Lyndsie and Daniel got another baby ALREADY???

[Witsec7]

Yes, the black market still exists. I think the more likely scenario is a private adoption through their church or friends. An agency would not place a 2nd child so soon, would not place with a couple so young, and would not place with someone whose cancer was so recent.

Private adoption is often a euphemism for selling kids legally.

[Hane]

I think much of it has to do with cost and where you live. In a larger town or city, there are more resources available than in the more rural parts of the country. Birth control isn't free here in the US (yet), and abortion is often prohibitively expensive. Some areas don't have Planned Parenthood, especially since it has been defunded. Fundies do have a foothold in many areas - like where I live in rural SE Ohio. I think a lot of teens don't know about the many options for birth control - beyond condoms - because of abstinence only sex ed. When I was a teenager, I knew about the different methods of birth control, but I would have had no idea how to get them. We didn't have Planned Parenthood, and I would have been too afraid to go to a doctor and ask.

Add to this the fact that, in the Bible Belt (and among many other groups in other parts of the country), there's still that "premarital sex is extra-sinful if you plan for it and use contraception" attitude, so girls fall into that "we had sex by accident" mindset. Add to that the "abortion is MURDER!!!!" attitude (and limited or no access to it--isn't there only one, part-time, abortion practitioner in the entire state of Mississippi?). Then add "Raising a child as a single woman announces you're a WHORE!!!" and there you go.

Back in the mid-'80s, a couple of my co-workers, mothers of young daughters, were discussing what they'd do if one of their daughters got pregnant. One flatly said, "I'd make her have it and give it up for adoption--that way she'd learn," and her friend agreed with her! I was stunned into silence.

[Guest Anonymous]

Back in the mid-'80s, a couple of my co-workers, mothers of young daughters, were discussing what they'd do if one of their daughters got pregnant. One flatly said, "I'd make her have it and give it up for adoption--that way she'd learn," and her friend agreed with her! I was stunned into silence.

She'd learn a couple of things for sure - that her mother is a douchecanoe, and to hate her guts. Holy crap! I am so gobsmacked that people can simultaneously believe that babies are OMG, a blessing! and also a punishment for being slutty.

[Sprocket]

Add to this the fact that, in the Bible Belt (and among many other groups in other parts of the country), there's still that "premarital sex is extra-sinful if you plan for it and use contraception" attitude, so girls fall into that "we had sex by accident" mindset. Add to that the "abortion is MURDER!!!!" attitude (and limited or no access to it--isn't there only one, part-time, abortion practitioner in the entire state of Mississippi?). Then add "Raising a child as a single woman announces you're a WHORE!!!" and there you go.

Back in the mid-'80s, a couple of my co-workers, mothers of young daughters, were discussing what they'd do if one of their daughters got pregnant. One flatly said, "I'd make her have it and give it up for adoption--that way she'd learn," and her friend agreed with her! I was stunned into silence.

That woman seriously needs to read 'The Girls Who Went Away'. I think that's the name of it -- the book is downstairs and I'm too lazy to go get it. Basically it's mini-biographies of women/girls who were forced to give up their child for adoption in the years before Roe v. Wade. The stories are gut-wrenching and some women were so traumatized that they were unable to ever get pregnant again. Nothing was biologically wrong, but were so traumatized that it became one I suppose.

People like that piss me off. First of all, it's not her mother's choice what she does with her child. Granted, adoption may perhaps be a better choice for the child - I don't know their circumstances - but it's none of her mother's effing business. I am sure that in a lot of circles in the bible belt a unplanned teen pregnancy is seen as the end of the world, but I live in the heart of the bible belt and I had girls in my high school who were pregnant and that was 13 years ago. (Damn. 13 years. Really?!) I can imagine that it's worse now.

[NurseNell]

That woman seriously needs to read 'The Girls Who Went Away'. I think that's the name of it -- the book is downstairs and I'm too lazy to go get it. Basically it's mini-biographies of women/girls who were forced to give up their child for adoption in the years before Roe v. Wade. The stories are gut-wrenching and some women were so traumatized that they were unable to ever get pregnant again. Nothing was biologically wrong, but were so traumatized that it became one I suppose.

People like that piss me off. First of all, it's not her mother's choice what she does with her child. Granted, adoption may perhaps be a better choice for the child - I don't know their circumstances - but it's none of her mother's effing business. I am sure that in a lot of circles in the bible belt a unplanned teen pregnancy is seen as the end of the world, but I live in the heart of the bible belt and I had girls in my high school who were pregnant and that was 13 years ago. (Damn. 13 years. Really?!) I can imagine that it's worse now.

Yes, the Girls Who Went Away is a classic. Young women today don't realize what it was like in the 50's and 60's, even to about the mid 70's in some places. You were kicked out of school if pregnant. If you were a teacher you lost your job, same with nurses. When I was in the military you couldn't be pregnant even if married. A single, pregnant woman almost always lost her job. There were no services for single mothers. If the father didn't want to marry you you usually ended up going to a maternity home and relinquishing your baby. Not every single mother-to-be did, many did get married but thousands lost their babies to adoption.

[emmiedahl]

Being a single mother, especially a young single mother, is very tough. It's hard financially, but it is even harder socially. In the US, adoption is regarded as "the loving thing to do," the thing that will give your baby a better life. In many cases this is true, but I hate all the pressure on young mothers to basically be breeders for "better" people. Those "better" people are better simply because they have more money, are married and attend church--they buy into our materialistic, patriarchal culture and thus deserve a baby, while the young mother has not followed the rules and deserves to be penalized and to cry herself to sleep every night for 18 years.

Adoption has been a huge gift to my family; I gained a much-loved sibling through it. Yet, it would be better to offer more support for single mothers so *if they wanted to* they could support their babies. It sucks that economics have to be the major factor in whether a mother is able to parent a child.

[Hope]

I can't imagine having a photographer present when the family is united with a newborn child.

When my niece was born, her very jealous brother spent the day in a daze, and no amount of 'big brother presents' could shake the fact that his little world had changed forever and he wasn't immediately thrilled. I can't imagine how her would have reacted if he'd been changed into best clothes and marched into a photoshoot. :|

Ethan is so young that he'll quickly forget she wasn't always there. He might still act jealous for awhile still though.

The recycling the name issue is the reason I never named my babies before they were born. That way if anything happened and I wanted to use it later it was fine. She was so dead set on Aubrey that I thought it was really stupid to name a baby that you are potentially adopting, a much more tenuous situation than a pregnancy that's past the first trimester.

I don't think that there really are that many babies available for adoption in the US, at least not by the birth mom's choice. It does sound like it's more than Sweden and I'm sure that's due to Sweden's social support. Here trying to find a job that provides health insurance and enough income to cover living expenses and daycare is practically impossible for a young woman who likely hasn't completed job training. Is it possible for young single moms in Sweden to continue in University or to get admitted? I know it's a lot harder to get into University than it is for "college" here, but maybe that's like comparing apples and oranges.

[Rachel333]

There are also many adoption agencies that coerce young women into choosing adoption. It can be very corrupt, even here in the US. Some of the crisis pregnancy centers basically exist just to provide potential adoptive parents with babies. There was a story recently of a woman who went to one intending to keep her baby and was turned away because she wasn't going to choose adoption.

[Nothing2CHere]

This. I think it's uber weird when people get stuck on one name and like have to have a baby with that name. But, in Lyndsie's case it's incredibly creepy considering that "Aubrey" actually existed to her until the adoption fell through... so, um yeah... the baby Aubrey with her name makes her seem less of a little person and more of an named accessory a la a Coach bag.

My grandmother was given the same first name as a deceased half-sister. Her mother had four children with her first husband; two of them died as infants. Her husband then died, she re-married my great-grandfather, and had two more children, the last one being my grandmother. Granted, this was also in the 1920's, and who knows why they reused the name.

[Wolfie]

My grandmother was given the same first name as a deceased half-sister. Her mother had four children with her first husband; two of them died as infants. Her husband then died, she re-married my great-grandfather, and had two more children, the last one being my grandmother. Granted, this was also in the 1920's, and who knows why they reused the name.

I don't see the reuse of names being that horrible. I was called by my brother's name while in utero, then at the last minute they came up with a girl's name. Then they named my brother what I had been called.

My dad's father's family has a similar story to yours. They were devout Catholics, and the first daughter was named Mary and she died, second daughter was named Mary, third daughter was named something else, then second daughter died. Fourth daughter was named Mary and she died when she was about 10. The third daughter was very glad that she hadn't been named Mary.

[Rowan]

My grandmother was given the same first name as a deceased half-sister. Her mother had four children with her first husband; two of them died as infants. Her husband then died, she re-married my great-grandfather, and had two more children, the last one being my grandmother. Granted, this was also in the 1920's, and who knows why they reused the name.

My Dutch great-great-grandparents reused names. There was Cornelius Pieter then a couple of kids later (they had 11) a Pieter Cornelius. Pieter died in early childhood or infancy so the next boy was also named Pieter Cornelius. A girl's name was also re-used. Just a tradition in their culture (oops, are those bad words right now? ;) ) It did lead to a family reunion some years ago when people were introducing themselves for a John Sr. to stand up and say that he was "First John of Second Pieter." :lol:

And Lyndsie and Daniel? There are no words. I hope they've used up all their luck and these two are the only ones they get!

[ilovetchotchkes]

Sorta related useless random fact: Salvador Dali was named after his dead brother who died before he was born. He was told throughout his childhood that he was the reincarnation of said dead brother.

[MrsKay]

Ew. I can totally see Audrey being put through her paces at the pagents - hell, they have boys in them too, right? Attention whoring for the whole family! Poor kids.

[Rachel333]

My Dutch great-great-grandparents reused names. There was Cornelius Pieter then a couple of kids later (they had 11) a Pieter Cornelius. Pieter died in early childhood or infancy so the next boy was also named Pieter Cornelius.

I've seen several really similar examples looking through my Dutch genealogy. There was one family with a Martinus Jacobus then a Jacobus Martinus then a Pieter Jacobus then another Jacobus Martinus. There was also a Jacoba.

I actually don't think Lyndsie and Daniel reusing the name Aubrey is a big deal.

[Tee-Tee]

Double post. New. Sorry.

[Tee-Tee]

Yes, this. When a 40 yo friend conceived on her honeymoon, it felt like her joy was a personal insult, and I knew at the time those feelings were irrational.

Yes. My husband and I are unable to have a child and when my sister-in-law announced she was expecting, it burned like acid going down my lungs, and it honestly took a few days to be truly happy for them, as crappy a person as that makes me sound. Some of those feelings still creep up when buying baby gifts and at showers and birthdays.

[CanadianHippie]

Yes. My husband and I are unable to have a child and when my sister-in-law announced she was expecting, it burned like acid going down my lungs, and it honestly took a few days to be truly happy for them, as crappy a person as that makes me sound. Some of those feelings still creep up when buying baby gifts and at showers and birthdays.

It doesn't make you sound like a crappy person, just human. I've been terrified of having my fertility tested because there is a high likelihood I don't ovulate (my cycle regularly exceeds 40 days). I'm not ready to face the possibility of hearing I won't be able to have children.

[annalena]

It doesn't make you sound like a crappy person, just human. I've been terrified of having my fertility tested because there is a high likelihood I don't ovulate (my cycle regularly exceeds 40 days). I'm not ready to face the possibility of hearing I won't be able to have children.

Medical question: if you don't ovulate, would you still get periods?

[ladypuglover]

I've seen several really similar examples looking through my Dutch genealogy. There was one family with a Martinus Jacobus then a Jacobus Martinus then a Pieter Jacobus then another Jacobus Martinus. There was also a Jacoba.

I actually don't think Lyndsie and Daniel reusing the name Aubrey is a big deal.

It's not just a Dutch thing. Through out history people have reused a name after a child had died. Genealogists see it all the time and it can really get hard when there are 7 John Smiths born to one couple who will just reuse it after a kiddlet dies. Also hard when almost everyone in the family is named George or Martha as in the case of George Washington.

[annalena]

Yes, the black market still exists. I think the more likely scenario is a private adoption through their church or friends. An agency would not place a 2nd child so soon, would not place with a couple so young, and would not place with someone whose cancer was so recent.

I think black markets exist for basically anything people are willing to pay for.

It's paradox though how a lot of people (friends of mine) say "Children? Never! Well, in 10 years, if anything..." and they still say that in their late 20ies. And others pay big amounts of money just for that!

Question: I guess it depends on the state, but with a private adoption can the birthmother just choose the adopting couple and it's a done deal? Do they have to go through state monitoring or something? But she gets to choose ultimately?

I just ask because I do not think that would be possible here.

[polabear]

Medical question: if you don't ovulate, would you still get periods?

I can't speak for the OP, but I still get my period when I don't ovulate. However, Glucophage fixes my cycle right up. In fact, it was incredibly annoying to go from 36+ days cycles to 28. But, it depends on why you aren't ovulating - in my case, my body happily overproduces insulin to the point that it screws up all my other hormones. Which means I don't ovulate regularly, I grow hair in places where it doesn't belong, but lose it off the top of my head. Glucophage keeps my sugar low enough that I produce less insulin as a result. It helps when I'm at a lower weight, which the glucophage helps with as well.

The good news is that ovulation problems are pretty easy to fix - they have lots of drugs to make you ovulate. It's the poor women who can't hold on to the fertilized eggs that have the real challenge. Or if your husband had a vasectomy 10 years before he met you. :)

[CanadianHippie]

Medical question: if you don't ovulate, would you still get periods?

For me, if I don't ovulate, I do still get periods but they are not very regular (I skip months regularly, sometimes more than one at a time). My body get's ready for the baby, I'm just not sure if my ovaries can provide.

[Hope]

I have PCOS too and do not have cycles if I don't ovulate. I've been on glucophage for a long time though and it makes everything perfect. Weight doesn't have an impact for me, I was just as irregular when my BMI was under 25 (it isn't now, I'll admit.) I, however, also couldn't conceive even when using ovulation inducting medications. IVF was the fix for me.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

So....anyone with any insider gossip??

[Patsy]

I never think it's cruel for a birth mother to make a promise and then change her mind. ... Nobody is entitled to a baby, ever.

:clap: :clap: :clap: THIS.