Another questionable adoption blog-SHE FOUND US UPDATE

[Mama Mia]

I didn't look at the blog.. but if she is using physical /harsh punishment with her bio children -- but being gentler with her adopted children .. it would seem like that could end up causing some pretty big resentments from the bio kids. Hopefully she thought of this and isn't being harsh with ANY of the kids.

[camdendayton]

Some of the stuff in here seems nutty, but she does seem to genuinely love and want to understand her children. I put that at least a few steps above the woman who was posting the "demon" pictures of those poor kids she had adopted from Haiti,

I put her above LL, she seems more of the endless energy type. Not that that makes her a great mom.

At least she doesn't believe in flogging her kids for every infraction, no matter how accidental. And, I was very relieved to read this:

I am thankful that she sees that adopted children should not be spanked. I wish she would see that no children should be spanked. And since her husband has obviously been part of the process that has brought them each of their children, I believe the children should come first.

[LilMissMetaphor]

She did say that one of her adopted girls has had issues getting along with one of her bio boys. She didn't give names but it probably wouldn't be hard to figure out since she talks about personalities in various posts. I'd be pretty resentful if I was a bio kid being disciplined in a way that was off-limits for the girls. Who knows if that was actually the case though:

For a while we had trouble with one of the girls being especially unfriendly towards one of the boys. And the boy she chose would have been the last one I would have suspected anyone would have trouble with. No matter how we asked, she could never come up with a reason why she had a problem with him. And let me tell you, he went out of his way to be nice to her and endured quite a bit of jerkiness from her. She also gave one of the girls a hard time whenever she wanted to play with anyone other than her and would try to put her on a guilt trip.

Girls should be taught to graciously accept gentlemanly gestures. For a time, my oldest daughter didn't want her younger brother to get the door for her. She was quite capable. I had to teach her to accept his chivalry.

:roll:

[sassyNoz47]

has anyone read her new post?? she found us

[valsa]

Girls should be taught to graciously accept gentlemanly gestures. For a time, my oldest daughter didn't want her younger brother to get the door for her. She was quite capable. I had to teach her to accept his chivalry.

Gee, and here I've been planning to teach my children (male or female) to hold the door open for anyone (male or female) who is coming in behind them and to accept a door opened by anyone (male or female) who reached it before them. Just like their mother does.

Oh! What a fool I've been!

[sassyNoz47]

she closed the blog down for a couple days because of us.. now shes leaving it open and answering some of our questions

[ChickeyMonkey]

I thought it said "lots of Wangers. I think it's time to go to bed...

[Witsec7]

The only good thing she really has to say is she doesn't believe in spanking adopted kids. But hey if they came out of your body its ok :cry:

Therefore, a spanking for willful disobedience given with patience and in love is biblical and loving and will restore your relationship rather than alienate.

Ask my biological children if they'd rather have a spanking over loss of a privilege. They'll pick the spanking.

[slickcat79]

The only good thing she really has to say is she doesn't believe in spanking adopted kids. But hey if they came out of your body its ok :cry:

Uhh...then shouldn't you pick the punishment that actually teaches them something? If you give the kids a few swats that they barely feel and forget immediately, then what's the point? That's one of the big problems with spanking; eventually it doesn't mean anything anymore. You either have to amp up the "spanking" with switches, rods, plumbing line, etc. (which is a really bad idea) or you have to admit that it's not really working and pick something that's more appropriate.

[MarciaBrady]

has anyone read her new post?? she found us

Yeah I just read it. We're anti-large family? Really?

Well first of all, we're not all one person with one opinion. Maybe some people here are anti-large family, but from what I can tell, the majority of the people that post here (myself included) we are not opposed to people having a large family, we are opposed to people having more children than they can feed, clothe, educate and pay attention to. I object to the people who have so many children that they are 1) cramming their children into bedrooms like sardines where they will sleep on shelves 2) giving them an inferior education 3) forcing their children to be slaves who do all the work and raise their siblings 4) relying on donations while continuing to have more children 5) giving their kids no quality time because they are too busy focusing on the numbers to treat their children like indivuduals.

I am not opposed to large families. I want to have one myself. But when it gets to the point where having one more child would mean my kids have to sleep on shelves and raise each other, I will be stopping.

[Patsy]

I love large families. I think tons of people here are with me on that one.

But more to the point - folks, she called us "snarkies". Snarkies. That is adorable! (I'm not being bitchy. I genuinely think it's cute.)

[Austin]

Some of the stuff in here seems nutty, but she does seem to genuinely love and want to understand her children. I put that at least a few steps above the woman who was posting the "demon" pictures of those poor kids she had adopted from Haiti,

[meda]

"snarkie" makes me think of something small and fluffy, that has lots of little sharp teeth. 8-)

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

Yeah opps. She seems a sweet person, if a little bit...judgemental. Ie regarding homeschooling:

'As for parents who say, "Oh, I could never homeschool my kids," this is what they are really saying...

"I'm too selfish to give up my time and energy when it's much easier to send them off to someone else."

or

"I don't have enough self-discipline, patience, etc. to homeschool."

or

"I haven't trained my children to respect and honor and obey my authority, so they won't listen to me."

Those are not legitimate reasons. To me, those should be wake-up calls for a mother to get herself on a path of self-discipline, self-sacrifice and to figure out what needs to change in her home and then get serious about making those changes. http://lotsofwagners.blogspot.com/2010/ ... oling.html

Or mothers who work. Or really, anyone who does not follow her creed of Christianity. But apart from that-& dude I can be as judgmental as her, just in other areas ;) she seems like a mother who cares DEEPLY about those kids, although perhaps, not aware of how HARD adoption would be-but really, who is?

[Kelya]

she seems typically fundie, a bit of a nut but nothing i've read indicates outright abuse and hatred of her adopted children, like Emma. I'm not seeing many "cutsie" racist remarks like LL does, either. She does seem to think she's hot shit though- let me do a series of posts on these basic ideas so i can enlighten all the godless heathens! honey, we've been around for awhile, we've heard your shit before.

One thing I am impressed with? All of her children look neat and have nice hair, including her black children. It looks well taken care of, which is unfortunately an anomaly for so many fundies who interracially adopt. I love that they didn't just loc it and be done with it, either.

[CC3]

She seems like a very thoughtful person. Granted her viewpoints are an extension of the church she attends. I thought it was candid of her to say she didn't really want children at one point. I have been good friends with an IFB mother (since lost contact of her because we both moved) and know the pressure they are under to conform to what the church teaches. If they don't conform on every point, the other women can be so nasty and cruel it's unbelievable. Her children do look well-fed, clean and happy. I just hope she doesn't have so many kids that her husband and her can't take good care of them. The horrors I saw happen to my friend's kids would make me cry. They ran out of food nearly every week. I was her go-to person when she had no money and no food. Our church would rally to put food on their table until eventually our pastor found a Christian man who worked with gleaners and food stores to set up a private food bank. It's so easy to fall into neglect and starvation when the IFB "rules" are so confining and stupid. Their "rules" have nothing to do with being a born-again Christian. I can get really worked up.

Anyway, I wish her well and will read her blog.

[Guest Anonymous]

"I don't have enough self-discipline, patience, etc. to homeschool."

I don't have children, but hell yes, that's me. I don't have enough patience to homeschool. At least I realize it and have no intentions of doing it. How is that worse than fundies who can barely string together a sentence attempting to educate their kids at home using nothing but the Bible? Or the ones that think housework is the only thing they need to teach their daughters how to do?

Seriously, fuck that noise. Not everyone is cut out to be a teacher, and lots of people don't have any business homeschooling. It is not always better.

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

Wow for someone who seems to care so little about others whose feelings she might hurt...like people who chose NOT to homeschool she is a sensitive little soul.

Quit reading here Mrs Wagner. I am also a bit sensitive to criticism and so at work, I don't ASK the other nurses to tell me what people are saying about me. Some people like me, a few find me irritating (I assume, I don't ask). So...I'm happy thinking everyone likes me at work (although am sure they dont all like me just like a few of the staff members piss me off) and no one has hurt feelings.

Don't read here. Honestly if you hadn't posted your 'I've been discovered post' you never would have been discussed again...unless we FJs thought you were awful to your adoptive children. And we don't. So relax. Keep raising your gorgeous kids and don't upset yourself by reading what is said on here. And believe me, in a few days no one will mention you again. And yeah I find some people on FJ way OTT but whatever. It's a community for snarkers...and we snark ;)

[Crackedeggs]

I always told my kid why, before she even asked.

Now, of course, I am paying for that... she can argue circles around me :lol:

I would think this whole Blind Obedience thing just doesn't work unless they are beating the crap out of the kids. Therefore, anyone who practices it is suspicious to me.

[AmyP]

At least she doesn't believe in flogging her kids for every infraction, no matter how accidental. And, I was very relieved to read this:

I may not agree with all her positions here, but I like the fact that she is thinking of her adopted children as people who at this time might have different needs than her biological children and might require a different type of discipline. So many times you hear that there is one "godly" discipline that is allowed, no thinking required. She seems to be thinking this through a bit.

[AmyP]

WORD!

Lots of people adopt while pregnant. I have known several families over the years who thought they were infertile, got pregnant during the adoption process, and wanted both children. They wanted the biological child, but they already felt bonded to the child they were in the process of adopting. I don't think it is viewed as a problem by the adoption agencies. I also have a friend who is a social worker who works with alot of adopted and foster children. They have no issues with placing these kids in families with biological children or adopted children, and she confided to me that these adoptions are usually very sucessful, and result in few reversals.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Wow for someone who seems to care so little about others whose feelings she might hurt...like people who chose NOT to homeschool she is a sensitive little soul.

That's what I thought. It's not even as if anyone said anything particularly offensive to her. But then her reply is: "Well, I have wonderful children whom I've trained so very well, that's why I love being around them, I can see how if you don't train your children well you might not like them as much as MY awesome kids." Which is BS because I'm sure she has moments, heck even days where she doesn't much like being around those kids. And that's because kids are kids, no matter how many times you tell them to love and serve their brothers with a cheerful heart.

But oh, she feels so persecuted.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Aw, Jenny's husband! Anyone else wanna take this?

This is Jenny's husband and I have decided to take over Jenny's blog today. This is for all Jenny's new snarky friends. I'm usually a pretty easy-going guy and let things roll off my back but I have been very surprised by you guys.

You promote your lifestyle and choices but take issue with other people's choices.

According to one of your contributors, here is a list of things to do if you want to be snarked:

(this is a quote from a comment to my wife):

"Now if you want to be snarked about by FJ, here are some tips;

{1.}Beat your babies into submission.

{2.}Prevent your daughters from pursuing higher education.

{3.}Call for enforced birth in all situations.

{4.}Shout to the world that gay people should be stoned (and not in the mind bending drugs way of stoned either).

{5.}Have a zillion kids you can't provide for and house them on shelving or on urine soaked sheets on top of bare mattresses."

Lets look at these and how they relate to my family.

{1.} We do not beat our babies, children or anyone else nor do we condone or promote the beating of babies, children or anyone else. I understand that many people are/were abused and therefore assume that any and all spankings are abusive but it is not the case in our home.

{2.} I have no desire to prevent my daughters (or my sons) from getting a higher education. We have told all of our children we will support ANYTHING we feel the Lord is leading them to do. But I do hope that when they are 40 years old they aren't still paying for some higher education that they aren't even using.

Look at the stats of how many people actually use their degrees: about 40% of people go into the field of their major. Education is great, but we must not think it is the end all of learning. About 1% of men actually read a book after graduating college. So they are educated?

Jenny posted about the Botkin sisters' book. That doesn't mean she/we blindly accept and follow every bit of what they believe. That goes for any and every book, excluding the Bible, that is mentioned here.

{3.}There has never been a post, reference or opinion given on this blog in regards to this subject.

{4.}Again no posts, reference or opinion given here related to this topic.

{5.}While in some views we have a zillion kids, they are in no way neglected. You have no idea how great a mother my wife is. For one, she will do anything for her children. She loves them and wants to help them grow to be loving and kind people. When she is away from them her desire is to get back home and hang out with them. She is doing a great job in raising our children.

As for the "providing" portion, she discussed that in the last post. No one in this family goes without food, clothing, etc. and no one depends on handouts or the government for those things.

As for sleeping in urine soaked sheets...who does that? I don't even have a clue what that's about.

It is interesting that we do not fit this snarking list but my wife's blog is stalked and criticized anyway.

It is also funny that some of the snarks were offended by a broad-brush statement she made when she has been generalized and thrown into a group she doesn't even identify with. My wife is a very special person. Ask anyone who knows her.

And by the way, she is doing her best to bring 3 strangers into our home, to help them learn a new language and culture, to give them a place where they are safe and cared for, to educate them, to give them what they would not have if left in Ethiopia. By some of the comments I've read, we should not have adopted these girls, and by now the 12 year old would be kicked out of the orphanage and on the street having to fend for herself. Tell me that being in a loving home, with two loving parents and 6 caring siblings is a bad thing.

[emmiedahl]

They are not strangers, asshole. They are innocent children that you chose to import at much expense from their homelands and everything they knew. Now make it worth their trouble by giving them a great education and a loving family--the things they thought they would get by coming to the US. And stop calling them strangers, they are your children.

[Austin]

Don't you just love it when the menfolk get on their high horses and take up for their delicate little flower brides?

She's a freaking adult. Why can't she answer for herself or if she doesn't want to, just ignore. Does she really need his help? Pathetic.

By the way, I don't even know who this is. . . I just popped onto the last page of this topic and saw yet another headship acting up.