have been on some occasions. I was never grounded, and Lucifer knows that I deserved to be at times. I never left the house at night from my bedroom window as some of my friends did, the reason being we lived in an appartment building...

Yeah, the reaction of the Arendt boy shows how sheltered they really are. Not good for a future "headship".

[roddma]

For safety reasons, it is good to let those you live with know where you are going and common courtesy. If I ever have kids, even as young adults there would be a few ground rules like no smoking in the bed , help with expenses, etc. Most evey household has rules . I expect them to be on their best bevior. However, I woldn't feel they needed permisson to go somewhere or do such and such when they ar legal adults. Yea they may live in my house but you sooner or later have to loosen the reigns. It helps them be better adults. It just bothers me these young adults are controlled the way they are.

[Zoom]

I feel I should add that I didn't have a curfew from about age 15. The latest my parents would pick me up was 11pm. If I wanted to be out later I would have to pay for a taxi or sleep at a friends house. The reason the rule started when I was 15? That is when I started making my own money and could pay for a taxi home myself. The worst thing I did as a teen? Get my ears pierced before turning 16. A decision I've regretted since then. But since that was the hight of my rebellion I think my parents were pretty safe in assuming I wouldn't get in any real trouble. Of course my mom has since told me off for not being more rebellions, she feels she wasn't quite as prepared for my sister as she should have been :mrgreen: . Of course the worst my sister did was get (lightly) drunk a month before her 18th birthday (legal drinking age), have a panic attack at a concert, get taken to the hospital and my dad had to come pick her up in the middle of the night. When the hospital staff said to her (after establishing that she was underage and had been drinking) "you do understand that we have to call your parents" she replied "you had better, I can't get home from here". My dad still ribs her about that one occasionally. :mrgreen:

The point of this? We were GOOD kids, which the Arndt boys seem to be too, why all the rules?

[bananacat]

Everyone keep in mind that She Who Laughs thinks it's ok to hit infants. Of course her position will be the authoritarian one.

I don't buy the light sleeping argument for curfews for adult children though, unless you're ALSO forcing them to go to bed at a certain time, which is frankly ridiculous. If you're sleeping light enough to be woken up by a door opening, then you'll probably be MORE disturbed by lights, tv, music, whatever.

I think adult children living at home should as much freedom as any guest or tenant. Of course they have to be polite, just like anyone else who might stay with you.

[Childless]

At 19, I was living in a dorm at college. As soon as I graduated from college, I got a job and my own place. I was, you know, acting like an adult and being self-sufficient. I worry that some of the Arndt boys are planning on having their wives move into their parents' house with them should they ever find a woman godly enough to marry.