NON-fundy parents how would you handle this

[mrs]

I have. I don't call the police, but I do say something. Not nice. Okay, hostile.

I think its important to step in especially when you can see in advance that the mother is about to go over the "mental" edge. I'm not implying that the mother was about to hit the child, but you can see it unfolding and can tell the mother is having one of those bad mommy days and may start crying in the middle of the grocery store b/c her kids are acting like kids and not listening, tantorm, ect. I will go over and ask if she needs a hand or if she would like help getting her bags out to the car. Sometimes by just asking and making small talk can help the situation.

[1004srs]

mrs. -

That is what I do. I don't judge. I am not hostile. I don't call the manager. I just nicely ask if they need a hand loading groceries or whatever.

I have a couple of friends who are also single Moms. I ask if they need a break occasionally and take their kids (and mine) to the pool.

A friend recently had a baby, so I cooked up a couple of meals to relieve some of the pressures at home.

It does take a village to raise children. Sometimes all a parent needs is a break or a hand. I find it more effective than posting on the internet about how stupid they are. I don't know what is going on in their lives to cause stress. But, I can be supportive and offer an hand.

[formergothardite]

A real life situation where you can offer to help is completely different than a message board where people proudly proclaim that they hit their children. So what should we have done on this thread 1004srs? How should the people who are against adults hitting children deal with that in a discussion board situation?

[mrs]

1004srs: I want to make clear, I have only seen a parent strike a child once in a public place and someone else intervened. I don't know how I would have handled it if I was the only one around.

My comment was in regards to watching a mom being "challenged" to the mental edge, during their worse mommy days. Sometimes a smile and helping hand helps alot.

I would call the cops if someone clearly abused a child in front of me.

[Kelya]

I guess whoever it was who called Pad a troll was spot on!

And I wonder if Elle and the other posters who hit their children will come back to this thread.

I can't get over someone who freaks out about vaccinations, claiming no one can do anything to her or her kid's bodies!!! fuck the government!!!! is totally okay with hitting her child. Disassociation.

[formergothardite]

If I see a stressed mom in the store who hits her child's hand, I don't really think she is the worst mother in the world. I just think that she is tired, stressed, probably not at her best when it comes to parenting.

BUT that has nothing at all to do with this thread where Elle and the other poster are having a discussion and refuse to acknowledge that they are hitting small children and that there are better parenting techniques that will work just as well and you don't end up hitting a child.

Yes, I do judge parents who openly state that they only want to take the lazy way(hitting children) of dealing with behaviour problems. Like I've said on threads before, I'm pretty closed minded about some things. Adults hitting children is one of them.

[Feberin]

My question for those here who believe that spanking their children is okay and an effective method for obtaining the behaviors you want from your children, is this: How long will you spank? Specifically, do you see yourself continuing to hit your child for years to come? What if your effective method isn't really very effective and your child keeps behaving in ways that frustrate you to the point you believe it necessary to hit them until they "behave"? What if this continue until they are age 10, 12, 14 and older? What happens when what you perceive as a mild swat doesn't cut it anymore? Will you then believe it's okay to use an implement to obtain the behavior your desire, such as a spoon, ruler, belt, etc?

My MIL spanked my husband well into his teens. She finally stopped when she hurt her hand while hitting him. And until recently she would still slap him in the back of the head if he said something that annoyed her. The last time he caught her hand and held onto until she stopped the hitting movement explaining that she needed to stop doing that because we're teaching our son that hitting is wrong. I don't think she's done it since.

[Witsec7]

...Researchers also found that when parents' use of physical discipline continues through childhood, by the time their children are teens, they're more likely to have behavior problems.

Link unbroken

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/20 ... 100953.htm

[Renting with Raggles]

By joining Team Spanky, you're aiding and abetting people who believe that anything they do short of killing the kid is okay. And oops, if they do kill the kid, looks like it went too far, but hey, who's to say they weren't a caring parent with good intentions? You're indulging your desire to hit your kids at the price of other kids who get hit so hard it leaves a lasting mark--on their hearts if not their bodies.

I wasn't able to articulate before why I'm uncomfortable with the idea of 'mild' spanking, but this sums it up perfectly.

[Guest Anonymous]

1004srs - Isn't your ex habitually exposing your children to women who are abusing them?

viewtopic.php?f=10&t=7224&start=20.

My children have come home from spending time with these assorted women with pinch marks, one pulled down my sons pants and spanked him, one put my kids on the front porch and wouldn't let them in her house. He really doesn't date nice people.

Unfortuantely, there isn't much we can do.

Luckily, he doesn't see the kids a whole lot. They do have a cell phone so they can call 911 or a friend for help, if things get too bad.

Sometimes a child needs a break or a hand. Please get some legal advice and support to protect your children.

[Kaylee]

I wasn't able to articulate before why I'm uncomfortable with the idea of 'mild' spanking, but this sums it up perfectly.

I agree. I'm on another message board where abusive "children's homes" are sometimes discussed, and it seems like a lot of the people who make excuses for them or overlook abuse are the ones who say it's just spanking and there's nothing wrong with it or that they were spanked and turned out OK. Yes, most rational people can see the difference between a "light tap" and breaking skin or leaving lasting marks, but when they are both called the same thing you end up with more moderate spankers stepping in and being a shield for those who are defiantly abusive, all because they are afraid of or resent the idea that they should be accountable for not mistreating their own child.

Also, many abusers see what they do as "mild" spanking, either because they are totally out of touch with reality in regards to the level of pain they are inflicted or because they were abused as bad or worse themselves. My husband's mom will tell you she only spanked when it was absolutely necessary and never that hard, but he has 3 or 4 scars from being hit with light cords, belt buckles and things that broke the skin, plus a dent in the top of his head from when she threw a metal pipe at him because he wasn't listening and was too far away to reach to hit (he was maybe 10 then). She's living with us now, hopefully temporarily, and doesn't understand why I won't leave her alone with my son.

[Witsec1]

1004srs - Isn't your ex habitually exposing your children to women who are abusing them?

viewtopic.php?f=10&t=7224&start=20.

Sometimes a child needs a break or a hand. Please get some legal advice and support to protect your children.

OMG- just read this other thread. Whoa.

[Austin]

Ruh-roh. . .

[Koala]

1004srs - Isn't your ex habitually exposing your children to women who are abusing them?

http://freejinger.org/viewtopic.php?f=1 ... 4&start=20.

Sometimes a child needs a break or a hand. Please get some legal advice and support to protect your children.

Oh god that's awful. I noticed that in the "switching" thread she had posted about some truly horrible experiences she had as a child. Between that and what you posted, I am really surprised that she isn't vehemently opposed to hitting.

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=2284&p=47581#p47581

me too, on all of the above, except that I'm 38 so it's been about 26 yrs for me.

Plus an over-developed sense of shame, and a tendency to avoid any kind of confrontation.

I still remember the "stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about".

My parents and their friends used to laugh about how they only had to spank one of us because the others when seeing/hearing it would also cry.

THis....for me too.

Don't pick a switch that was not the right size. You'd have to re-do.

I believe she was trying to quote someone.

I'll tell you one thing for damn sure...if someone ever raised a hand to my kids I would make the 10 o'clock news.

[valsa]

He thought he was a good parent. He used to tell us, "You're lucky I only use my hands on you! My father would have taken a belt to you!" Did we learn to respect him? Well, when I was seven or eight, I told him "When I grow up, I'm going to buy a gun. And I'm going to come back when you're sleeping and KILL YOU." See, that's what he was teaching me. When all else fails, use violence. I knew he was bigger and stronger than me, so the logical solution was to get a gun. If I wanted this to stop--and I did--I was going to have to KILL DADDY.

Preaching to the choir. By the time I was about 12 years old, I had a rather complex plan to kill my abusive father and get away with it. He had a heart condition and always had nitros on hand (at that time, I thought nitro made your heart beat faster) My plan was to crush a bunch of them in his favorite drink so his heart would beat so fast that it burst. Then I'd get rid of the drink and tell the police he thought he was having a heart attack, panicked, and took too many of them.

[lindsey]

I am a bit tired so my brain is foggy. According to Prevent Child Abuse 2.35 per 100,00 children died because of child abuse. I tried to do the math for 9,000,000 and came up with 211.5. Correct me if I am way off. But doesn't that mean that to equal American rates of death by child abuse, Sweden would need for 211.5 children to have died?

I divided 9,000,000 by 100,000 and multiplied by 2.35.

http://www.preventchildabuse.org/about_ ... .shtml#die

I did the math too and you're right, 211.5 swedish kids would have had to die due to child abuse in order to match the US/Puerto Rico rate. Or if we go only by the population under 18 (don't know how they got the 2.35 number) which is estimated to be around 2,000,000 it would be 47 kids.

As some other poster said, what makes it even more shocking is that Swedens number also includes what people here have descibed as "light swats" while the US numbers ignore these.

I am truly confused why pro-spankers would think those numbers are admirable. Maybe someone can explain it, but somehow I doubt it.

[Defrauding Errday]

I was raised in a household where hitting was highly frowned upon unless in self-defense (there is a history of abuse in my extended family), so the idea of spanking has always been considered especially heinous to me. It also pisses me of that the only excuses the pro-spankers can come up with is 1) that's how things were back in the day when all kids behaved 2) it's how they were raised and it turned them into (allegedly) upstanding citizens and 3) anything less than harsh is ineffective. I was recently called judgmental with abusive tendencies because I refuse to entertain the idea that hitting children is anything less than bad parenting.

[formergothardite]

Ruh-roh. . .

Yeah, I kind of doubt 1004srs will be coming back to this thread.

[Guest Anonymous]

Spanking threads are like peanut butter and food allergy threads. You aren't going to change someones mind on the interwebz. Stop trying.

What's the old saying - opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one.

I am not okay with the extreme pushiness on hot button issues - especially on the interwebz. I think (and I am allowed to have an opinion) that we should support parents and show them kindness. Lead by example.

Shoving your opinion on someone makes you look like a fundie.......

(Remember Steve Maxwell and the poor Olive Garden waitress?)

Oh god that's awful. I noticed that in the "switching" thread she had posted about some truly horrible experiences she had as a child. Between that and what you posted, I am really surprised that she isn't vehemently opposed to hitting.

http://www.freejinger.org/viewtopic.php ... 581#p47581

Yeah, I kind of doubt 1004srs will be coming back to this thread.

I think she is truly in denial about the history of abuse in her own family. :cry:

[Koala]

I agree. I find it very alarming that she had such a passive reaction to the abuse of her son. That she mentioned it only as an afterthought is kind of mind blowing. It also makes it that much stranger that she isn't vehemently against hitting children.

Can you imagine how scary those visits must be for her babies??? I would have had his ass in court so fast it would have made his head spin....and the woman...it doesn't even bear thinking.

[StarrieEyedKat]

Even when I though spanking was a normal thing to do, if I knew some random strange women were spanking my kids when I wasn't around? Oh, like hell, the cops would be called. :naughty: